In Her Own Sweet Time: Unexpected Adventures in Finding Love, Commitment, and Motherhood

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In Her Own Sweet Time: Unexpected Adventures in Finding Love, Commitment, and Motherhood Pub. Date: 5/11/2009 Publisher: Basic Books

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Overview

At thirty-one, Rachel Lehmann-Haupt thought she had everything: a great boyfriend, an exciting career, and the promise of marriage and children in her future. But the relationship ended and she found herself consumed by a rapidly approaching deadline: age thirty-five, the time at which most pregnancies are deemed “high risk.”

Lehmann-Haupt traveled around the world and into the heart of America to explore the latest fertility choices available—as well as grapple with her own ambitions, anxieties, and personal values. A witty, poignant, and profoundly honest account of one woman’s efforts to reconcile modern love with modern life, In Her Own Sweet Time resonates with a generation that wants it all— career, family, the perfect partner—but one that hasn’t yet figured out how to fit it all together.

Editorial Reviews

Juliet Wittman

…[Lehmann-Haupt] is a skilled, empathetic writer and an excellent researcher, alert to the absurdities and ethical ambiguities of her quest, and she has written a valuable guide.
—The Washington Post

Publishers Weekly

Lehmann-Haupt, executive editor of Plum magazine and daughter of author and New York Times writer Christopher, entered her 30s feeling optimistic and in control. The accomplished journalist and world traveler had a great boyfriend, too-and fully expected to achieve her next goal: motherhood. When the relationship didn't work out, the author began to wonder if the love-marriage-baby sequence might not happen for her. Like countless 30-something American women, she didn't worry about her fertility during her 20s and 30s, thanks to advances in feminism and medical technology that have given women more options-and the feeling that the so-called biological clock moves more slowly now. Lehmann-Haupt does an excellent job chronicling the societal and medical trends that have influenced modern motherhood. She also describes her pursuit of a romance that will lead to marriage and family, and the choices she makes in an effort to give herself more options. A mix of science, statistics, interviews and personal narrative form this valuable guidebook. It also serves as a compelling reality check as she lists various statistics: women over 35 suffer higher rates of miscarriage; 50,000 children are born to single mothers each year; a third of these mothers choose to become pregnant on their own. In this informative and frank book, Lehmann-Haupt makes a compelling case for education and preparation: "We have more options than ever; understanding them can empower us and, perhaps most importantly, turn panic into peace." (June)

More Reviews (1) Fewer Reviews

Kirkus Reviews

The executive editor of Plum, a magazine for pregnant women over 35, considers the myriad choices available to women who want children but haven't found Mr. Right. Lehmann-Haupt's first book is a personal documentary; she presents statistics, interviews and analysis alongside her own story. She began research on the reproductive options for single women when she was 32, after a relationship she thought would lead to marriage and children ended. The book follows her through a six-year journey: fertility tests, online dating escapades, a serious relationship with a guy who couldn't commit, sperm-donor shopping and finally oocyte cryopreservation (egg freezing) at the NYU Fertility Clinic. She interviewed mothers who were single by choice, the Italian doctors who invented the egg-freezing procedure, marketing executives from the company Extend Fertility, gay "bio dads" who donate sperm and "insta-couples" who decide to get pregnant within a year of meeting and aren't embarrassed by a baby bump under a wedding gown. Most of the stories are positive, but Lehmann-Haupt doesn't try to sell happy endings. Many of the procedures, including in vitro fertilization, embryo freezing and intrauterine insemination, are so physically, emotionally and financially draining that one single woman's doctor asked her why she didn't just have unprotected sex with a friend. The author actively reflects on important questions brought on by this modern reproductive landscape: How old is too old? Would she want her child to meet his half sisters on DonorSiblingRegistry.com? Does the ability to biologically postpone childbearing give career women rightful peace of mind or will it prevent society from "adapting tothe needs of working mothers?" Adoption is addressed only briefly; this is a book for women who are mainly interested in passing on their genetic material (or their future husbands') and in the experience of being pregnant. A useful aggregation of timely information and personal insight that will provide clarity, if not comfort, for single women over 30 still set on having kids. Author tour to Portland, Ore., Seattle, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Chicago, Washington, D.C., New York

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780465009190
Publisher: Basic Books
Publication date: 5/11/2009
Pages: 336
Product dimensions: 5.74 (w) x 8.46 (h) x 1.18 (d)

Meet the Author

Rachel Lehmann-Haupt‘s writing appears regularly in the New York Times Magazine, Vogue, O, Glamour, Wired, U.S. News & World Report, and more. She lives in Manhattan.

Author's Note xi

Introduction: Starting Later 1

1 Feathering the Nest 17

2 Buying Time 41

3 Shopping for Mr. Goodsperm 67

4 Friends and Fatherhood 97

5 The Sweetness of Doing Nothing 125

6 Adventurous SWF Seeks Hottie 143

7 The Instant Family 159

8 Talking Past the Elephant 175

9 Letting Go 195

10 Gelato, Science, and a Crystal Ball 219

11 Freezing Time 243

12 The Egg Donor Economy 271

Epilogue: Summer 295

Acknowledgments 305

Notes 307

Index 317

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