In Her Wake: A Child Psychiatrist Explores the Mystery of Her Mother's Suicide

Brave Undertaking

I've just finished reading In Her Wake. It was a hard topic matter to resist given the circumstances for this subject matter and it to be so close to home for the author. I am not old enough to remember these high profile couple. The subject was intriguing. Some people might find it too uncomfortable a subject.
I am so glad I read it! I wasn't like I thought it would be,in fact I found this book to have multifaceted view points surrounding this unfortunate event. I was very absorbed as the author thinks, researches, questioned her mother's old friends,siblings,E.R. Dr., X-lover and mostly her own father about the details surrounding her mother's suicide. Someone might think by reading the title and the author being a psychiatrist her reason, not at all. I think it helped her in someway to get through the research and to learn something from it.

A great book for a book club to discuss. I think someone would find it insightful and helpful. Anyone who suffers from depression and have had thoughts it (suicide) would certainly gain a different perspective on being on the other end of loss. High profile parents or not. It seemed irrelevant. The message of loss rings loud and clear!

2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

A Book about Life, not Death

In many ways, as much as the title of this memoir suggests tragedy and death, this book is about life. Life not only remains after such a tragedy, but it springs forth, more determined than ever. Dr. Rappaport, with a graceful and humble wit, tells us in an unabridged way about her experience with the loss of her mother. No stone is left unturned, no awkward moment or detail removed for polish. Its all there--the anger, the pain, the shame, the dissociation, and, finally, a profound understanding, where there initially seemed to be none. It is because of this honest approach that we really learn about the impact that suicide has on a family and the different ways of coping with it. While the reader may feel at times as if they have embraced a small part of the author's tragedy, they also get to take away with them a wonderful gift of resilience, offered up by a woman with remarkable courage. I salute you, Dr. Rappaport, for you have created such hope, such eternal optimism, and a respect for life, even after death.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Some thoughts on In Her Wake

Rappaport's tale of self-discovery and reconciliation is both haunting and poetic. Her prose is gentle yet starkly honest, and her perseverance and spirit shines through. This book is not just for those in the psychology field - anyone can read and appreciate the message of strength and beauty in her writing.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Inspirational - Powerfully Written - Fast Read

Brilliantly written insightful account of the author's desire and determination to know and understand her mother. It was fascinating how she approached each family member and than wove them into her search for the truth. She eloquently nurtured the pain of her loss and found healing in the love that surrounds her through her many family members and her work as a psychiatrist. This is an inspiring book that reads very quickly and shows that with love one can persevere through life's trials and tribulations.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Outstanding piece of work!

I am so inspired by the courage, determination and passion of the author to tell in her own words probably one of the most difficult "stories" of her lifetime: the suicide of her mother. But, most importantly, I am amazed to see how love, family unity and perseverance triumphs over tragedy, depression and unanswered questions. This is why this book is so amazing because Ms. Rappaport brilliantly takes us through a journey of emotions and lifelong lessons. If anyone, young or old has ever asked how to cope and overcome the feelings that come with loosing a loved one, this book is a must read. It is certainly a tough subject to digest, but, somehow through the countless clinical, psychological and everyday explanations written in this book, one will come to the realization that where there is love, there is hope, and that means a second chance to life. This is my "take away" from this book.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Great book - an excellent read, profound, thought-provoking

In Her Wake is a terrific book - I highly recommend it.

I had a hard time putting it down - and that says a lot! (Though I am a former high school English teacher, I often start books and if they don't grab me within 30 pages I have a hard time completing them.)

In Her Wake grabbed me on multiple levels - the drama of the large and complex family, the author/narrator's search for all she could learn about her mother who committed suicide when the author was 4, the impact of divorce and custody battles on individuals and a family and a psychiatric look at suicide. It was a great mix of a personal narrative coupled with psychiatric facts and anecdotes from the child psychiatrist/author's experiences with kids and families.

Though you might worry that a book that centers on a mother's suicide would be depressing, quite the opposite is true. In Her Wake is actually uplifting - demonstrating the power of family (in all of its forms) to recreate itself in support of its members, and the power of people to persevere and thrive through tough experiences. Rappaport does a great job of bringing you with her on her search for her mother, and the growth that that search allows for her and for others. It is a profoundly personal view into a family - and it leaves us all wiser and more understanding for having read it.

THIS IS AN ENGROSSING BOOK - GO BUY IT AND TRY IT FOR YOURSELF.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Historical, intellectual and Compassionate!

On all three fronts: a family's tragic and heroic story, a history of a Boston era, a psychological primer on family dynamics- this book is a winner!
Follow Nancy's journey through her childhood, adulthood, prfessional career and present family life to learn about what a mother's suicide does to a child, a family and what supports people need in times of personal challenges, traumas or mental health issues to sustain them.
History, family lore and psychiatric theory is interwoven to both educate and inspire the reader to understand his/her own family and self in a deeper more cogent way.
I recommend this book to everyone who has to journey through life's passages in any family!
Helen Jacobson

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

A Rich and Compelling Story, full of Lessons about the Complexity of Life.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book, initially purchased as a voyeur into the life of a woman who unexpectedly loses her mother, but as the story unfolds I found myself reflecting over and over again about my own life and comparisons into the myriad of my own relationships. As a man, I was initially drawn to the bond of mother and child, but also found the descriptions of spousal and sibling relationships enriching and in the end how the author's father manages during the challenging years and responds after her death raising their five children to be empowering. A wonderful story of the resilience of a woman and her family, and a memorable lesson that no matters what life deals you, there is verdant life filled with joy and possibility beyond. Jamie C.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

wow

Sadly I can relate. five stars thanks couldn't put it down .

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

you have to get this right now

If you want a book that is a wake up and take a look at your family and ask profound questions with no easy answers, this is a great read. You will not be able to put this down. Riveting.
You will treasure this book

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

A must read book for anyone with any family issues

This is a riveting book that may help all of us confront our own family issues. It is a difficult process the author has taken but one that is very therapeutic for her and can be very eye opening for others out there who are afraid to confront their own issues.
Could not put it down!!!

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Spectacular!!

This book is truly a tour do force, drawing the reader in from the very first page - I had tremendous difficulty putting it down!! Dr. Rappaport has written a stunning narrative which deeply touched my heart. It is her journey to understand and make sense of her mother's suicide when she was 4 years old and it is one of the most moving and evocative memoirs that I have ever read. It deserves 10 stars!!

I am struck by Dr. Rappaport's bravery and courage to unflinchingly articulate her story. She masterfully segues between chapters and sections in a way that makes the book and the narration so much more than a sum of its parts. I recommend this book with the highest enthusiasm.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Must Read for Memoir readers

I've read this book. I really liked this book. Why? Well, I found my thoughts and feelings changing chapter after chapter. I think it's an important topic and found multifaceted views one could learn or understand or relate to.One thing I found important (not discounting the author's experience) is how useful it can be for Mother's that are contemplating or have had thoughts of suicide. As a Mother myself I wouldn't want to leave my children motherless at any age. I know how I feel about my Mother.The chapter where she describes what the mixture might be was very interesting. Maybe a mother who suffers from depression and bouts of life's uncertainty's could use those thoughts in that chapter cognitively. I felt the author gained good insight. I don't think her Mother thought she'd actually die. I think that's part of that mixture. If she'd done it before and had been rescued. From her Mother's letter's it sounded like a mother who cared a great deal about her children. I also felt she fought for her children. It's hard for people who are always criticized by the public eye...I will just end to say it read like the author accomplished more that she probably intended.

Masterfully written, beautiful and poignant

So I have to say once I started reading this book I was really worried it was going to be a story of "oh, my life is so awful because my mom isn't here and how will I ever cope" and it wasn't that... so I'm glad. It is a really well written account of the loss of a mother and a life long grief during poignant moments in your life when all you really want is your mom. As a son I don't know that losing a mom at such a young age would be life altering but for a daughter it would be. Certainly growing up the value of having a mother to answer your questions or to explain what your period is and what exactly to do with a tampon is pretty important. So what do you do if you don't have that? I often think women without mothers, or mothers who weren't really mothers anyways, are probably the best in womanhood because they have to do it on their own. They have to learn how to be a lady, run a household, be a partner and raise children on her own. She has no help or guidance, no role model. I know for myself it would be difficult- I lean on my own mother a lot when I encounter something I don't know.

The interesting twist to this book is that Nancy is a child psychiatrist so in writing her story and that of her mothers, she offers insightful information about suicide in general. One of the lines that stuck with me is on page 216:

"But I wonder if surviving my mother's suicide brings with it a certain knowledge that there are limits to keeping people alive if they are determined to kill themselves."

The only part of books that discuss this side of suicide that bother me is that I often feel the survivors are kind of selfish. It's not selfish to mourn the loss of a person who may or may not have had a lot more life to live, that we'd never know. But it is selfish to look only at what you've now loss and compare it to being worse than how the person was feeling before they decided suicide was their only option. And sometimes I think that when you're ready to go you should be able to go. A person only has so much fight in them for life and when you exhaust that, you have nothing to keep you going. It's like a car- once you run out of gas, you're going nowhere. It doesn't matter how big the crowd around you is cheering you on, that car isn't moving without more gas. All the love and cheering in the world doesn't put gas into that car, the driver has to actually make an effort to get the gas. And some people just can't do it anymore. And I respect that. When someone commits suicide I don't grieve their death, I grieve for the loss the survivors feel. That person clearly was at ease with their death and was ready to go, but that doesn't mean others are ready for it.

So over all, I really enjoyed this book. It was an interesting insight to a family, Nancy expertly weaves her thoughts and reflections as an adult to childhood memories into a touching story of her mother's suicide. Also interesting is she included a "Further Reading" section that sounds like it's similar stories or good resources if you've survived a suicide or just the general loss of a significant person in your life.

Beautifully written memoir

Rappaport does a great job blending her own discovery of dealing with her mother's suicide and educating the reader on depression. I would have loved to have learned more about her mother as I am fascinated with the time period and high-society. This book provides a great understanding of depression, which is a very real and very common disease. It also walks through the different stages of grief for those suffering a loss of a loved one. I found this book to be very insightful.

A beautiful and touching memoir!

In Her Wake: A Child Psychiatrist Explores the Myster of Her Mother's Suicide by Nancy Rappaport is a fascinating and moving story of the author's search for the truth about her mother's suicide.

Nancy Rappaport was the youngest of her mother's six children and she shared her mother's name. She was only 4 years old at the time of her mother's suicide and doesn't remember the incident and doesn't really remember her mother. As a child psychiatrist and having a family of her own, with children who would sometimes ask questions about her mother, she felt the need to know more. So, she set out on a journey of discovery.

Through newspaper articles, court documents, some papers she found of her mother's, and interviewing family and friends, she set out to put together as much detail of her mother's life as possible. She wanted to see if she could somehow understand what pushed her mother over the edge. And, she wanted to know her mother better.

I VERY highly recommend this book! It reads like a novel and is beautifully written. It will draw you in but doesn't ever drag you down. I always felt a sense of hope and a positive feeling from the book. I found it to be a very captivating story that really hooked me and it touched me. It must have been very difficult to have been too young to remember your mother, and then to have such a cloud over her death. When she was growing up, no one talked about it, so she just really didn't know much about what had happened or what life had been like before. I hope that her journey helped her in some ways. I enjoyed her story thoroughly and wish her and her family the best!

In Her Wake

Nancy Rappaport was 4 years old when her mother committed suicide. Her parents were embroiled in a bitter custody battle at the time, with the courts siding with her father in the most recent battle before she killed herself. The story is about Rappaport trying to find closure in the death of her mom, seeking out anything to understand her mother's mind and why she committed suicide. It is a mini-biography of her mom, her father, her family, and herself. It is a daughter trying to put together the pieces of her mother's life.

For me, I never felt like I got a true picture of Nancy's mother. I learned a lot about Nancy herself, her parenting styles, and how she and her siblings learned to cope without their mother. While there was exploration into her mother's past and how she came to meet Nancy's father and raise her children, there seemed to be more of an emphasis on how the family coped afterward. It makes sense, though, since the author was just four when her mother passed, but judging by the subtitle, I was expecting to have a clearer picture of her mother.

This was the type of story you would have to read in bits and pieces. The author's writing style is very good and easy to read, but there is a lot of information to digest. It's the type of book you have to read a little at a time, process, then pick up again in a few days. There was a lot of clinical information that I found interesting, but I imagine it just might be too much for some people.

In the end, it was a good book but I wouldn't shelve it among my favorites. It tended to get very wordy in parts. If you're a fan of non-fiction and memoirs, it's a good pick for a book chock-full of anecdotes and information, especially involving suicide and how a family copes with the aftermath.

Her Mother's Suicide

Review of In Her Wake: A Child Psychiatrist Explores the Mystery of Her Mother's Suicide by Nancy Rappaport http://www.nancyrappaport.com Nancy Rappaport was four years old when her mother committed suicide in 1963. The question anyone asks of someone who has taken his/her own life is "why?" Why would a mother of six take her own life? After years of not speaking about their mother's death, Nancy takes on the task of talking to her siblings to determine the answer to the question "why?" Nancy's children want to know about their deceased grandmother. A saga of generations of complexities evolves that reads like an unsolved mystery. What would make a mother who seemed to "have it all" kill herself? Nancy relies on interviews, articles, and photographs to discover the woman behind the self-destruction. Nancy reads between the lines of court documents and personal diaries to reveal decades of secrets, and she narrates the unfolding story like an emotionally charged archeology expedition. Nancy carefully constructs the story of a life, death, and the aftermath with continuity, clarity, and originality. This is a book well-written within the confines of tough subject matter, and without the full approval of her family members. Nancy unearths the conflicts within a prominent family, as well as the details of custody battles and financial settlements. She faces the differing perspectives and memories of her family members regarding the same events. These are challenges for anyone seeking the truth. It seems fitting that Nancy chose to be a child psychiatrist. She includes relevant cases in the book, weaving her past with their present, their personal with her profession. There is no cover of denial, and no evidence of self-pity. Her purpose must be to help others who have lost someone to face reality. In Her Wake is recommended to anyone trying to understand a variety of aspects of suicide. It's also recommended as an example of the work it takes to develop a sense of self in the wake of suicide.

A Lovely & Informative Read

In a lucid documentary, Dr. Rappaport explores the events leading to her mother's suicide that were largely a mystery to her for over 40 years. However, her story delves much deeper. Covering such themes as the powerful impact of unresolved grief, family dynamics, parent-child relationships, the intricacies of blended families, emotional healing, and forgiveness, her account is set in the backdrop of cross country road trips as a child, family dinners, and antics among siblings in a household with 11 children growing up in a prominent, politically involved Boston family.

Pages flow with the eloquence and intrigue of a good novel, but with stark facts that only a solid piece of non-fiction can possess. -A recommended read for anyone who's tried to make sense of his or her own family chaos, loved and hated a sibling or parent simultaneously, experienced the death of a loved one, or tried to heal old hurts. Chock full of detailed family narrative and interesting facts about various mental health issues with footnotes to follow, In Her Wake would also make excellent reading for psychotherapists in training.

This extraordinary book allows the human heart to heal by lifting a taboo of the centuries.

With exquisite depth and courage, Nancy Rappaport opens the book on maternal suicide, enabling the next generation of readers to have vocabulary, sentences, yes... a whole new language to speak about what was once unspeakable. A brilliantly insightful tale told with heart-breaking honesty and warmth that reads like a detective novel.