3.4 5
by Benjamin Kunkel

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Dwight B. Wilmerding is only twenty-eight, but he’s having a midlife crisis. He lives a dissolute existence in a tiny apartment with three (sometimes four) slacker roommates, holds a mind-numbing job at the pharmaceutical giant Pfizer, and has a chronic inability to make up his mind. Encouraged by one of his roommates to try an experimental drug meant to banish


Dwight B. Wilmerding is only twenty-eight, but he’s having a midlife crisis. He lives a dissolute existence in a tiny apartment with three (sometimes four) slacker roommates, holds a mind-numbing job at the pharmaceutical giant Pfizer, and has a chronic inability to make up his mind. Encouraged by one of his roommates to try an experimental drug meant to banish indecision, Dwight jumps at the chance (not without some vacillation about the hazards of jumping) and swallows the first fateful pill. And when all at once he is “pfired” by Pfizer and invited to a rendezvous in exotic Ecuador with the girl of his long-ago prep-school dreams, he finds himself on the brink of a new life. The trouble–well, one of the troubles–is that Dwight can’t decide if the pills are working. Deep in the jungles of the Amazon, in the foreign country of a changed outlook, his would-be romantic escape becomes a hilarious journey into unbidden responsibility and unwelcome knowledge–and an unexpected raison d’être.

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher
“The funniest and smartest coming-of-age novel in years.”
–Jay McInerney, The New York Times Book Review

“A very funny book . . . lyrical and even tender . . . Indecision brims with insight into the modern urban condition.”
–Time Out New York

“Grabs your attention and won’t let go . . . [This] book really knocked me out.”
–The New York Times

“Smartly funny . . . zany, surprising and strangely affecting . . . Dwight’s unique voice carries this story, but the ending crowns it as a debut to savor.”
–Cleveland Plain Dealer

“Paragraphs strewn with explosive packets of wit [and] intriguing ideas.”
–San Francisco Chronicle

“One of this year’s best debut novels.”
–The New York Sun

Jay McInerney
The tentativeness with which Kunkel approaches this fairly radical conclusion may just be an indication of the narrowness of our contemporary literary idiom. My pedophobic novelist friend may be rolling her eyes at this point, but it seems to me that Kunkel manages, just barely, to preserve the superb comic tone of the novel, even as he gestures, like some literary voice in the wilderness, toward a hazy new frontier of hip sincerity, of irony subordinated to a higher calling.
— The New York Times
John McNally
Because he's young and uses big words, Kunkel may unfairly be compared to David Foster Wallace or Rick Moody, but unlike them he has succeeded in writing a novel that's clever without being self-conscious. Dwight's plight never plays second-fiddle to Benjamin Kunkel's intelligence. My advice? Read this one.
— The Washington Post
Publishers Weekly
Dwight Wilmerding, the vacillating, down-market prepster protagonist of Kunkel's debut novel, gets fired from his low-level job at Pfizer and, with the lease running out on his hive-like Chambers Street boys-club apartment, lights out for Quito, Ecuador, where high school flame Natasha is holed up. Before this momentous undertaking, Dwight has been afflicted with chronic postcollegiate indecision, particularly in relationships: should he pursue a life with his quasi-girlfriend, Vaneetha? Start up again with Natasha? And what about his weird thing for his sister, Alice? As luck would have it, one of his roommates is a med student who turns Dwight on to Abulinix, an experimental new treatment for chronic indecision, which makes his South American jaunt very eventful indeed. A subtheme on the post-politicality of post-9/11 20-somethings gives the book some bite and surfaces most conspicuously in the form of Brigid, the Euroactivist who, along with the drug, brings Dwight clarity, and even hope. Annoying but accomplished, this entertaining book has screenplay written all over it, from the hot Dutch Natasha to the shambling cute Dwight-not to mention Harvard-educated, New York- literati Kunkel himself. (Sept. 6) Copyright 2005 Reed Business Information.
Library Journal
The title of journalist/editor Kunkel's debut novel aptly sums up the reader's experience. Is irresolute protagonist Dwight Wilmerding annoying or appealing? Is the plot-about a privileged twentysomething from New York City who jets off to Ecuador on a lark, then shakes up a prep-school reunion Wes Anderson style-superfluous or salient? The typical accoutrements of new fiction are present in Indecision's slouchy, womanizing male protagonist and his exploratory drug use, but Kunkel adds a few zany twists and the singular, casual voice of Dwight. What saves the book from being frivolous-other than its preachy conclusion-is its humor, which bursts forth in several madcap and welcome scenes. In the end, it is Kunkel who seems undecided about whether his book should be a serious comment on American values and habits (the effect of 9/11 or our pharmaceutical dependencies, for instance) or a lighthearted romp through the jungle of love and life. Recommended for libraries as a promising first work.-Prudence Peiffer, Cambridge, MA Copyright 2005 Reed Business Information.
Kirkus Reviews
Paralyzed by indecision, does he dare to eat a peach? No, the protagonist of this debut novel is likelier to devour an antidepressant before gazing into the abyss. Dwight Wilmerding is who Max Fischer, the antihero of Wes Anderson's 1998 film Rushmore, might have grown up to become had he lost all sense of direction and taken an unnatural interest in his sister. He's a bright enough guy with no apparent ambition apart from hanging around with his New York flatmates and luxuriating with his Indian girlfriend, whom he doesn't quite know how to treat in part because he can't be bothered to make the appropriate inquiries. Dwight has some self-awareness, and certainly knows that his slacker ways are likely to end in tears. Yet, afflicted by abulia, the inability to make decisions, he lies awake at night "feeling like a scrap of sociology blown into its designated corner of the world." His sister Alice, for whom he has more than brotherly feelings, is a psychiatrist without a license and his mother a source of mad money. Dwight's father is about the most sensible person in the book. (At one point he tells his firebrand daughter Alice that if she wants to be a revolutionary, she really should show some backbone and kill him.) Dwight, dumped from his job at Pfizer-let there be no post-Doug Coupland generational novel without its brand-name-checking--and unburdened by any sense of responsibility, decides to make off for Quito, the capital of Ecuador ("pronounced Key-Toe, for the uninitiated"), and look up a college classmate for whom he's been carrying a flame. Laughs, sex and machete-wielding ensue, followed by more sex, expensive sun dresses and choice encounters with other classmates betterable than Dwight to make a decision, but no luckier in the outcome of their exercise of free will. Those who don't become impossibly annoyed with the hapless, initially whiny lead will enjoy seeing this well-paced tale through to the end. It isn't high art, but it's full of high spirits.

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Random House Publishing Group
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Read an Excerpt


A week before Quito I was sitting up in bed in New York, the edges of my awareness lapped at by traffic. I was sitting there with one hand holding open the book I was reading, and the other hand placed above the head of sleeping Vaneetha. There I was, pinned in space and time like a specimen in a box.

Vaneetha had turned away and slid down the bed so that nothing of her was visible except for the dark disheveled Vaneethian hair from which the lamplight was extracting all these twisting strings of a greenish iridescence. I wouldn’t have figured that even the darkest hair could react to light in this way, and the discovery blinked in my mind as just the smallest, quietest symbol of the multiple discoveries that could still be made between us if we–unless it was mostly me–weren’t so ambivalent about making them.

Once a week had become more like two times, and on our nights together I was usually awake like this for an hour or so while Vaneetha slept and breathed beside me. Sometimes she’d twitch like a dreaming dog, and in part due to my intense feeling for dogs, shared by my entire family, this would induce a shiver of tenderness in me. Yet exactly because I experienced this tenderness I wondered if I shouldn’t stop showing it when we were both awake. It could lead to us feeling, harmfully, that we were together. And as our relationship was predicated on not wanting to be in a relationship yet, that seemed unlike the best idea. We were both in agreement that contemporary courtship was far too accelerated these days. That was how Vaneetha explained why she’d had so few partners, and how I explained why I’d had seventeen or more. Nevertheless it eventually became up-in-the-air and unspoken whether we were sleeping together brother-sister style and mostly refraining from outright sex except when drunk because a) we weren’t courting each other or b) we were, only slowly, just as these things should be done and never are.

In any case it often seemed at night that I would make a better dog owner than boyfriend. It wasn’t apparent to me how best to treat Vaneetha, each woman being so different. Whereas every dog, in spite of the really incredible variety of the species, required more or less the same regimen of food and water, walks and affectionate pats on the head. However in the city it actually exacted a lot less responsibility to have a girlfriend than a dog. And I really wanted one or the other, since like any person, or dog, I too craved affection. Hmn.

It was almost a type of peace to arrive each night at the same mental impasse. Plus I felt at home in the quiet, like a local. I was sensitive and weirdly sympathetic to that moment when the refrigerator kicked in and began to hum. Then the groans of a garbage truck would as much confirm as interrupt the hush. And there was the bonus sensation of authority I got as the last one up, the presiding mind.

So I would return to certain issues like hands to a notch on the clock. It would always dawn on me, late at night, that life is made of days–and your life isn’t likely to pick up whatever your days pass by. Granted, this was really a postmortem analysis of the given day, carried out when it was already yesterday or tomorrow, depending on point of view. If it was one of the nights that Ford (roommate one) and his girlfriend Kat were spending downtown with us, they would have finished giving one another the business to the accompaniment of frightened bedsprings.

And if it was past two then Sanchez (roommate two) would have gotten up out of his humid sleep to shut off the TV he’d equipped with a hot cable box transmitting pirated pay-per-view sporting events, feature films, and porn in an endless jostling stream. And Dan (roommate three) might or might not be around, since more and more he moved very quietly through the world, subsisting on snacks and growing thin and spiritual and haunted-looking, and only occasionally briefing us between classes and lab at NYU med school on what he was learning there. Lately he’d expressed the opinion that general uremia must be the least painful way to go in the end, and had assured me and Sanch that there was little to no scientific evidence linking coffee, even my six cups daily, with cancer.

Sanch said, “Yeah man fucking Hugo Chávez drinks sixteen espressos a day. And that’s after his staff weaned him down from twenty-four.”

“Amazing!” I was really impressed with this man. “Who is Hugo Chávez?”

“He’s, like, a revolutionary.”

“Sounds like it,” I said.

Sometimes Dan could be found in his room poring over a textbook while listening through his headphones to terrifying music by Austro-Hungarian composers. But his whereabouts were erratic, or I couldn’t do the algorithm, and anyway he stayed with us only due to low rent. It wouldn’t have been so low if the walls to our rooms had gone all the way up to the ceiling. Instead we lived in pasteboard cubicles and weird dorm-style intimacy–which kind of enforced an obscurish connection between my home life and my days at Pfizer, where the cubicle was also the unit.

Anyway Ford, Sanch, Dan, me–that was Chambers St., and was going to be for five more weeks, until our lease ran out. Other friends lived scattered around the city in ones and twos, and this had allowed us four to provide, in the welcoming squalor of our living room, a kind of community center for the school-days diasporae. Poker was played, friends were entertained, TV got watched and color-commentated. Out of everybody we knew our immaturity was best-preserved, we dressed worst and succeeded least professionally–and at times I could get into feeling that for the old crowd to set foot on the scarred linoleum of our kitchen must be like entering this circling, slow eddy in the otherwise one-way flow of time. Outside was the streaming traffic, the money bazaar, the trash-distributing winds with their careerist velocities. And here inside Chambers St. was this cozy set of underachievers. We even had a fireplace, though it didn’t work, and housed the stereo instead. At times I gained control of the remote, and the drowned-sounding post-human electronica that was our usual aural wallpaper, making me feel like words might not apply to our condition, and freaking me out if I got stoned, was replaced by the bright fine stylings of the Grateful Dead, just as if Jerry’d never died.

But Jerry had died. And soon our lease would be up! And so would I end and die too! I tried not to be reminded of the eternal endingness of everything by Ground Zero down the street. I really preferred for the reminder to come, more gently, from philosopher Otto Knittel. In the months before Ecuador I was all about The Uses of Freedom–or Der Gebrauch der Freiheit if you’re German. Late at night I would look at the words of this very deathocentric book, and on that Saturday night with Vaneetha (which had so far failed to distinguish itself from many of the Saturday nights preceding it) I was looking again at the words, with one eye open and the other shut since I’d taken out my contacts and otherwise couldn’t focus on the lines. “Procrastination is our substitute for immortality,” went the first half of the sentence I was rereading; “we behave as if we have no shortage of time.” I read the book at maybe two pages an hour.

Yet I felt more slow than stupid, and suspected it had always been thus with me. Maybe my slow temporal metabolism wasn’t equipped for the efficient digestion of modern–or postmodern–life, as it had apparently already been for some time. Sometimes I felt like I’d never catch up with even the little that had happened to me. There had already been too many people and places, and the creaking stagecoach journey or straggling canoe ride by which one location might observe, in olden times, how it became the next (and one Dwight, the next, uncannily similar Dwight) had been supplanted by the sleight of hand of subways and airplanes, always popping you out in unexpected places.

At least at night the phone didn’t ring. My feeling was, the soul is startled by the telephone and never at ease in its presence. Often on a midtown street someone’s cell would ring and half a dozen people would check their pockets to see if it was them being called, and I’d glimpse a flash of panic in one or another guy’s eyes. Myself, I kind of felt like I needed my news delivered by hand–to look out the window as some courier appeared in the field, coming from a distance so my feelings had time to discover themselves. But instead people were always calling and asking me to do things, and since only pretty rarely was I really sure I wanted to, my system was to flip a coin. “Hold on let me check my . . . yeah sounds cool but hold on . . .” I would say in the Chambers St. kitchen or if someone called at work. But I didn’t have a date book and was actually consulting one of the special coins. Heads, I’d accept–whereas tails, I’d claim to have other plans. I was proud of this system. Statistically fair, it also kept my whole easy nature from forcing me to do everyone’s bidding; it ensured a certain scarcity of Dwightness on the market; it contributed the prestige of the inscrutable to my otherwise transparent persona; and above all it allowed me to find out in my own good time whether I would actually have liked to do the thing in question. By then it was invariably too late–but everyone agrees that knowledge is its own reward, and so do I.

A night alone meant I could get a jump on The Uses of Freedom. At this rate there was every possibility of my finishing inside of the year. “Why don’t you just write the thing,” Dan said. “It would probably be faster.”

“But how would I ever come up with Der Unternehmungsgrund der Individuums on my own?”

When I first read about this ground for the individual’s action, I could at last put an unwieldy and foreign name to what I had felt had been missing from my life ever since puberty struck and my prep-school days commenced, more or less at once, and I’d begun to proceed unsteadily from day to day as if I were on a bridge swaying in the wind while both sides of the canyon–I mean past and future–disappeared in foggy weather. Suddenly I’d lost the sensation of there being either a source or an end to my life, an original birth or ultimate death, and was therefore amazed at how everyone seemed to consider me a solid reliable young man. Otto Knittel, I was learning as a much older young man, was way into forests, so while reading him I would imagine decamping from the city and going to live in the woods in Vermont. With a dog. Or several dogs. The idea was to inhabit a cabin, baking bread and hardly even watching TV, petting and talking to the dog, or dogs, and drinking tea instead of so much coffee. Sunlight, wide floorboards, caller ID for the phone . . . And old friends from the city could drive up to admire my aura of wisdom and calm benevolence that I would be too egoless even to notice. I felt that in these circumstances the ground for my actions might sort of percolate up through me in this slow molten way, and a prayerful clarity of consciousness would finally pop into my brain. Then I would know what to do. Then I could return to New York, and do it.

But in the smaller of the hours I could get to feeling bad that I hadn’t even looked into doing “it” yet. And the feeling was worse if the night ended with the warm smooth length of Vaneetha at my side, as she slept and breathed beneath my not-so-clean cotton sheets. There were starting to be signs that a serious attachment to me had been formed, by her, so that not only would I need to slip out of the city to go let my truer understandings avail themselves of me–I’d also have to extricate myself from someone else’s life.

One good thing was that at least I didn’t have a lot of furniture to take. However first I would need to find a town in Vermont, and a job there. Yet I was full of hope that the new information-based economy might really spell the end of geography and I could do tech support from the woods. Then again this hopefulness was so 1999, and now it was May 2002–late May already. In any case I had a to-do list (more a list of good intentions) and before finally going to sleep I would get up to write down–after GROCERIES! or MOM RE: CHURCH!! or VANEETHA? or PAPER TOWELS or COST OF SHRINKS?–LOOK INTO VT. OPTIONS.

So it would be late at night before I fell asleep. But don’t worry: I got plenty of sleep. Not only was I an excellent sleeper, but I had no functioning alarm clock to disrupt my Cimmerian rhythms. Of course when the relevant button broke off, I’d put it on my list to get another clock. But then at work they–or Rick, the manager–made an announcement, which was that although we who worked at Pfizer in the Problem Resolution Center were already only subcontracted, we were still considered in house for the fairly inarguable reason that our office was housed in Pfizer headquarters. Soon some guys in Mumbai, India, were going to be doing our work for less of our pay. “You sayin we getting outsourced here?” my colleague Wanda asked. Rick was saying that, and adding this sick little smile all his own.

The effect on morale was not good. In my case I saw that globalization was for real and declined to replace my alarm clock. What did I have to get up for if my days at Pfizer were numbered anyway? Now I usually just woke around ten, yawning and stretching, replenished with ignorance. Work was officially beginning but I would go out and get an everything bagel–impossible, otherwise, to choose–and come back and toast the halves and slather one with pesto and the other with Nutella. Yum.

So far my main accommodation to Vaneetha-Dwight domesticity was to keep little jars of both condiments at her place in Carroll Gardens. “I still can’t believe what you’ll put in your mouth.” Her dad’s various ambassadorial postings had caused her to be educated in British-run schools, and she pronounced can’t like as in philosopher Immanuel Kant. “But I’m touched you’re moving in, after your fashion.” Morningtime fun could be had if she was game and would feed me a mystery bagel half while my eyes were closed. “To have no idea,” I would say, “when both options are so equally good!”

Then I rode the F train, if from Vaneetha’s place, or took the
2/3 to Forty-second, and on the way would look at The Uses of
Freedom–such a different book in the daylight, and so much less credible.

From the Hardcover edition.

Meet the Author

Benjamin Kunkel grew up in Colorado. He has written for Dissent, The Nation, and the The New York Review of Books, and is a founding editor of n+1 magazine.

From the Hardcover edition.

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Indecision 3.4 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 5 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
The morning weather was foggy, the trees dripping water. The air was chilly, around 60-58 degrees. My brother and I walked down the gravel slope of a driveway to wait for the bus. Finally, the bus came at around 7:40. Late by 5 minutes. After waking up at 6:00 a.m., I fell asleep on the hour-long ride to school, stopping a few times more. Thankfully, I'm a light sleeper. By 8:30, my bus finally got to school, right at starting time. I had Health first, having to start class with writin a DPR. A Daily Positive Reminder. Yeah, I'm a happy person already. Why must I write it? After that, we took notes and learned about ADAP and drugs. When Health ended, I walked from the end of Building 1 to the other end of Building 4 for Art. Art is fun; two of my friends in there are Juniors.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This started out really funny, but by the mid-point of the book, I found my enthusiasm losing steam as more often than not I struggled to understand just what the heck the narrator was talking about. I think I may be just a generation too old for this one.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Guest More than 1 year ago
Received a copy of this from a friend. What a great first book. Made me laugh every page or so -- how unusual is that? Up there with Chuck Palahniuk (Fight Club) and Pax (The Black H) for freshness of approach. Thoughtful, funny, novel writing, great dialogue. Along with Pax and Palahniuk, is now my favorite living author.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I read this book with eagar anticipation but found it disappointing. For the most part the characters are uninteresting and underdeveloped. There are moments of humor and perception but they are few and far between. I wanted to know more about the main character, his father and sister.