Infidelity: A Love Story

Overview

It is estimated that an alarming four out of five married couples experience infidelity. Growing up with a mother and grandmother who painfully accepted the existence of their respective husbands’ mistresses, Ann Pearlman set out to beat the odds. She embarked on a career as a therapist who helped hundreds of unhappily married patients build new lives. She also found a husband with whom she felt secure. But after thirty years of rewarding marriage and parenthood, she discovered that her husband was having an ...
See more details below
Available through our Marketplace sellers.
Other sellers (Paperback)
  • All (22) from $1.99   
  • New (2) from $2.23   
  • Used (20) from $1.99   
Close
Sort by
Page 1 of 1
Showing All
Note: Marketplace items are not eligible for any BN.com coupons and promotions
$2.23
Seller since 2005

Feedback rating:

(211)

Condition:

New — never opened or used in original packaging.

Like New — packaging may have been opened. A "Like New" item is suitable to give as a gift.

Very Good — may have minor signs of wear on packaging but item works perfectly and has no damage.

Good — item is in good condition but packaging may have signs of shelf wear/aging or torn packaging. All specific defects should be noted in the Comments section associated with each item.

Acceptable — item is in working order but may show signs of wear such as scratches or torn packaging. All specific defects should be noted in the Comments section associated with each item.

Used — An item that has been opened and may show signs of wear. All specific defects should be noted in the Comments section associated with each item.

Refurbished — A used item that has been renewed or updated and verified to be in proper working condition. Not necessarily completed by the original manufacturer.

New
2001-09-11 Paperback New New Softcover, Satisfaction Guaranteed, Personal Service, International Shipping Available. Photos by Request.

Ships from: Saint Albans, VT

Usually ships in 1-2 business days

  • Canadian
  • International
  • Standard, 48 States
  • Standard (AK, HI)
  • Express, 48 States
  • Express (AK, HI)
$45.00
Seller since 2014

Feedback rating:

(149)

Condition: New
Brand new.

Ships from: acton, MA

Usually ships in 1-2 business days

  • Standard, 48 States
  • Standard (AK, HI)
Page 1 of 1
Showing All
Close
Sort by
Infidelity

Available on NOOK devices and apps  
  • NOOK Devices
  • NOOK HD/HD+ Tablet
  • NOOK
  • NOOK Color
  • NOOK Tablet
  • Tablet/Phone
  • NOOK for Windows 8 Tablet
  • NOOK for iOS
  • NOOK for Android
  • NOOK Kids for iPad
  • PC/Mac
  • NOOK for Windows 8
  • NOOK for PC
  • NOOK for Mac
  • NOOK Study
  • NOOK for Web

Want a NOOK? Explore Now

NOOK Book (eBook)
$6.49
BN.com price
(Save 7%)$6.99 List Price
Sending request ...

Overview

It is estimated that an alarming four out of five married couples experience infidelity. Growing up with a mother and grandmother who painfully accepted the existence of their respective husbands’ mistresses, Ann Pearlman set out to beat the odds. She embarked on a career as a therapist who helped hundreds of unhappily married patients build new lives. She also found a husband with whom she felt secure. But after thirty years of rewarding marriage and parenthood, she discovered that her husband was having an affair with one of his art students. Infidelity is the moving account of her shattered trust, and the women in her family who endured similar wounds in the radically different climate of America before 1960.

Written in precisely drawn, vivid scenes, Infidelity traces Pearlman’s first understanding of unfaithfulness through her father. A gifted and intelligent man, he took the time to explain Freud’s theories to her during dinner, a meal often served late because of his after-work trysts. Falling in love with Ty, an African American football player and artist, she basked in a strong marriage that even shrugged off interracial bias and inspired her to write a book on how to foster vitality in a marriage. Yet as her own unraveled, she arrived at a turning point that would test everything she had taught and believed. Compelling reading for men and women alike, Infidelity is an eye-opening testament to commitments made and broken, and the experience of matrimony across three very different yet strikingly connected lifetimes.

Read More Show Less

Editorial Reviews

Oakland Press
Ann Pearlman’s honesty digs into the reader’s memory bank and makes it acceptable to have those memories we thought were too horrible to share. She has handled infidelity with a sense of humor and a delicacy that could break the heart.
Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780767908115
  • Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
  • Publication date: 9/11/2001
  • Pages: 272
  • Product dimensions: 4.57 (w) x 7.40 (h) x 1.11 (d)

Introduction

The following questions are intended to enhance your reading group’s discussion, and we hope that they will also help you discover new and personal lines of inquiry into Ann Pearlman’s wonderful account of reflection and transformation.

Read More Show Less

Foreword

1. Pearlman prefaces her book with an excerpt from James Dickey’s poem “Adultery”. What is the allure of adultery that Dickey captures in his poem? What does he mean when he says, “Death is beaten?”

2. Why do you think Pearlman’s first chapter details an early moment of sibling rivalry and jealousy? What light does her behavior as a three-year-old shed on the phenomena of adultery? What lessons does the young Ann learn from her attempted fratricide?

3. What significance does the paper chain of girls that Lala gives to young Ann have? What does it mean to Ann when Lala points to the middle girl and says, “This one is you?”

4. As a child, Ann would chant, “Come, Daddy, come” to draw her father home in time for dinner. She believes her chanting works. What does bring Jake home? In what ways does Jake’s behavior destabilize their home? What lessons does Ann learn about being a wife from her own mother?

5. Why do you think the women of Ann’s family all wind up with unfaithful spouses with addictive personalities? Is it a learned preference, passed on from their mothers? Are they marrying men that remind them of their fathers? Or is it simply a case of the odds being against them, in so far as a majority of men cheat on their spouses?

6. How do the households in Ann’s extended family hide their secrets? In what ways do they attempt to present a façade of “normalcy” to the world? Do they succeed? At what point in her life does Ann begin to discover the deceit that lies beneath her parents’ marriage?

7. Do the anonymous phone calls regardingJake’s affair with Donna change anything? Who do you think made those calls, and why? If you received a similar call, accusing your spouse of cheating on you, how would you respond? How does Ann’s mother? Is she fooling herself when she takes comfort in the fact that “he chose” her? What does it mean that he chose her, if he keeps choosing additional women as well?

8. On her boat ride to Europe, Ann entertains a German family and discovers she has, within her, another self, “a blithe charmer that lay awaiting” her summons. It is her father, “the salesman.” How does Ann’s perception of her father change, once she realizes she can tap into his ability to charm? To what use does Ann put her powers of persuasion and seduction? How is she similar to her father?

9. When Ann cheats on her first boyfriend, Hank, she worries that she may “never be able to be faithful to any man. Not ever.” Why do you think she places such importance on fidelity? Do you? Why do you think so many people crave monogamy from their partners and themselves, and yet there is so much infidelity in the world?

10. Lala counsels that “Men always are little boys. They never grow up. Never. They eventually go home to mama. One way or the other.” What does she mean? Do you agree with her? Is it true for the men in Ann’s life?

11. How do the different generations of women in Ann’s family cope with their husbands’ infidelities? Do you think their coping methods reflect generational differences? How so? How has society’s view of marital infidelity changed over the years? Do you think it’s changed for better or worse? How so?

12. Lala’s husband, Docie, committed adultery, but unlike his son-in-law, Jake, Docie did so with only one woman: Ruth. Though Lala succeeded in separating Ruth from Docie, he remained in contact with her via letters, and his last thoughts on his deathbed were for Ruth. Could it be said that Docie remained faithful to Ruth? How do you reconcile conflicting notions of fidelity, monogamy, and love? What should Docie and Lala have done?

13. Do you agree with the women in Ann’s family when they worry that they “just didn’t love [their husbands] enough somehow?” It’s a common sentiment held by people with cheating spouses. How do you think they could avoid blaming themselves for their husbands’ infidelities? Is it possible for them to put a stop to their husbands’ affairs? What does Ann learn from the marriages of her mother and grandmother?

14. Once Jake dies, Ann’s mother not only refuses to confront Donna, but, in fact, begins a business partnership. Do you think her relationship with Donna is healthy? Do you agree with her when she says, “No one’s pretending. We know. We both know we know. There’s nothing to say?” What does she gain by loving Donna?

15. Jake insists that “human males lust after every female, even mother and sister.” Ann wordlessly wonders if he would also include daughters in his list. Do you think Jake has an incestuous interest in his own daughter? Why do you think he’s so intent on keeping Ann away from Ty? How much of his cautionary counsel concerning Ty do you view as constructive? Where do you think he crosses the line?

16. Ann discovers a premarital note from her father to her mother that reads: “I’m not a man to be faithful to one woman. It’s not ME. You have to want ME. As I want YOU.” Does Jake’s frank note regarding his proclivity for affairs change your perception of him? Is he betraying his wife, if he has given ample warning of his romantic habits?

17. Lala warns Ann of the hardships of interracial marriage: “The more I grew, groomed myself to be a fit mate for him the more resentment he felt for me.” How does Ann change herself to be Ty’s mate? Do you think the breakup of their marriage could have been avoided?

18. Ty claims that he needed Ann to be there for him more after his hand was damaged, and that his injury precipitated his need to begin an affair. Why do you think he began the affair with Sakiko? Could it have been prevented? If not Sakiko, would he have begun an affair with another woman? Did Ty’s feelings for Ann change through the course of their marriage?

19. What does Ty mean when he says of Sakiko, “She was separate. She had nothing to do with you. She was separate. She had nothing to do with you. She was for me. You and her were in two separate categories?” How does Ty’s understanding of their marriage differ from Ann’s? How do you think they could have such differing understandings of their own relationship?

20. Before he committed adultery, was Ty a good father? A good husband? Were there any signs that their marriage would fail? What could they have done differently? Should they have changed themselves in order to save the marriage, or were they truly not right for one another?

21. How is Ann able to recover from Ty’s infidelity? What are the steps she goes through in order to go on with her life, apart from him? How does she learn to say good-bye?

22. Do you think Ann’s new relationship with Dan will last? Will they be faithful to each other? How do you think Ann’s life has equipped her for any challenges that lie ahead? What perspective has she gained on the issue of infidelity?

Read More Show Less

Reading Group Guide

1. Pearlman prefaces her book with an excerpt from James Dickey’s poem “Adultery”. What is the allure of adultery that Dickey captures in his poem? What does he mean when he says, “Death is beaten?”

2. Why do you think Pearlman’s first chapter details an early moment of sibling rivalry and jealousy? What light does her behavior as a three-year-old shed on the phenomena of adultery? What lessons does the young Ann learn from her attempted fratricide?

3. What significance does the paper chain of girls that Lala gives to young Ann have? What does it mean to Ann when Lala points to the middle girl and says, “This one is you?”

4. As a child, Ann would chant, “Come, Daddy, come” to draw her father home in time for dinner. She believes her chanting works. What does bring Jake home? In what ways does Jake’s behavior destabilize their home? What lessons does Ann learn about being a wife from her own mother?

5. Why do you think the women of Ann’s family all wind up with unfaithful spouses with addictive personalities? Is it a learned preference, passed on from their mothers? Are they marrying men that remind them of their fathers? Or is it simply a case of the odds being against them, in so far as a majority of men cheat on their spouses?

6. How do the households in Ann’s extended family hide their secrets? In what ways do they attempt to present a façade of “normalcy” to the world? Do they succeed? At what point in her life does Ann begin to discover the deceit that lies beneath her parents’ marriage?

7. Do the anonymous phone calls regarding Jake’saffair with Donna change anything? Who do you think made those calls, and why? If you received a similar call, accusing your spouse of cheating on you, how would you respond? How does Ann’s mother? Is she fooling herself when she takes comfort in the fact that “he chose” her? What does it mean that he chose her, if he keeps choosing additional women as well?

8. On her boat ride to Europe, Ann entertains a German family and discovers she has, within her, another self, “a blithe charmer that lay awaiting” her summons. It is her father, “the salesman.” How does Ann’s perception of her father change, once she realizes she can tap into his ability to charm? To what use does Ann put her powers of persuasion and seduction? How is she similar to her father?

9. When Ann cheats on her first boyfriend, Hank, she worries that she may “never be able to be faithful to any man. Not ever.” Why do you think she places such importance on fidelity? Do you? Why do you think so many people crave monogamy from their partners and themselves, and yet there is so much infidelity in the world?

10. Lala counsels that “Men always are little boys. They never grow up. Never. They eventually go home to mama. One way or the other.” What does she mean? Do you agree with her? Is it true for the men in Ann’s life?

11. How do the different generations of women in Ann’s family cope with their husbands’ infidelities? Do you think their coping methods reflect generational differences? How so? How has society’s view of marital infidelity changed over the years? Do you think it’s changed for better or worse? How so?

12. Lala’s husband, Docie, committed adultery, but unlike his son-in-law, Jake, Docie did so with only one woman: Ruth. Though Lala succeeded in separating Ruth from Docie, he remained in contact with her via letters, and his last thoughts on his deathbed were for Ruth. Could it be said that Docie remained faithful to Ruth? How do you reconcile conflicting notions of fidelity, monogamy, and love? What should Docie and Lala have done?

13. Do you agree with the women in Ann’s family when they worry that they “just didn’t love [their husbands] enough somehow?” It’s a common sentiment held by people with cheating spouses. How do you think they could avoid blaming themselves for their husbands’ infidelities? Is it possible for them to put a stop to their husbands’ affairs? What does Ann learn from the marriages of her mother and grandmother?

14. Once Jake dies, Ann’s mother not only refuses to confront Donna, but, in fact, begins a business partnership. Do you think her relationship with Donna is healthy? Do you agree with her when she says, “No one’s pretending. We know. We both know we know. There’s nothing to say?” What does she gain by loving Donna?

15. Jake insists that “human males lust after every female, even mother and sister.” Ann wordlessly wonders if he would also include daughters in his list. Do you think Jake has an incestuous interest in his own daughter? Why do you think he’s so intent on keeping Ann away from Ty? How much of his cautionary counsel concerning Ty do you view as constructive? Where do you think he crosses the line?

16. Ann discovers a premarital note from her father to her mother that reads: “I’m not a man to be faithful to one woman. It’s not ME. You have to want ME. As I want YOU.” Does Jake’s frank note regarding his proclivity for affairs change your perception of him? Is he betraying his wife, if he has given ample warning of his romantic habits?

17. Lala warns Ann of the hardships of interracial marriage: “The more I grew, groomed myself to be a fit mate for him the more resentment he felt for me.” How does Ann change herself to be Ty’s mate? Do you think the breakup of their marriage could have been avoided?

18. Ty claims that he needed Ann to be there for him more after his hand was damaged, and that his injury precipitated his need to begin an affair. Why do you think he began the affair with Sakiko? Could it have been prevented? If not Sakiko, would he have begun an affair with another woman? Did Ty’s feelings for Ann change through the course of their marriage?

19. What does Ty mean when he says of Sakiko, “She was separate. She had nothing to do with you. She was separate. She had nothing to do with you. She was for me. You and her were in two separate categories?” How does Ty’s understanding of their marriage differ from Ann’s? How do you think they could have such differing understandings of their own relationship?

20. Before he committed adultery, was Ty a good father? A good husband? Were there any signs that their marriage would fail? What could they have done differently? Should they have changed themselves in order to save the marriage, or were they truly not right for one another?

21. How is Ann able to recover from Ty’s infidelity? What are the steps she goes through in order to go on with her life, apart from him? How does she learn to say good-bye?

22. Do you think Ann’s new relationship with Dan will last? Will they be faithful to each other? How do you think Ann’s life has equipped her for any challenges that lie ahead? What perspective has she gained on the issue of infidelity?

Read More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Be the first to write a review
( 0 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(0)

4 Star

(0)

3 Star

(0)

2 Star

(0)

1 Star

(0)

Your Rating:

Your Name: Create a Pen Name or

Barnes & Noble.com Review Rules

Our reader reviews allow you to share your comments on titles you liked, or didn't, with others. By submitting an online review, you are representing to Barnes & Noble.com that all information contained in your review is original and accurate in all respects, and that the submission of such content by you and the posting of such content by Barnes & Noble.com does not and will not violate the rights of any third party. Please follow the rules below to help ensure that your review can be posted.

Reviews by Our Customers Under the Age of 13

We highly value and respect everyone's opinion concerning the titles we offer. However, we cannot allow persons under the age of 13 to have accounts at BN.com or to post customer reviews. Please see our Terms of Use for more details.

What to exclude from your review:

Please do not write about reviews, commentary, or information posted on the product page. If you see any errors in the information on the product page, please send us an email.

Reviews should not contain any of the following:

  • - HTML tags, profanity, obscenities, vulgarities, or comments that defame anyone
  • - Time-sensitive information such as tour dates, signings, lectures, etc.
  • - Single-word reviews. Other people will read your review to discover why you liked or didn't like the title. Be descriptive.
  • - Comments focusing on the author or that may ruin the ending for others
  • - Phone numbers, addresses, URLs
  • - Pricing and availability information or alternative ordering information
  • - Advertisements or commercial solicitation

Reminder:

  • - By submitting a review, you grant to Barnes & Noble.com and its sublicensees the royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable right and license to use the review in accordance with the Barnes & Noble.com Terms of Use.
  • - Barnes & Noble.com reserves the right not to post any review -- particularly those that do not follow the terms and conditions of these Rules. Barnes & Noble.com also reserves the right to remove any review at any time without notice.
  • - See Terms of Use for other conditions and disclaimers.
Search for Products You'd Like to Recommend

Recommend other products that relate to your review. Just search for them below and share!

Create a Pen Name

Your Pen Name is your unique identity on BN.com. It will appear on the reviews you write and other website activities. Your Pen Name cannot be edited, changed or deleted once submitted.

 
Your Pen Name can be any combination of alphanumeric characters (plus - and _), and must be at least two characters long.

Continue Anonymously

    If you find inappropriate content, please report it to Barnes & Noble
    Why is this product inappropriate?
    Comments (optional)