Read an Excerpt
INSIGHTS from the Heart
By Tania Thornton
Balboa PressCopyright © 2013 Tania Thornton
All rights reserved.
My Life Story So Far
I was born in Auckland, New Zealand, and grew up in a suburb called Papatoetoe. I was the second eldest child; I have an older sister and two younger brothers. I was a bit of a tomboy. I had a bubbly personality and was quite cheeky, mischievous, fun, and outgoing. Growing up was quite a tough and confusing time for me. Our family did not have much money, and my dad worked two jobs to support us. Sometimes the stress of working those jobs and having a young family was too much, and he could be quite tough.
My mother was a good mother, providing lots of love although both my mum and dad were very strict. Even so, I am very grateful to my mother for being there for me when I was younger and making me feel loved. The fond memories I have were of all the animals we had in our house and the unconditional love. I remember that I would always bring home stray animals and there was one time when we had a dog, 3 cats, an aviary of birds, a goat, mice, guinea pigs, rabbits and goldfish. Living in an older cottage there was also a time when we had birds nesting in the roof and a hive of bumble bees in the wall. Yes we really did have the birds and the bees going on. My gran would visit us every weekend and she even taught me how to drive. She was a great gran, I still miss her but I know that she is here with me.
It was tough for a young girl growing up back then, as in those days little girls were seen and not heard. This was quite hard for a strong-willed, determined young miss who was probably a bit ahead of her time and often found herself in trouble, especially when things didn't go my way. I also had things going on with me that I didn't understand and was not allowed to talk about back then. I used to go to the Catholic Church Sunday School, which was not something that I enjoyed, where I was taught that any of the gifts that I had were a sin and anything I was seeing or hearing could not be brought out in the open. It was like I had a deep dark secret.
We were brought up that the man provided and the woman stayed home with the children. As I got older I knew that this was not what I wanted my role in the universe to be. I was quite strong and independent and liked earning money (and spending it as well) so I could do what I wanted to do. I did okay at school, but I did even better at secretarial school, and my career as a legal secretary began.
Because of my low sense of self-worth as a young woman, I would attract the wrong kind of men for me. I did not believe that I deserved anyone who would treat me with love and respect. The ones I did pick did not treat me well, being unfaithful and treating me as though I didn't exist and back then I did a lot of partying and drinking to block out the pain and although I had a lot of fun I was not truly happy with myself. I did not take care of myself, and my weight ballooned, but with all that going on I still managed to hold down a good job as a legal secretary and worked hard. During this time I always felt that I was worth more and somehow I managed to win $10,000.00 on a radio station. A police dog picked my envelope out of thousands of entries. I had a big party as I had heaps of friends, I bought a new car, lent my sister money to buy her house and went on a holiday. I had lots of friends around me who needed my help and I was always running around helping them, looking after their children as well as picking up their pieces. I was also Club Captain of a tennis club.
At this time I was a helpful, responsible young woman-on the outside I looked happy-but underneath I was not happy with how my life was. I learned a lot from this part of my life, I knew that I had clairvoyance and intuitive gifts but I was still too scared to use them.
One day I decided to make a change and when I turned twenty-eight I moved to Sydney. Being in a new country by myself, it was at this time, that I realised what my mum and dad had done for me and I knew that at the time both my parents did their very best for me and I was so grateful for the roof over my head, food on the table, an education, and for everything they were able to do for me in my lifetime, including spoiling me sometimes and the biggest thing for me was always knowing that I had a home to go home to. I love both of my parents very much and now understand the sacrifices that they made for me.
While in Sydney I got a good job with a law firm and I met my first husband. He was unable to read or write so he had a totally different outlook on the world. Although at first we thought we loved each other, it turned out that this relationship could not be sustained in a healthy mature way. After seven years of living in a marriage where I worked very hard to make it work, even after trying counseling, I realized that this marriage had become too hard and not very healthy for either of us. I was always pissed off, angry, and unhappy. I was a very loyal and naive wife, plus I was still in my program of the only way I felt I could love someone was trying to fix everything for them to make their lives better. At the time I did not realize that I needed to do this for myself as I am only responsible for myself and my actions.
One day I managed to have the strength to pack my bags and walk out. I never went back. I still had my job, but I had been left with my husband's debt as he had no money and my name was on the loan documents. It was only through the kindness of strangers and my boss at that time that helped me get back on my feet. This was my wake up call in life. This was my moment when life was to change for me forever.
I felt like the stuffing had been knocked out of me, I thought I was going to be married to the same person for the rest of my life. As I had been left with all this debt from my husband I thought there was something wrong with me, it was my fault, no one loved me and I had done something really wrong and I deserved to be punished. I was embarrassed and humiliated, feeling I had let everyone down and that I had failed. I remember my dad ringing me at this time and saying "Tania we are so proud of you because you did your very best to try to make the marriage work". Thanks dad but I still had not forgiven myself.
I needed somewhere to live and this particular day an ad was in the paper so I answered it and met Merv and Coora, they must have liked me because I moved in a week later. They were like my family. I lived in a very basic garage at the back of their house in Penrith for two years so I could pay off all the debt that was owing. After that time I finally had enough money to buy a car, and had finished paying off all the debt. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I could move forward. I did not know about inner strength or where it comes from until this happened in my life. From a place of suffering came a lot of learning and I had to start to trust and have faith that everything was going to be okay no matter what happened. My spiritual journey had started.
After my divorce came through I decided, then and there, not to get involved with anyone else. I knew if I wanted my life to change, I was going to have to work with myself first. I had learned a lot about myself in my marriage and the patterns that were a part of me. If I wanted these patterns to stop repeating themselves then I was going to have to go within. I was in another country, with no family around, and the only support I had was the kindness of strangers that I had befriended or worked for and who helped me.
Today I am very thankful for the learnings I gained from this experience about people and life, which made me a more complete and compassionate person towards myself and others. At the time I didn't realise that we can create the things we think and talk about.
After that I joined the Spiritualist Church, met some lovely people who also helped me out, read books, and started to follow the teachings of How to Heal Your Life by Louise Hay.
I started to do my affirmations every day: "I am a good person," "I am worthy of the very best in the world," "I am grateful for everything that I have," "I trust that everything is happening for my highest good," "I am safe." This was a time of having faith and trusting that everything was going to be okay.
It was then my sister Maria said, "Why don't you move to Brisbane?" I thought about it and decided that yes this would be a good idea. So I did. I packed up all my stuff and sent it on a truck and I drove to Brisbane. Within two weeks I had a good job in a legal firm. And my life in Brisbane started. I was fortunate enough to be able to stay at my sister's for about six months, until I bought my first little unit in Brisbane. My dad and my sister helped me to purchase my unit, this meant I could move into my own place straight away and gave me the time I needed to pay them back. Our family have always been able to help each other out when it is needed. It was the first time that I felt very proud of what I had achieved.
My life had picked up and had started going really well. I had a good job working in a legal firm, joined the Spiritualist Church, and had started to do healings on people; I was accepting my clairvoyance as part of me, and it felt right. I had met a lovely friend, Angela, in Brisbane. I also had another friend, Maureen, the illustrator of this book, also psychic, who did readings for me. I had my very supportive cousin Leanne. And I had my cat Claude. I was reading my Louise Hay book and incorporating my affirmations into my life on a daily basis.
I found Brisbane a great city with the best weather. This was a good settling and grounding period for me, and I met a lot of nice, genuine like-minded people.
While I was in Brisbane, I was also doing some independent typing and an assignment came in from Inna Segal, asking me to type up all the interviews she had done with famous people. This work was inspiring and I got to hear first hand the interviews of Suze Orman, Uri Geller, Jack Canfield, and many other inspiring people. I now look back and see that this was all part of my journey. Although things were going really well in Brisbane I always felt that there was something deeper in my life that was missing.
In 2005 I went back to New Zealand for my brother's wedding and, while holidaying in Wellington, New Zealand, I met my husband, Wayne. We met in a mutual friend's coffee shop in Wellington for twenty minutes, and we did not know what would happen. It turns out that something did happen.
We would email each other every day, and then phone each other every night. Once a month one of us would cross the Tasman, and soon we knew that someone would have to move. (Yes, it turned out to be me.) It was a very special time in my life. I had no idea that this would happen to me, and when it did you could have pinched me, as it was like a fairy tale. Going to work and my relationship were the only things going on in my life at that point.
So once again I took a leap of faith and I rented my unit in Brisbane out and traveled across the Tasman and moved back to New Zealand, but to Wellington this time. The weather here is a bit of a challenge. (I was so proud of myself putting up my greenhouse one day, only to have the wind rip the cover and blow it down the next.) Wellington has other things to offer besides the weather. When it is a sunny day, you can't beat it, it is a beautiful day. After about 6 months I knew I was going to stay in Wellington so I sold my unit in Brisbane.
I got a good job and things were going well. Wayne was into drag racing and we had one fun filled year touring round New Zealand having a great time running the team for a Class 1 Dragracing Corvette.
We had been going out about a year and Wayne said that he wanted to get married and buy me a ring but he wanted me to pick the ring before he asked me. So we went out and picked the ring and all I asked was that when he decided to ask me that he would surprise me.
It was about a year after this and he still had not asked me to marry him and so one day I said, "How come you haven't asked me to marry you yet?" And he said "Every time I go to, you are a cow so I don't". I thought about this and left it alone.
One afternoon after going grocery shopping Wayne suggested that we go for a drive up to Mt Victoria to see the sights. I didn't think anything of it other than it was a bit spontaneous for Wayne. We got to the top and it was a beautiful day, you could see the planes flying in and out of the airport, there were people everywhere and I turned to him and said "This would be a great place for you to ask me to marry you as it is the first place you brought me to when I came to Wellington". He said "Funny you should say that" and he pulled out my engagement ring and said "Will you Marry Me", I was shocked and surprised but I managed to say "Yes". With that someone tapped Wayne on the shoulder and asked if he would take their photo so being the general good guy that he is, off he went and left me standing there.
We then had to tell everyone and when we visited our friends the Fallons in Auckland we were sitting around talking about where we could get married and Kerry suggested the Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas. We both thought that the idea sounded great. It could all be organized through the internet. We were off on another adventure! Las Vegas—who would have thought? We did have some drama as Wayne had been in a car accident the week before which left him battered and bruised and with torn rib cartilage. When we arrived in Las Vegas we found out that his bags had been left in Auckland. When we got to the hotel I became quite ill with vomiting and diarrhea. And so it went on. Security had to be called. It was just like on television. I was so sick and they arrived at the motel room in their uniforms with their guns and they said "Would you like the paramedics mam" with their strong American accents. I was so embarrassed I just wanted to hide away. Eventually we worked out that the best option was to get the hotel doctor to come and see me. He gave me an injection which managed to get me through the wedding day. Wayne's bags finally turned up half an hour before we had to leave to go to the wedding so at least he had something to wear.
Despite all the drama the wedding day was spectacular. We were treated like a king and queen. It was a very special day, and Wayne had our special friend Camp Stanley (American drag racer) attend the wedding and I managed to hold everything together. The day after the wedding the injection seemed to wear off and I became sick again. We rung the doctor who suggested that I needed to go to hospital. So we set off on our trip to The Desert Sands hospital in Las Vegas. This was an interesting experience and I still have my hospital socks and Wayne says that they are the most expensive socks in the world. After being tested for everything I was put on a drip and given a morphine injection which settled my whole system down and I was eventually able to be released. We had to change all our flights as we were flying out to LA that day. Once I had stabilised, we did fly to LA and we honeymooned in Disneyland (I loved Fantasyland) and San Diego (I loved San Diego SeaWorld). Even though I had become sick it really was a dream come true, I was lucky that I was still able to make the best of it while I was there regardless of how sick I was. (To me there is no other place in the world like Disneyland).
Wayne and I have been together for coming up seven years now, and he is my rock. I am his organizer and he says that I am quite strong and deep. I believe that a relationship takes work from both sides to strengthen it and that work needs to be done every day. We are both very honest with each other, and this gets us through the tough times (sometimes we both need to soften our honesty, but we work through it). I finally have a husband who loves and respects me, and the same is returned. Wayne and I have learned always to work together to create our future. Communication is the key to keeping your relationship happy and healthy and evolving to develop a deeper understanding of each other.
He is very supportive of my spiritual/clairvoyant side, and since he has been with me he has also made some significant changes within himself; we have been blessed to have grown together and our relationship has matured and become deeper. He is a very private person, while I have a very outgoing, bubbly personality.
I have a great job that I love with a truly fantastic boss. I bought him a paperweight with a Porsche on it because he truly is the Porsche of all bosses and I am blessed to have very supportive and loving people working around me. I am now running a successful healing business doing clairvoyant readings for people connecting with spirit to bring their loved ones through or help them with any life issues they may have. I am an open channel for my guides to work through. I am a qualified Reiki practitioner and also a Life Coach using my own life experiences to teach techniques to help clients release and clear past limiting beliefs and programs so they can move forward and deal with the stress of everyday life in a more positive and healthy way. I am trusting that the insights I share throughout this book will somehow touch the hearts of every reader who reads it to help their lives open up in a new way.
Excerpted from INSIGHTS from the Heart by Tania Thornton. Copyright © 2013 by Tania Thornton. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.