Intimate Partners: Patterns in Love and Marriage

Intimate Partners: Patterns in Love and Marriage

by Maggie Scarf
     
 

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The definitive book on marriage — on how love relationships are formed, & how they change, over the course of the marital cycle. Why do we choose the mates we choose? What affects the way a love relationship develops? What makes some marriages endure while others splinter apart? These & many other questions are explored in this remarkable book. Sections include&

Overview

The definitive book on marriage — on how love relationships are formed, & how they change, over the course of the marital cycle. Why do we choose the mates we choose? What affects the way a love relationship develops? What makes some marriages endure while others splinter apart? These & many other questions are explored in this remarkable book. Sections include: becoming a couple: the power of the past; lovers & other third parties: emotional triangles; the couple in midstream: marital problems, marital solutions; sexuality; the child-launching years: time of transformation; & the postparenting phase: reintegration.

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly - Publisher's Weekly
In this probing, widely researched and literate study on the nature of intimacy, Scarf (Unfinished Business, etc.) explores the reasons for the selection of mates and for the success or failure of contemporary marriages. She stresses the importance of family and other past influences, which she traces by means of a genogram, a kind of ``emotional family tree.'' She identifies phases of marriage from idealization and disenchantment through those dominated by career-building and child-rearing to the rediscovery of each other in mature years. These phases require adaptive change on the part of both partners, however most pairs, Scarf maintains, are not aware of the nature of the power struggle for emotional dominance in the fields of sex, career, finances, child-rearing, etc., and the intimacy/autonomy conflict over which many relationships founder. The author's clear-headed, constructive advice about marital problems, including guidance on sexual adjustments, should be of help to couples at all stages. 75,000 first printing; major ad/promo; first serial to Atlantic Monthly; BOMC alternate; author tour. (February 12)
Library Journal
Though not a trained therapist, Scarf is remarkably skilled at inducing couples to reveal in fascinating detail their problems with intimacy. As she talked wtih articulate couples undergoing training in intimacy, she found patterns of unconscious collusion referring back to problems in each partner's earlier relationships. To counteract such patterns, she advises enlarging the familial context to unacknowledged issues and legacies and offers highly relevant tasks honoring self-differentiation while encouraging collaboration. Her book as a whole is an excellent introduction to the important concept of interpersonal projective identification (the use of another as a container for one's dissociated or disavowed contents). Highly recommended for popular collections. William Abrams, Portland State Univ. Lib., Ore.

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780345350701
Publisher:
Random House Publishing Group
Publication date:
04/15/1988
Edition description:
Reissue
Pages:
480
Product dimensions:
4.25(w) x 6.94(h) x 1.13(d)

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