Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.?: Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder

( 11 )

Overview

Everyone knows someone with adult AD/HD (diagnosed or not), but we often misattribute the symptoms to anxiety, depression, or even laziness, willfulness, flightiness, selfishness, moodiness, and worse. We describe people with it as having addictive, Type A, or even passive-aggressive personalities. In most ways, AD/HD symptoms do resemble the human condition -albeit in a highly exaggerated form-and so we don't make the connection to a brain disorder. It seems that almost everything about AD/HD creates ...

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Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.?: Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder

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Overview

Everyone knows someone with adult AD/HD (diagnosed or not), but we often misattribute the symptoms to anxiety, depression, or even laziness, willfulness, flightiness, selfishness, moodiness, and worse. We describe people with it as having addictive, Type A, or even passive-aggressive personalities. In most ways, AD/HD symptoms do resemble the human condition -albeit in a highly exaggerated form-and so we don't make the connection to a brain disorder. It seems that almost everything about AD/HD creates confusion-until you get the facts, which are thoroughly and engagingly presented in this book. For example, until recently, the official term was ADD, plus or minus Hyperactivity, and that's how many people still refer to it (hence the title). The new official term, AD/HD, uses a slash mark to indicate that hyperactivity is not always present, but many people mistakenly assume that this term describes only people with hyperactivity. In fact, hyperactivity is rarely present in adults, and that's why we used to think that children outgrew the disorder. Now we know that the physical hyperactivity common to children goes "underground" as the person matures, resulting in a mentally restless state, and that 70 percent of children with this condition do not outgrow it. This is a lifespan disorder-with serious implications into old age. These family members of adults with ADHD also face the "AD/HD Roller Coaster" of chaos at home: disorganization and clutter, forgotten tasks and obligations, unpaid bills and maxed-out credit cards, neglected home repairs and lost jobs, hot tempers and erratic parenting styles, traffic accidents and citations, and more. Moreover, the very symptoms of their disorder (including poor working memory, difficulty linking cause with effect, and an impaired sense of empathy) mean that many adults fail to accurately perceive their role in the chaos, and so they place the blame everywhere else. For these reasons, it

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Editorial Reviews

Library Journal

According to Pera, approximately 10 to 30 million adults in the United States have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). A writer/editor who moderates an ADHD online support group, Pera views the syndrome as a brain-based impairment to be treated with medication, and she uses original online survey data (111 partner respondents) as well as detailed case studies and compatible research findings to support her position. She begins with an explanation of ADHD and its manifestations in later life, then addresses the devastating effects of living with an ADHD-afflicted partner. In the final section, she provides coping strategies. Adult ADHD is largely presented here as the cause of a host of problems ranging from overspending and bad driving to abusive behavior; such sweeping findings and generalizations also characterize discussions concluding that ADHD may be more debilitating than established psychiatric/psychological conditions like anxiety disorders and major depression. More practical are Pera's guidelines for choosing a therapist and communicating with an ADHD-afflicted partner. While ADHD is a controversial psychological construct, this book is a unique compendium of information on the topic for lay readers. Suitable for comprehensive consumer mental-health collections.
—Antoinette Brinkman

From the Publisher
"Insightful, helpful, witty, and very practical. This book can change your life." —-Daniel G. Amen, M.D., author of Change Your Brain, Change Your Life
Anthony Rostain, M.D.
Gina Pera has written a stunning book that should be a must-read for all couples where one or both partners have Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. Combining her own experiences, a thoughtful synthesis of the clinical and research literature, and a creative study of her own design, she has grasped the complex ways in which ADHD affects relationships and has translated her comprehensive expertise into a highly readable and extraordinarily helpful guide.
Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.
Most books on marriage offer insights on traditional marital problems such as conflicts around sex, money, and parenting.

This book is different. For some couples these problems are exacerbated by the often unnoticed presence of a particular neural wiring in the brain, called Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, that makes traditional solutions ineffective. This book describes ADHD in detail and with empathy and helps couples find hope and solutions.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780981548708
  • Publisher: 1201 Alarm Press
  • Publication date: 8/31/2008
  • Series: ADHD Roller Coaster Guides , #1
  • Pages: 369
  • Sales rank: 157,533
  • Product dimensions: 6.00 (w) x 8.90 (h) x 1.00 (d)

Meet the Author


Gina Pera is a San Francisco-based freelance journalist and a nationally known advocate for ADHD awareness and effective treament standards.

Pam Ward has performed in a variety of venues, but she found her true calling reading books for the blind and physically handicapped for the Library of Congress Talking Books program, for which she received the prestigious Alexander Scourby Award from the American Foundation for the Blind. She is also an AudioFile Earphones Award winner.

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 11 )
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Sort by: Showing all of 11 Customer Reviews
  • Posted April 7, 2010

    Undiagnosed ADD or recently diagnosed ADD in relationships - How to save your marriage.

    This is an excellent book if your partner has been diagnosed with ADD (aka ADHD) or you suspect they may have ADD - A must read for either of these situations. Stop the crazy cycle!

    5 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 15, 2012

    Good information

    This book helped me to understand so much. It answered soooo many questions. It gave me the piece of mind I needed to know that it wasn't necessarily my fault and I wasn't imagining the things I was observing with my husband, and it validated some of my feelings.

    If you suspect your spouse may have ADHD this book will help you understand and deal with all the feelings and emotional roller coaster you are going through.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted October 10, 2014

    After I read The ADHD Effect on Marriage, I searched for similar

    After I read The ADHD Effect on Marriage, I searched for similar books. This one kept popping up and seemed to be highly regarded, so I gave it the highest compliment I could: I purchased a copy.

    This book is put together very well, and operates under the premise that ADD is not “so much of a disorder of attention as it is a disorder of self-regulation”, according to psychologist Russell Barkley, who wrote the foreword.  The theme of the book is the ‘roller coaster’ that both ADD’ers and non experience on a daily basis, and so the chapter headings are related to our favorite amusement park rides.  There are three parts; first, what is ADHD and how it affects you/your partner, second, what happens when you hit rock bottom and either decide to get treatment (or not), and three, how to succeed in building your relationship back with different strategies.

    As you read, you get the sense that you are part of a support group, as you read other’s stories and get to know what lessons they have learned along the way. The difference between this book and the one I mentioned above, is that this goes into much more detail, with explanations as to WHY these things happen, and HOW to fix them. I found myself highlighting sections, seeing how there are common threads among ADD’ers and their significant others, and even learning more about brain function.  Each chapter contains a few ADHD Partner Snapshot graphs, which show the results of surveys taken from 162 responders.

    There are chapters devoted to denial, medications, finances, therapy, co-existing disorders, sex, coping skills, and more. Understanding the spectrum of ADHD takes patience, time, and teamwork, and that is the author’s intent. Where The ADD Effect On Marriage told me about the emotions that ADD’ers experience, this book goes deeper. I learned in real people’s words how they dealt with frustration and despair, and how most (but not all) took steps to regain the love and trust they once felt.

    I highly recommend this book, as it gives you strategies and sources for help, without being preachy or too glib. The book concentrates on getting help for both the ADD and non ADD partner, without being too touchy feely. Solutions for issues are discussed from all sides, and are eminently able to accomplish.

    Interested? You can pick up a copy here.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 25, 2013

    Highly Recommended!

    Best book out there on AD/HD! It has answered almost every question I had as to why my husband acts the way he does. I finally know I am not crazy or imagining things

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 11, 2013

    To below

    I addded you.

    0 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 1, 2013

    Hidypo12@gmail.com

    Add me

    0 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 22, 2012

    No text was provided for this review.

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    Posted January 23, 2012

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    Posted March 7, 2011

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 29, 2012

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 3, 2010

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