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Jamaica Me Dead [NOOK Book]


It's opening game of the football season at Florida Field, and Monk DeVane, a former teammate of Zack Chasteen's, invites Zack and his girlfriend to a halftime party in one of the exclusive skyboxes. But they find chaos---there's a bomb under the chair of Darcy Whitehall, Monk Devane's boss and the rakish Jamaican owner of Libido, a chain of anything-goes Caribbean resorts.
The bomb turns out to be a dud, but someone is putting the ...
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Jamaica Me Dead

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It's opening game of the football season at Florida Field, and Monk DeVane, a former teammate of Zack Chasteen's, invites Zack and his girlfriend to a halftime party in one of the exclusive skyboxes. But they find chaos---there's a bomb under the chair of Darcy Whitehall, Monk Devane's boss and the rakish Jamaican owner of Libido, a chain of anything-goes Caribbean resorts.
The bomb turns out to be a dud, but someone is putting the squeeze on Darcy Whitehall, and Monk DeVane enlists Zack to help protect his employer. When Zack arrives in Jamaica things quickly go to hell---more bombs (this time, for real), gnarly Jamaican politics, and the kinky diversions at Libido, where the prime spectator sport is watching guests frolic on the naked flume ride. As if that weren't enough, Zack's snooping around puts him in jeopardy with Freddie Arzghanian, king of the Caribbean money launderers.
Suspenseful, laugh-out-loud funny, and with larger-than-life characters, Jamaica Me Dead is Bob Morris at his wicked best.

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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
Morris's zany sophomore effort features another Jamaican-set crime drama narrated by former Miami linebacker Zack Chasteen, last seen in Bahamarama, the author's rollicking debut. A football halftime party to which Zack has been invited by old Miami Dolphins teammate Monk DeVane is marred by a bomb scare targeted at Monk's white Jamaican boss, Darcy Whitehall, a tycoon of adult-themed resorts. Whitehall thinks that his personal security might improve with Zack on the Libido Resorts payroll, so Zack temporarily bids adieu to British girlfriend Barbara and heads to Jamaica to play bodyguard. Upon his arrival, a violent explosion kills Monk, and it's up to Zack to wade through a bevy of suspects, most of whom are dueling political factions, because in Jamaica "everything is politics." Could the guilty party be Whitehall's slimy, money-laundering associate, Freddie Arzghanian, or possibly Nanny's People United, an aggressive political action group bent on keeping Whitehall's son, Alan, a proponent of shady land developments, from getting elected in a local parliamentary election? Blame shifts and the mystery smoothly unravels itself while both Zack and Barbara (in Berlin with a "Trumpish" entertainment entrepreneur) wrestle with temptation but remain refreshingly monogamous. The tropical backdrop and Zack's wisecracking commentary make for another crackling whodunit for Morris. Agent, Joe Veltre at Artists Literary Group. (Oct.) Copyright 2005 Reed Business Information.
Kirkus Reviews
More Caribbean intrigue for ex-football player Zachary Taylor Chasteen, who inherits a bodyguard gig from a friend who thought they'd be serving together. Even when he's relaxing with his publisher girlfriend Barbara Pickering at a Gators game, Zack Chasteen just can't stay out of trouble. First his old roommate Monk DeVane wants him to talk to Libido Resorts founder Darcy Whitehall about a job protecting Libido's interests in Jamaica; then Whitehall's VIP stadium seat turns out to be wired with explosives; then, when everybody escapes the mini-bomb and Zack agrees to fly out to the islands, Monk is blown to smithereens before Zack can even unpack his bags. At first the bombs look like the work of Nanny's People United, the rabble-rousing political party whose candidate is opposing Whitehall's son Alan in a Parliamentary election. But Zack wonders if the power behind them couldn't be Freddie Arzghanian, the money-laundering partner Whitehall's been struggling to shake off. As in Zack's debut (Bahamarama, 2004), protocol requires that Zack be separated from Barbara, off in Berlin being tempted by a voracious media mogul, so that he can undergo some temptations of his own. Don't worry: Zack is no more likely to cheat on his ladylove than to figure out the bomber's identity before you do. Good-natured rather than comical, with the Jamaica background the biggest plus. Maybe Morris should omit the obligatory plot and just write travelogues.
From the Publisher
“I was wondering when Bob Morris would finally get around to writing a novel, and it was worth the wait. Bahamarama is sly, smart, cheerfully twisted, and very funny. Morris is a natural.”

—-Carl Hiaasen, New York Times bestselling author of Skin Tight

”Bob Morris, a terrific writer and pure Florida boy, has created a marvelous tale that perfectly captures the nation's strangest state. Like Florida itself, Bahamarama is wild, weird, unpredictable, populated by exotic denizens—and funny as hell.”

—-Dave Barry, New York Times bestselling author and Pulitzer Prize winner

”Hard-boiled, edgy debut novel . . . An array of colorful locals gives the story some much-needed texture, while juicy plotting keeps this impressive page-turner simmering. Morris has produced an accomplished first novel with a priceless final scene.”

—-Publishers Weekly

”Morris has ably woven kidnapping plots, subplots, a promiscuous heiress, a Taino medicine man, and even a hurricane together to keep the pages turning.”

—-Caribbean Travel & Life

”A breezy, energetic debut . . . should be the start of a long series. Morris’s wry sense of humor, coupled with a bit of cynicism, crisp dialogue, and seasoned view of Florida and the Bahamas, give an extra punch to Bahamarama.”

—-South Florida Sun-Sentinel

”The plot swerves with each swell caused by an incoming hurricane. Abundant Caribbean descriptions, amazing characters, unremitting wry humor, and a strong protagonist flavor this tempting first novel. Carl Hiaasen, Tim Dorsey, and Randy Wayne White fans will be reserving this one.”

—-Library Journal

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781429907262
  • Publisher: St. Martin's Press
  • Publication date: 4/1/2010
  • Series: Zack Chasteen Series , #2
  • Sold by: Macmillan
  • Format: eBook
  • Edition description: First Edition
  • Edition number: 1
  • Pages: 304
  • Sales rank: 279,099
  • File size: 407 KB

Meet the Author

Bob Morris

Bob Morris, a former columnist for the Orlando Sentinel, Fort Myers News-Press and The New York Times regional newspapers, served as editor of Caribbean Travel & Life and Gulfshore Life magazines. His work regularly appears in National Geographic Traveler, Islands, The Robb Report, Bon Appétit, and other publications. He lives in Winter Park, Florida, where he is at work on his next book, Bermuda Schwartz.

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Read an Excerpt

Chapter One
It was the first game of the season at Florida Field, and in typical fashion the Gators had scheduled something less than a fearsome opponent. This year it was the University of Tulsa. Midway through the second quarter the score was already twenty-seven us, zip for the Golden Hurricanes.

Reality would come home to roost in two weeks when we faced off against Tennessee, but for now the future appeared glorious, and the only thing in life that even mildly concerned me was why a football team from Oklahoma would call itself the Golden Hurricanes.

I turned to Barbara Pickering and said: “Don’t you think they ought to call themselves something more geographically appropriate? Like the Golden Cow Patties?”

It got laughs from the people sitting around us.

“Or the Golden Tumbleweeds,” said a woman to my left.

Barbara looked up from her book.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “Did you say something?”

It was Barbara’s first time at Florida Field. In fact, it was her first time at a football game. I was trying hard not to be offended by the fact she had not only brought along a book—A House for Mr. Biswas, by V. S. Naipaul—she was actually reading it. I had never seen anyone reading a book at a football game.

A man sitting in front of us turned to Barbara.

“Honey,” he said. “Please tell me that’s a book about football.”

“Well, actually, it’s about the Hindu community in Trinidad and how this poor downtrodden man, Mr. Biswas, so badly wants a house of his very own, yet—”

I gave Barbara a nudge. She stopped.

“You’ll have to forgive her,” I told the man in front of us. “Barbara’s British.”

Barbara gave the guy a smile so stunning that his ears turned red. I could relate. I do the same thing whenever she smiles at me.

I reached under my seat and found the pint flask of Mount Gay that I had smuggled into the stadium. I poured a healthy dollop into my cup. Then I pulled a wedge of lime from the plastic baggie in my pants pocket and squeezed it into the rum.

The man in front of us turned around again. Mainly because I had succeeded in squirting the back of his neck with lime juice.

“You’ll have to forgive him,” Barbara told the man. “Zack has scurvy.”

Moments later, the Gators scored. I stood to cheer with the rest of the crowd. Barbara took the opportunity to stretch and yawn and work out the kinks. She glanced at the scoreboard.

“Oh my, only two minutes left,” she said. “Perhaps we should go now and beat the crowd.”

“That’s just until halftime.”

“Meaning . . .”

“Meaning, with TV time-outs and the Gators’ passing game, I’d say we can look forward to at least another two hours of this. Good thing the relative humidity is 187 percent. That way it will seem like a whole lot longer.”

She faked a smile. Even her fake smiles are pretty damn stunning.

Just then I heard someone yell: “Yo, Zack!”

Monk DeVane was standing in the aisle, waving for us to join him.

“Come on, there’s someone I want you to meet,” I told Barbara.

“An old college friend?”

“Yeah, we go way back.”

Barbara put her book on her seat and we began edging our way toward the aisle.

Monk DeVane had been my roommate when we played for the Gators. Like me, he had knocked around in the pros a few years before getting hurt and calling it quits. He opened a car dealership, but it went belly-up. So he tried selling real estate and tried selling boats and tried selling himself on the idea that he could stay married. Last I heard there had been three wives, but I had lost track on exactly what he was doing to make a living.

Monk’s real name was Donald, but one Saturday night on a bye weekend during my freshman year, when I had gone home for a visit, Coach Rowlin decided to conduct a curfew check at Yon Hall. He caught Monk in bed with not one but two comely representatives of Alpha Delta Pi.

While Coach Rowlin booted players off the team for missing practice or talking back to a coach, and did it in a heartbeat, bonking sorority girls at 2 a.m. was not high on his list of misdeeds. At the following Monday’s team meeting, when Coach Rowlin handed out punishments for a variety of weekend infractions, he gave Donald twenty extra wind sprints.

“You boys need to be saving your strength during the season,” Coach Rowlin told us. “Not engaging in wild-monkey sex.”

Donald had been Monk ever since.

Despite all Monk’s ups and downs over the years, he seemed none the worse for wear. Still fit and handsome, his sun-streaked brown hair was considerably longer than I remembered, and he had grown a beard. It was spackled with just enough gray to lend a note of dignity.

Monk stuck out a hand. I took it without thinking, and a moment later I was grimacing under his grip. Monk had a Super Bowl ring. I didn’t. He liked to remind me of that by catching my hand in just the right way for his big gold ring to bear down on my knuckles.

I wrenched away and introduced him to Barbara. Monk pulled her close and wrapped an arm around her.

“How about you dump this joker you’re with and come up to the skybox and have a drink with me? We’re throwing a little party.”

“This skybox of yours, is it air-conditioned?” asked Barbara.

“Cool as Canada, with an open bar and food that’ll make your eyes bug out.”

“Since when do you have a skybox?” I said.

Monk grinned.

“Since never. It’s the president’s skybox.”

“As in president of the university?”

“As in,” Monk said.

“Traveling in some pretty swank circles these days, aren’t you?”

“Well, it helps that I work for Darcy Whitehall.”

Monk saw the look on my face. On Barbara’s, too.

“Yeah, that Darcy Whitehall,” he said. “I’d like for you to meet him, Zack. Plus, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”

I had seen Darcy Whitehall that very morning at Publix when I went to pick up a few things for our pregame tailgate lunch. He was staring at me from the cover of People, along with a host of other celebrities the magazine had proclaimed “Still Sexy in Their Sixties.”

Barbara spoke before I had a chance to.

“We’d love to join you,” she told Monk.

After that, things went straight to hell.

Copyright © 2005 by Bob Morris. All rights reserved.
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Table of Contents

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 8 )
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Sort by: Showing all of 9 Customer Reviews
  • Posted June 1, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    Surprisingly good

    I wasn't sure what to expect when I picked up this book, but it was a lot of fun. The writing is good and the plot kept me reading. All in all, better than a lot of books by more recognizable authors I've read this year.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted June 8, 2012

    Island intrigue

    Good read, great writing style. Love the protagonist Chasteen.
    Definitely recommend this author.

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  • Posted November 28, 2011

    Enjoyable reading

    This is the 2nd book I have read in the Zack Chasteen series and I really enjoyed it. I am into reading stories that involve the Islands.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 14, 2006

    A Very Fun Read!

    This book is just plain ol' fun to read! The author paints a picture of his characters and locations that are colorful and anything but boring. The pace is fast and keeps the readers interest as a page turner. I am a big James Patterson fan and it is difficult to find books that have the same fast and fun pace, but Bob Mooris meets the challenge. Be sure to read Bahamarama too.

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    Posted September 2, 2012

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    Posted April 27, 2011

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    Posted April 7, 2011

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    Posted May 31, 2011

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    Posted September 28, 2011

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