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Jewish as a Second Language
     

Jewish as a Second Language

4.0 1
by Molly Katz
 

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Forget Yiddish. Real Jewish is a secret language of nuance, argument, and somersaults of everyday speech; of wins, losses, and draws in competitions you had no idea you’d entered. It’s everything from mastering the OAQ (Obsessive Anal Question)—“They’ll de-ice the wings before takeoff right?”—to never, ever believing your

Overview


Forget Yiddish. Real Jewish is a secret language of nuance, argument, and somersaults of everyday speech; of wins, losses, and draws in competitions you had no idea you’d entered. It’s everything from mastering the OAQ (Obsessive Anal Question)—“They’ll de-ice the wings before takeoff right?”—to never, ever believing your mother-in-law when she says, “Don’t bother driving me, I’ll take a cab.” Now in a revised and expanded second edition that’s bigger, better, and with more guilt, this is the indispensable guide. 

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9781558004795
Publisher:
NewStar Media, Incorporated
Publication date:
01/28/1993

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WHERE TO CONVERSE

Whether we're talking with friends, acquaintances, clerks, or total strangers, the most enjoyable Jewish conversations are impromptu. They occur in the following locations.

At the Supermarket. When you run into a friend here, of course you must catch up. Select a narrow aisle piled with cartons. Position your shopping basket so no one can get by. Feel free to chat as long and as loudly as you wish. Ignore the glares of other shoppers-they're just jealous of the good time you're having.

In a Department Store. The salesclerk showing you a lipstick will be glad to wait while you catch up with the friend who's just greeted you. That's what she's there for. Never be so rude as to exclude her from your talk. If your friend doesn't think to get the clerk's input on her upcoming hysterectomy, you do it.

In a Restaurant. If you see people you know, hurry to the table no matter what stage of their meal it is. They'll be eager to chat with you and introduce their tablemates. Make sure everyone joins the conversation. They can eat anytime.

At a Party. Ignore all the guests you don't know; they can talk to their own friends. Scream to familiar faces to come join you. Spend the entire evening trying to outyell one another on the most inconsequential topics. You'll know you're doing this correctly when the room rings with shouts like "What do you mean you haven't fertilized your lawn all summer?"

On a Waiting Line. Jews love lines. Aside from the fact that finding one at the movie or other event we've picked confirms the brilliance of our choice, we consider a waiting line our personal studio audience.

As soon as you reach the line, ask the person in front of you if he or she is the end. Ask as many other questions as you can think of, even if the person obviously knows no more than you do. When you're out of questions, begin talking to whoever you came with. Keep up a running dialogue about everyone walking by and everything happening around you. Do this in a tone so loud that others on line know they're expected to join the conversation. With practice, you can hone this technique so exquisitely that bystanders feel guilty for keeping silent.

Meet the Author


Molly Katz, author of humorous romance novels, psychological thrillers, and magazine and newspaper articles, is also a former stand-up comedian. She enjoys dancing, cooking, and traveling to places no sane person would go.

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Jewish as a Second Language 4 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 1 reviews.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Myself, a Jew, and my huband, non Jew, were at a bookfair. He thought this book was very funny and we ordered a copy. It's definitely a funny book for the non-Jew in the marriage to read just to understand the Jewish culture and some of the stereotypical Jewish things we do. It would make a cute gift to give to the non-Jew in the couple upon an engagement announcement or as a silly wedding/shower gift.