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Each of the twenty-two tales in this enchanting collection is a surprise and a delight, melding the poignant and the possible with the outrageous, the magical, and, sometimes, the eerily haunting. Wolf men, dolphin women, defiant old ladies, and middle-aged manufacturers of erotic leatherwear — in Jigs & Reels the miraculous goes hand in hand with the mundane, the sour with the sweet, and the beautiful, the grotesque, the seductive, and the disturbing are never more than one step away. Whether she's exploring...
Each of the twenty-two tales in this enchanting collection is a surprise and a delight, melding the poignant and the possible with the outrageous, the magical, and, sometimes, the eerily haunting. Wolf men, dolphin women, defiant old ladies, and middle-aged manufacturers of erotic leatherwear — in Jigs & Reels the miraculous goes hand in hand with the mundane, the sour with the sweet, and the beautiful, the grotesque, the seductive, and the disturbing are never more than one step away. Whether she's exploring the myth of beauty, the pain of infidelity, or the wonder of late-life romance, Joanne Harris once again proves herself a master of the storyteller's trade.
|Faith and hope go shopping||1|
|The G-SUS gene||16|
|The ugly sister||25|
|Class of '81||59|
|Al and Christine's world of leather||118|
|Last train to dogtown||132|
|A place in the sun||148|
|Tea with the birds||155|
|Breakfast at Tesco's||165|
|Come in, Mr. Lowry, your number is up!||186|
|Waiting for Gandalf||202|
|Any girl can be a candykiss girl!||227|
|The little mermaid||231|
|Never give a sucker ...||261|
|Eau de toilette||267|
Four years ago, my grandmother went into an old people's
home in Barnsley. Before her death I went there often, and a
lot of stories came out of those visits. This is one of them.
It's Monday, so it must be rice pudding again. It's not so much the fact that they're careful of our teeth, here at the Meadowbank Home, rather a general lack of imagination. As I told Claire the other day, there are lots of things you can eat without having to chew. Oysters. Foie gras. Avocado vinaigrette. Strawberries and cream. Crème brûlée with vanilla and nutmeg. Why then this succession of bland puddings and gummy meats? Claire -- the sulky blonde, always chewing a wad of gum -- looked at me as if I were mad. Fancy food, they claim, upsets the stomach. God forbid our remaining taste buds should be overstimulated. I saw Hope grinning round the last mouthful of ocean pie, and I knew she'd heard me. Hope may be blind, but she's no slouch.
Faith and Hope. With names like that we might be sisters. Kelly -- that's the one with the exaggerated lip liner -- thinks we're quaint. Chris sometimes sings to us when he's cleaning out the rooms. Faith, Hope and Char-i-tee! He's the best of them, I suppose. Cheery and irreverent, he's always in trouble for talking to us. He wears tight T-shirts and an earring. I tell him that the last thing we want is charity, and that makes him laugh. Hinge and Brackett, he calls us. Butch and Sundance.
I'm not saying it's a bad place here. It's just so ordinary -- not the comfortable ordinariness of home, with its familiar grime and clutter, but that of waiting rooms and hospitals, a pastel-detergent place with a smell of air freshener and distant bedpans. We don't get many visits, as a rule. I'm one of the lucky ones; my son Tom calls every fortnight with my magazines and a bunch of chrysanths -- the last ones were yellow -- and any news he thinks won't upset me. But he isn't much of a conversationalist. Are you keeping well, then, Mam? and a comment or two about the garden is about all he can manage, but he means well. As for Hope, she's been here five years -- even longer than me -- and she hasn't had a visitor yet. Last Christmas I gave her a box of my chocolates and told her they were from her daughter in California. She gave me one of her sardonic little smiles.
"If that's from Priscilla, sweetheart," she said primly, "then you're Ginger Rogers."
I laughed at that. I've been in a wheelchair for twenty years, and the last time I did any dancing was just before men stopped wearing hats.
We manage, though. Hope pushes me around in my chair, and I direct her. Not that there's much directing to do in here; she can get around just by using the ramps. But the nurses like to see us using our resources. It fits in with their Waste not, want not ethic. And of course, I read to her. Hope loves stories. In fact, she's the one who started me reading in the first place. We've had Wuthering Heights, and Pride and Prejudice, and Doctor Zhivago. There aren't many books here, but the library van comes round every four weeks, and we send Lucy out to get us something nice. Lucy's a college student on Work Experience, so she knows what to choose. Hope was furious when she wouldn't let us have Lolita, though. Lucy thought it wouldn't suit us.
"One of the greatest writers of the twentieth century, and you thought he wouldn't suit us!" Hope used to be a professor at Cambridge, and still has that imperious twang in her voice sometimes. But I could tell Lucy wasn't really listening. They get that look -- even the brighter ones -- that nurserynurse smile which says, I know better. I know better because you're old. It's the rice pudding all over again, Hope tells me. Rice pudding for the soul.
If Hope taught me to appreciate literature, it was I who introduced her to magazines. They've been my passion for years, fashion glossies and society pages, restaurant reviews and film releases. I started her out on book reviews, slyly taking her off guard with an article here or a fashion page there. We found I had quite a talent for description, and now we wade deliciously together through the pages of bright ephemera, moaning over Cartier diamonds and Chanel lipsticks and lush, impossible clothes. It's strange, really. When I was young those things really didn't interest me. I think Hope was more elegant that I was -- after all there were college balls and academy parties and summer picnics on the Backs. Of course now we're both the same. Nursing-home chic. Things tend to be communal here -- some people forget what belongs to them, so there's a lot of pilfering. I carry my nicest things with me, in the rack under my wheelchair. I have my money and what's left of my jewelry hidden in the seat cushion.
I'm not supposed to have money here. There's nothing to spend it on, and we're not allowed out unaccompanied. There's a combination lock on the door, and some people try to slip out with visitors as they leave. Mrs. McAllister -- ninety-two, spry and mad as a hatter -- keeps escaping. She thinks she's going home.
It must have been the shoes that began it. Slick, patent, candy-apple red with heels that went on forever, I found them in one of my magazines and cut out the picture. Sometimes I brought it out and looked at it in private, feeling dizzy and a little foolish, I don't know why ...Jigs & Reels
Posted April 18, 2015
Posted April 16, 2015
Posted April 16, 2015
Posted April 16, 2015
"Firs' years", a gruff voice calls.
<br> The cousins grin as they step out of the train, "Hagrid!"
<br> "Tha's me", Hagrid searches the crowd of first years gathered around him. "Well there ye are, Hermione said you woul' be comin' thi' year", he beams at them, "ye've grown, jus' eleven years ago ye coul' both fit in me 'and."
<br> Rose and Albus weave their way through the students.
<br> "Hey! Wait up", Daniel hurries to follow them.
<br> "Well, is ev'ryone ready?", Hagrid bellows and walks to the lake.
<br> Rose, Daniel, Albus and another girl get in the same one.
<br> "Tha' up the', tha's 'ogwarts", Hagrid tells them.
<br> Gasps fill the air as the first years catch their first glimpse of the school.
<br> "It's beautiful", Rose tells Albus in a hushed voice.
<br> Albus smiles in assent, to stunned to speak.
<br> "'old on tigh' now, we migh' go ove' a rou' bi' righ' 'ere", warns Hagrid. Just as he says it, the wind picks up and waves slap against the boats.
<br> Rose turns pale and grabs Albus' arm, "tell me when it's over."
<br> Albus clutches the rim of the boat. "My hat!", the wind had pulled his hat off and it was now drifting on the waves. Albus reaches for his hat touching it with the tip of his fingers. It glides away, barely out of reach. Daniel and Rose cling to him to keep him in the boat and he leans further. "Got it", he cries triumphantly. A wave grabs the boat and they tip.
<br> "I am so going to kill you", Rose mutters, her face slightly green.
<br> "I'm sorry", her shame-faced cousin replied, "I wasn't thinking."
<br> Strong hands clutch their shoulders and hoist them back into their boat, Daniel and the boy are already aboard, shivering.
<br> Albus smiles apollogetically.
<br> Wet and exhausted, they reach the school. A tight mouthed teacher greets them with a curt nod. "Wait here", she says with a curt nod and hurries up the steps. She returns with an old and tattered hat.
<br> Nervously, Albus grips the hem of his wet robes.
<br> "That's Professor Zishire", Rose murmurs into his ear.
<br> He responds with more teethchattering.
<br> Professor Zishire motions to follow her through a set of large wooden doors.
<br> The first years scramble to follow her.
<br> "As I read your name you will come up to sit on this stool, the sorting hat will call out the house you are most suited for", she explains.
<br> Albus hardly notices that the sorting hat had started to sing. Only after did he register what it had said. Before he had time to let that sink in, Professor Zishire was reading the names off a scroll.
<br> "Shannon Adams", she called and a tall, black girl was sorted into Hufflepuff.
<br> "SLYTHERIN", the hat called as a certain Hannah Aimsworth donned the hat.
<br> The first in Ravenclaw was a stout, small nosed boy named Briar Baltruffle.
<br> The girl they had met in the train now sat on the stool. With her, the hat seemed to speculate. "GRYFFONDOR", was it's assesment.
<br> Rose clenched her hands.
<br> Then, as Gydeon Plathden handed the hat back to the professor, Albus was called.
<br> His heart beating rapidly he walked to the stool and put the hat on his head.
<br> "Son of Harry Potter are you? He was a hard one to place, so was your mother, yes, they were both right in Gryffondor", a voice mused inside his head.
<br> At the sound of Gryffondor his heart soared, "yes, Gryffondor, please."
<br> The hat seemed to chuckle and seemed to think this wish over. After what seemed hours the hat spoke it's decision.
Posted December 27, 2004
British author Joanne Harris displayed a wicked way with a pen and a finely tuned inventiveness with her first novel 'Chocolat.' She's evidenced those traits since in such delicious reads as 'Holy Fools' and 'Five Quarters of the Orange.' If anything those qualities are even more finely honed in this, her first short story collection. Twenty-two stories, some perhaps more aptly described as vignettes, run the gamut of human emotions. They're dark, which won't surprise Harris fans, and they're also amusing. Consider 'Faith and Hope Go Shopping,' the story of two determined ladies in an old people's home. It seems that monotony is becoming a bit much for this pair. After all, Monday is always rice pudding, and while concern for their teeth is appreciated, Faith can also think of some things one doesn't have to chew - oysters, creme brulee, foie gras. One day it all is just too predictable, so the friends break out and go to London in search of a copy of Lolita and a pair of Jimmy Choos. Harris's retelling of the Cinderella story from the viewpoint of one of the Ugly Sisters is a treasure. Little could we have imagined what this poor woman has had to endure. Apparently it's even more devastating at Christmas time when she appears in plays and is hissed, booed, and 'spat at by shrieking, sticky children with ice cream all over their faces.' She's had quite enough of that, to say nothing of having to put up with Her Smugness (aka Cinderella who always wore designer rags). Glad to say that there's also a happy ending for those not blessed with movie star features. Where this Ugly Sister finds hers is quite a surprise. In 'Gastronomicon' Harris returns to familiar turf - cuisine. Married to Ernest, our narrator is gifted with the family cookbook by his definitely strange mother. It's not just any cookbook, mind you, but one that holds very dark secrets and recipes that produce frightening results. 'Jigs & Reels' enchants with every page. - Gail CookeWas this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted September 12, 2009
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Posted January 27, 2010
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Posted December 26, 2012
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