Joy of Gay Sex: Fully Revised and Expanded Third Edition

( 53 )

Overview

For a new century and a new generation of readers comes a fully revised and expanded edition of a classic guide to gay sex, love, and life.

Invaluable as a sex guide, a resource on building self-esteem, and a trusted aid for coming out of the closet, The Joy of Gay Sex covers the ins and outs of gay life alphabetically from "anus" to "wrestling." Noted psychologist Dr. Charles Silverstein has collaborated once again with critically acclaimed novelist Felice Picano on this third ...

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Overview

For a new century and a new generation of readers comes a fully revised and expanded edition of a classic guide to gay sex, love, and life.

Invaluable as a sex guide, a resource on building self-esteem, and a trusted aid for coming out of the closet, The Joy of Gay Sex covers the ins and outs of gay life alphabetically from "anus" to "wrestling." Noted psychologist Dr. Charles Silverstein has collaborated once again with critically acclaimed novelist Felice Picano on this third edition, updating every single entry and adding nearly thirty new entries. The authors provide positive and responsible advice on safe sex in all its varieties; on emotional and relationship-oriented issues such as long-term couples, loneliness, and growing older; and on scores of diverse topics ranging from spirituality to online dating. With fifty new line drawings by acclaimed illustrator Joseph Phillips, this landmark reference is a necessary addition to every gay man's bookshelf.

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Editorial Reviews

Library Journal
Psychologist Silverstein and Picano, a published novelist and poet, have expanded this classic (first published in 1977 and last updated in 1993) with more than 100 pages and 30 new entries and strengthened coverage of cautionary topics while not stinting on pleasure, fun, and games. They excel in their discussion of HIV, drugs, and medical, social, and psychological topics; however, the attractive, erotic illustrations should have been supplemented by a few diagrams and charts. A lengthy resource section at the end features many organizational referrals but is less comprehensive for books and web sites-and is curiously light on books about gay sex. This book is recommended for public libraries as the longest-running, most recent, and most comprehensive gay male sex manual, but librarians should also consider Jack Hart's Gay Sex (2d ed.), which, although dated, is especially strong on sex techniques and variations and includes many more web sites and more sex books in the bibliography. Specialty manuals like Jack Morin's Anal Pleasure & Health and the "Ultimate Guide" series from Cleis Press are also suggested. And don't neglect lesbians-start with Felice Newman's The Whole Lesbian Sex Book.-Martha Cornog, Philadelphia Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780060012748
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Publication date: 5/4/2004
  • Edition description: Revised & Expanded 3rd Edition
  • Edition number: 3
  • Pages: 352
  • Sales rank: 168,692
  • Product dimensions: 7.44 (w) x 9.14 (h) x 1.00 (d)

Meet the Author

Dr. Charles Silverstein is a licensed psychologist in private practice in New York City. He is best known for his presentation before the Nomenclature Committee of the American Psychiatric Association that led to the removal of homosexuality as a mental illness from the organization’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual.

Felice Picano’s first book was a finalist for the PEN/ Hemingway Award. Since then, he has published twenty volumes of fiction, poetry, and memoirs. Considered a founding member of modern gay literature along with other members of the Violet Quill Club, he founded two publishing companies: SeaHorse Press and Gay Presses of New York. Among his award-winning books are the novels Like People in History, The Book of Lies, and Onyx. He lives in Los Angeles.

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Read an Excerpt

The Joy of Gay Sex

Fully Revised and Expanded Third Edition
By Silverstein, Charles

HarperResource

ISBN: 0060012749

Anus

Culturally induced ears have given many people phobias about their assholes. This bias against the anus is unreasonable. True, it is used for elimination, but so is the penis -- yet that objection has not made the latter organ any less attractive. The anus is not only an avenue for elimination but also a sexual organ. It is highly sensitive, as it is lined with particularly responsive nerve endings. Moreover, the anus is close to the prostate gland, and its stimulation is highly pleasurable.

All trace of shit can be banished if one takes an enema before intercourse. Every drugstore sells disposable enemas or convenient bulb-shaped plastic ones. Most men who use them regularly keep them in their shower. Daily use of enemas, however, should be avoided, as it could create psychological dependence and/or physical damage to the small intestines. People who are just beginning to experiment with anal sex sometimes fear that sticking a large cock up the anus will tear the skin; proper lubrication and relaxation, however, will prevent pain or damage (see First Time).

More experienced men often worry that by repeatedly getting fucked they will lose muscle tone in their asshole. There is no research on this problem, but it seems that many of these worries are probably unfounded and may cover up feelings of guilt (see Guilt). One occasionally finds gay men who disparage achieving sexual pleasure through their anuses. This might be a result of low self-esteem caused by the archaic notion that only women get fucked. This is both an insult to their own bodies and historically wrong, since men have found pleasure in their assholes since the time of the cavemen, as we've learned from pictographs.

Barebacking

Barebacking -- fucking without a condom -- is the single most dangerous sex practice there is (see Dangerous Sex). As a method of sexual gratification, it's as old as recorded history. Until the arrival of AIDS, gay men never used condoms when fucking. In fact, pulling out before you came was considered rude. Until the mid-1980s, condoms were deemed kinky, a sex toy among gay men (see Condoms). The AIDS epidemic caused a change in our way of having sex. As of December 2000, 775,000 people in the United States had been diagnosed with AIDS (the figure for HIV disease is much higher). One-half million have died (see HIV Disease). The worldwide statistics are even more alarming. Since we know so much about the transmission of the virus, fucking someone without a condom is equivalent to two men playing Russian roulette with each other.

Younger men seem to be more attracted to barebacking. Perhaps these risk-taking men haven't watched the slow death of lovers and friends. For them,AIDS is history, like their learning about the Vietnam War. It's simply not in their experience, as it is for an older generation of gay men. That's too bad, because it's a statistical certainty that some of them are going to pay a price -- the diagnosis of HIV disease.

It would be a mistake, however, to look at barebacking only from a moral perspective. Recent research informs us that emotional problems influence a gay man's sexual behavior, including his contribution in transmitting the HIV. Depression is the main culprit. Gay men who are depressed, including both acute and chronic depression, are far more likely to participate in unsafe sex (see Depression; Safe Sex). Men with impulsive personalities, especially excitement seekers, are another category of psychologically impaired gay men. They generally describe themselves as "spontaneous," a claim that is untrue. A man who is spontaneous can make voluntary choices about his behavior; an impulsive man cannot. Both depression and impulsiveness can be effectively treated by both medication and psychotherapy.

If you have a friend who is endangering his life by barebacking, ask yourself whether psychological problems might be the cause. If so, taking a moral approach won't change his behavior (nor will accusing him of stupidity). Help him to make an appointment with a shrink, but only one well versed in gay sex and HIV research.

How does a responsible gay man (like you) fulfill his sexual desires, but not endanger himself and other gay men? If you're going to fuck, carry condoms. Have them in your night table in your bedroom. Insist that your sex partner use one if he's going to fuck you -- "Put the condom on or put your clothes on." Ignore the entreaties of a man who says, "You can fuck me without a condom," especially since you can be sure that he said the same thing to the man who fucked him last night, and the night before, and ...(see Sexually Transmitted Diseases). If, for some reason -- either you are under the influence of alcohol or recreational drugs or a mix of both -- you do bareback, be sure to get tested about a month later (see Booze and Highs; Drug Abuse; Drugs and Sex).If you test negative,get tested again in two more months. If you believe that the man who fucked you might be HIV-positive, treatment with AZT is available.

There may be a day when condoms are no longer necessary because AIDS scientists have successfully produced a vaccine. That's still years off. In the meantime, lovers who are both HIV-negative and who never trick out need not worry about the HIV or STDs.

Continues...

Excerpted from The Joy of Gay Sex by Silverstein, Charles Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Introduction xv
List of Entries
Anus 1
Barebacking 1
Bars 3
Baths 4
Bears 5
Bisexuality 8
Blow Job 10
Body Decoration 12
Body Fluids and Disease 14
Body Image 15
Bondage and Discipline 17
Booze and Highs 19
Bottom 22
Bottoms Up 24
Buns 26
Camping 27
Celibacy 29
Chat Rooms 30
Civil Rights 31
Clubs 34
Cock Size 36
Coming Out 38
Compulsive Sex 42
Condoms 45
Cosmetic (Plastic) Surgery 48
Couples 50
Cruising 55
Daddy/Son Fantasies 58
Dangerous Sex 60
Depression 62
Dirty Talk 65
Domestic Partnerships 67
Domestic Violence 68
Drug Abuse 69
Drugs and Sex 75
Early Abuse 77
Effeminacy 78
Etiquette 79
Exhibitionism and Voyeurism 81
Face-to-Face 82
Feet 85
Fetish 86
Fidelity and Monogamy 88
Finding a Physician 90
First Time 91
Fisting 95
Foreskin 98
Friendship 100
Frottage 101
Fuck Buddies 103
Gay Families 105
Gay Liberation 107
Gay Politics 111
Growing Older 113
Guilt 117
Gyms 118
Hair 120
Hands 121
HIV Disease 122
Homophobia 130
Hustlers 132
Impotence 134
Insurance 137
Jealousy, Envy, and Possessiveness 140
J.O. Buddies 142
J.O. Clubs 142
J.O. Machines 144
Kinky Sex 145
Kissing 147
Letting Go 149
Licking 151
Living Wills 152
Loneliness 153
Lubricants 154
Male Sexual Response 155
Married Men 160
Massage 163
Masturbation and Fantasy 166
Mirrors 170
Mixed HIV Couples 171
Mutual Masturbation 174
Mythic Beginnings 176
Nibbling and Biting 178
Nipples 180
Noisemaking 181
On-line Cruising 182
Open Relationships 185
Out on the Job 186
Parents 190
Phone Sex 193
Pleasure Trap 197
Pornography 198
Problems of Ejaculation 199
Profiles 202
Promiscuity 204
Racism 205
Rape 206
Rear Entry 208
Rejection 210
Relaxation 211
Rimming and Felching 212
Role Playing 214
Sadomasochism 215
Safe Sex 218
Saying No 223
Scat 223
Seduction 224
Sex Ads 225
Sex Clubs 227
Sex Parties 228
Sex Phobia (or Puritanism) 233
Sex Toys 235
Sexual Harassment 238
Sexually Transmitted Diseases 242
Sex with Animals 250
Sex with Straight Men 252
Shaving 253
Side by Side 256
Sit on My Face 256
Sitting on It 260
Sixty-Nining 264
Sleazy Sex 265
Spanking 266
Spirituality 268
Suicide 269
Tearooms and Back Rooms 271
Teenagers 273
Tenderness 278
Three-Ways 279
Top 282
Touching and Holding 284
Trade 287
Transgender 288
Travel 292
Tricking 294
Types 296
Uniforms 297
Vanilla Sex 300
Versatility 301
Water Sports 302
Webcams 304
Web Site 306
Wills 307
Wrestling 310
Appendix 311
Index 323
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First Chapter

The Joy of Gay Sex
Fully revised and expanded third edition
Anus

Culturally induced ears have given many people phobias about their assholes. This bias against the anus is unreasonable. True, it is used for elimination, but so is the penis -- yet that objection has not made the latter organ any less attractive. The anus is not only an avenue for elimination but also a sexual organ. It is highly sensitive, as it is lined with particularly responsive nerve endings. Moreover, the anus is close to the prostate gland, and its stimulation is highly pleasurable.

All trace of shit can be banished if one takes an enema before intercourse. Every drugstore sells disposable enemas or convenient bulb-shaped plastic ones. Most men who use them regularly keep them in their shower. Daily use of enemas, however, should be avoided, as it could create psychological dependence and/or physical damage to the small intestines. People who are just beginning to experiment with anal sex sometimes fear that sticking a large cock up the anus will tear the skin; proper lubrication and relaxation, however, will prevent pain or damage (see First Time).

More experienced men often worry that by repeatedly getting fucked they will lose muscle tone in their asshole. There is no research on this problem, but it seems that many of these worries are probably unfounded and may cover up feelings of guilt (see Guilt). One occasionally finds gay men who disparage achieving sexual pleasure through their anuses. This might be a result of low self-esteem caused by the archaic notion that only women get fucked. This is both an insult to their own bodies and historically wrong, since men have found pleasure in their assholes since the time of the cavemen, as we've learned from pictographs.

Barebacking

Barebacking -- fucking without a condom -- is the single most dangerous sex practice there is (see Dangerous Sex). As a method of sexual gratification, it's as old as recorded history. Until the arrival of AIDS, gay men never used condoms when fucking. In fact, pulling out before you came was considered rude. Until the mid-1980s, condoms were deemed kinky, a sex toy among gay men (see Condoms). The AIDS epidemic caused a change in our way of having sex. As of December 2000, 775,000 people in the United States had been diagnosed with AIDS (the figure for HIV disease is much higher). One-half million have died (see HIV Disease). The worldwide statistics are even more alarming. Since we know so much about the transmission of the virus, fucking someone without a condom is equivalent to two men playing Russian roulette with each other.

Younger men seem to be more attracted to barebacking. Perhaps these risk-taking men haven't watched the slow death of lovers and friends. For them,AIDS is history, like their learning about the Vietnam War. It's simply not in their experience, as it is for an older generation of gay men. That's too bad, because it's a statistical certainty that some of them are going to pay a price -- the diagnosis of HIV disease.

It would be a mistake, however, to look at barebacking only from a moral perspective. Recent research informs us that emotional problems influence a gay man's sexual behavior, including his contribution in transmitting the HIV. Depression is the main culprit. Gay men who are depressed, including both acute and chronic depression, are far more likely to participate in unsafe sex (see Depression; Safe Sex). Men with impulsive personalities, especially excitement seekers, are another category of psychologically impaired gay men. They generally describe themselves as "spontaneous," a claim that is untrue. A man who is spontaneous can make voluntary choices about his behavior; an impulsive man cannot. Both depression and impulsiveness can be effectively treated by both medication and psychotherapy.

If you have a friend who is endangering his life by barebacking, ask yourself whether psychological problems might be the cause. If so, taking a moral approach won't change his behavior (nor will accusing him of stupidity). Help him to make an appointment with a shrink, but only one well versed in gay sex and HIV research.

How does a responsible gay man (like you) fulfill his sexual desires, but not endanger himself and other gay men? If you're going to fuck, carry condoms. Have them in your night table in your bedroom. Insist that your sex partner use one if he's going to fuck you -- "Put the condom on or put your clothes on." Ignore the entreaties of a man who says, "You can fuck me without a condom," especially since you can be sure that he said the same thing to the man who fucked him last night, and the night before, and ...(see Sexually Transmitted Diseases). If, for some reason -- either you are under the influence of alcohol or recreational drugs or a mix of both -- you do bareback, be sure to get tested about a month later (see Booze and Highs; Drug Abuse; Drugs and Sex).If you test negative,get tested again in two more months. If you believe that the man who fucked you might be HIV-positive, treatment with AZT is available.

There may be a day when condoms are no longer necessary because AIDS scientists have successfully produced a vaccine. That's still years off. In the meantime, lovers who are both HIV-negative and who never trick out need not worry about the HIV or STDs.

The Joy of Gay Sex
Fully revised and expanded third edition
. Copyright © by Charles Silverstein. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.
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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 53 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(26)

4 Star

(10)

3 Star

(7)

2 Star

(3)

1 Star

(7)

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 53 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 17, 2003

    Highly Recommended

    Awesome book, my partner Teddy and I loved this book. It was very helpful in awkward situations. I think that it has helped better our relationship because we are now having great sex.

    5 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted July 27, 2005

    Strongly Should Be Read

    This is the number 1 book if your looking for better ways of sex for you and you partner. My Partner and I were running out of things to do but thanks to this book we have more than 20 new things to do.

    3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 28, 2012

    Amazing

    This book changed my life. I break up with my wife and did my coworker. Now we live together. Thanks to this book.

    2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 12, 2009

    Amazing!

    I just got this book not too long ago and I must say that it is one the best informative and somewhat funny pieces of literature I have in my library.<BR/>I would recommend this book to anyone who is a homosexual or would just like to know a little or a lot more about "The Joy of Gay Sex".

    2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 3, 2008

    Bravo!

    I am a counseling psychologist and a sex educator and I recommend this book to my gay and bisexual clients who are seeking to gain a better understanding of the in and outs of male /male intimacy and sexuality. The book is well written and covers a wide range of topics and issues.

    2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 9, 2012

    Boyz

    Boys are having sex on lockers and they did it to me!!

    Felt soooooo good

    1 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted September 23, 2012

    Po

    Cheese

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 20, 2012

    How

    How do you get it off ofsample please i think i am going to cry

    1 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 19, 2008

    honestly amazing.

    this book is thorough, frank, and truly just a good read. Not only does it give amazing pointers for your sex life, it also gives an in depth look at things that many gay men face. when you're coming out of the closet, people should be passing this book out like bibles.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 12, 2007

    thorough

    Every gay man should make time to read this book. They might learn a thing or two

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 23, 2014

    To everyone

    Free gay se slave for any n interested. Go to nemesis res 2

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 5, 2014

    Asher

    This is an e book review spot only and a billion people use it for talking like minecraft servers please stop taking about it but ... im peter and im in hs abd im dating va boy named Michael

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 8, 2014

    Dudes

    Why are these reviews people looking for a hook up, This is an e-book I wanted to know whether it was good or not you guys come on.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 22, 2014

    To below

    I want it too.we dont need numbers.just start this thing off and i will join

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 22, 2014

    I want gay sex

    What is ur #

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 21, 2014

    Im gay

    Im gay i want to have sex so pleas respond to me it fels sooooo gob i love gay sex.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 13, 2013

    Girls come to sega result two and

    Follow the story line

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 1, 2013

    Any gay man who wants nook sex

    Leave your first and last mame and emal adress and get readyp.s this is Zeb Atlas

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 26, 2013

    To Below

    Being ga<_>y is not a sin. God loves all his children. He doesn't care if you're ga<_>y, straight, bi, purple, or dinosaur! My point is is you shouldn't judge a person by their se<_>xuallity. Just think of all the poor people who are being arrested or even killed because they are ga<_>y or know someone who is ga<_>y. You don't want to be the person doing that, do you? Judge people by their personality and actions, not their se<_>xuality. Thank you for reading.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 23, 2013

    Listen

    Being gay is a sin. God has spoken from the past, the present, and till the end of the world that homosexuality is a damnable sin.

    0 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
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