Lessons in Love: The Transformation of Spirit through Intimacy

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In the tradition of Thomas Moore, Jungian analyst and lecturer Guy Corneau delivers a hopeful message that will help us move beyond the gender wars to a new era of personal fulfillment. With engaging anecdotes and mythical references, he instructs us to look into ourselves and create our own guiding principles. He then suggests how we can achieve our aspirations through meaningful relationships with those who challenge us to test and fulfill ...
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Overview

In the tradition of Thomas Moore, Jungian analyst and lecturer Guy Corneau delivers a hopeful message that will help us move beyond the gender wars to a new era of personal fulfillment. With engaging anecdotes and mythical references, he instructs us to look into ourselves and create our own guiding principles. He then suggests how we can achieve our aspirations through meaningful relationships with those who challenge us to test and fulfill them.
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Editorial Reviews

Booklist
Carl Jung meets Venus and Mars in this theoretically sophisticated, engagingly written book.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780805060249
  • Publisher: Holt, Henry & Company, Inc.
  • Publication date: 1/28/1999
  • Edition description: 1 ED
  • Edition number: 1
  • Pages: 336
  • Product dimensions: 5.83 (w) x 8.56 (h) x 1.12 (d)

Meet the Author

Guy Corneau is a Jungian analyst, author, and lecturer who has made this book a best-seller in France and Canada with his seminars on inti-macy. He is launching a series of talks based on Lessons in Love in the United States in fall 1999. He lives in Montreal.
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Table of Contents

Acknowledgments xv
Introduction xix
Tea for Two . . . xix
Love at War xxi
Happiness Is . . . xxii
Inventing Intimacy xxii
Psychological Musing Is Not Dogma xxiv
Love at Peace xxv
1. Love at War 3
Sofa Tactics 3
The Woman 3
The Man 4
The Burden of a Dream 6
The Couple Has Become a Battlefield 8
A Teetering Patriarchy 8
Patriarchy Exists in Each of Us 9
Toward a New Intimacy 11
2. On Being Born A Man or A Woman 13
The Concept of Identity 13
The Essence of Being Human 13
The Formation of the Ego 15
On Becoming Oneself 16
The Development of Complexes 18
Parental Complexes 19
The Ego Is Also a Complex 21
We Project Parts of Ourselves onto Others 22
Loving Oneself 23
Love of Self Is a Condition for Psychological Balance 23
From Almightiness to Self-Esteem 25
One-Eye, Two-Eyes, Three-Eyes 29
Identity and Sexual Difference 33
Sexual Identity Is a Psychological Construction 33
What Is the Role of the Same-Sex Parent Regarding the Child? 34
What Is the Role of the Opposite-Sex Parent Regarding the Child? 35
The Ordeal of Sexual Differentiation 36
Animus and Anima 38
The Better Half 38
What Do the Animus and the Anima Look Like? 40
The Collective Aspect of the Archetype 41
Woman in Man, Man in Woman 43
Family Triangle or Infernal Triangle? 46
The Family Portrait 46
The Child Is Not a Blank Page 49
3. Fathers and Daughters: Love in Silence 53
The Silent Father 53
Prisoners of Stereotypes 53
Love in Silence 55
A Vacuum to Fill 56
Idealizing the Father 56
A Dark Destiny 57
The Wounded Woman 59
The Handless Maiden 59
The Incestuous Father 64
The Incest Wish 67
Emotional Incest 68
The Prudish Father 69
Daughters of Silence 72
The Eternal Adolescents 73
The Amazons 76
The Feminine Wishes to Blossom 80
Mother-Daughter 82
A Love-Hate Relationship 82
The Idealized Absentee 84
The Man and the Woman in the Living Room 86
4. Healing The Father Wound 88
The Drama of the Good Girl 88
Sleeping Beauty 89
Legitimate Anger 93
Healing Self-Esteem 97
Renouncing Misogyny 98
Giving an Expression to the Animus 101
Imagining the Beauty of the Feminine 103
5. Mother And Son: The Impossible Couple 105
The Mother-Son Couple 105
A Psychological Drama 105
On Becoming a Mother 108
On Not Knowing Where One Begins and Where the Other Ends 110
The Trouble Is . . . the Father Is Not Around 112
The Mother-Son Marriage 113
The Devoured Son 114
The Devoured Mother! 115
All Marriages Have a Contract 117
Separation Is Prohibited 118
Puberty, or the Open War 121
Puberty Is a Second Birth 123
The Antihero or the Aborted Birth 124
The Right Boundaries 127
6. The Price Of Emotional Incest 130
The Dowry and the Debt 130
Basic Needs 130
I Did Everything to Please Her . . . I Was Desperate to Please Her! 132
What Sons Inflict on Mothers 135
I Love-Hate You! 136
Holy Mother, Virgin, and Martyr 138
Boy Meets Man: Sperm Secretions 139
"Those Damned Men" 142
The Triumph of Austerity 144
Guilt 144
The Man with the Fork 144
The Maternal Shadow 146
The Narcissistic Wound 147
Suicidal at Eight Years Old 149
Overprotective Mother, Dependent Son 152
Maternal Violence 157
The Serpent's Power 158
What We Fear Is a Feature of Our Own Selves 161
The Weight of Sighs 162
7. The Drama Of The Good Boy 165
Santa Sangre, the Holy Blood 165
The Dusty Heart of the Good Boy 168
The Gates of Hell 171
The Sin Against Self 173
The Psychological Dynamics of the Good Boy 176
You Are Not Separated! You Are Not Free! 178
The Anger of the Good Boy 179
Choosing the Worse of Two Evils 181
8. Reflections On The Role Of The Mother 185
The Mother-Son Divorce 185
Why Is the Separation Between Mother and Son Important? 185
The Mother-Son Divorce: A Sacrifice 186
When Children Become Encrusted 190
When the Children Are Gone 192
The Single Mother: Squaring the Circle 193
Absent Father, Lost Son . . .? 193
Taking a Break Now and Then 194
Allowing the Son to Resemble His Father 195
On Being Careful of How We Speak of the Father 196
Above All Else: The Child's Welfare 197
I Did It My Way . . . 198
Trusting One's Children 198
Reconciliation 200
9. Love In Distress 204
From Sofa Tactics to Bedroom Blockades 204
The Reign of Repetitions 204
Living in a Couple Is Not an Obligation 205
The Woman 206
The Man 206
Run Away from Me, I'll Follow You! Follow Me, I'll Run Away! 210
The Fear of Commitment 212
Never Make Your . . . Partner . . . Cry! 212
Contempt for Women 215
Forced Sexuality 216
"I'm Sorry, But It Excites Me When I Caress You!" 217
The Toothed Vagina 218
The Panic Signal 219
The Voyeur Who Closed His Eyes 221
The Triumph of the Spirit of Seriousness (bis) 223
How Men Try to Master Their Fear of Women 224
The Need for Romance 226
Why the Couple Is So Important for Women 226
Speak to Me of Love 227
This Ink Is My Blood . . . 228
The Meaning of Romance 230
The Practice of Systematic Error 230
The Guessing Game 231
The Difficulty of Communicating Clearly 232
The War of the Sexes 234
Creating Infantile Men 234
The Murder of the Patriarch 235
Women's Strength, Men's Fragility 237
The Rise of the Amazons 241
The Excessiveness of the Goddesses 243
Every Heart . . . to Love Will Come 244
Life Is Perfect 246
10. Love In Joy 247
Love's Labor 247
"Falling in Love" Is Not the Same as Entering a Relationship 247
The Narcissistic Stage of Love 248
Love Is Like a Battle 250
Love with a Capital "L" 251
The Vital Breath of the Couple 253
Are We Able to Tolerate Living Without Controlling Someone Else? 255
Infidelity 256
To Love As Friends 258
Things Get Better when They Go Wrong 259
The Psychological Marriage Contract 261
A Liberating Relationship Is Based on a Conscious Choice 261
The Couple We Dream About 263
The Importance of Sensual Games 263
We Needed the Crisis 265
11. Intimacy With Oneself 267
Healthy Intimacy Begins at Home 267
The Meaning of Difficulties 270
The Broken Mirror 272
Communication Is Indispensable for Living 274
Confronting the Shadow 276
Peace for the Soul and Joy for the Heart 280
The Path Is Joy 282
Conclusion 285
Love Is Not a Relationship; It Is a State 285
We Are Free to Destroy Ourselves 287
The Best Way to Be Happy 288
Epilogue 289
Endnotes 291
Sources 301
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