As the first African American principal female dancer at American Ballet Theatre, Misty Copeland has spent most of her career navigating a white-dominated industry that puts many barriers in her path. Through it all, Misty has credited the many mentors who have helped her become the dancer and person she is today.
With Misty’s profile now at peak heights, she has now found herself in a mentor role herself, often asked for advice on everything from dance-specific questions to life lessons about being the “other” in certain spaces by her fans. As Misty herself has said, “I think it’s really important to have a community around you, a support system, mentors, people that are going to be there for you on those days when you just aren’t strong enough to do it yourself.”
Given that philosophy, Misty is thrilled to bring this book of advice to life, covering everything from body confidence to balancing various commitments and how to break out of your comfort zone. Each section includes personal anecdotes from Misty about the topic that bring her perspective to life.
As the first African American principal female dancer at American Ballet Theatre, Misty Copeland has spent most of her career navigating a white-dominated industry that puts many barriers in her path. Through it all, Misty has credited the many mentors who have helped her become the dancer and person she is today.
With Misty’s profile now at peak heights, she has now found herself in a mentor role herself, often asked for advice on everything from dance-specific questions to life lessons about being the “other” in certain spaces by her fans. As Misty herself has said, “I think it’s really important to have a community around you, a support system, mentors, people that are going to be there for you on those days when you just aren’t strong enough to do it yourself.”
Given that philosophy, Misty is thrilled to bring this book of advice to life, covering everything from body confidence to balancing various commitments and how to break out of your comfort zone. Each section includes personal anecdotes from Misty about the topic that bring her perspective to life.
Letters to Misty: How to Move Through Life with Confidence and Grace
208
Letters to Misty: How to Move Through Life with Confidence and Grace
208Hardcover
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Overview
As the first African American principal female dancer at American Ballet Theatre, Misty Copeland has spent most of her career navigating a white-dominated industry that puts many barriers in her path. Through it all, Misty has credited the many mentors who have helped her become the dancer and person she is today.
With Misty’s profile now at peak heights, she has now found herself in a mentor role herself, often asked for advice on everything from dance-specific questions to life lessons about being the “other” in certain spaces by her fans. As Misty herself has said, “I think it’s really important to have a community around you, a support system, mentors, people that are going to be there for you on those days when you just aren’t strong enough to do it yourself.”
Given that philosophy, Misty is thrilled to bring this book of advice to life, covering everything from body confidence to balancing various commitments and how to break out of your comfort zone. Each section includes personal anecdotes from Misty about the topic that bring her perspective to life.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781534443037 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Aladdin |
| Publication date: | 05/06/2025 |
| Pages: | 208 |
| Product dimensions: | 5.50(w) x 7.70(h) x 0.90(d) |
| Age Range: | 8 - 12 Years |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
First Position: “Attitude”—Love Yourself First FIRST POSITION
“Attitude”—Love Yourself First
IN BALLET, ATTITUDE (A-TEE-TEWD) IS a pose where one leg is lifted and bent at a ninety-degree angle while the supporting leg remains straight. One arm is above the head, and the other is to the side.
In life, “attitude” means a settled way of thinking about someone or something, and it’s typically reflected in a person’s behavior. In life, try to have a positive attitude toward yourself and others.
Dear Reader,
Attitude isn’t just a ballet position—it’s how you carry yourself in every situation. It can shape who you are and how you feel in any moment. Over the years, I’ve learned the importance of keeping a positive attitude, not just toward the world around me but also toward myself.
There are times when everything feels great, and it’s easy to be positive. But sometimes, things don’t go as planned, and it’s okay to feel a little down. What matters most is how we bounce back. We might not always be able to control what happens around us, but we can choose how we react.
When I walk into a room, I try to bring a good attitude with me, even if the environment isn’t as welcoming as I’d like. I keep my eyes on my goals—joy and success—and remind myself that a positive mindset can make all the difference. It helps me stay focused and strong, no matter what challenges I face.
Remember, it’s normal to have good days and bad days. What’s important is finding balance and believing in yourself. Your attitude can be your superpower, helping you to move forward and achieve your dreams, one step at a time.
Here are a few things that have helped me:
Growing up in San Pedro, California, I found that life was often unpredictable. My family faced limited resources and constant challenges, so finding joy became essential for staying grounded. Before ballet became a central part of my life, I found happiness in simple yet meaningful activities that helped me navigate the uncertainties around me.
One of my earliest joys was journaling. I remember sitting on the floor of our small apartment with a notebook and a pen, pouring my thoughts and dreams onto the pages. Writing wasn’t just a pastime; it was a way to make sense of the world around me. I could express my feelings, hopes, and fears, creating a space where I could be completely honest with myself. It became a way to see beyond my current situation and imagine a future full of possibilities where I felt confident and strong.
Music also played a significant role in finding joy. My mom loved playing music on a stereo, and I would sit close, letting the melodies fill the room. With just a bit of space to move, I would dance around our apartment, lost in the music. These moments were more than just dancing—they were an expression of emotions too big for words, an escape into a world where everything felt right.
When I discovered ballet at thirteen, it felt like an extension of these joyful moments. Ballet offered a way to channel my love for movement and expression into something structured and disciplined. But it wasn’t an easy journey. Stepping into a ballet school for the first time was intimidating. I was surrounded by students who had been dancing for years, while I was just beginning. As one of the only Black girls in the school, I often felt like I didn’t belong.
But even in those difficult moments, I turned to the simple joys that had always been there for me. After particularly tough rehearsals, when nothing seemed to go right, I would go home and write in my journal. Focusing on the words, reflecting on the day, and expressing myself on paper helped me reconnect with the joy that first led me to dance. These reflections reminded me that ballet, like my writing, was another form of expression—a way to process and navigate the complexities of life.
Music remained a refuge during my ballet journey. On days when I felt discouraged, I would close my bedroom door, put on my favorite album, and dance freely. These moments were about movement, not perfection. They reminded me that dance was first and foremost about joy, about the freedom to express myself without the pressures of technique and performance.
Whether you dance, write, play music, or have any other hobby, finding joy in your activities is crucial. They serve as the threads that weave through our lives, grounding us during tough times. Hobbies aren’t just pastimes; they’re reflections of who we are and who we’re becoming.
As you grow and your passions evolve, it’s important to make time for the things that make you happy. These hobbies will be there for you, just as they were for me, helping you navigate the challenges life brings. They are sources of strength, comfort, and joy, no matter what the future holds.
“Dear Misty, I love playing the piano, but sometimes life gets so busy that I don’t have time for it. How do you find time for the things that make you happy, even when life gets overwhelming?”
I completely understand how overwhelming life can get, especially when you’re juggling school, activities, and everything else. Even with all the demands of my career and personal life, I’ve found that making time for the things that bring me joy, like dance and music, is essential for my well-being.
One thing I’ve learned is that you don’t need a lot of time to connect with what makes you happy. Even just a few minutes at the piano can be enough to recharge your spirit. It’s about finding those small pockets of time in your day—maybe before school, during a break, or right before bed—when you can focus on what you love.
I also think of these joyful activities as a form of self-care. When I make time for them, I’m taking care of myself, which actually helps me handle everything else better. So instead of seeing it as one more thing to fit into your schedule, try to view it as something that supports you in all the other areas of your life.
Finally, be gentle with yourself. There will be days when it’s hard to find time, and that’s okay.
Keep playing, and never lose sight of what makes your heart sing.
“Dear Misty, I feel really pressured to be perfect in everything I do, including my hobbies. How can I focus on enjoying them instead of always trying to be the best?”
Believe me, I’ve felt the pressure to be perfect too, especially in ballet, where perfection can seem like the ultimate goal. But one of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that true joy and fulfillment come from the love you have for what you do, and from trying to be your best self, not from striving to outshine others.
When it comes to your hobbies, try to remember why you started them in the first place. Was it because they made you feel happy, relaxed, or inspired? Focus on that feeling instead of the outcome. Hobbies can also be a wonderful way to escape the demands of everyday life. For me, cooking has been a way to take my mind off the anxiety I sometimes feel before a performance or the stress of navigating personal challenges.
Whatever your hobby is—drawing, playing an instrument, or something else—the value lies in the experience itself. It’s about the moments you spend expressing yourself, exploring your creativity, and having fun. Let your hobbies be your safe space, a way to recharge and enjoy life without the pressure of being perfect.
It’s also important to give yourself permission to make mistakes. In fact, mistakes are part of learning and growing. They show that you’re trying new things, pushing your boundaries, and being brave enough to be imperfect. When I look back at my own journey, it was those moments of imperfection that often taught me the most and brought me closer to my true self.
The next time you make time to enjoy your hobby, let go of the need to be perfect. Instead, focus on how it makes you feel, and let that joy be your guide. Your hobbies are meant to be a source of happiness, not stress. Embrace the freedom to explore and enjoy them just as they are.
Taking a break and knowing your limits is crucial in maintaining not only physical health but also mental and emotional well-being. This lesson is one that I’ve had to learn the hard way, and it’s something I want to share with you so that you might avoid some of the pitfalls I’ve encountered.
During my journey as a dancer, there were countless times when I pushed myself beyond my limits, thinking that more effort would bring better results. Leading up to my first performance in New York City, I had been feeling pain in my shin for months but continued to push through because I didn’t want to lose the incredible opportunity. When I was preparing for the title role in the ballet Firebird at American Ballet Theatre (ABT), I was so determined to meet the choreographer’s expectations that I neglected my need for rest.
The result? Six stress fractures in my tibia. I ended up needing surgery to insert a plate in my shin and spent nearly a year in recovery. That time away from the stage was incredibly challenging, but it taught me one of the most important lessons of my career: You can’t pour from an empty cup. Rest is not just a luxury—it’s a necessity.
This lesson applies beyond ballet. Whether you’re studying for a big test, practicing for a sports event, or working on a creative project, there comes a point when rest is just as important as the effort you put in. If you don’t allow yourself the time to recharge, you could risk not only injury but also losing the joy and passion that brought you to that activity in the first place.
Understanding your limits, physically and mentally, is key to long-term success. Sometimes, taking a break doesn’t mean you’re giving up; it means you’re giving yourself the chance to come back stronger.
It’s important to remember that your body and mind are your most valuable assets. I learned this firsthand during my preparations for Firebird, and again after a recent surgery on my leg—though the procedure is behind me, the pain it left behind has never fully gone away, serving as a constant reminder of something I’ll always have to manage.
When I didn’t listen to my body during the Firebird preparations, I learned that pushing through wasn’t a sign of strength; it was a sign of denial—denial of my injury and the toll it was taking on my body. Taking care of yourself, knowing when to rest, and giving your body the time it needs to recover are the true marks of resilience.
In my experience, balancing rest with training has been essential not just for my career but for my overall happiness. As a young girl, I often felt like I had to constantly prove myself, to show that I belonged in spaces where I sometimes felt like an outsider. Through the years, I learned that being kind to myself, allowing myself to rest, and taking breaks didn’t make me less committed; it made me smarter and more effective in the long run.
Now, as a mother, I see the importance of this balance even more clearly. Taking a break and caring for myself allows me to be fully present not only in my work but also with my family. It’s a lesson that has shaped who I am as a dancer, a woman, and a mom.
When you feel like you have to keep pushing, remember that stepping back might be exactly what you need to leap forward.
“Dear Misty, my parents expect me to always do my best and never give up. But sometimes, I feel like I need a break. How can I explain this to them?”
When I was growing up, I often felt the pressure to always give my best, whether it was in ballet or other parts of my life. It’s natural to want to meet the expectations of those who care about us, especially our parents. But it’s important to remember that doing your best also means taking care of yourself.
Here’s how I would approach it: Start by having an open and honest conversation with your parents. Let them know that you truly value their expectations and that you want to succeed in everything you do. Then explain how sometimes the best way for you to keep doing your best is by taking a break. You can tell them that just like in sports or dance, rest is an essential part of growing stronger and performing well.
You might say something like, “Mom, Dad, I know how much you want me to succeed, and I want that too. But sometimes, I get really tired and feel like I need a break to recharge. When I take time to rest, I can actually do better in the long run. Can we find a way to balance my work and rest so that I can keep doing my best?”
Most importantly, remember that asking for a break doesn’t mean you’re giving up—it means you’re being smart about your limits. Your parents love you and want what’s best for you, and I believe they’ll understand that taking care of your well-being is just as important as working hard.
Stay strong, and always remember to listen to your body and mind.
“Dear Misty, I’m always studying hard because I want to get good grades, but sometimes I feel so tired and stressed. How do I know when it’s okay to take a break from studying?”
I’m so glad you reached out to me with this question. It’s wonderful that you’re dedicated to your studies and want to achieve great things. But it’s just as important to take care of yourself along the way.
Through my own experiences, I’ve learned that pushing yourself is important but knowing when to rest is just as crucial. When you start to feel really tired and stressed, that’s your body and mind telling you that it’s time to take a break. It’s not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign that you’re working hard and need to recharge to keep going.
Another good way to know when it’s okay to take a break is to pay attention to how you’re feeling. If you’re finding it hard to concentrate, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, or if you’re just exhausted, that’s the perfect time to step back for a little while. Even short breaks—like going for a walk, listening to some music, or just taking a few deep breaths—can make a big difference.
Think of it like dancing: You can’t perform your best if you’re too tired to move. The same goes for studying. Taking breaks allows you to come back to your work with a fresh mind and renewed energy, giving you a much better chance to ace your next test or do a great job on a paper.
Don’t be afraid to take a pause when you need it. Your hard work will still be there when you’re ready to pick it back up, and you’ll be in a much better place to tackle it.
Take care of yourself, and remember, balance is key.
One of my favorite things to do particularly as a teenager and young woman in New York City was to find time to wander through Central Park. When I first moved to the city, I would spend hours there, just walking, listening to my favorite music, or writing in my journal. It became a way for me to clear my mind, reflect on my thoughts, and reconnect with myself amid the chaos of city life and the intensity of my ballet training.
It allowed me to step away from the pressures of the dance world and the expectations placed upon me. It was in these quiet moments that I could listen to my own thoughts and feelings, without any outside influences. This time alone helped me to understand myself better, to figure out what I truly wanted, and to recharge my energy.
For anyone, especially young people, spending quality time with yourself can be incredibly empowering. It’s a chance to discover who you are outside school, work, or any other responsibilities. No matter if you’re taking a walk, journaling, reading, building with Legos, painting or drawing, or even just lying on the floor and staring at the ceiling to let your imagination roam, these moments can help you to process your experiences, gain clarity, and find peace.
In my career, I’ve found that the ability to spend time alone and truly enjoy it has been a key to maintaining balance. It’s allowed me to stay grounded, to avoid getting overwhelmed, and to keep my passion for dance alive. It’s also taught me that it’s okay to take a step back, to be with your thoughts, and to nurture your own inner world.
I encourage you to find those moments for yourself, whatever they may look like. It’s not just about being alone; it’s about making that time meaningful, reflective, and full of self-discovery. It’s a way to build a strong relationship with yourself, one that will support you in all areas of your life.
“Dear Misty, people always ask me what I want to be when I grow up, and honestly, I don’t have a clue. It feels like I don’t even know myself well enough to decide, and it’s embarrassing when I can’t give an answer. How can I start to figure out who I am and what I really want?”
This can be so hard, especially when life feels overwhelming or full of distractions. Growing up, I faced similar struggles, and it wasn’t always easy to carve out the time or space to truly get to know myself. But I can tell you that spending time alone became one of the most important practices in my life—it’s how I learned to listen to my own thoughts, understand my desires, and really figure out who I was beyond the roles and expectations others placed on me.
A lot of that time alone was spent journaling. It became an essential tool for self-discovery and understanding my own journey. In the quiet moments alone with my journal, I found a safe space to express myself freely and explore different aspects of my inner world.
Most often, I used my journal like a diary. I wrote about my daily experiences, detailed my emotions, and reflected on the interactions I had each day. This helped me process my feelings and track my personal growth over time.
To start connecting with yourself, try setting aside some time each day—no matter how small—to be alone with your thoughts. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. Simply sitting quietly in your room can be just as effective as journaling or any other practice you might use to reflect. The key is to allow yourself the space to be with your own thoughts and feelings, without judgment or distraction.
Remember, this is a process, and it may take some time to feel comfortable being alone. But the more you practice, the more you’ll discover about yourself. You’ll start to notice patterns in your thoughts, identify what truly excites you, and understand what might be holding you back. This self-awareness is a powerful tool, one that will guide you as you navigate your journey.
So take that first step, give yourself the time and space you deserve, and know that connecting with yourself is an ongoing practice—one that will help you understand and appreciate the incredible person you are.
“Dear Misty, I get bored when I’m alone and don’t know how to enjoy spending time by myself. How did you learn to love your alone time?”
Learning to enjoy being alone is tough, and honestly, it’s one of the hardest things to do in life. Being still—on your own, with others, or even onstage—is a skill you have to build and hone over time. It’s something I’ve had to work on a lot throughout my career.
Growing up, I was always a bit of a loner, even though I had five siblings. I spent a lot of time alone, and it wasn’t always comfortable. It’s easy to feel bored or restless when you’re by yourself because we’re so used to constant movement and distraction. But being alone can also give you the time and space to really listen to yourself—to figure out what you want and how you feel.
For me, the key was realizing that alone time didn’t have to be filled with activities. Sometimes, just being still, sitting quietly, or reflecting is enough. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable at first—it’s part of the process. You’ll find that being alone helps you recharge and stay connected to yourself in ways that are harder to do when you’re always surrounded by people.
Think of it like practicing a new skill. The more you allow yourself to sit with those quiet moments, the easier and more rewarding it becomes. No matter if you’re daydreaming while playing, sitting outside, or just enjoying the silence, it’s worth it to get comfortable with your own company. Trust me, it will make a big difference in how you connect with yourself and the world around you.
Rooting for yourself is one of the most important things you can do in life, no matter what your dreams or goals are. This idea is something that I had to embrace fully throughout my career, especially during the most challenging times.
I’ve been fortunate to have had incredible support from teachers, mentors, and friends throughout my journey as a dancer. But there came a point when I realized that, as much as others might believe in me, it was essential that I believe in myself.
One of the most pivotal moments in my career came when I was offered a position with Dance Theatre of Harlem, a prestigious company where I would have been surrounded by dancers who look like me. It was tempting, and it would have been a comfortable choice. But deep down, I knew that my dream was to dance for ABT and to move up the ranks within that company. Turning down that opportunity was a difficult decision, but it was a moment where I had to root for myself and believe in my vision for my future. If I hadn’t stood firm in that belief, I don’t know where I would be today.
That said, being the only Black woman at ABT for the first ten years of my career was incredibly tough. There were days when I questioned if I belonged, if I should continue in a place where I felt so different. The pressure was immense, and the feeling of being alone was something I struggled with constantly. But I came to realize that if I didn’t present myself with confidence—if I didn’t act like I belonged—then how could I expect anyone else to see me that way?
Rooting for yourself means having the courage to stay aligned with your goals, despite the challenges or when the odds seem stacked against you. It means believing in your worth and your right to pursue your dreams, no matter how daunting the journey might be. For me, this mindset has been crucial in navigating the challenges of my career. It’s what helped me push through barriers, both external and internal, and it’s what continues to drive me today.
No matter if you’re facing challenges in school, trying to achieve a goal, or just figuring out who you are, remember that you have to be your own biggest fan. Your confidence in yourself will not only help you overcome obstacles but also inspire others to see your potential and support you along the way.
“Dear Misty, I’ve been told that I won’t make it as a veterinarian because I’m too sensitive, and it’s hard not to let that get to me. How do you block out negativity and keep believing in yourself?”
I know it feels tough when people doubt what you can do, especially when you care about your dreams so much. I’ve been there too. When I was starting out in ballet, some people told me I wouldn’t make it because of how I looked and because I started training later than most dancers. It was really hard to hear.
But one important thing I learned is that sometimes people’s doubts are about their own limits, not yours. Your sensitivity is actually a great strength, especially for a career as a veterinarian, where caring deeply is so important. It means you’ll be great at understanding and helping animals.
Whenever you hear something negative, try to remember why you started dreaming of your career in the first place. Write down your dreams and the good things about yourself and read them when you feel down. Here’s something you might write: I am caring and smart. My sensitivity is my strength. Every day, I’m getting closer to my dream.
Also, find people who believe in you—like family, friends, or teachers. Their support can make a big difference when you’re feeling unsure. And don’t forget to be your own biggest cheerleader! Celebrate your small successes along the way, like doing well on a test or helping an animal. These moments are important and show how much you’re growing.
Remember, every great dream starts with a dreamer just like you. Keep believing in yourself, keep working hard, and don’t let anyone else’s doubts stop you from achieving your goals.
“Dear Misty, I sometimes feel like I have to change who I am to be accepted by my friends. How can I stay true to myself and not doubt my worth?”
When I was fifteen, I went to a sleepover with some ballet friends. It was meant to be an innocent night, but a few of the girls, who were older and seemed so much more adventurous than I was, decided we should all get into a boy’s car.
I remember not wanting to go—I wasn’t the type of teenager who went to parties or did anything like that. But I didn’t want to seem different or be the only one saying no, so I got in the car with them. It was dark, and the boy was driving recklessly down winding hills. I was terrified the entire time. Nothing bad happened that night, but I felt like I had let myself down because I knew better.
That experience taught me a lot about staying grounded in who I am. I realized that being accepted by others isn’t worth compromising your values or doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable. It’s okay to say no—it doesn’t make you less cool or less of a friend. In fact, standing up for what feels right to you shows real strength.
Remember, your worth isn’t tied to what other people think of you. It comes from being confident in who you are and honoring your values. Surround yourself with people who accept and celebrate the real you. Those are the friends who truly matter.
Believing in yourself is one challenge, but celebrating yourself—really taking the time to acknowledge your own successes—can be even harder. I’ve always found it difficult to walk the line between confidence and arrogance. When I was younger, I often confused the two and worried that celebrating my achievements would come off as bragging. But over the course of my career, I’ve come to realize that it’s not only okay to celebrate your wins but essential.
In the world of ballet, where every performance is scrutinized, it’s easy to get caught up in what went wrong or what could have been better. But when you don’t take the time to recognize your own progress and the milestones you’ve reached, it becomes so much harder to keep going. Early in my career, I was so focused on what I hadn’t yet achieved that I forgot to appreciate how far I’d come.
For a decade, I was the sole Black woman at American Ballet Theatre, which brought its own unique challenges and pressures. Throughout that time, I was hyperfocused on reaching the next level, constantly pushing myself toward the next role or opportunity. It wasn’t until I achieved a significant milestone in my career—my promotion to principal dancer—that I truly understood the importance of pausing to celebrate my achievements.
When I received the news of my promotion, it wasn’t met with fanfare or an extravagant celebration. In fact, I had dinner plans with friends that night, and when my husband asked if I wanted to cancel to do something special, I insisted we keep the plans. Celebrating with the people who had supported me throughout my journey, who understood the dedication and hard work it took, was exactly how I wanted to mark the occasion. It was a reminder that the joy of achievement is best shared with those who have been by your side.
Equally important are the smaller victories, the ones that might seem insignificant in the grand scheme but are monumental in their own right. For example, there was one day I had a really tough rehearsal. I woke up feeling super stiff and tired, in both my body and my mind. Knowing what I could handle, I took some extra time to warm up slowly and set my own pace for the day. Making it through that rehearsal without being hard on myself or comparing my progress to other days felt like a small victory. Not only that, it taught me a big lesson about the importance of being patient and taking care of myself. It was a reminder that listening to what you need is a key part of doing your best.
Both these moments—celebrating my promotion in a simple, meaningful way, and acknowledging the triumph of getting through a tough rehearsal day—have taught me the importance of being my own biggest fan. No one knows the work and sacrifice you put in better than you do. Learning to celebrate your own successes, big and small, is not just about giving yourself a pat on the back; it’s about recognizing your growth, your resilience, and the incremental steps you take each day toward your goals.
You deserve to acknowledge your hard work and to feel proud of what you’ve accomplished.
“Dear Misty, what do you do to remind yourself of your achievements when you start to doubt your abilities?”
Doubt can be a familiar visitor for anyone striving to achieve great things, myself included. When I begin to question my abilities, I have a special way of reminding myself of all I’ve accomplished, which might help you, too.
Instead of seeking validation through external opinions, I turn to something far more personal and uplifting: kind notes and messages I’ve received from friends, family, and mentors. After each performance, award, or any significant milestone, I save the congratulations and supportive messages I receive. These are not just words; they are affirmations of my hard work and talent from the people who truly know and support me.
Whenever doubt creeps in, I revisit these messages. Reading them allows me to relive the moments of success and the positive impact I’ve made on others. It’s a powerful reminder that my journey is valued and that my achievements are real and recognized by those who matter most to me.
Keeping a “success journal” filled with these notes, along with my own reflections on achievements and milestones, reinforces my confidence. It’s a tangible testament to my journey, filled with love and support, that helps drown out any negative voices, including my own sometimes.
So gather those kind notes; maybe even make a scrapbook or a digital folder. When you feel unsure, flip through it and let the positive energy lift you up. Remember, your accomplishments are significant, and your journey is uniquely yours. Trust in the love and support of your circle, and keep pushing forward, one step at a time.
“Dear Misty, how important is it to have friends and family who celebrate with you? What if my family doesn’t really understand why my goals are a big deal?”
It’s true that not everyone will fully understand the intricacies of the paths we choose, especially in fields like dance, which can seem like a world of its own. My family, not being from the dance world, often didn’t grasp the details of my journey or what committing to ballet entailed. However, they supported the aspects they could relate to and understand.
For example, they knew I was an introvert—so shy that even reading aloud in class was a struggle for me. They saw the courage it took for me to step onto a stage and perform in front of thousands, and they celebrated that growth. Sharing this perspective with me helped them connect with my experiences in their own way, appreciating the personal milestones that were part of my dance career.
If your family doesn’t understand the significance of your goals right now, try breaking things down in ways that relate to their experiences or values. Help them see your achievements through the lens of personal growth or resilience—something that they can appreciate. Even if they never fully understand every aspect of your journey, their support in the areas they do grasp can be just as meaningful.
Remember, the support of friends and family doesn’t always need to come from a place of full understanding. It often comes from seeing your dedication and growth, and from wanting to see you succeed, no matter the arena. Keep sharing your successes and challenges with them, and celebrate every step forward, knowing that their support is rooted in their love and respect for you.
As a young girl, I was introverted, and a lot of that came from feeling ashamed and embarrassed about my life. My family spent most of my childhood houseless, living in and out of motels and constantly moving, which made it hard for me to connect with others. I didn’t want people to know about my situation, so I kept to myself, blending into the background as much as possible. I really struggled to find where I fit in.
But when I discovered dance, everything changed. Dance became my form of freedom and expression, and I realized that my introversion wasn’t because I didn’t want to be seen—it was because I needed to be seen in a way that felt right for me. Onstage, I could be powerful, graceful, and strong, communicating in a way that words never allowed me to. Dance gave me a voice.
However, as I immersed myself in the world of ballet, I encountered a new challenge: fitting in while staying authentic to myself. Ballet, with its long history and strict traditions, often demanded conformity. The message was clear: To be a successful ballet dancer, you needed to blend in, to move as one with the corps de ballet, and to fit a very specific mold. For someone like me, who was just beginning to discover who I was and who I wanted to be, this felt like an impossible contradiction.
I had finally found my voice, yet I was being told that to succeed, I had to silence parts of myself again. It was an internal struggle—balancing my individuality with the demands of an art form that seemed to require me to give it up. But what I realized over time is that unison and fluidity in dance don’t have to mean losing your individuality.
In fact, it’s your unique qualities that can bring something new and valuable to the art. Being one of the few Black women in a predominantly white profession, my late start in ballet at thirteen, and my athletic build all presented unique challenges but also opportunities to enrich the art form. My presence in roles like the Firebird showcased not just the power of diversity but the beauty that different perspectives bring to traditional narratives. By embracing these aspects of my identity and demonstrating excellence onstage, I both found my place and broadened the perceptions of what fitting in can mean in ballet. And this is important not just for dance but for life: Fitting in doesn’t mean losing yourself. It means finding your place and showing that your unique voice has value.
“Dear Misty, I’m always trying to make everyone happy, but I feel like I’m losing myself in the process. How can I start standing up for what I want without feeling like I’m letting people down?”
I’ve felt exactly the way you’re feeling, both when I was a little girl and even during my early ballet career. I had a really hard time standing up for myself or saying what I truly felt because I was so worried about disappointing others or not living up to their expectations. Instead of speaking up, I often stayed quiet, and that led to me feeling more isolated, like no one really knew who I was or what I needed.
Then I realized that standing up for myself and expressing how I felt didn’t push people away—it actually brought them closer. By sharing my thoughts and being honest about my feelings, I found that people understood me better, and I felt more connected. It gave me a sense of power and control over my own journey. And that’s something I want you to know: When you stay connected to who you are, everyone wins. You show the world who you really are, and that allows others to truly see and support you in the ways that matter.
I encourage you to start by listening to what you need. Don’t be afraid to share that with the people around you. It might feel scary at first, but as you gain more experience, you’ll realize how important it is to voice what you need. It will strengthen your relationships and, most importantly, help you stay in tune with yourself. Standing up for yourself isn’t about letting others down—it’s about lifting yourself up.
“Dear Misty, I just moved to a new school, and I feel out of place. Everyone already has their friend groups, and I’m shy. What advice do you have for someone who’s struggling to fit in while still being themselves?”
Before I was seven years old, I attended about five different schools because my family was constantly moving. It was hard to settle in, make friends, or feel like I belonged anywhere. So I absolutely understand what it’s like to feel out of place, especially when everyone else seems to have their groups already formed.
Through my experience, I’ve come to realize that it’s okay to take your time. You don’t have to fit in right away or change who you are just to make friends. For me, dance became the way I connected with others, especially during times when I didn’t have the words to say how I was feeling. It gave me a place where I could express myself and feel seen for who I truly was.
Start by looking for things you enjoy doing—such as a hobby, a class, or an activity that brings you joy. Often, those spaces will naturally lead you to people who share similar interests, and you’ll feel more comfortable connecting with them. It doesn’t have to happen all at once—sometimes small steps, like saying hi or asking someone about their day, can make a big difference over time.
The most important thing is to honor who you are. You don’t need to change to fit in, and the right people will appreciate you for being you. Be patient, and remember that finding your place will come. I know it’s not easy, but staying grounded in yourself is always the best way to build real, meaningful connections.
Belonging, for me, has always been about finding common ground with those around me rather than focusing on what makes us different. As a young professional dancer, I often felt like I didn’t belong. Sometimes, that feeling was reinforced by subtle gestures or outright comments that made it clear I wasn’t what others expected. But I didn’t let that push me away. Instead, I sought mentorship and advice from people I trusted, people with more experience, who helped me navigate these challenges. They showed me that belonging isn’t just about waiting for others to accept you; it’s about finding ways to connect with people, even in environments where you feel like the “only.”
At first, I struggled with the tension: I had finally found my voice, but ballet seemed to require me to suppress what made me unique. Over time, I realized that embracing my individuality didn’t mean rejecting ballet—it meant redefining what belonging could look like within it. I began to understand that by accepting my differences and staying true to my experiences, I could bring something new to the art, creating my own sense of belonging without having to conform.
This lesson became even more important as I moved up the ranks at American Ballet Theatre. I didn’t initially realize that I might become the first Black woman to be promoted to principal dancer. But as I began to understand the weight of that responsibility, I saw that being the first wasn’t just about me—it was about opening doors for others and expanding the idea of what belonging in ballet could mean.
Being the first could have felt isolating, but instead, I chose to turn that experience into one of pride and purpose. I leaned on the advice of mentors who helped me understand that being the first is not a burden but a unique opportunity to pave the way for others. By embracing both my individuality and my role as a trailblazer, I found that I could fit into the world of ballet in a way that was authentic to who I was.
Belonging isn’t about losing yourself to fit in—it’s about bringing your full self into every space you enter. Regardless of whether you’re the first, the only, or simply someone who feels different, you have the power to create your own sense of belonging by accepting what makes you unique and finding ways to connect with those around you. When you allow yourself to be seen, others can learn from your journey, and you help create a space where everyone feels they belong.
“Hey Misty, I’m usually the only Black rider at my horse shows, and it’s tough when people stare at me like I don’t belong. How do you handle being the only Black dancer in the room?”
It can feel isolating to be the only one who looks like you in a space, especially when you’re met with stares that make you feel like you don’t belong. I’ve been in that position throughout my career as a dancer, where I was often the only Black woman in the room. That feeling of being different can be really tough, but I want you to remember something important—you absolutely do belong.
When I felt like people were staring at me or making me feel out of place, I reminded myself that I had worked just as hard as anyone else to be there. I deserved my spot, and so do you. I focused on why I was there in the first place—because of my love for ballet and my passion for performing. For you, it’s your love of riding and being at those horse shows. Don’t let other people’s looks or opinions take that away from you. Use those moments to fuel your drive and remind yourself that you’re breaking barriers just by being there.
Remember that your presence is powerful. Every time you show up, you’re paving the way for others who will come after you, just like I did in ballet. You’re showing the world that we all deserve to be in these spaces, no matter how unfamiliar it may seem to others.
Keep your head high, stay focused on your passion, and know that you belong just as much as anyone else.
“Hi Misty, I’m new at school, and I haven’t made any friends yet. I’m pretty shy, and some kids make fun of me for it. How did you deal with people who weren’t nice to you?”
I was very shy growing up too, so much so that my nickname was “Mouse” because I hardly spoke. It wasn’t easy, and I know how hurtful it can be when people don’t understand you and make fun of your quietness. I realized that being shy also had its strengths. It allowed me to observe the people around me, understand my environment, and take my time in building friendships.
One important lesson I’ve gained is that the right people—the ones who truly see and appreciate you for who you are—will find you in time. And when they do, it will be so worth it. You don’t have to rush or change yourself to fit in. Be who you are, and trust that those friendships will come.
When I was younger, dance became my way of expressing myself without words. It gave me confidence and helped me feel like I had a voice, even in moments when I wasn’t speaking. If there’s something you love to do, focus on that and let it be your strength. You’ll find that when you’re doing what you love, people who value and understand you will naturally be drawn to you.
As for the kids who aren’t being nice, remember that their words don’t define you. Sometimes people pick on others because they don’t understand them, or they’re dealing with their own insecurities. Be patient and know that your true friends—the ones who value the real you—are out there, and they will find you.
Change is a constant in life, and while it can be intimidating, it’s also one of the greatest opportunities for growth. Moving to a new place, evolving in your career, or realizing that a friendship no longer serves you—change is something you can welcome, and it is essential for becoming the person you’re meant to be.
In my journey, I’ve faced many significant changes—both in my personal life and in my career. Each one came with its own challenges, but every time I accepted those changes, I found myself growing in ways I never imagined. One of the most difficult aspects of change can be letting go of people or situations that no longer serve you. It’s natural to hold on to the familiar, even though you know deep down that it’s time to move on. But letting go doesn’t mean failure; it means making room for new opportunities and people who are aligned with who you are becoming.
Change isn’t just about what happens around you; sometimes, the biggest changes happen inside you. There have been many times in my life when I had to let go of old habits or ways of thinking to become a better version of myself. As I grew up, I thought not just about the person I wanted to be but also about the dancer I was becoming. Being an artist means you can’t stay the same forever—you have to keep changing and growing. It’s not always easy. It takes courage, thinking carefully about what works, and being willing to try new things.
Every time I’ve gotten hurt, I’ve had to stop and think about how I can come back stronger. I’ve learned to change the way I train and take care of my body so I don’t make the same mistakes. These changes haven’t always been comfortable, but they’ve helped me grow.
One of the hardest things I’ve done was go onstage while feeling extremely vulnerable. There were moments when I didn’t feel like I was at my best, but I knew that to grow, I had to push through the discomfort and those challenging moments. I learned that being vulnerable is actually a strength, not a weakness. It’s in these challenging times that you find out what you’re truly capable of.
I want to encourage you to be okay with change, even if it feels scary. If you’re moving to a new school, dealing with a shift in your friendships, or just feeling different from who you used to be, know that change is a natural part of life. It’s okay to feel uncertain, but remember that every change brings new opportunities to grow, learn, and discover more about yourself.
If you find yourself needing to let go of a relationship or situation that no longer serves you, trust that you’re making space for something better. Letting go can be difficult, but it’s a necessary part of evolving into the person you’re meant to be. Allow yourself to grow, and don’t be afraid to shed old habits, beliefs, or relationships that are holding you back.
Lastly, be patient with yourself as you navigate these changes. Growth takes time, and it’s okay if it doesn’t happen overnight. Surround yourself with people who support your growth, and remember that every step forward, no matter how small, is progress.
So the next time you face change, whether it’s within yourself or in your surroundings, approach it with an open heart. It will lead you to new and beautiful places in your life. And always remember that change is not something to fear but an opportunity to become the best version of yourself.
“Hey Misty, I’ve been best friends with someone since first grade, but now we’re growing apart. It feels weird, and I don’t know how to deal with it. Have you ever had to let go of a friendship?”
It can be confusing when you start to grow apart from someone who has been a big part of your life. I’ve gone through this too. I’ve had friendships that faded when life took us in different directions, and sometimes we found our way back to each other after some time apart. As we grow and change, our friendships might go through seasons. Time, life experiences, and maturity can help bring people back together when the connection is still there.
But I’ve also had friendships that didn’t recover. Sometimes, when the effort to maintain the relationship isn’t mutual or one person is hurt too deeply, it can be hard to find your way back. And that’s okay too. Letting go of a friendship doesn’t take away the value of what you shared; it makes space for both of you to grow in the ways you need to.
What matters most is being honest with yourself and recognizing when a friendship is no longer serving you or them in a healthy way. If that happens, it’s okay to let go and allow both of you the room to move in different directions. It doesn’t mean the friendship wasn’t important or meaningful—it just means that sometimes, people grow apart, and that’s part of life’s journey.
“Dear Misty, I’m scared of making changes in my life because I’m worried about failing. Have you ever been afraid of failure when going through big changes, and how did you push through it?”
I totally understand how scary change can be. For me, change has always been unsettling because it throws off the stability I’ve craved and didn’t always have growing up. I’ve found that stability is something I need too, so when change comes along, it can feel overwhelming. But at different stages in my life, I’ve had to embrace change to make my career and my life healthier. One of the biggest shifts I had to make was changing the way I trained for ballet as my career progressed. It was terrifying because I didn’t know if it would work, but I knew that staying the same wasn’t an option if I wanted to grow.
The thing about change is that it’s a risk—but it’s a risk worth taking. If you don’t try, you won’t grow, and if you’re not happy where you are, staying the same will only make things harder in the long run.
I encourage you to question what failure really means. Who defines it? Sometimes, what we see as failure is actually just a step toward something beautiful. What feels like a setback can be part of the process that leads to growth and positive change. I’ve learned that even if something doesn’t go the way I hoped, it doesn’t mean I’ve failed—it just means I’m on the way to something new.
So if you’re scared of making changes, that’s okay! Just know that with every step, you’re getting closer to the growth that you need. Embrace it, trust the process, and remember that every risk can lead to something better.
When I was younger, I was often teased for being different. I was small with petite features and really big feet. I never felt like I fit the standard of beauty that the kids around me believed in. Their teasing made me feel less than, and I carried that sense of inadequacy with me. I didn’t feel beautiful because I didn’t fit into what others saw as beautiful.
But when I started ballet, everything changed. The very things I was teased about—my long limbs, big feet, and small head—became my superpower in the ballet world. In ballet, these physical attributes were considered assets. My long limbs allowed me to create beautiful lines, and my feet became a source of strength and balance. Suddenly, I was in a world where my differences were celebrated rather than ridiculed.
Yet, it wasn’t just the acceptance in ballet that made me feel beautiful; it was the confidence that grew from finally feeling like I belonged somewhere. This acceptance allowed me to embrace my unique qualities and find beauty in what made me different. I realized that the very things that made me feel othered were the things that made me special.
It has taken me many years and countless experiences to truly understand this. I’ve learned to own who I am and to find strength in my uniqueness rather than seeking everyone’s acceptance and approval.
Embrace what makes you different. It’s those very differences that can become your greatest strengths. Don’t let others’ opinions shape how you see yourself. Instead, let your uniqueness shine, and remember that true confidence and beauty come from within. The things that make you feel othered today might just be the things that make you extraordinary tomorrow.
“Dear Misty, I love video games and coding, but the kids at my school think that’s weird. How can I be proud of what I love without worrying about what others think?”
I was never the “cool kid” in school either. Maybe it was because of how I looked, where I lived, or how poor my family was, but I often felt like I didn’t fit in. I was also called “weird” sometimes, just because I didn’t look or act like everyone else. But I’ve learned over time that being different—whether it’s how you look, where you come from, or what you love—doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you. In fact, those differences are what make you stand out.
It’s not easy when others don’t understand or appreciate your passions, but remember, being unique isn’t a bad thing. You don’t have to fit into anyone else’s idea of what’s “cool” or “normal.” If you’re passionate about video games and coding, that’s something to be proud of. Passion gives you strength and motivation, and when you focus on what you love, it helps you rise above the opinions of others.
When I faced teasing or felt out of place, I kept reminding myself why I loved ballet and why it made me happy. That passion gave me the strength to keep going, and over time, I found people who appreciated me for who I was. The more I embraced my uniqueness, the less I cared about what others thought. And eventually, those things that made me “weird” became my strengths.
Keep doing what you love, and don’t be afraid to be different! Surround yourself with people who support you and remember that it’s okay if not everyone gets it. As long as you’re proud of who you are and what you love, that’s what matters most.
“Dear Misty, I have a stutter, and people sometimes make fun of how I talk. Did you ever feel like people focused on your differences, and if so, how did you overcome that?”
A dear friend and mentor once told me that standing out for my differences—especially for things beyond my control—could be my greatest strength. That advice changed the way I saw myself. Instead of feeling like my differences held me back, I began to see them as opportunities to show resilience and inspire others.
For you, having a stutter might feel like an obstacle right now, but it’s also a reminder of your courage. Every time you speak, you’re showing strength, determination, and the power of your voice. Your voice matters, and it deserves to be heard—stutter and all.
When people focused on my differences, like my body type or background, it wasn’t easy. But I learned to channel that focus into something positive by embracing what made me unique. By doing so, I not only grew stronger but also showed others what was possible.
If you can shift your perspective and see your stutter as part of what makes you strong, you’ll be unstoppable. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, and focus on the areas where you feel happy and proud of who you are. Your resilience has the power to inspire others who may feel like their differences set them apart too. You’re not just standing out—you’re standing strong.