Grief: Out of the darkness and into the sunshine...
Grief takes on a uniquely different dimension when trying to come to terms with the loss of a brother or sister; after all, siblings are linked literally from birth to death, unlike any other form of familial relationship. The loss is so deep that it's like a real part of you has died at the same time. 'Letters to Sara' is one woman's wrenching attempt to make sense of the basic unfairness of death, and these letters become a vitally necessary form of self-therapy to try to understand all of the whys. Far from gloomy, however, author Anne's concise insights are sometimes profound, sometimes simplistic and oft-times humorous. Just like life itself. While each of the letters is quite short (indeed, the entire book is quite a quick read), each addresses a central question that Anne ultimately ends up answering herself, at least in part. In this painful journey, written over a period of three months following her sister's untimely death at 54, Anne agonizes from phase to phase as part of a long healing process that is just the beginning. Death, like life, is irrationally unfair, and the author experiences flashes of frustration and anger - with herself, with her brother in law and even her sister - trying to work through the process of being left alone as the last survivor. At the core of all of this is the central question: how to adapt to life without a loved one. Having recently lost my own kid sister, it was difficult to read this book at a single sitting without breaking down, as the questions posed were both uniquely personal while at the same time universal. Similar to Anne's situation, I knew for some time that my sister would not win her battle with cancer, no matter how valiantly she fought. But no matter how fore-ordained the loss of a sibling may be, you can never really prepare yourself for the huge void that the death of a brother or sister creates. Anne approached her own grief on a systematic basis - talking with friends, reading endless books about grief and bringing unresolved questions to her own therapist. This approach helped her to better understand at least the process, if not the resolution. 'Letters to Sara' ended up becoming a sort of memorial to Anne's older sister, whom she had idolized her entire life. At one point, she admitted that Sara's 'Carpe Diem' personality - seize the day! - was the critical philosophy that made Sara's life an incredibly full one, even if tragically short. While life will never be the same, the concept of living every day to its fullest is truly a legacy which will help those who survive heal over time. 'Letters to Sara' will provide help, insight and - best of all - hope to anyone wondering how they can ever face the future after such a devastating personal loss.
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