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Lose Weight, Find YourselfA Diet Book about Inspiration.
iUniverse, Inc.Copyright © 2011 Adrienne
All right reserved.
Chapter OneRecognizing Yourself
Over the years, I have experienced so much that I have been asked to write a book about all the things I have done in my life. I have finally decided to do just that. Most people have trouble reading what I write. I once had a secretary that saw a note on my desk. She asked if it was a new kind of shorthand that she had not learned in school. I guess that's one way to look at it. I still laugh at the thought. I can't master longhand. Never mind shorthand! Well it is time for me to stop being such a coward and just start writing!
Now that I have lost the weight, it is so funny, so many people don't even recognize me and for the first time in years I look in the mirror and I recognize myself. Not only physically, but mentally. The whole time I was gaining weight I was losing myself. This started years ago as a young girl. My mother never understood my learning disabilities and told me many times that I had nothing going for me but my looks.
People in my mother's era did not understand that you could be intelligent and not read well. This went on for years. The nuns told her I just didn't want to try, that I was smart but just lazy. This made for a bad self-image. I learned to overcome my poor self-image, until my personal life started to fall apart, then it overcame me, big time.
I lost my self-confidence, my self-esteem, and slowly I lost myself. I gained 70 pounds in ten months, fighting it all the way. I decided to go to the doctor and he prescribed diet pills for me, but they didn't work. Then I tried taking anti-depressants, but that still wasn't working. I was slowly self-destructing. I was killing myself with food. I was so hungry no matter how much I tried not to eat. I couldn't stop myself; any more than an addict can stop herself. This went on for the next fifteen years. I am telling you this because this is not just a diet book. I asked a friend to give me her opinion; she said that it was a book of "inspiration". That is what I want it to be. An INSPIRATION!
Chapter TwoFacing Your Health
We all go through rough patches in life. Some of us more than others. We must overcome the hard times and let them make us stronger. You learn from every experience in your life, whether it is good or bad. I have always told my children to take the knowledge you gain and use it to make yourself stronger. Sometimes you think that things can't get much worse. Believe me, they can. That is your wake up call. Truly believe how lucky you are. I want to help you start a new life and one with a new focus. What I found was when I was losing the weight, I was no longer hungry for food because I had found myself again. I no longer starved for the comfort of my old habits. In the past, I had isolated myself from everyone, ashamed of my body. I stayed inside on the couch and watched television; I had become what one would call a "couch potato". I had no money to go anywhere, and even if I did, I wouldn't want anyone to see me. If I could survive the past 15 years and come out of this dark hole into the light as happy as I am today, I want to be able to share it with everyone that has or is still having the same problem,
This book will take off the pounds; it will also change your life. I don't want you to have the inner hunger again. I do think the food I eat fills me up and also tastes good. The state of mind is just as important as the food. If you work on both, your life will be happy and full. Unfortunately, many people are having problems now. When I went through the economic crash it was earlier in life than most. I was alone. I can teach you how to pinch penny's better than most people can. I will teach you how to save and find bargains!
In November of 2007 I was up to 242 pounds and that's when I stopped getting on the scale.
I went on diet after diet only to gain back the weight plus more and more. I gave up. I became a recluse. I stopped going out. I only went out to take my kids where they had to go and then pick them up. I did only what I had to in public. I stopped buying clothes and I was up to a size 22 stretch. Every day I saw myself in the mirror as I brushed my teeth, I would say I need to lose 100 pounds. I bought slim fast, I tried Phen-Phen, and I tried anything and everything I saw on T.V. I went to Nutrisystem. First I had to fill out a form, the first question was, "What do you hope to lose, I put down 70 pounds". Next it asked for comments, I said that when I lost the weight I would like to do ads for their company. The counselor said that I should be more realistic. I stayed on the program about 3 months but had a hard time with it. My children wanted to eat the food, and their father would fight until I gave it to them. It just wasn't worth the fight. I no longer fought anything. I just gave up.
I was so overweight that I would not go to the doctors because I didn't want to get on the scale. I didn't want anyone to know what I weighed, not the nurse, not the doctor and most of all, ME. To me the higher that number was, the more hopeless I became. I was sick. I had to go to the doctor, there was no more putting it off. I had no choice. I had lost some weight from being so sick. I couldn't keep anything down. When you have kids in school you catch everything. When I got to the doctor's office I had not eaten yet, as I had just dropped my kids off at school and went early to get it over with. I didn't realize what I was getting into. First they checked how long it had been since my last visit to a doctor, and then they wanted to check some blood while I was there. They finally wanted me to get on the scale. I took off my shoes thinking it would make a difference, 237 pounds. I took a deep breath and said nothing. My blood results came back and they said my blood pressure was way too high that I needed to sit or I might have a stroke. They gave me medicine and said to come back in 2 days. That was a visit I won't forget. Two things you never ask a female; her age and her weight. I had to give them both. The embarrassment of 237 pounds on a small 5'4 woman made me want to crawl under a rock. I should have been rejoicing; I lost a whole five pounds from being sick.
Two days came and went. I headed back to the doctors, and that's when I got the news that I had diabetes. He then put me on medication and a strict diet. I was scared; I didn't want anyone to know about it. The doctor gave me some books that instructed me on how to lose weight, a machine to check my sugar, told me to take the medication that he prescribed, and he said I need to start exercising. I had no clue how I was going to do all this and hide it at the same time. My children depended on me. I did not want them to know I was sick. I was all they had. Their father had come down from Maryland. If he found out I was sick he would ridicule me. He never understood the children need one strong parent that they could depend on.
I tried every diet I saw in magazines. I would lose some pounds but it was so slow and I didn't see any changes. I was hungry, so eventually I would go back to food. All the pounds would come back. I did this over and over. I had clothing size 22 to 16 because I would go up and down. I knew I had to lose weight but it didn't matter, nothing mattered, because I was so unhappy with myself that I just stopped caring about me. I loved my kids and lived for only them. I was at count down stage. I have seven children. I told myself I had to make it until my youngest finished school and turned 18, then I had lived up to my motherly obligations. That's how low I felt. It's like which came first, the chicken or the egg? I don't think it matters. They go hand and hand. When you're unhappy you eat. And when you eat you are happy for a quick fix, then unhappy with the long term results.
Chapter ThreeMore Problems Than You Can Imagine
For me it started out with family illness in 1993. The father of my children had a massive stroke. He has never been the same. I had six kids and one on the way. I went into a state of depression, so I ate. I tried medication, that didn't work. In 1994 I had 7 children, ranging from 12 years to 1 month. I was having business problems that led to financial problems, then to legal problems, and weight problems. That's another whole book. I just gave up. I didn't look like me at all. I didn't want to see anybody. I sold the house I lived. In 1998 we moved into a small town. My life was nothing like it had been years before that. When your husband gets ill and is no longer himself, you lose most of your so called friends. Face 90 years in prison for crimes you did not commit, lose your money and you become like the plague. No friends, and that large family you always exchanged gifts with at Christmas, I never heard from them again. I have one brother that is the same as when we were growing up. I love him dearly for it.
Chapter FourLife Takes a Detour
As a young girl I planned on going to New York and getting a job in a chorus line. They always had musicals on Broadway. I got out of high school and got an apartment, right outside of Washington D. C. so I could make some money to get to New York. If not there, California for the movies. I'm not a good navigator. I took a side road by mistake, met Bob, and stayed in D.C. I was happy, we did everything together. We had lots of fun, played hard, and worked hard. He was a lot older than me but it never mattered. We were always on the go. He was my other half. Bob helped me with my learning disabilities. I needed someone I could trust to help me in business, he became my partner. At first, he had a hard time understanding sharing 50/50, but he soon learned.
We started with an old, used crab truck. We ran it from Louisiana to Washington D.C. and Maryland. We knew all the seafood restaurant owners. Bob wanted more money because he owned the truck and loaded it. I said I paid for the insurance and did not need him to load the truck, and we both drove 17 hours, 50/50. When we got into our crabbers I would ask the guys if they could put crabs in the truck for me and they did. Bob understood 50/50. He didn't like it but he understood it. I told him in business it is not always how hard you work but the fact that you get the job done. I got the job done. I got the job done just as well as he did so I felt I should get 50%.
We each had our own idea for the business. He would answer questions for me. If I wanted a house that was for sale he would tell me how much the payments would be at a current interest rate for 15 years for a certain price, then I would have to come up with the payments to rent or own with no money down. This was before the days of infomercials telling you this. I found the house I wanted, set goals, and raised my family in it for 15 years until my life started falling apart.
When you lose your money that takes care of the rest. I was lucky; I had made one friend during this time named Margo. She loved me and my family, and she knew I had problems but that did not bother her. She was a lot wealthier than any of my old friends and socially more acceptable than any of them, and God had put us together. She called me her daughter and my children her grandkids. In November 1999 Margo passed away.
Chapter FiveDreams Not Just For My Children
I had no reason to stay up north, so the kids and I moved to Sarasota, Florida. It had great art programs and I could not afford to pay for them anymore. Six out of seven kids excelled in the arts. My oldest boy was now 18 and drove us down in an old 1973 RV. He can fix anything, and good thing, because we had our share of problems on the way.
Now I know you want to know the trick on how I lost the pounds so fast. And I will tell you exactly what I ate and what I did. I do think it is important that you understand my mental outlook because it makes all the difference in your success. If you can go as low as I have been and start over, anyone can. By 2000 I had hit bottom financially. My body was at a record high 242 pounds. The more unhappy I got, the more I cooked. I had nothing else to give my kids; they loved it when I cooked all the home made meals. The Mac and cheese, clam chowder, pizza, lasagna, stuffed shells, cream soups, and please don't forget the sauces, hollandaise, horseradish, parmesan, shall I go on and on? With lots of cookies too. If they wanted it and I had the ingredients, I made it. I had no money to go anywhere so what else could I give them? Whatever they didn't eat, I did! Lots and lots of comfort food.
The kids said I was an awful mom; I never gave them TV dinners like other mothers. So next I went to processed foods, frozen French fries, Jamaican pot pies. Pizza pockets. By 2007 I looked like a beached whale. I was on a five year plan. My baby girl was now 13; I had 5 years to go if I made it until then I would feel like I had completed my job. I am telling you this because you must have goals in life and I had lost all of mine. I thought my life was over and now I know I just had one of life's challenges and I came through it. It's never too late to start over.
As I lost my weight I gained back my self-confidence and I realized that I could now achieve other goals in my life and I have. You will too!
We all have that moment when it's time to wake up. Mine came on the 24th of November 2007. I got a call from Sarasota Memorial Hospital. "Is this Adrienne Wear?" I said yes is it, and believe me this is the call you never want to get." We have Ryan Cary Wear here. He has been in a car accident. He has internal injuries; we don't think he is going to make it." I was already at another ER with his father. I left there to pick up two of his brother just in case they could help give blood, as I was on the way and I was not thinking clearly.
As I write this my heart pounds hard and I can't hold back the tears. Its July 16, 2008 my chest is still getting bad pains at the thought of never being able to hold my boy in my arms again or hear his voice. As I drove to the hospital I said my prayers. I told God I had survived financial ruin. If I lost my boy I was going with him. When I got to the hospital the doctors said what we told you on the phone was not true, he is going to be OK! He had lost teeth and needed an operation and had a broken foot. But he was going to live. I was so thankful. I felt that was it. I had to stop feeling sorry for myself. I had just been given a gift, my son. So I started living life too. I lost 30 pounds the first two months. When I looked into the mirror I could finally see a difference. I could get on the scale and see the pounds coming off so it made it so much easier to lose. I found out that I ate because it is a habit. I broke that habit just by changing my routine.
As a fat person I got up every day and made a hot breakfast, took the kids to school, came home, cleaned the kitchen, started lunch, did errands picked the kids up, and started dinner. Then I thought okay enough is enough. Not anymore, after that I got up, took the kids to school, went to the hospital and had coffee with my son. He had no teeth and was on a liquid diet. I stayed with him until school got out. I picked up the kids, cooked dinner, and left again. I ate smaller amounts of light food. I didn't have time to make big meals. When I brought Cary home it was almost Christmas. I had made a deal with God that if he gave me my boy back I would start living again. I had to show my kids life is about dreams. We came to Florida to fulfill dreams, one by one, they were giving up. I had one on track. Not very good odds since there are seven children and only one me.
I saw a way to show them I was back on track. I looked better then I had in years. I felt better and I had more energy. I started making my own meals that make you burn calories. I ate food that took more calories to digest than were in them. I made my own recipes for soups, snacks, and stir fry. I also found out that a lot of the time I thought I was hungry, but I realized I was actually thirsty. I started thinking I never had a problem with my weight when I was younger. I'm going to eat like I did then. When I was 18 to early 30's my weight would fluctuate from 115 to 125. I saw no reason why I couldn't be like that again; I wanted to look like me again. Feel happy, having confidence, showing others that there is hope, you can feel good about yourself and that when you do you can make others happy. I made my family happier because I was getting dressed and going out with them again. I was making them feel better. I went to my 18 year old son's graduation in a size 10 outfit down from a 22 in November 2007. In five months I had dropped 6 dress sizes. I had changed my outlook on life. Part of how I was losing the pounds was I no longer sat on the couch. Cary had gone back into the hospital and when he came out there were doctor's appointments, school activities. We moved and I kept on the go.
Excerpted from Lose Weight, Find Yourself by Adrienne Copyright © 2011 by Adrienne. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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