Losing Hope

Losing Hope

4.5 208
by Colleen Hoover
     
 

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#1 New York Times bestselling author Colleen Hoover held readers spellbound with her novel Hopeless, the story of what happened when a troubled girl named Sky encountered a long-lost childhood friend, Dean Holder. With Holder’s help, Sky uncovered shocking family secrets and came to terms with memories and emotions that had left deep scars.

Overview

#1 New York Times bestselling author Colleen Hoover held readers spellbound with her novel Hopeless, the story of what happened when a troubled girl named Sky encountered a long-lost childhood friend, Dean Holder. With Holder’s help, Sky uncovered shocking family secrets and came to terms with memories and emotions that had left deep scars. Hopeless was Sky’s story. Now, in Losing Hope, we finally learn the truth about Dean Holder.

Haunted by the little girl he couldn’t save from imminent danger, Holder’s life has been overshadowed by feelings of guilt and remorse. He has never stopped searching for her, believing that finding her would bring him the peace he needs to move on. However, Holder could not have anticipated that he would be faced with even greater pain the moment they reconnected.

In Losing Hope, Holder reveals the way in which the events of Sky’s youth affected him and his family, leading him to seek his own redemption in the act of saving her. But it is only in loving Sky that he can finally begin to heal himself.

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9781476746555
Publisher:
Atria Books
Publication date:
10/08/2013
Edition description:
Original
Pages:
336
Sales rank:
58,337
Product dimensions:
5.30(w) x 8.20(h) x 0.90(d)

Read an Excerpt

Losing Hope


  • My heart rate is signaling for me to just walk away. Les has reminded me more than once that it’s not my business. She’s never been a brother before, though. She has no idea how hard it is to sit back and not let it be my business. That’s why, right now, this son-of-a-bitch is my number-one priority.

    I slide my hands into the back pockets of my jeans and hope to hell I can keep them there. I’m standing behind the couch, looking down at him. I don’t know how long it’ll take him to notice I’m here. Considering the grip he has on the chick straddling his lap, I doubt he’ll notice for a while. I remain behind them for several minutes while the party continues around us, everyone completely unaware that I’m a fraction away from losing my mind. I would take out my phone so that I’d have evidence, but I couldn’t do that to Les. She doesn’t need a visual.

    “Hey,” I finally say, unable to contain my silence a second longer. If I have to watch him palm this chick’s breast one more time without a single ounce of respect for his relationship with Les, I’ll rip his fucking hand off.

    Grayson tears his mouth away from hers and tilts his head back, looking up at me with glossed-over eyes. I can see the fear settle in when it clicks—when he finally realizes that the last person he thought would be here tonight actually showed up.

    “Holder,” he says, pushing the girl off his lap. He struggles to his feet but can hardly stand up straight. He looks at me pleadingly, pointing at the girl, who’s now adjusting her barely-there skirt. “This isn’t . . . it’s not what it looks like.”

    I slide my hands out of my back pockets and fold my arms across my chest. My fist is closer to him now and I have to clench it, knowing how good it would feel to punch his face in.

    I look down to the floor and inhale a breath. Then another. And one more just for show, since I’m really enjoying watching him squirm. I shake my head and raise my eyes back to his. “Give me your phone.”

    The confusion on his face would be comical if I weren’t so pissed. He laughs and attempts to back up a step, but bumps into the coffee table. He catches himself by pressing his hand onto the glass and straightens back up. “Get your own fucking phone,” he mumbles. He doesn’t look back at me as he maneuvers his way around the coffee table. I calmly walk around the couch and intercept him, holding out my hand.

    “Give me your phone, Grayson. Now.”

    I’m not really at an advantage sizewise, since we’re about the same build. However, I’m definitely at an advantage if you take my anger into consideration, and Grayson can clearly see that. He takes a step back, which probably isn’t a very smart move considering he’s backing himself straight into the corner of the living room. He fumbles with his pocket and finally pulls out his phone.

    “What the hell do you want my phone for?” he says. I grab it out of his hands and dial Les’s number without hitting send. I hand it back to him.

    “Call her. Tell her what a bastard you are and end it.”

    Grayson looks down at his phone, then back up at me. “Go fuck yourself,” he spits.

    I inhale a calming breath, then roll my neck and pop my jaw. When that doesn’t help ease my urge to make him bleed, I reach forward, grab the collar of his shirt and shove him hard against the wall, pinning his neck with my forearm. I remind myself that if I kick his ass before he makes the call, my remaining calm for the past ten minutes will have been pointless.

    My teeth are clenched, my jaw is tight, and my pulse is pounding in my head. I’ve never hated anyone more than in this moment. The intensity of what I wish I could do to him right now is even scaring me.

    I look him hard in the eyes and let him know how the next few minutes are about to play out. “Grayson,” I say through clenched teeth. “Unless you want me to do what I really want to do to you right now, you will put the phone to your ear, you will call my sister, and you will end it. Then you’re going to hang up the phone and never speak to her again.” I press my arm harder against his neck, taking note of the fact that his face is now redder than his shirt, due to lack of oxygen.

    “Fine,” he grumbles, attempting to free himself from the hold I have on him. I wait until he looks down at the phone and hits send before I release my arm and let go of his shirt. He puts the phone to his ear and never stops looking at me as we both stand still and wait for Les to answer.

    I know what this will do to her, but she has no idea what he does behind her back. No matter how many times she hears it from other people, he’s somehow able to weasel his way back into her life every time.

    Not this time. Not if I have any control over it. I won’t sit back and let him do this to my sister anymore.

    “Hey,” he says into the phone. He tries to turn away from me to speak to her, but I shove his shoulder back against the wall. He winces.

    “No, babe,” he says nervously. “I’m at Jaxon’s house.” There’s a long pause while he listens to her speak. “I know that’s what I said, but I lied. That’s why I’m calling. Les, I . . . I think we need some space.”

    I shake my head, letting him know that he needs to make it an absolute break-up. I’m not looking for him to give her space. I’m looking for him to give my sister permanent freedom.

    He rolls his eyes and flips me off with his free hand. “I’m breaking up with you,” he says flatly. He allows her to talk while he remains silent. The fact that he’s showing no remorse whatsoever proves what a heartless dick he is. My hands are shaking and my chest tightens, knowing exactly what this is doing to Les right now. I hate myself for forcing this to happen, but Les deserves better, even if she doesn’t think she does.

    “I’m hanging up now,” he says into the phone.

    I shove his head back against the wall and force him to look at me. “Apologize to her,” I say quietly, not wanting her to hear me in the background. He closes his eyes and sighs, then ducks his head.

    “I’m sorry, Lesslie. I didn’t want to do this.” He pulls the phone from his ear and abruptly ends the call. He stares at the screen for several seconds. “I hope you’re happy,” he says, looking back up at me. “Because you just broke your sister’s heart.”

    That’s the last thing Grayson says to me. My fist meets his jaw twice before he hits the floor. I shake out my hand, back away from him, and make my way to the exit. Before I even reach my car, my phone is buzzing in my back pocket. I pull it out and don’t even look at the screen before answering it.

    “Hey,” I say, attempting to control the trembling anger in my voice when I hear her crying on the other end. “I’m on my way, Les. It’ll be okay, I’m on my way.”

    •   •   •

    It’s been an entire day since Grayson made the call, but I still feel guilty, so I tack on an extra two miles to my evening run for self-inflicted punishment. Seeing Les torn up like she was last night wasn’t something I had expected. I realize now that having him call her like I did probably wasn’t the best way of handling things, but there’s no way I could just sit back and allow him to dick around on her like he was.

    The most unexpected thing about Les’s reaction was that her anger wasn’t solely placed on Grayson. It was as if she was pissed at the entire male population. She kept referring to men as “sick bastards,” pacing her bedroom floor back and forth, while I just sat there and watched her vent. She finally broke down, crawled into bed, and cried herself to sleep. I lay awake, knowing I had a hand in her heartache. I stayed in her room the whole night, partly to make sure she was okay, but mostly because I didn’t want her picking up the phone and calling Grayson in a moment of desperation.

    She’s stronger than I give her credit for, though. She didn’t attempt to call him last night and she’s made no attempt to call him today. She didn’t get much sleep last night, so she went to her room before lunch to nap. However, I’ve been pausing outside her bedroom door throughout the day just to make sure I couldn’t hear her on the phone, so I know she hasn’t made any attempts to call him. At least while I’ve been home. In fact, I’m pretty sure the heartless phone call from him last night was exactly what she needed to finally see him for who he really is.

    I kick my shoes off at the door and walk to the kitchen to refill my water. It’s Saturday night and I would normally be heading out with Daniel, but I already texted him to let him know I was staying in tonight. Les made me promise I would stay in with her because she didn’t want to go out and chance running into Grayson yet. She’s lucky she’s cool, because I don’t know many seventeen-year-old guys who would give up a Saturday night to watch chick flicks with his heartbroken sister. But then again, most siblings don’t have what Les and I have. I don’t know if our close relationship has anything to do with the fact that we’re twins. She’s my only sibling, so I don’t have anything to compare us to. She might argue that I’m too protective of her, and there may be some truth to that argument, but I don’t plan on changing anytime soon. Or ever.

    I run up the stairs, pull my shirt off, and push open the bathroom door. I turn the water on, then walk across the hall and knock on her bedroom door. “I’m taking a quick shower, will you order the pizza?”

    I brace my hand against her door and reach down to pull my socks off. I turn around and toss them into the bathroom, then beat on her door again. “Les!”

    When she doesn’t respond, I sigh and look up at the ceiling. If she’s on the phone with him, I’ll be pissed. But if she’s on the phone with him, it probably means he’s telling her the break-up was all my fault and she’ll be the one who’s pissed. I wipe my palms on my shorts and open the door to her bedroom, preparing for another heated lecture on how I need to mind my own business.

    •   •   •

    I see Les on her bed after I walk into her room, and I’m immediately taken back to when I was a little boy. Back to the moment that changed me. Everything about me. Everything about the world around me. My whole world turned from a place full of vibrant colors to a dull, lifeless gray. The sky, the grass, the trees . . . all the things that were once beautiful were stripped of their magnificence the moment I realized I was responsible for our best friend Hope’s disappearance.

    I never looked at people the same way. I never looked at nature the same way. I never looked at my future the same way. Everything went from having a meaning, a purpose, and a reason, to simply being a second-rate version of what life was supposed to be like. My once effervescent world was suddenly a blurred, gray, colorless photocopy.

    Just like Les’s eyes.

    They aren’t hers. They’re open. They’re looking right at me from her position on the bed.

    But they aren’t hers.

    The color in her eyes is gone. This girl is a gray, colorless photocopy of my sister.

    My Les.

    I can’t move. I wait for her to blink, to laugh, to revel in the twisted aftermath of the sick, fucking joke she’s playing right now. I wait for my heart to start beating again, for my lungs to start working again. I wait for control of my body to return to me because I don’t know who has control of it right now. I sure as hell don’t. I wait and I wait and I wonder how long she can keep this up. How long can people keep their eyes open like that? How long can people not breathe before their body jerks for that desperately needed gasp of air?

    How fucking long before I do something to help her?

    My hands are touching her face, grabbing her arm, shaking her whole body until she’s in my arms and I’m pulling her onto my lap. The empty pill bottle falls out of her hand and lands on the floor but I refuse to look at it. Her eyes are still lifeless and she’s no longer looking at me as the head between my hands falls backward every time I try to lift it up.

    She doesn’t flinch when I scream her name, and she doesn’t wince when I slap her, and she doesn’t react when I start to cry.

    She doesn’t do a goddamned thing.

    She doesn’t even tell me it’ll be okay when every single ounce of whatever was left inside my chest is propelled out of me the moment I realize that the very best part of me is dead.

  • Meet the Author

    Colleen Hoover is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Slammed, This Girl, Point of Retreat, Hopeless, Losing Hope, Finding Cinderella, Maybe Someday, Ugly Love, Maybe Not, and Confess. She lives in Texas with her husband and their three boys. Please visit ColleenHoover.com.

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    Losing Hope: A Novel 4.5 out of 5 based on 1 ratings. 208 reviews.
    Anonymous More than 1 year ago
    If you have expectations of this being just Holders POV for Hopeless YOU CAN NOT BE MORE WRONG!!!! In this book we get Holder, but we get a backstory his emotions, his reactions, we get answers to questions asked or left vague in Hopeless. Most of all we get to see the man stripped and bared, we see it all! I don't even know how to put in words the awesomeness of how this book made me feel. I really just want to say READ IT DANG IT AND THANK ME LATER and be done with it.  Holder, is a man that any parent would be proud to call their son. He is caring and smart and wonderful and just an awesome person all the way around. In this book we get a better sense of who he is and why he did certain things that he did in Hopeless. We see from when Les was alive and a bit into their bond. Colleen just has a way of incapsulating me into this world with her writing that as I am reading I can see the scenes playing before my very eyes. Finally seeing through Holders eyes the things he knew and the truths he had to face. I cried so hard reading Hopeless but Losing Hope had me just in sobbing hysterics. I believe I woke my hubby up during a really heartbreaking scene. He thought I was crazy but he held me and let me cry. He fell back to sleep mind you but at least he was there. As a mother my heart ripped apart and as I remember that scene, I am crying once again because I could feel the weight of that emotion. The feeling of loss and my heart just breaking not only for Holder but for his mother as wellI have read many many books but the way that Colleen writes whoa! she is magical because I felt every emotion, I was angry, I was sad, I was DEVASTATED, my heart broke, I blushed, I smiled, I laughed, I needed a hugI have read many many books but the way that Colleen writes whoa! she is magical because I felt every emotion, I was angry, I was sad, I was DEVASTATED, my heart broke, I blushed, I smiled, I laughed, I needed a hug! I still have to say the non kissing, non sex having scene is by far the BEST SCENE EVER!!! I didn't re-read Hopeless and I am glad I didn't because I don't feel like I missed a thing. I did remember a few scenes from Hopeless, that scene being one of them. Oh man it was just as good reading it through Holders eyes as it was through Sky's!!! Learning the real reason that Holder stayed away from Sky for that month it all just made so much scene it was like... AH HA....Lightbulb!! I can not put into this review just how awesome this book is. You need to read and experience the Hoover effect for yourself. That woman has magical fingers for writing and an extraordinary mind because the way she puts words together, its so full of emotion and beauty I want to pick her brain so I can absorb her awesomeness! I feel that 5 stars is not enough. She is just phenomenal.
    Anonymous More than 1 year ago
    I am truly wondering if the readers who claim this is the same exact  book written from a different POV actually read the book?  I can only tell you that  there is a lot more depth to Holder's story.   Without giving too much away, as I do not appreciate those who give reviews and spoil the storyline, I will say this book is not just about Hope's story. This book focuses more on Holder...  his struggles through learning to cope with losing his sister, his innermost thoughts and feelings while getting to know Sky.  His day-to-day coping as well as his wonderful personal breakthrough at the end. It was an absolute joy to read! 
    Anonymous More than 1 year ago
    Colleen Hoover out did herself with this book! Hopeless & Losing Hope are the BEST Books of 2013!! I am in awe of what a beautiful heart wrentching story this is!
    Anonymous More than 1 year ago
    I love this book! Matter of fact I love every book by Colleen Hoover! Without a doubt I can say she is my favorite author. Pay no attention to the people that have given thus a bad review. Haters going to hate!
    Anonymous More than 1 year ago
    I usually stay away from books which are "simply" the other main character's point of view because I've been burned before with stories that are almost identical to the previous one offering little if any new insight. This one was not at all like that. It added so much more dimension to the original story. It was almost like reading about a brand new character. I loved it. I liked it even more than the first one.
    RCrull75 More than 1 year ago
    I LOVED Hopeless. It is one of my all time favorite books (next to Slammed....also by Colleen Hoover). I have read This Girl, Slammed through Will's eyes. It was good, but I didn't think it flowed well. This book.....wow. This is how you should rewrite a book through someone else's eyes.  Here is my Goodreads review: Ok.My.Goodness. I knew this was going to be good, because Hopeless is one of the most amazing books I have ever read, but this book....wow. My heart is still aching and my tears are still falling. How in the world can someone write a book that is the same story I have already read, and yet it still completely shatters me like it is the first time I have read it? This is why Colleen Hoover is THE MOST AMAZING AUTHOR. PERIOD.  Here are some things (ramblings) on what made this book so amazing! 1. The way it was written through Holder's POV during the same time period as Hopeless. I LOVED Slammed, and I liked This Girl, but it felt forced.  2. The cover. Oh.My.Goodness. Perfection. 3. I loved the way Holder found the journal and wrote to Les. 4. The letter Holder found at the end of the journal...tore my heart out! 5. Just like the Hopeless, I loved the banter back and forth and the sarcasm.  6. I loved getting to know Daniel, and the way Hoover has set up her next book (Finding Cinderella) in the middle of this book. Very clever! ;-) 7. I also loved that she had Sky read Slammed to Holder. Also, very clever! I love it when authors connect their books to each other. Its a great nod to their "book fans". Thank you Colleen Hoover! 8. LOVED the twist that Les reveals about Hope/Sky in her note to Holder. And I'm also SO glad that Les didn't keep all that happened to her to herself. 9. Not that Les could be replaced, but I was SO happy to see Holder's mom become so attached to Hope. I'm sure that she saw her as a daughter she lost, and this daughter was returned to her. 10. The word devastated. Wow! The way it is talked about and explained. So powerful!
    Anonymous More than 1 year ago
    Not enough changed or insight given to give reader a full on opposite POV. Changes to story were oresent but not from character opinion which doesnt "sound" very different. A lot of repeat conversation from Hopeles. If you enjoyed Hopeless a lot this still is worth a read.
    Anonymous More than 1 year ago
    This book made me laugh, made me cry and made me want to read everything the author has ever written. An absolutely wonderful book. To see things from Holder's point of view and to be there while he learns to forgive himself for things outside of his control was beyond words. And anyone who says this is just a rehash of Hopeless has clearly not read the book. The two books together gives the story of Sky and Holder so much more depth than just one ever could have. This author is extremely talented.
    Anonymous More than 1 year ago
    So.. I've been really depressed these last few days and have no clue what to do... I tried telling my parents a few months ago that I was depressed but they blew it off saying that I shouldn't be, so I don't think I can go to them for help.. and school hasn't started yet so I can't tell a counsler or teacher... and a few nights ago I was super depressed and wanted to OD.... but the reason I didn't was because I was worried about being judged which is the reason why I wanted to in the first place... not to mention the fact I can't handle all the stress I have... which to some may not be that much but I'm like a major sensitive person........
    Anonymous More than 1 year ago
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    Quei More than 1 year ago
    LOVE IT!!!!! NOT HER BEST BOOK BUT STILL IN LOVE WITH COLLEEN HOOVER ONE OF THE BEST WRITERS EVER!!
    Anonymous More than 1 year ago
    Tishia More than 1 year ago
    Losing Hope is the second book in the Hopeless series. It's mostly the same story, only told from Holder's point of view. There are some extras though – like Holder dealing with the death of his sister before Sky comes along. These extras are what kept this book from getting boring for me. If you read the first book, then you already know what's going to happen in this book. It's funny though, how different characters seem when you read from different perspectives. In Sky's book, Holder seemed a little creepy and stalkerish. Sky seemed like a nice, normal character to me. In Holder's book, you get to see just how sensitive he is. Also, from his point of view I almost thought that Sky seemed a little b*tchy in the beginning. I've read other reviews, and I totally understand where other readers are coming from when they complain about Sky and Holder's sexual encounters. It seems very strange. However, I believe that all victims of sexual abuse handle it in different ways. The story of Sky and Holder is amazing and I gave the first book 5 stars. I'm going to have to give this one 4 stars just because half of it is stuff we've already read, so it wasn't as exciting. There is no more mystery. It was very well written though, and I'm looking forward to Finding Cinderella – the novella that revolves around Sky and Holder's friends Daniel and Six.
    Anonymous More than 1 year ago
    Anonymous More than 1 year ago
    I have yet to read a book as amazing as this one. It's a roller coaster of emotions. I have read it several times and I never get jaded. If I could give it 100 stars, I would.
    Anonymous More than 1 year ago
    Anonymous More than 1 year ago
    fruitopia More than 1 year ago
    WOW Sometimes you read a book that is from the other person's point of view and it is usually just rehashed with a few added bonus scenes, but Losing Hope is totally the opposite of that.  This book answered so many questions that I had about the first book,, which I actually loved,   I loved how Holder found himself through writing in Les's journal, how he poured out his emotions through his writing, some were funny that made me laugh, and some made me shed a tear or two.   In all this was a great read read.  
    Anonymous More than 1 year ago
    4 stars
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    Blamjam More than 1 year ago
    From Hopeless to finding Hope. After meeting Holder in Hopeless I could read his point of view of pretty much anything. Even though I knew the story and knew what was coming I still loved reading the story through Holder's eyes and through his words in his letters to Les. It was like I liked the story again, I loved the story again. A story worth "living" again. If you have not read Hopeless, what the hell are you waiting for?