Lost And Found Lovers

Lost And Found Lovers

4.6 3
by Nancy Kalish

Ever wonder what might happen if you rediscovered that "special someone" who captured your heart years ago? The 1,001 people who participated in Dr. Nancy Kalish's landmark study of lost love reunions did exactly that. Here for the first time are the full, fascinating results of her research, along with the intensely romantic stories of the couples, printed in the… See more details below


Ever wonder what might happen if you rediscovered that "special someone" who captured your heart years ago? The 1,001 people who participated in Dr. Nancy Kalish's landmark study of lost love reunions did exactly that. Here for the first time are the full, fascinating results of her research, along with the intensely romantic stories of the couples, printed in the lovers' own words. Dr. Kalish's renowned lost love research has garnered international media attention. She shows why rekindled romance has captured our imaginations and reveals factors to consider when thinking about a reunion. Many of her findings will surprise you!

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly - Publisher's Weekly
Inspired by her meeting anew her college boyfriend, and by a sentimental reading of The Bridges of Madison County, Kalish, a psychology professor at CSU, Sacramento, founded the Lost Love Project, an exploration of rekindled romances. Publicizing the project through various media including radio and newspapers, Kalish heard from numerous potential participants; this roundup of her findings, an uncomfortable blend of academic research and pop-speak, is based on information acquired from more than 1000 questionnaires returned to her, as well as letters. The text itself consists primarily of her correspondents' words linked by Kalish's thoughts. Her findings are sometimes surprising-for instance, that "lovers who had lived together during the first romance were least likely to remain together (54%) after reconnecting." Also surprising, however, are some of her interpretations, based on developmental psychology theories, of her data. Such concepts as separation anxiety in infants and Piaget's theories of conservation and reversibility in the cognitive development of young children seem stretched at times to fit tenuous conclusions. In one chapter and in an appendix, Kalish offers lists of operas, song hits, movies and tales that deal with rediscovered loves-possibly to drive home the point that "renewed love has mass sales appeal." The hundreds of letters from participants often sound alike, and while the sense of rapture in many of them is conveyed cumulatively, this isn't surprising in a study whose subjects are self-selected. Kalish has done hard work here in generating what academic conclusions she can from data that are almost strictly anecdotal, but as rigorous social science this book is questionable. It's going to attract attention, though, as the first major nonfiction treatment of a subject sure to make baby boomers' hearts beat faster-no wonder it's being published on Valentine's Day. Author tour. (Feb.)
Kirkus Reviews
Dreams of what might have been come true in this fustian report on a research project inspired by The Bridges of Madison County.

Kalish (Psychology/Calif. State Univ., Sacramento) rekindled a college romance of her own as she mused about what might have been if Robert James Waller's romantic duo had been reunited. Kalish's reignited love affair fizzled out, but her research project on former lovers who sought each other out years after a romance ended caught fire. The trickle of once-lost lovers responding to her ads and media notices changed to an outpouring when she appeared on Leeza, a national TV talk show. Ultimately, more than 1,000 questionnaires, often with lengthy stories of loss and reconnection, were returned to Kalish. The raw numbers, included with the copy of the questionnaire as an appendix to the book, give a quick look at who the respondents were: They came from all 50 states, and from countries ranging from Argentina to Venezuela. The youngest respondent was 12 years old (looking for a lost love she met when she was 9); the oldest was 87. Kalish offers stories of real (and fictional) couples who reunited even after years of happy marriages to others and found together, very quickly, a spiritual and sexual compatibility that most had only dreamed of. On the darker side, abandoned spouses (and children who lose a parent) are seen to have suffered from confusion, pain, and guilt. There is the stuff of tragedy, comedy, and soap opera in these stories, but the drama is lost in the banal, cheerleading commentary.

The book wraps up with a listing of pop songs that celebrate love the second time around, including Sinatra's rendering of that refrain. Skip the study and listen to Ol' Blue Eyes; he's more trenchant on the subject.

Read More

Product Details

iUniverse, Incorporated
Publication date:
Sales rank:
Product dimensions:
6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.55(d)

Read an Excerpt

"I've asked myself countless times why I placed the phone call to my Lost Lover. It wasn't done with the conscious thought that renewing our old love relationship would be the outcome. Maybe it was the idea that I was turning the 'Big Five-oh' that made me want to rekindle old friendships. Back then, we were friends long before we were lovers."We talked that day on the phone for two hours. After that, I found myself thinking about my Lost Lover constantly. One night I got out of bed and wrote down all the events I could remember. Most were humorous, and I found myself laughing out loud as I listed them. I began to think that she would also enjoy reminiscing, so I sent her my list. The response was another listwith additional events I had forgotten!

"Now, ten months later, we have seen each other about eight times. Our relationship is very intense. It is as if our love was put on 'pause' over thirty years ago and then mysteriously once again put back into the 'play' mode.

"One of the feelings we have is a physical aching for each other. We long to talk, kiss, and hold each other, skin to skin. We have sent mushy cards and tape-recorded messages to listen to when we cannot be together. Even if our relationship never results in marriage, our experience over these past months has been a most satisfying one and an experience that can never be taken away from us.

"So many things seem to be happening in our relationship for some spiritual purpose. For instance, I had been out of town on a business trip and had not read a local paper for two weeksuntil the day I picked up the paper which had the article about your Lost Love Project. It all seems to be fate."

This story froma middle-aged man in the northeast is one of more than a thousand Lost and Found Love stories returned with the multiple-choice questionnaires. Checking boxes was easy but not satisfying to these lovers. They needed to tell their stories. I could understand that. One of the things that my Lost and Found Lover and I did quite naturally during our reunion was to talk about our initial relationship and our renewed love to anyone who would listen. Our reconnection seemed so rare, so magical, and indeed many people reacted to our story as if it were the perfect fairy tale.

Excerpted from Lost and Found Lovers. Copyright ) 1997 by Nancy Kalish, Ph.D.

Read More

Customer Reviews

Average Review:

Write a Review

and post it to your social network


Most Helpful Customer Reviews

See all customer reviews >