BN.com Gift Guide

The Lost Art of Listening, Second Edition: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships

( 5 )

Overview


One person talks; the other listens. It's so basic that we take it for granted. Unfortunately, most of us think of ourselves as better listeners than we actually are. Why do we so often fail to connect when speaking with family members, romantic partners, colleagues, or friends? How do emotional reactions get in the way of real communication? This thoughtful, witty, and empathic book has already helped over 100,000 readers break through conflicts and transform their personal and professional relationships. ...
See more details below
Paperback (Second Edition)
$14.40
BN.com price
(Save 15%)$16.95 List Price

Pick Up In Store

Reserve and pick up in 60 minutes at your local store

Other sellers (Paperback)
  • All (9) from $9.69   
  • New (5) from $10.43   
  • Used (4) from $9.69   
Sending request ...

Overview


One person talks; the other listens. It's so basic that we take it for granted. Unfortunately, most of us think of ourselves as better listeners than we actually are. Why do we so often fail to connect when speaking with family members, romantic partners, colleagues, or friends? How do emotional reactions get in the way of real communication? This thoughtful, witty, and empathic book has already helped over 100,000 readers break through conflicts and transform their personal and professional relationships. Experienced therapist Mike Nichols provides vivid examples, easy-to-learn techniques, and practical exercises for becoming a better listener--and making yourself heard and understood, even in difficult situations.
Read More Show Less

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

"This book is worthy of reading and rereading, if only to remind yourself of its simple message to stop what you're doing and listen to the important people in your life. It has spoken to me at different times, helping me to improve relationships with my spouse, child, and friends."--Doug O., Walnut Creek, California
 

"Lily Tomlin once advised that we 'listen with an intensity that most people save for talking.' The Lost Art of Listening tells us how. This is a very special book that distills years of clinical wisdom into practical advice about improving our most important relationships and, ultimately, who we are. Through the lens of the importance to us all of being heard, Dr. Nichols tells us how genuine listening can prevent broken connections and dried up relationships. Following his own advice, he presents clear, familiar, and relevant examples of real-life family problems and frustrations, in a way that leaves us open to accepting and using his messages. He stresses the need to avoid letting anger, anxiety, and fear of being hurt impede our ability to listen, and tells stories that show us how to manage everything from criticism to reticence and intrusiveness. Simultaneously, he provides clues for improving self esteem and decreasing emotional reactivity. This is more than a good book; it is a vital manual for any of us who would either like to feel good about our relationships or avoid dying before the end of our lives."--Carol M. Anderson, MSW, PhD, Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
 
"A beautifully written, articulate guide to listening, this book is an antidote to the sense of diminishment experienced by so many as our culture short-circuits our need for interchange with others. Using personal stories from his life and the lives of patients, Dr. Nichols offers clarification of the listening process between friends, with family, in work situations, and in intimate relationships. The Lost Art of Listening is a pleasure to read and a valuable tool for therapists."--Marion F. Solomon, PhD, author of Narcissism and Intimacy

"Dr. Nichols writes as if he is speaking directly to us--and he speaks in a way that makes us not only able, but eager, to listen. What happens between him and his readers embodies key elements of what he wants us to learn about listening. Along the way, we learn about much more."--Thelma Jean Goodrich, PhD, Family Institute of Westchester

"I use this book in teaching first-semester graduate students counseling micro-skills. The students endorse it as the best of the texts I use. The Lost Art of Listening uses pragmatic examples from real life to illustrate active listening. This approach makes the material come alive for students who are just learning active listening, and is a great refresher for those who are already familiar with it. In addition, I often recommend the book to couples I see in my private practice."--Iverson M. Eicken, PhD, Adjunct Instructor, Department of Counseling, California State University, Fullerton

Contemporary Psychology

"Powerful and informative."--Contemporary Psychology
counsellingresource.com

"I think readers from every walk of life--lay readers and mental health professionals alike--will find something to like here, something that really will turn on a lightbulb or two, something that can help us all get along a bit better and listen a bit more artfully."--counsellingresource.com
From the Publisher

"This book is worthy of reading and rereading, if only to remind yourself of its simple message to stop what you're doing and listen to the important people in your life. It has spoken to me at different times, helping me to improve relationships with my spouse, child, and friends."--Doug O., Walnut Creek, California
 

"Lily Tomlin once advised that we 'listen with an intensity that most people save for talking.' The Lost Art of Listening tells us how. This is a very special book that distills years of clinical wisdom into practical advice about improving our most important relationships and, ultimately, who we are. Through the lens of the importance to us all of being heard, Dr. Nichols tells us how genuine listening can prevent broken connections and dried up relationships. Following his own advice, he presents clear, familiar, and relevant examples of real-life family problems and frustrations, in a way that leaves us open to accepting and using his messages. He stresses the need to avoid letting anger, anxiety, and fear of being hurt impede our ability to listen, and tells stories that show us how to manage everything from criticism to reticence and intrusiveness. Simultaneously, he provides clues for improving self esteem and decreasing emotional reactivity. This is more than a good book; it is a vital manual for any of us who would either like to feel good about our relationships or avoid dying before the end of our lives."--Carol M. Anderson, MSW, PhD, Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
 
"A beautifully written, articulate guide to listening, this book is an antidote to the sense of diminishment experienced by so many as our culture short-circuits our need for interchange with others. Using personal stories from his life and the lives of patients, Dr. Nichols offers clarification of the listening process between friends, with family, in work situations, and in intimate relationships. The Lost Art of Listening is a pleasure to read and a valuable tool for therapists."--Marion F. Solomon, PhD, author of Narcissism and Intimacy

"Dr. Nichols writes as if he is speaking directly to us--and he speaks in a way that makes us not only able, but eager, to listen. What happens between him and his readers embodies key elements of what he wants us to learn about listening. Along the way, we learn about much more."--Thelma Jean Goodrich, PhD, Family Institute of Westchester

"I use this book in teaching first-semester graduate students counseling micro-skills. The students endorse it as the best of the texts I use. The Lost Art of Listening uses pragmatic examples from real life to illustrate active listening. This approach makes the material come alive for students who are just learning active listening, and is a great refresher for those who are already familiar with it. In addition, I often recommend the book to couples I see in my private practice."--Iverson M. Eicken, PhD, Adjunct Instructor, Department of Counseling, California State University, Fullerton

Contemporary Psychology

"Powerful and informative."--Contemporary Psychology
counsellingresource.com

"I think readers from every walk of life--lay readers and mental health professionals alike--will find something to like here, something that really will turn on a lightbulb or two, something that can help us all get along a bit better and listen a bit more artfully."--counsellingresource.com
Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781593859862
  • Publisher: Guilford Publications, Inc.
  • Publication date: 3/9/2009
  • Edition description: Second Edition
  • Edition number: 2
  • Pages: 314
  • Sales rank: 174,949
  • Product dimensions: 5.90 (w) x 8.90 (h) x 0.90 (d)

Meet the Author

Michael P. Nichols, PhD, Professor of Psychology at the College of William and Mary, is the author of Stop Arguing with Your Kids, among numerous other books. He is a well-known therapist and a popular speaker.

Read More Show Less

Table of Contents

Introduction

I. The Yearning to Be Understood

1. ”Did You Hear What I Said?”: Why Listening Is So Important

2. “Thanks for Listening“: How Listening Shapes Us and Connects Us to Each Other

3. “Why Don't People Listen?“: How Communication Breaks Down

II. The Real Reasons People Don't Listen

4. “When Is It My Turn?”?The Heart of Listening: The Struggle to Suspend Our Own Needs

5. “You Hear Only What You Want to Hear“: How Hidden Assumptions Prejudice Listening

6. “Why Do You Always Overreact?!“: How Emotionality Makes Us Defensive

III. Getting Through to Each Other

7. “Take Your Time?I'm Listening“: How to Let Go of Your Own Needs and Listen

8. “I Never Knew You Felt That Way“: Empathy Begins with Openness

9. “I Can See This Is Really Upsetting You“: How to Defuse Emotional Reactivity

IV. Listening in Context

10. “We Never Talk Anymore“: Listening Between Intimate Partners

11. “Nobody around Here Ever Listens to Me!“: How to Listen and Be Heard within the Family

12. From “Do I Have To?“ to “That's Not Fair!“: Listening to Children and Teenagers

13. “I Knew You'd Understand“: Being Able to Hear Friends and Colleagues

Epilogue

Read More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Average Rating 3
( 5 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(1)

4 Star

(1)

3 Star

(1)

2 Star

(1)

1 Star

(1)

Your Rating:

Your Name: Create a Pen Name or

Barnes & Noble.com Review Rules

Our reader reviews allow you to share your comments on titles you liked, or didn't, with others. By submitting an online review, you are representing to Barnes & Noble.com that all information contained in your review is original and accurate in all respects, and that the submission of such content by you and the posting of such content by Barnes & Noble.com does not and will not violate the rights of any third party. Please follow the rules below to help ensure that your review can be posted.

Reviews by Our Customers Under the Age of 13

We highly value and respect everyone's opinion concerning the titles we offer. However, we cannot allow persons under the age of 13 to have accounts at BN.com or to post customer reviews. Please see our Terms of Use for more details.

What to exclude from your review:

Please do not write about reviews, commentary, or information posted on the product page. If you see any errors in the information on the product page, please send us an email.

Reviews should not contain any of the following:

  • - HTML tags, profanity, obscenities, vulgarities, or comments that defame anyone
  • - Time-sensitive information such as tour dates, signings, lectures, etc.
  • - Single-word reviews. Other people will read your review to discover why you liked or didn't like the title. Be descriptive.
  • - Comments focusing on the author or that may ruin the ending for others
  • - Phone numbers, addresses, URLs
  • - Pricing and availability information or alternative ordering information
  • - Advertisements or commercial solicitation

Reminder:

  • - By submitting a review, you grant to Barnes & Noble.com and its sublicensees the royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable right and license to use the review in accordance with the Barnes & Noble.com Terms of Use.
  • - Barnes & Noble.com reserves the right not to post any review -- particularly those that do not follow the terms and conditions of these Rules. Barnes & Noble.com also reserves the right to remove any review at any time without notice.
  • - See Terms of Use for other conditions and disclaimers.
Search for Products You'd Like to Recommend

Recommend other products that relate to your review. Just search for them below and share!

Create a Pen Name

Your Pen Name is your unique identity on BN.com. It will appear on the reviews you write and other website activities. Your Pen Name cannot be edited, changed or deleted once submitted.

 
Your Pen Name can be any combination of alphanumeric characters (plus - and _), and must be at least two characters long.

Continue Anonymously
Sort by: Showing all of 5 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 13, 2013

    A wonderful guide to better listening, step by step.  Very infor

    A wonderful guide to better listening, step by step.  Very informative and easy to understand.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 30, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted March 4, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted December 18, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted December 17, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

Sort by: Showing all of 5 Customer Reviews

If you find inappropriate content, please report it to Barnes & Noble
Why is this product inappropriate?
Comments (optional)