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Love and Destiny
Discover the Secret Language of Relationships
By Sharon Jeffers
Hampton Roads Publishing Company, Inc.Copyright © 2008 Sharon Jeffers
All rights reserved.
The Hidden Conversations in Our Relationships
Man is a knot into which relationships are tied.
—Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Flight to Arras (translated from French by Lewis Galantière)
We've all experienced feeling a certain way with one person and completely different with another. With one person we may show one side of our personality, and with another we experience just the opposite. With one individual we are inspired, and with another left feeling stifled. We are excited and attracted to one person, and then have the exact opposite reaction to somebody else. What changes? Do we change with each person we're with? Or is it the dynamics created with another person that change with each individual we encounter? What motivates our behaviors and the ways we choose to communicate with each individual we connect with?
And how closely do we pay attention to the subtleties of our interactions with one another? We may witness these dynamics in varying degrees, but how often do we stop and think about what's actually taking place or, more importantly, why these variations in our behaviors, interactions, and feelings are happening at all?
The Chemistry of Love
The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
When we come together with another person, a third entity is formed, and we call this entity "a relationship." What most of us may not be aware of is that relationships are living, breathing personifications of energy. Each relationship has its own distinct personality. It embodies its own brand of challenges and opportunities, and it has a life path and a destiny. A relationship has a temperament and preferences, and it is filled with specific intentions for its self-expression. When we enter into a relationship, we step into an invisible cosmic bubble that's filled with the substance of its own intelligence and its own agendas. The influences that exist within the domain of the relationship immediately began to interact with each of us as individuals, and those influences have undeniable and profound effects on our personal awareness and our interactions with one another. When attraction and magnetism show up between us and another person, and we step into an intimate relationship, many unseen dynamics are stirred into the recipe that we have named love. These dynamics can be intense at times and mysterious at others.
The Reflections of Our Soul
Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself.
Mirror, mirror on the wall, am I seeing me at all?
Relationships are our mirrors, and we must remain open and pay attention to what we see in them. Those we love, those we encounter, and those we desire are reflections that enable us to see with greater clarity not only who we are, but also the dynamics that are occurring within our own heads and hearts. Just as the eyes are the windows of the soul, our relationships are the windows to our inner world and the most important and most primary relationship of all: the one we have with our self. When we see something in a partner, friend, or loved one that causes us to react, we are being given the opportunity to turn inward and look at the scenario that's playing out within our subconscious.
For most of us, relationships are a major part of our lives. They add depth and meaning to our experiences, they stir the pot of our emotions, and they take us to places within our self where we might not otherwise go on our own. They challenge us, and they nurture us; they make demands of us, and they bless us. Relationships are the most powerful initiators of change that exist for us as human beings. We are attracted to and draw others to us for a reason, always. Each person we come into contact with has a gift to give us, a gift to receive from us, or both. Each person brings us lessons to be learned and opportunities for our personal growth. The people we bring into our lives are our teachers and mirrors, and when we see them in this way and are curious and grateful, we can see the magic of life playing with us through our connections with others.
The secret to relationship success lies in understanding ourselves first, then the person we are in relationship with, and finally the dynamics that are created when we come together with that person in a relationship.
What if we could understand the invisible dynamics that govern each one of our relationships? What if we could see exactly what the relationships mean, what our learning is, what the gifts and strengths are, what the challenges are, and perhaps why we have chosen them? What if we had a way to see exactly what's going on in a relationship with someone and why we feel one way with one person and another with someone else? It would be exceedingly helpful, insightful, and empowering.
There are many tools, bodies of knowledge, and techniques that focus on relationship compatibility. Some examples would be the various schools of astrology and numerology that observe the dynamics between two people with great accuracy. In the realms of traditional therapy, the focus is on the psychological dynamics between people and the individuals' personal issues that show up in their relationships. All of these bodies of wisdom are important for the development of self-understanding and the cultivation of a partnership; however, there's something being overlooked if we stop there. There's another school of wisdom that reveals something more—something very significant that, when understood, can enlighten us and liberate us to greater self-awareness and understanding, and empower us to have happier, more successful relationships in our lives.
There is a hidden language in relationships, and this secret language is defined and revealed in an ancient little book of wisdom. This little book was originally used as a map of humankind's journey through time, of our destinies as they unfold, and to the meaning of our personal relationships with one another. This little book, given to humanity by an ancient order of magi, is designed to guide us through time, show us who we really are, describe what life has to offer each of us as individuals, and direct us on our paths of self-mastery. In the realm of relationships, I have seen nothing else that so specifically reveals the hidden influences that are at work in our relationships with other human beings.
This sacred language comes from an ancient science, and the little book of wisdom that I speak of is actually the deck of playing cards.
The Secrets of the Ancients
Destiny grants us our wishes, but in its own way, in order to give us something beyond our wishes.
—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
If you are new to this mystic science of the cards, welcome to an amazing oracle that reveals the structure of time and where we are in our journey as we move through time. This ancient body of wisdom also gives us greater insight to who we are, what we innately bring into this experience we call life, and the dynamics that exist within our relationships.
I first came upon this system in 1990 while perusing a metaphysical bookstore in the San Fernando Valley of southern California. I knew there was something in that store for me, and when I found it, I felt like I had been reunited with a very dear old friend. It was this oracle. The book I joined with on that day was The Sacred Symbols of the Ancients, published in 1947. As I wandered through its pages, I knew I was being reminded of something that I, for sure, had known a long time ago.
It was some time before I began writing about the oracle in my own words, and as I embarked upon that journey, I was amazed at how the cards continuously revealed their wisdom to me. The accuracy that I found hidden within the sacred symbols of the card deck was nothing short of impressive. I soon discovered that, in addition to keeping time and making predictions with amazing accuracy, this system, when applied to relationships, was unsurpassed in its delineations of the character and nature of our connections with one another. Some of those connections are dreamy and juicy, some are difficult and filled with challenges, and some are powerful in their ability to further define our character and our creative expression. The learning potential within the connections we have with others is vast and varied, and using this oracle to observe the invisible influences at work in a relationship is a powerful way to gain insight and understanding of our relationships and ourselves.
Unveiling the Intention of Time
In ancient times, in many civilizations, it was recognized that time has intention. Each day carried a name, and that name was filled with meaning—a destiny, if you will. In some cultures, a child was given the name of the day he or she was born on, and everyone understood that the child embodied the energy of that day for his or her entire lifetime. Our civilization has lost touch with many things, including any acknowledgment of the meaning of time that we might have had. We have entered a collective unconscious agreement of what time is and how time is structured. We don't question that it's Tuesday, or August, or 2008.
The ancient system of the cards shows the intention of each day of the year. Interestingly, the deck of cards corresponds with our current Gregorian calendar in several key ways. There are:
52 cards and 52 weeks in the year
12 court cards (jacks, queens, kings) in a deck and 12 months in a year
4 suits (hearts, clubs, diamonds, spades) in a deck and 4 seasons in a year
13 cards in each suit (ace through king), 13 weeks in each season, and 13 lunar cycles in the year
7 cycles of 52 days in a year and 7 days in the week
When you add all the cards together by the number of pips on the card (1+2+3, etc., through the entire deck) the sum total is 364. Add the Joker, and the final sum is 365, the number of days in the calendar year.
Furthermore, this ancient system defines the intention that time has for each of us personally, day by day and year by year, from our birth onward. Imagine, all the while we've been playing with the deck of cards, we've been holding in our hands the secret of how our lives inherently unfold through time. We've also been holding onto the keys that unlock the secret language that is hidden within our relationships.
This system is a most excellent tool for determining relationship compatibility. When I speak of compatibility, I am not referring to whether or not we are compatible; I am referring to the discovery of how it is that we are compatible with one another.
As each day of the calendar year is governed by a specific card (see the chart titled "What's Your Card?"), the day we were born on determines our birth card. Following the birth card, there are twelve additional cards that form a thirteen-card personal life path for each one of us. Every one of those thirteen cards represents a significant influence and/or specific cycle of time throughout our life. Our personal life path defines who we are and where we are in time, including the many cycles that we have throughout our lives. The details revealed by this mystic science are uncanny in their precision.
Our Connections Are Sacred
When you step into relating with me, fresh dynamics come into play within each of us and between the two of us. These dynamics are filled with intention. These intentions emerge from the combination of the sacred symbols and numeric energies that compose each of the cards. Every one of the cards embodies special traits, wisdom, challenges, and gifts. Each connection is sacred in that it embodies its own special gift of wisdom, which is there for us to discover as individuals in relationship together. The compatibility reports for each of the composite cards define, one by one, the energetic compositions of our relationships.
The focus of this book is on the cards that govern the relationship itself, the energies each card will evoke, and the potential of the relationship in general. In addition to finding the composite cards of a relationship, as described in "The Relationship Reading" section, there is another way to gain insight through these relationship composites. If your birth card is a Jack of Diamonds, you can read the Jack of Diamonds compatibility report to more deeply understand how the Jack of Diamonds behaves when in a relationship. Apply the wisdom of the cards that you find in this book, and your awareness of yourself, your partner, and your relationship will be enhanced. If you are looking for a relationship, or if you're dating, you can use this information to know in advance what a relationship is going to be like and whether or not it's the best choice for you.
Some composite cards indicate an extremely challenging relationship. I do tell you to think twice about these connections. I think that it's important to be realistic in regard to our relationships with one another. Fantasy rules strongly over the heart and mind when romance steps onto the dance floor. Fantasy is wonderful and deliciously delightful to indulge in. However, it's not the best foundation for making important decisions regarding life or relationships. Understanding the dynamics of these composite cards can bring tremendous insight and guidance, which will lead to stronger bonds of love, deeper and more meaningful experiences in communication, greater self-learning, and enhanced self-awareness.
The Relationship Reading
When this system is applied to relationship compatibility, it yields multiple layers of information. One of the many amazing aspects of this ancient system is how accurately it defines relationship dynamics. Not only does it define them, but it also enlightens us to what those dynamics are in a more conscious way. It gives us the wisdom to determine how to interface with the influences that govern our connections with one another, so that we can choose how to interact from a more informed state of mind. The more we learn about ourselves and how these dynamics work, the more success we will have in our relationships and in our lives in general. It's quite amazing to experience how clearly and accurately the cards define our relationships. It really is quite profound.
The Four Personal Significators
Four primary cards, referred to as personal significators, are taken from the thirteen cards that compose each individual person's life path. These four personal significators are the birth card, the spirit card, the planetary ruling card, and the soul card.
Your Birth Card
Determined by the month and day you were born, the birth card represents your soul's expression in this life. The influences of this card manifest as your distinguishing signature to be expressed to the world. It's like the costume you are wearing to the ball. You personify the essence of this card as an expression of self, and you identify with it deeply on the subconscious level. Your lessons are embodied in the life path of your birth card.
Your Spirit Card
This card represents the inner environment of your psyche and what you deal with inside your own mind. This is an aspect of yourself that wants to experience the fulfillment of self-expression. This card carries your challenges and your opportunities relative to self-expression; when you embrace and resolve the challenges specific to this card's true desires, the challenges transform and become your rewards. We are happiest when we are expressing the full potential of our spirit card.
Your Planetary Ruling Card
This is the card in your life path that corresponds with the ruling planet of your astrological sign. You identify with this card's influence on the mental level and act out its characteristics. This card is like an overlay of traits and characteristics in your personality; we often think that this is who we are. In your life path, this card has to do with your karmic journey and represents how others perceive you. The characteristics of this card show up clearly in how we move through the world.
Your Soul Card
This card embodies the gifts that the wisdom of your soul has brought into this life with you, and it guides you as to how to use those gifts to manifest the essence of who you really are. The soul card reveals where you have come from as an individual, and it is the representative of your soul's true essence and nature. This card is a guiding force that reveals your preferred path for expressing your essential wisdom, be it through the work that you do or how you give back to life.
In the back of the book, you will find reference charts that will enable you to determine your personal spirit, soul, and planetary ruling cards. You can learn more about the essence of your birth card and your other personal significators in my book Cards of Destiny, which delineates all fifty-three cards and the characteristics they bring forth in each of us as individuals.
Excerpted from Love and Destiny by Sharon Jeffers. Copyright © 2008 Sharon Jeffers. Excerpted by permission of Hampton Roads Publishing Company, Inc..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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