Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs

( 16 )

Overview

Psychological studies affirm it, and the Bible has been saying it for ages. Cracking the communication code between husband and wife involves understanding one thing: that unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. Now you and your mate can start fresh with the ground-breaking guidance that Dr. Emerson Eggerichs provides in this book. His revolutionary message is for anyone in marital crisis, wanting to stay happily married, or feeling lonely. Using Dr. Eggerich's breakthrough ...

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Overview

Psychological studies affirm it, and the Bible has been saying it for ages. Cracking the communication code between husband and wife involves understanding one thing: that unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. Now you and your mate can start fresh with the ground-breaking guidance that Dr. Emerson Eggerichs provides in this book. His revolutionary message is for anyone in marital crisis, wanting to stay happily married, or feeling lonely. Using Dr. Eggerich's breakthrough techniques, couples nationwide are achieving a brand-new level of intimacy. And if you'll take this biblically based counsel to heart, your marriage could be next!

This groundbreaking book--featured on Focus on the Family's radio program--offers much-needed help to husbands and wives everywhere. Introducing the biblical teaching of unconditional respect, Love and Respect shows readers how to decipher the communication code between male and female.

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781594153204
  • Publisher: Cengage Gale
  • Publication date: 4/16/2010
  • Edition description: Large Print
  • Pages: 523
  • Sales rank: 408,130
  • Product dimensions: 5.40 (w) x 8.50 (h) x 1.10 (d)

Meet the Author

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, an internationally known expert on male-female relationships, presents the Love & Respect conference with his wife, Sarah, both live and by video to more than 50,000 people each year, including groups such as the NFL, PGA, and members of congress. With degrees from Wheaton College and Dubuque Seminary and a PhD from Michigan State, Emerson pastored Trinity Church in Lansing for 19 years. He and Sarah have been married since 1973 and have three children.

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Read an Excerpt

Love & Respect

The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs
By Emerson Eggerichs

INTEGRITY PUBLISHERS

Copyright © 2004 Emerson Eggerichs
All right reserved.

ISBN: 1-59145-187-6


Chapter One


The Simple Secret to a Better Marriage

How can I get my husband to love me as much as I love him?" This was the basic question I heard from wife after wife who came to me for counseling during the almost twenty years I pastored a growing congregation. My heart broke for wives as they wept and told me their stories. Women are so tender. On many occasions I sat there with tears rolling down my cheeks. At the same time I became irked with husbands. Why couldn't they see what they were doing to their wives? Was there some way I could help wives motivate these husbands to love them more?

I felt all this deeply because I had been a child in an unhappy home. My parents divorced when I was one. Later they remarried each other, but when I was five, they separated again. They came back together when I was in third grade, and my childhood years were filled with memories of yelling and unsettling tension. I saw and heard things that are permanently etched in my soul, and I would cry myself to sleep at times. I remember feeling a deep sadness. I wet the bed until age eleven and was sent off to military school at age thirteen, where I stayed until I graduated.

As I look back on how my parents lived a life of almost constant conflict, I can see the root issue of their unhappiness. It wasn't hard to see that my mom was crying out for love and my dad desperately wanted respect.

Mom taught acrobatics, tap dance, and swimming, which gave her a good income and enabled her to live independently of Dad's resources. Dad was left feeling that Mom could get along fine without him, and she would often send him that message. She made financial decisions without consulting him, which made him feel insignificant, as if he didn't matter. Because he was offended, he would react to her in unloving ways. He was sure Mom did not respect him. Dad would get angry over certain things, none of which I am able to recall. Mom's spirit would be crushed, and she would just exit the room. This dynamic between the two of them was my way of life in childhood and into my teenage years.

As a teenager I heard the gospel-that God loved me, He had a plan for my life, and I needed to ask forgiveness for my sins to receive Christ into my heart and experience eternal life. I did just that, and my whole world changed when I became a follower of Jesus.

After graduation from military school, I applied to Wheaton College because I believed God was calling me into the ministry. When I was a freshman at Wheaton, my mother, father, sister, and brother-in-law received Christ as Savior. A change began in our family, but the scars didn't go away. Mom and Dad are now in heaven, and I thank God for their eternal salvation. There is no bitterness in my heart, but only much hurt and sadness. I sensed during my childhood, and I can clearly see now, that both of my parents were reacting to each other defensively. Their problem was they could offend each other most easily, but they had no tools to make a few minor adjustments that could turn off their "flamethrowers."

While at Wheaton, I met a sanguine gal who brought light into every room she entered. Sarah was the most positive, loving, and others-focused person I had ever met. She had been Miss Congeniality of Boone County, Indiana. She was whole and holy. She loved the Lord and desired to serve Him only. She should have had a ton of baggage from the divorce that had torn her family, but she did not let it defile her spirit. Instead, she had chosen to move on. Not only was she attractive, but I knew I could wake up every day next to a friend.

The Jean Jacket "Disagreement"

I proposed to Sarah when we were both still in college, and she said yes. While still engaged we got a hint of how husbands and wives can get into arguments over practically nothing. That first Christmas Sarah made me a jean jacket. I opened the box, held up the jacket, and thanked her.

"You don't like it," she said.

I looked at her with great perplexity and answered, "I do too like it."

Adamant, she said, "No, you don't. You aren't excited."

Taken aback, I sternly repeated, "I do too like it."

She shot back. "No, you don't. If you liked it, you would be excited and thanking me a lot. In my family we say, 'Oh my, just what I wanted!' There is enthusiasm. Christmas is a huge time, and we show it."

That was our introduction to how Sarah and Emerson respond to gifts. Sarah will thank people a dozen times when something touches her deeply. Because I did not profusely thank her, she assumed I was being polite but could hardly wait to drop off the jacket at a Salvation Army collection center. She was sure I did not value what she had done and did not appreciate her. As for me, I felt judged for failing to be and act in a certain way. I felt as if I were unacceptable. The whole jacket scenario took me by complete surprise.

During the jean jacket episode, though neither of us clearly discerned it at the time, Sarah was feeling unloved and I was feeling disrespected. I knew Sarah loved me, but she, on the other hand, had begun wondering if I felt about her as she felt about me. At the same time, when she reacted to my "unenthusiastic" response to receiving the jacket, I felt as if she didn't really like who I was. While we didn't express this, nonetheless, these feelings of being unloved and disrespected had already begun to crop up inside.

We were married in 1973 while I was completing my master's degree in communication from Wheaton Graduate School. From there we went to Iowa to do ministry, and I completed a master's of divinity from Dubuque Seminary. In Iowa, another pastor and I started a Christian counseling center. During this time, I began a serious study of male and female differences. I could feel empathy for my counseling clients because Sarah and I, too, experienced the tension of being male and female.

You Can Be Right but Wrong at the Top of Your Voice For example, Sarah and I are very different regarding social interaction. Sarah is nurturing, very interpersonal, and loves to talk to people about many things. After Sarah is with people, she is energized. I tend to be analytical and process things more or less unemotionally. I get energized by studying alone for several hours. When I am with people socially, I interact cordially but am much less relational than Sarah.

One night as we were driving home from a small group Bible study, Sarah expressed some strong feelings that had been building up in her over several weeks.

"You were boring in our Bible study tonight," she said, almost angrily. "You intimidate people with your silence. And when you do talk, you sometimes say something insensitive. What you said to the new couple came across poorly."

I was taken aback but tried to defend myself. "what are you talking about? I was trying to listen to people and understand what they were saying."

Sarah's answer went up several more decibels. "You need to make people feel more relaxed and comfortable." (The decibels rose some more.) "You need to draw them out." (Now Sarah was almost shouting.) "Don't be so into yourself!"

I didn't respond for a few seconds because I was feeling put down, not only by what she said but by her demeanor and her tone. I replied, "Sarah, you can be right but wrong at the top of your voice."

Sarah recalls that our conversation that night in the car was life-changing for her. She may have been accurate in her assessment of how I was acting around people, but her delivery was overkill. We both dealt with things in our lives due to that conversation. (We still sometimes remind one another, "You know, you can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.") Overall, I think Sarah has improved more from that conversation than I have. Just this past week she coached me on being more sensitive to someone. (And this is after more than thirty years in the ministry!)

That early episode in our marriage planted more seeds of what I would later be able to describe and articulate. I knew Sarah loved me and her outburst was caused by her desire to help me. She wanted me to appreciate her concern and understand that she was only doing it out of love, but the bottom line was I felt disrespected, attacked, and defensive. Over the years, we continued to grapple with this same problem. She would voice her concern about something I was not focusing on as I should. ("Did you return so-and-so's phone call? Did you jot a note to so-and-so?") I would do my best to improve, but occasionally I would slip back, making her feel that I did not value her input.

And Then I Forgot Her Birthday

A few more years went by, and Sarah's birthday was coming up. She was thinking about how I would respond-would I even remember? She always remembered birthdays, but birthdays weren't big on my radar screen. She knew she would never forget my birthday, because she loved me dearly. She wondered, however, if I would celebrate her birthday. She was thinking, Does he hold me in his heart the way I hold him in mine?

So what she did was not done in a mean spirit. She was simply trying to discover things about me and men in general. She knew that forgetfulness was a common problem, and she was just being curious. As an experiment, she hid all the birthday cards that had arrived before her birthday. No hints of her birthday existed anywhere, and I was going along in my usual fog, studying and thinking. On her birthday I had lunch with a friend. That evening as Sarah and I had dinner, she softly asked, "So, did you and Ray celebrate my birthday today?"

I can't describe exactly what goes on inside the human body at a moment like that. But it felt as if my blood went out of my heart, down to my feet, and then shot full force into my face. How would I ever explain this one?

I hemmed and I hawed, but I couldn't explain forgetting Sarah's birthday. My forgetfulness had been unloving, and I could see that she was hurt. But at the same time, I had these strange feelings. Yes, I had been wrong to forget, but I hadn't ignored her birthday intentionally. I felt judged, put down-and rightly so. At the time, I couldn't describe my feelings with a word like disrespected. During those years, when the feminists were going full blast, men didn't talk about being disrespected by women. That would have been arrogant, and in church circles it would have been considered a terrible lack of humility.

Loving Times and Spats of Ugliness

The years rolled by-a blur of preaching, pastoring, and counseling more married couples. Sarah and I continued to grow in our marriage as we learned more and more about one another, and we had a lot of great times. But along with the loving times were spots (should I say spats?) of ugliness. Nothing was long term; we would almost always pray together afterward, asking forgiveness from one another as well as from the Lord. But what did it all mean? Where was our marriage going? After all, I was a pastor who was paid to be "good." How could I justify all my little slip-ups that were "good for nothing"?

As someone has said, the problem with life is that it's so daily. And Saran and I irritated each other almost daily with bad habits we couldn't shake. One of mine was leaving wet towels on the bed. At least once a month Sarah would be angry about my wet towel. And every three months or so, I would start drifting back into being preoccupied with other things, neglecting certain duties, and forgetting certain requests. When she would critique me, tension would arise and I would come across as blaming her or making excuses.

Sarah periodically coughs and clears her throat, and early on in our marriage when we would be praying, I would get irritated by her coughing. How childish could I be? We were praying to the Lord of heaven, and I was bothered by something she couldn't help. Other times, she wanted me to praise the Lord when I was frustrated. Frankly, I didn't always want to praise the Lord, so did that make me less spiritual? When she was frustrated, I didn't tell her to praise the Lord! Didn't that make me less judgmental and more spiritual?

Tension has a way of tearing down your self-image. On the heels of confrontation, I felt I could never be good enough. And on the heels of family conflict, Sarah felt she was a failure as a mother and wife. As with all couples, the specifics that prompted these tensions weighed heavily on us as a couple. Indeed, life can be "so daily."

It is not Sarah's first choice to travel, study, and teach because that is not her gifting, though she is willing to go for the sake of our ministry. I can't stand fixing things that break in the home since that's not my talent. So I usually complain when trying to fix something which doesn't get fixed anyway (and that's why I didn't want to do it in the first place!).

I share all these little "secrets" about my wife and me to let you know that we do not deliver our message on marriage from any pedestal of perfection. We have struggled on many fronts and will continue to do so, but now we struggle knowing we can win! Over the years, ever so slowly, we have discovered the "secret" that has made all the difference for us (and for many other couples).

The "Secret" Hidden in Ephesians 5:33

For more than twenty years I had the privilege of studying the Bible thirty hours a week for my pulpit ministry. I also earned a PhD in family studies, plus a master's in communication. I had a lot of formal training, but when this illumination from Scripture exploded in my heart and mind one day in 1998, it simply blew me away. I literally exclaimed, "Glory to God!" The insight that I finally recognized in Scripture, and which I later confirmed from reading scientific research, explained why Sarah and I would get into our arguments. I finally saw very clearly why Sarah could be crushed by my words and actions, just as my mom had been crushed by my dad. And Sarah could say things that would send me through the roof, just as my mom had said things that would send my dad through the roof.

What was the secret? Actually, it was not a secret at all. This passage of Scripture has been there for some two thousand years for all of us to see. In Ephesians 5:33, Paul writes, "Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband" (NIV).

Of course, I had read that verse many times. I had even preached on that verse when conducting marriage ceremonies. But somehow I had never seen the connection between love and respect. Paul is clearly saying that wives need love and husbands need respect. As I started sharing my secret in messages and later in seminars and conferences, I would often run into people who would say something like, "This Love and Respect Connection sounds good, Emerson, but isn't it a little theoretical? We have real problems-money problems, sex problems, how to raise the kids ..."

As I will show throughout this book, the Love and Respect Connection is the key to any problem in a marriage. This is not just a nice little theory to which I added a few Bible verses. How the need for love and the need for respect play off of one another in a marriage has everything to do with the kind of marriage you will have.

How God Revealed the Love and Respect Connection

In the beginning, when I was struggling to find help for other marriages as well as for my own, I was not searching for any "Love and Respect Connection." But that connection surfaced as I pondered what Ephesians 5:33 is saying. My thought process went something like this: "A husband is to obey the command to love even if his wife does not obey this command to respect, and a wife is to obey the command to respect even if the husband does not obey the command to love."

So far, so good. Then I reasoned further: "A husband is even called to love a disrespectful wife, and a wife is called to respect an unloving husband. There is no justification for a husband to say, 'I will love my wife after she respects me' nor for a wife to say, 'I will respect my husband after he loves me.'"

(Continues...)



Excerpted from Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs Copyright © 2004 by Emerson Eggerichs. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Acknowledgments 11

Introduction: Love Alone Is Not Enough 15

Part 1 The Crazy Cycle

1 The Simple Secret to a Better Marriage 23

2 To Communicate, Decipher the Code 50

3 Why She Won't Respect; Why He Won't Love 76

4 What Men Fear Most Can Keep the Crazy Cycle Spinning 102

5 She Fears Being a Doormat; He's Tired of “Just Not Getting It” 128

6 She Worries about Being a Hypocrite; He Complains, “I Get No Respect!” 150

7 She Thinks She Can't Forgive Him; He Says, “Nobody Can Love That Woman!” 171

Part 2 The Energizing Cycle

8 C-O-U-P-L-E: How to Spell Love to Your Wife 193

9 Closeness—She Wants You to Be Close 205

10 Openness—She Wants You to Open Up to Her 219

11 Understanding—Don't Try to “Fix” Her; Just Listen 236

12 Peacemaking—She Wants You to Say, “I'm Sorry” 252

13 Loyalty—She Needs to Know You're Committed 268

14 Esteem—She Wants You to Honor and Cherish Her 281

15 C-H-A-I-R-S: How to Spell Respect to Your Husband 298

16 Conquest—Appreciate His Desire to Work and Achieve 313

17 Hierarchy—Appreciate His Desire to Protect and Provide 331

18 Authority—Appreciate His Desire to Serve and to Lead 347

19 Insight—Appreciate His Desire to Analyze and Counsel 364

20 Relationship—Appreciate His Desire for Shoulder-to-Shoulder Friendship 382

21 Sexuality—Appreciate His Desire for Sexual Intimacy 397

22 The Energizing Cycle Will Work IfYou Do 413

Part 3 The Rewarded Cycle

23 The Real Reason to Love and Respect 423

24 The Truth Can Make You Free, Indeed 446

Conclusion: Pink and Blue Can Make God's Purple 470

Appendix A A Lexicon Of Love And Respect: Reminders Of What To Say, Do, Or Think To Practice Love And Respect In Your Marriage 481

Appendix B Personal Love And Respect Inventory For Husbands And Wives 487

Appendix C How To Ask Your Mate To Meet Your Needs 491

Appendix D What About Exceptions To The Love And Respect Pattern? 495

Appendix E What If Your Husband Is A Workaholic? 499

Notes 505

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Customer Reviews

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Sort by: Showing all of 16 Customer Reviews
  • Posted February 21, 2011

    Love and Respect

    Love and Respect, Dr Emerson Eggerichs

    This is not a book that I would normally choose to read, but as I am part of the booksneeze scheme, I decided to take the opportunity to read something that I wouldn't normally read.

    Dr Eggerichs takes as his starting point Ephesians 5:33 and throughout the book unravels this verse, discussing that unconditional love is the thing that wives most desire, and that unconditional respect is the thing that husbands most need. He explores this concept through the illustrations of the 'Crazy Cycle', the 'Energizing Cycle' and the 'Rewarded Cycle'. These concepts are unravelled and explained in really clear ways and illustrated with examples from his own life as well as being full with excerpts from letters that people from the 'love and respect' conferences have sent him, the conferences being made up of the same information that is in the book.

    I found the book easy to read, but I would say that I felt that his points were laboured a bit too much and there were maybe too many excerpts from letters, but all in all a brilliant book, and definitely one for me to put away for the future!

    Thomas Nelson Publishing provided me with a complimentary copy of this book to review. I was not required to write a positive review.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted August 21, 2009

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    I Also Recommend:

    A Must Read for Relationships!

    This book has helped me tremendously! Not only has it helped me understand my husband/men's needs, but it has helped me understand what the Bible means in Ephesians 5:33 (NIV) "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." I never understood it.I always thought it was a referring to sexism, but it's not!

    Unfortunately, it has taken me 10 years to "get it." As my husband and I are separated, this book is helping me see things from his perspective, and it has been life changing. It's better than counseling. I recommend it for everyone!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted September 12, 2012

    Dr. Eggerich's approach to solving the complex issues withi

    Dr. Eggerich's approach to solving the complex issues within a relationship is "black & white". All women (pink) and all men (blue) are cast into two distinct categories, where there's no room for shades of grey. Although many generalizations can be made about both sexes, humans are much more complex than just a desire for love (women) and a need for respect (men). Additionally, in an age where gender roles cross previously defined boundaries, the book assumes that men are the protectors and providers, hence their need for respect, and women are the caregivers and nurturers, hence their need for love.
    While I definitely agree that love & respect are essential in any relationship, not all men and women are the same, and I believe that needs & desires are subjective and cannot be objectified. Dr. Eggerich writes "...we all see things out of our own needs and perceptions" (subjectively), yet goes on to write that we all (objectively) fall into 2 categories and that the greatest need of ALL men and ALL women is the same.
    The book also seems (perhaps unintentionally) to put a heavier burden on women than on men. It urges women to show unconditional respect towards their man, despite the circumstances. Most of the "healed" relationship stories we find wthin the book are of women who learned to respect the man, leading the man to show a greater love and appreciation towards the woman.
    Dr. Eggerich bases his entire, oversimplified argument on one verse in the Bible, and backs it up with one scientific study conducted with only 2,000 couples. Obviously, he includes success stories to further support his theory, but any relationship book out there has numerous success stories. Certain approaches work for certain people, and other approaches work for other people, or as Dr. Eggerich writes, "...we all see things out of our own needs and perceptions."

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  • Posted April 20, 2011

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    A must read for married couples!

    This book was first recommended by the pastor at my church who spoke about it in a teaching on the book of Ephesians. When it came out to review, I jumped at the chance. This book builds upon solid biblical principles with respect to how husbands and wives should treat one another. As a wife, I can say that I definitely desire love. I asked my husband about it, and he does want respect. This isn't debatable at all. This book does establish a sound basis to build upon and it is biblically based, so that is a good thing. The only thing that I really didn't like about this book is that Eggerichs seems to make the assumption that women always view things in certain ways and men always view things in other ways. He makes assumptions that are a bit old fashioned about women staying home and taking care of the family while men go out and work. Unfortunately it doesn't always happen that way this day and age. So sometimes the roles are reversed a little and the woman has to work hard all week at work while the man is home with the kids. Love and respect are still relevant in this scenario as I'm sure the man still wants the woman to respect what he is doing at home, but most of the stories he describes are "traditional" husband-wife roles. Again, that's the only problem I had with the book. It's a wonderful read, easy to read and follow, a lot of personal stories that are indeed relevant. The hardest part is putting it into practice. This is a book I'm sure I will pick up and read again numerous times. I will definitely recommend it to friends and family.
    _____________________________________________________
    I receive these books free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneezebook review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

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  • Posted March 9, 2011

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    Must Read New Millennial Marriage Resource!!

    "Love & Respect" is an eye opening book for couples of all ages to read. It is uplifting and gives couples encouragement in their relationships and marriages. Based on the title, it is not hard to decipher the basic idea of this book on marriage. But rather than just being another book on marriage, this book only focuses on this principle of love and respect found in Ephesians 5 of the Bible. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs has done an exceptional job on differentiating the needs of a wife from the needs of a husband and how each person's needs can be adequately met. Think "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" but written in a spiritual way! So many marriages could be saved and the sanctity of marriage restored if every couple would stop and understand the dynamic of such a commitment, and Dr. Eggerichs helps foster that understanding. I would highly recommend this book to any married couple, as it could open up your eyes on how to understand your partner better and make the marriage work for the two! "Love & Respect" makes a great gift for married couples, and even for those still planning to get married. In my opinion, this book is an excellent premarital and marital counseling resource for anyone!

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  • Posted February 14, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    Great Insight and Help for Your Marriage

    Love & Respect. The love she most desires, the respect he desperately needs.
    By Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
    Thomas Nelson Publishers

    "How can I get my husband to love me as much as I love him?"

    This was the most common question Dr. Eggerichs encountered as a pastor. He fumbled around with it for a few years until he had his "Aha!" moment in '98 when a fresh reading of Ephesians 5:33 pinpointed the Love & Respect connection, the simple secret to a better marriage. God commands a man to love his wife, but commands a woman to respect her husband. And it's right there, plain as day: Love & Respect.

    Because men and women see and hear things in profoundly different ways, Eggerichs explains that we don't naturally understand the Love & Respect connection, it has to be learned and lived out with intention and faith. When differences arise, each spouse must first ask, "Is my wife coming across to me disrespectfully because she is feeling unloved?" or "Is my husband coming across unloving because he is feeling disrespected?"

    Love & Respect is helpful. The structure of the book is easy to navigate. There's a section for the men and a section for the ladies, both full of advice and examples.

    Men are instructed to use the acronym COUPLE:

    Closeness - She wants you to be close
    Openness - She wants you to open up to her
    Understanding - Don't try to "fix" her, just listen
    Peacemaking - She wants you to say "I'm sorry"
    Loyalty - She needs to know you're committed
    Esteem - She wants you to honor and cherish her

    Ladies are to use CHAIRS:

    Conquest - Appreciate his desire to work & achieve
    Hierachy - Appreciate his desire to protect & provide
    Authority - Appreciate his desire to serve & lead
    Insight - Appreciate his desire to analyze & counsel
    Relationship - Appreciate his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship
    Sexuality - Appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy


    The appendix is full of practical things to do, an inventory to take and "how to" advice. Also, the appendix addresses the exceptions to the Love & Respect pattern.

    Some of my favorite quotes:

    "God has not made your wife to function around that kind of attitude."
    "Because males tend to be so bottom-line, it would be easy to sound harsh without even realizing it."
    "Husbands do not say, 'Hey, Harry, let me show you what the guys wore in my wedding.' This is a graphic illustration of pink and blue (girl/guy differences) and you should be aware of it."
    "Many women have no idea of the importance men put on their work."

    Unconditional love or unconditional respect is still a tough pill to swallow. Love motivates respect and respect motivates love, but someone has to go first. And that's where chapter 3 comes in, "The Real Reason to Love & Respect." But you'll have to read the book to find the answer.

    Love & Respect is based on Biblical principles and Eggerichs doesn't attempt to be politically correct. This book is not designed for the feminazi type. Or maybe it is exactly what she needs.

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  • Posted January 30, 2011

    Love & Respect

    Love and Respect: The love she most desires and the respect he desperately needs - by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs has hit the age old marital nail on the head with its title. Before I read it at first I took it to be just another motivational / spiritual book off the shelf but only after just a few pages I realized my fault.
    Dealing with a very simple approach to one of the most complex marital problems, Dr. Eggerichs suggests the "love and respect" therapy. It is also well established that love alone cannot fulfill a relationship, mutual respect is equally vital.
    As the author has himself declared this book is meant for people in a marital crisis, spouses headed for divorce, husbands and wives in a second marriage, people wanting to stay happily married, spouses married to unbelievers, divorcees trying to heal, lonely wives, browbeaten husbands, spouses in affairs, victims of affairs, engaged couples, pastors and counselors looking for materials that can save marriages. However I believe this is a must read for all present as well as future couples.

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  • Posted January 20, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    Life Changing!

    After two months of marriage the church my husband I were attending at the time was promoting Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. We attended the the DVD video series offered and was later lent the book to read. I would say it did us both a lot of good because here we are standing strong four years later. The basic premise of this book is based of the Bible verse Ephesians 5:33 which says, "Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband" (NIV).

    Over the span of the four years that I've been married I've read a lot of different marriage books and none I've liked quite as much as this one. Love & Respect hits issues married couples often face head on. When reading through the book you'll learn about the cycles that tend to tear couples apart like the crazy cycle and learn ways to break them through the energizing cycle. You can read this book alone but I see much more impact coming from it if you take the time to read it together.

    I would encourage every married couple to pick up this book. I know personally for my husband and I after going through a lot more of life together are going to start reading this book again this year. It's a wonderful book to go back to that will continue to strength your marriage for a lifetime. It will completely change your life and your marriage!

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  • Posted November 5, 2010

    Love and Respect for a Lifetime - Helpful Tool in Marriages

    Love and Respect for a Lifetime is one little book filled with bible verses and helpful insights on how to make a marriage work. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs has done an exceptional job on differentiating the needs of a wife from the needs of a husband and how each of those needs can be met by both parties. Think about "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" but written in a spiritual kind of way wherein husbands and wives can reflect upon.

    This book can be a great tool in helping couples deal with their marital problems and learn how to understand each other without being too critical. It engages husbands and wives into meaningful conversations, teaches them how to read between the lines, how what we say is different from what we actually mean, and basically just makes them realize that they are a completely different person from their spouses but it does not mean that being different makes it impossible for marriage to work.

    Dr. Emerson Eggerichs merely explains how to work around the differences and learn to love and respect each other. One of my favorite lines in the book reads, "It is crucual for husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but that both of them are very different - in body functions, outlook, and perspective."

    I would highly recommend this book to married couples as it could open up your eyes on how to understand your spouses better and make your marriage work for the both of you. Love and Respect for a Lifetime makes a great present for married couples and even for those still planning to get married.

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  • Posted October 17, 2010

    Love and Respect

    Love and Respect for a Lifetime is an eye opening book for couples of all ages to read. It is uplifting and gives couples encouragement in their relationships and marriages.
    For wives, Love and Respect focuses on our need for love in a relationship. Women desire to be loved and we need this love from our husbands or our significant other in order to feel desired in a relationship. For husbands, Love and Respect focuses on their need for respect in a relationship. Husbands desire respect from their wives or significant other in a relationship in order to feel desired. Dr. Eggerichs focuses on both Love and Respect in light of wives and husbands in order to encourage couples to make the most of their relationship.
    One part in particular that I liked was the visual that wives are pink and husbands are blue, but when those two colors combine, they form purple, the color of Royalty, the color that reflect our Creator, God. We as wives and husbands are the image of God and what we do and say in our relationships should reflect God's love.
    This is a beautiful gift book for couples to read together. With quotes and scripture to encourage couples, it proves to be a great devotional.

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