Love Letters

Love Letters

by Sandra Leigh Savage

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When author Sandra Leigh Savage’s husband committed suicide in 1997, she went into isolation for a year. In this memoir, she shares her journey from the grief she experienced to her vision of a great new life. Love Letters, a collection of letters begun in September 2010, provides a snapshot of Savage’s sorrows, joys, and reflections. Through these


When author Sandra Leigh Savage’s husband committed suicide in 1997, she went into isolation for a year. In this memoir, she shares her journey from the grief she experienced to her vision of a great new life. Love Letters, a collection of letters begun in September 2010, provides a snapshot of Savage’s sorrows, joys, and reflections. Through these vignettes, she says her good-byes, notes her thanks, and provides advice for those who may have experienced the death of a spouse. This collection provides insight into how she survived the death of her husband, came to know and believe in the saving grace of God, and made the decision to stay on this earth to fulfill God’s wishes. Emotional and self-disclosing, Love Letters shares Savage’s personal message of living each day with no regrets. Through her life events, she expresses how placing your trust in the Lord can guide you through life’s bad moments and help you to full appreciate life’s good moments.

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Love Letters

By Sandra Leigh Savage

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2011 Sandra Leigh Savage
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-4620-5068-0

Chapter One

"Tag Team" Mid-September 2010

I'm not in anyway, saying good-bye at all. I'm saying hello. Please sit back and enjoy hearing about how wonderful I think you both are, in my very first "Love Letters". This is just stuff I wanted to share with you both and the world. I'm not in that horrible place anymore. My life has moved on and I'm moving with it. That I want His Grace, to show how much I treasure the uniqueness I have within. I didn't understand this, until the end of one of the worst years of my life in equal to the year he died. I went into isolation for a year. Because of that year in isolation, I wouldn't have been ready for my waiting new life. The LORD has bigger plans than I have for myself. When I was suicidal a few months ago, I was so sad, so full of sorrow, but not knowing, it was the beginning of something great and majical. As I sat in my car, as my tears flowed down my hands, I reached for the door handle to get the hose, and in that instant, of the moment of my suicide intent, my cell phone rang. It was the LORD Calling me. He showed Himself in Blinding Light. When my life was Saved that night, He showed me a new world that I couldn't reach without Him and His Serenity. From His Words, as He gives them to her, He breathed into her, saying, 'you should do something with your writing.' God has used her in my life. Just like He did both yours with me. She's one of the most important person in my life. But I couldn't have her until I had you two first. You both gave me my Christian roots in how to be a Christian girl-friend, and the LORD has uses both your skills and Rewarding for you to give you each such a wonderful life. I'm learning to love all over again. I'm stronger. Regarding you both, I haven't for one second loved one of you more than the other, just in a different way. Your friendships gave me my insight in self-knowledge. Just so you know, I'm being well taken care of. God has blessed us; you, you, and her and me. I've waited a lifetime for her, and now, our long awaited reunion from another's sobriety brought us back together with many twists that makes us unbelievably connected. When I left the sanctuary a long time ago now, it took everything away from me which He was using that to strengthen me. Moulding me for my new sunlight to take over with the help of the LORD. He has connected us in such a creative and unique way, I can't even explain it. It's not of this world. Through my awaiting tunnel, God showed me my words. I hope you both are going to be proud of me when you read them. Knowing that your lives made such an impact that it'll be recorded in history. I'm learning new things about myself, that was hidden in me for so many years, my entire life. It's like I'm being sewn into a new life, for me to become the woman I'm so striving to be. To see beauty in myself and not to compare my life to others anymore. I'm learning to love my uniqueness that I've been planned for a very long time. Waiting to come out and gain my new strengthened relationship with the LORD. I couldn't of done it without Him and you and you. He's the most important in my life. And so much has happened to me since the beginning of my journey in 1997. He once again, takes Credit for giving me a total-life-destiny-change. Using sobriety to bring us all back together, with a shit load of twists of 'fate' if you want to. Nothing I've never experienced before.... just mind-blowing experiences. I love you both and I hope you have a new and freshness to me and my new life. You both have inspired me and I hope to send you both tons of "Love Letters". As I start my new life, in a different ways from what I originally thought, I have gained two amazing, loving good friends in you and you.

"Reaching for Dreams" September 21st, 2010

You know you are special when you can safely and with much effort, reach for your dreams. I think this world needs to reach into their imaginations more and bring to life their dreams. We need to clean up the mess past generations have left, and begin where they left off and watch the next ones carry on their missions and jobs of responsibilities. I'm always talking about how everyone should make their dreams a reality and sometimes that's the fantasy, and I don't completely know that some people aren't meant to reach their dreams, but some are. Even though most of the time, people seem out of balance and need to find their clarity, I don't have any answers to that question. Why does God choose them? over you?.... right? ... I don't know why, but I know He wants you to be happy. But it's just my opinion. Why can't you be one of the chosen ones? and let everyone be in knowing, that everyone in this world deserves happiness and not the cruelty some people inflict on you and your life. Whether you want to be an astronaut or a writer or something you've always wanted to be, reach for your dreams. One day, you could be one of the few rare woman astronauts, maybe you'll be the first woman to land on the moon who can take your dreams to outer space and journey where no others have travelled. Or, you can write to your dreams and live the life that you can only dream of. To write anything and go anywhere in print?, bring it on. Or you want to be a special teacher, who will love her students and take pride in their learning and make the future in it's future scientist who discovers the cure for cancer. I hope you reach for your goal, I would be extremely proud of you. Some will have such an obtainable dream, that's so easy for you. All it took was this, or that. But where you find yours, for you in anyone you are. Hard work would follow you everyday, but if this is your joy, your hope, your destiny, hard work should come easy to you. Labour, make your body dreary tired, for later, you can rest. If you want to become something bad enough, and really reach for it, then I totally believe that God will Bless you and for what you need to do to enquire for your dreams. It may be extra hours at the end of your day. Thirst for it, hunger for it. Become the best you, you can be. Don't let anyone tell you, you can't do it. Believe in yourself. Know your knowledge within. Know you can achieve that, believe in yourself, but mostly, believe in the LORD. Be a special and unique role model to the next generations. Make a mark in the world for yourself. Why not? Live your dreams everyday in your minds eye, daydream them, plan for them, prepare for them, sleep them and live it. And when your dreams come, you'll fly better with a destination and resting place where you can and see better for your paths to lead you to your future. Your vision will be clearer as you smear off the clutter in your way. Remember my LORD everyday and maybe invite Him to your dream state, and so you should. Become something great in the LORD. Have His Power within you. Always remember, you'll journey through many different and swirling paths that may seem like the long way around things, but sometimes you need those lessons to teach you for your destiny. I challenge you, to continue on your significant life accomplishments. Live as though the next moment is gone. Live, as you can only live your destiny. So, become an astronaut, become a great role model full of dignity and respect. Lift the lids that have been capped or closed, and open up to what life brings to you and the lives around you. Follow your path and shine as you leave your sole to the rest of the world.

"Incredible Woman" September 22nd, 2010

For John and Alison


As I prepare for our night together, as I prepare everything so it's perfect for our love, I light the candles, and slightly fluff the sheer curtain that covers our bed. I put love songs on to sweeten the mood. I run the bath water to a warm touch. I slip into my red satin nighty that covers to mid-thigh. The one that will make him flip like he's a shiny new dolphin jumping for attention from glistening salt water. Then I brush my long brown hair that he loves so much. I must prepare for the words I have to place in sequence to make this perfect night work. I look in the mirror and make sure my make-up is perfect. I love him, with such passion, and I once again dig in deep, and hang on for the ride of my life. As he's near to me now, I hear his thoughts, the title waves of emotions that will capture you and rip at your soul. Love each other as if there was no more tomorrow. Make love, every night. Shut the world out of your private world and escape and execute your night together. As he said himself, I'm an incredible woman. I think everyone should love like this in this lifetime as I am with this man. John is the man for me, to cherish him, to embrace hisself and to never expect something he's not. He's here.


'Oh my gawd woman, you drive me crazy! I so want into you, like the highest drugs of ecstasy. Your sensual and feminine smell makes me pour myself all over you, like hot wax burning you and making you squirm in my presents. Conquer to me. I'll break every law that I have to break, to have you. I'm going to explode and I scream for you NOW!.... breathing sexual heaviness. You are all my loveliness, dedicated to my sweet royalty. I want to explode all through you.... to become dust inside your hot sexual skin that's on fyre in my grasps. As I rub energy in paralyzing doses. I want to eat you like a tiger rips his fleshly meat and becomes your conniver. In however long it takes, forever will I wait in you, for us to rapture time in our love. Fantastic size wants in. As I breathe in her scents. He runs his hands down her like running water, curving her form, and ravishing her. Mentally supplying something not expressed breaths into her pours. I want to seize your property, own you like an anaconda in his jungle. To devour you like a bugs sting. To travel across the universe to hear your voice, as it echoes in my silence. I'm gonna give you galoreity, in plentiful supply. Alison.... rip me, to our secret escape. Take me away. To cachinnate into our loud echo into the astral worlds. I want you, so much.... as he rasps into her throat. May we express our words of passion, as I say, 'please let me in.... now, for I need to feel your heat. For it to swallow me, for me to travel in you and become starlight. Let your inner liquid flow out of your pulsating bush. Become liquid on my touch, that makes me become music flow from within your mountains. You're a harp playing as you are a lullaby to hush a baby. You float like music in the air, that is the breeze that breathes on me. 'Love me, forever baby.' as I whisper in her ears, so only she could hear it. She stutters in breaths, for she's a zombie to my voice.

"Fall Like Rain" September 23rd, 2010

How You Shine throughout my eyes. Brilliantly, everyday, with every word. I love when You make me high. We become one. You put me in this kind-of-a-state that of everything around me is vocally mind-blowing. Words fall like rain into me, and You Rainbow it out, like my brain is going to speed away in my squeals of imagination. I believe in me when You control me. It's a kind of mysterious unknown. You are the Philosophical in my valleys. You let me feel so much. So many dominos You play with in my head. How revelations about my sentences come into me and they explode. How I call out for people into the wind around me and catapult them into my whishes. I can only hear You when I'm high ... to one hundred percent. You are my Calmness in the night when You Speak. You are the Ghost-Opener into my mind majic. You are the Flicker in my lamp, that shines everything for me. You are my Merry-Go-Round, we ride like children around and around, with slow motion covering the sky. You create me, when Here Comes The LORD. See, that is crazy, such intenseness that I go into this kind of hypnotizing-state-of-mind, paralyzed, in Your voice when You Call me to fulfill my ... well, you know, our final destinations. I feel weepy in the LORD, when I'm in our zone as You create writings. You gave me my independent speaker in me. Where was I reading from? From the Palette of Your Hand? You carry my fingertips to their words. You speak through others to me in vocal with written instructions, the words that flow from me like a delicate fragrance of feelings and thoughts pushed through me with a volt of electricity, and then caboom. The splashing of the waves on the keyboard. The deep breaths I breathe, as to carry out Your Word. It's like slicing me open and trying to figure out a puzzle that only one person can play. To fit that into that and that into this. I'm like this picture and some of the pieces I can't figure out, but then You come and Rescue me and Place in the roots that call for me in my silence. The palette waiting for it's paints to create something of wonder and mystery. Some might say, intrigue to mix-and-match that colour with that colour. Does that make sense? So, I fix it over and over to get it just right. Be my every word from beginning to end with breaths in between from heaven. How You've Breathen Your straightest of lines that keep the words I show on a shelf. That You made in me. I want to be someone's poetry, to be remembered. To find shelter and comfort. The words you invent in me is anything I want. To expand, to say horizons, and sunsets to make your world beautiful. May they be a sunset on the most intimate day of your life. I bring imagination to the new world of my words. As I continue to fill up space and fill you and fix your realignment with your mental well-being. To visually tell you a story but for you to read in our way of cooperation. To stimulate your thoughts to lull you to sleep. Or to wake you to your new day on a cloudy Cape Cod day. To build you up and to make you think. To search for you, to find where you'll open my "Letters". So, cuddle up on your couch, settle into a good book. Will I tease you? Will I make you cry? Will I show you His Love? I hope the answers are yes. I hope that I can mix-and-match here and there and you'll stay on, and pay for another great poetic sentence, for you to swing on the vines that I'll take you on. I hope you can keep up to pace for the long run of this wonderful journey I've stumbled on. Turn off your phones, curl up with your soft blanket, turn on the reading lamp and come on! As I swing my hand to encourage you to read the stories of my life and for you to get to know how words can just, be.

"Manna Bread" September 23rd, 2010

Oh my sweet Manna Bread. You're going to be so beautiful. You're going to be next to perfect in my eyes and I'm going to love you so much. I can't wait for us to find each other. I've been screaming to your soul for years now. I call out your name into the night, and hope that God is listening to my prayers for you. I pray and hope that you'll be in perfect health because I want a very long life with you. I've even dreamt of you. I see you coming up to me and jumping in my arms and licking my entire face. You'll say, Mommy, I've been waiting for you too. I'm going to sit down in the center of the floor space, crossed legs. You puppies will be smelling me like just any other person, then, I'm going say, in a singing voice, "Manna Bread. Manna, Manna Bread ... I pray that when I speak your name, you'll know my voice and when I call your name for the first time, you'll know my voice in an instant and instantly, you'll know who you are. Manna Bread. And then that's when you'll run to me. Upon when you hear this "Love Letters" for the first time, you'll understand every word. I think about you almost every single day. I think about your adorable face and the sound of your feminine voice and I hope I'll know it when you bark at me. I've been praying for you, for you to be a very special and such a good girl and I pray that you're the only choice I have. I hope that I show you unconditional love. And in that statement, I promise to take care of you, to make sure you have a happy and long life with me. And when we have playtime and training time, I'm going to record us and post our special pictures on our facebook, so everyone can see how wonderful you are and how happy we are together. In the meantime, as I sit right now, waiting and writing, it feels like forever, to get from now, to then, my sweet Manna Bread. I can't wait to get you. I've been planning for you in my heart everyday with God and my LORD. He knows how badly I want you my sweet girl. But I'm not ready yet, but when I am? ... I'm not going to even hesitate to come and find you. I'm so serious about you, Manna. Whenever I see a golden retriever, I glow from within. And I think of you, every time. I love you so much and I hope that because of this "Letters", your soul will find me and bring me to you. And when I bring you home, you'll run and find our room, and you'll see your bed, and then I'll chase you, or, if it's been a long day, I'll carry you into our room and place you very gently, in your bed. When I work, and when you're laying beside me, that you'll listen to me read out loud my regular routine, and that I be your comfort when you're sleeping and that my imagination will set off yours and you'll have really cool puppy dreams. You'll run and jump in the water and retrieve your stick, and you're swimming back to me and you bark in delight when you need me to repeat to you about your pro so pography, to show your personality to everyone there. Then you end up on a really big field and you run and run and you jump on me and tickle me with your soft pink tongue. And when you're dreaming and running, may I have the video recorder to catch every twitch and laugh at your dreams that I've created? I want to remember every second of your life. I can't wait to bring you home and train you. I can't wait to get to know you're soul in your foolish side that's going to be trademark. I hope that we create from our relationship, to show me new stories, new ideas. Manna, I don't know you yet, but this is everything I want for us as the team and the perfect matching from the LORD, that He not only bless my life with you, but so you too, can have a rich life full of love, compassion, and tender love, to bring you out and make you famous.


Excerpted from Love Letters by Sandra Leigh Savage Copyright © 2011 by Sandra Leigh Savage. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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