Love Talk: Speak Each Other's Language Like You Never Have Before

Overview

A breakthrough discovery in communication for transforming love relationships

Over and over couples consistently name “improved communication” as the greatest need in their relationships. Love Talk—by acclaimed relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott—is a deep yet simple plan full of new insights that will revolutionize communication in love relationships.

The first steps to improving this single most important factor in any marriage ...

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Love Talk: Speak Each Other's Language Like You Never Have Before

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Overview

A breakthrough discovery in communication for transforming love relationships

Over and over couples consistently name “improved communication” as the greatest need in their relationships. Love Talk—by acclaimed relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott—is a deep yet simple plan full of new insights that will revolutionize communication in love relationships.

The first steps to improving this single most important factor in any marriage or love relationship are to identify your fear factors and determine your personal communication styles, and then learn how the two of you can best interact. In this no-nonsense book, “psychobabble” is translated into easy-to-understand language that clearly teaches you what you need to do—and not do—for speaking each other’s language like you never have before.

Love Talk includes:
• The Love Talk Indicator, a free personalized online assessment (a $30.00 value) to help you determine your unique talk style
• The Secret to Emotional Connection
• Charts and sample conversations
• The most important conversation you’ll ever have
• A short course on Communication 101
• Appendix on Practical Help for the “Silent Partner”

Two softcover ”his and hers” workbooks are full of lively exercises and enlightening self-tests that help couples apply what they are learning about communication directly to their relationships.

Love Talk is also available as an abridged Audio Pages® CD.

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Editorial Reviews

Christian Retailing
'Couples will learn to communicate in a deep yet simple plan full of new insights that will revolutionize their relationships.'
Christian Retailing
'Couples will learn to communicate in a deep yet simple plan full of new insights that will revolutionize their relationships.' -- Christian Retailing
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780310245964
  • Publisher: Zondervan
  • Publication date: 10/1/2004
  • Pages: 192
  • Sales rank: 1,451,454
  • Product dimensions: 6.38 (w) x 9.25 (h) x 0.75 (d)

Meet the Author

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott are founders of Real Relationships.com and the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University. Their bestselling books include Love Talk, Crazy Good Sex, and the award-winning Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts. Their work has been featured in the New York Times and USA Today, and they have appeared on CNN, Good Morning America, and Oprah. They live with their two young sons in Seattle.

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Read an Excerpt

Love Talk

Speak Each Other's Language Like You Never Have Before
By Les Parrott Leslie L. Parrott

Zondervan

Copyright © 2004 Les and Leslie Parrott
All right reserved.

ISBN: 0-310-24596-6


Chapter One

We talk a lot about talking.

In nearly every conceivable corner of North America and in several places around the world, Les and I have demonstrated techniques and tools for improving a couple's communication. And it would be impossible to add up the number of times a couple has come into our counseling office after a communication meltdown and given us the common refrain: "We just don't communicate."

To say we talk a lot about talking is no understatement. In fact, we talk so much about it that we have been asked on numerous occasions by counselees, seminar attendees, and publishers why we have never written a book on communication. And our answer has remained the same: because there are already many good books out there, and until we have something groundbreaking to say on the subject, we don't feel compelled to write about it. After all, we were doing our best in our own marriage to put into practice the principles and techniques other experts had proposed. Truthfully, we weren't always doing it well either. And even when we did, we often found ourselves wanting something more-something deeper that would connect our spirits. Isn't that the goal of becoming soul mates? Communication with the one you love is more than the mere exchange of words, even if done with elegant skill. Communication, if used to full advantage, holds the promise of bringing soul mates together at a level so profound that anyone on the outside can never truly comprehend it.

So we set off to crack the code for meaningful conversation. We wanted to learn the combination for using communication to help us speak each other's language like we never had before. At least, that's the way Les puts it. I think of it more as uncovering some of the deep mystery of male-female relationships-knowing this relationship is too complex and multifaceted to be codified. Of course, we'll get to our differing styles of word choice and metaphor (as well as yours) later on in this book. The point is that for more than a decade we have been on the lookout for this seemingly illusive secret-something we both longed for. We were determined not to get sidetracked by anything shallow or complicated. We were in pursuit of a deep and simple plan that would move our communication from good to great. If we discovered a new technique or a clever method along the way, we took note, but new techniques were not our primary goal. We wanted to get to the heart of the matter. We wouldn't settle for a mere handful of golden nuggets; we were in search of the mother lode. We wanted to find the means to becoming more understanding and better understood. We were in pursuit of the secret that would unlock a full supply of the very lifeblood of a meaningful relationship.

And we found it. The book you hold in your hands is the result of many years of research, and it will show you exactly what we discovered: a deep and simple plan for everything a loving conversation has to offer. We call it Love Talk.

What's the Goal?

Allow us to come alongside you for a moment and imagine where you are. You may be at the beginning stages of a dating relationship or on the edge of commitment, about to be engaged. You may be in the first few years of your marriage, or you may have decades under your belt. You may be in a second marriage, struggling to blend a family. Perhaps you're in a small group with other couples or a class that's dedicated to improving your love life. Wherever you find yourself at the moment, we want you to know that we have written and rewritten these words with you in mind. We have reviewed each chapter, each paragraph, while putting ourselves, as best we can, in your place. We want this book to be an effective tool for any and every couple who wants to find a better way of speaking each other's language.

We want you to thoroughly understand one another and your specific communication styles. We don't want to simply hand off a few new techniques you can try on for a while to see if they work; we want to give you an experience that will take you to a new level of communication, deeper for you than it has ever been before. After reading this book, we want you to enjoy the incomparable comfort of saying what's on your mind and revealing what's in your heart. We are going to give you a means for communicating like you never have before.

So with this goal in mind, we want to give you our first challenge. After working with many couples, we have come to believe with great conviction that you are far more likely to improve your situation and meet your personal goals for communication if you clearly articulate them. That's why we want to encourage you-right now-to take just a few minutes to write down a sentence or two describing your personal goal in reading this book. How would you like your communication to be different as a result of the time you will spend with us in these pages? Make it specific and concrete. For example, if you are dating, you may want to have a conversation that allows you to talk freely about a difficult topic that has been on your heart. Or if you are married, you may want to be able to talk to each other about disciplining your children without having a heated debate. Or maybe you simply want to enjoy a leisurely conversation over dinner together three days a week. You get the point. The first Love Talk Workbook exercise will give you a helpful structure for noting your goals and show you more specifically how you can chart your progress.

All the exercises we will be pointing you to in this book are found in the accompanying Love Talk workbooks-one workbook for men and another for women, so you can complete the exercises independently and then discuss them. These workbooks are available at your local bookstore.

Exercise 1: Getting Where You Want to Go

Before moving further into this chapter, we urge you to take inventory of where you are and where you want to be. This initial workbook exercise will set the stage for the work you do in chapters to come.

We have deliberately whittled this book down to a manageable size. We aren't interested in overloading you with information and don't want you to get bogged down or weary along the way. So we're shooting straight: once you and your partner discover the secret of Love Talk, we believe your conversations will never be the same.

(Continues...)



Excerpted from Love Talk by Les Parrott Leslie L. Parrott Copyright © 2004 by Les and Leslie Parrott. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

CONTENTS
Acknowledgments 11
Prologue: Charting Your Conversational Course 13
PART ONE: LET’S TALK ABOUT TALKING
1. CAN WE TALK? Why We Wrote This Book 21
2. RELATIONAL LIFEBLOOD: 25 Why Communication Is Vital to Your Love Life
3. COMMUNICATION 101: 37 Brushing Up on the Basics
4. THE FOUNDATION OF EVERY 49 GREAT CONVERSATION: Uncovering Your Fear Factor
PART TWO: HOW YOU SAY THE THINGS YOU DO
5. HOW DO YOU TACKLE PROBLEMS? 63 Aggressively or Passively
6. HOW DO YOU INFLUENCE EACH OTHER? 71 With Feelings or Facts
7. HOW DO YOU REACT TO CHANGE? 81 With Resistance or Acceptance
8. HOW DO YOU MAKE DECISIONS? 89 Cautiously or Spontaneously
9. YOUR UNIQUE TALK STYLE: 95 Taking the Love Talk Indicator
PART THREE: ENJOYING LOVE TALK
10.TALKING A FINE LINE: 101 The Secret to Emotional Connection
11. MEN ANALYZE, WOMEN SYMPATHIZE: 111 Now It Makes Sense
12. LISTENING WITH THE THIRD EAR: 121 Can You Hear Me Now?
13.WHEN NOT TO TALK: 137 The Paradox of Every Relationship
14.LET’S TALK LOVE: 147
The Most Important Conversation You’ll Ever Have
Epilogue: The Ultimate Message of Love Talk 161
Appendix A: Practical Help for the Silent Partner 163
Appendix B: A Sample Report from the Love Talk Indicator 171
Notes 183
About the Authors 187

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First Chapter

Love Talk chapter one
CAN WE TALK?
Why We Wrote This Book
Life is deep and simple, and what our society gives us is shallow and complicated. Fred Rogers
We talk a lot about talking. In nearly every conceivable corner of North America and in several places around the world, Les and I have demonstrated techniques and tools for improving a couple's communication. And it would be impossible to add up the number of times a couple has come into our counseling office after a communication meltdown and given us the common refrain: 'We just don't communicate.'
To say we talk a lot about talking is no understatement. In fact, we talk so much about it that we have been asked on numerous occasions by counselees, seminar attendees, and publishers why we have never written a book on communication. And our answer has remained the same: because there are already many good books out there, and until we have something groundbreaking to say on the subject, we don't feel compelled to write about it. After all, we were doing our best in our own marriage to put into practice the principles and techniques other experts had proposed. Truthfully, we weren't always doing it well either. And even when we did, we often found ourselves wanting something more---something deeper that would connect our spirits. Isn't that the goal of becoming soul mates? Communication with the one you love is more than the mere exchange of words, even if done with elegant skill. Communication, if used to full advantage, holds the promise of bringing soul mates together at a level so profound that anyone on the outside can never truly comprehend it.
So we set off to crack the code for meaningful conversation. We wanted to learn the combination for using communication to help us speak each other's language like we never had before. At least, that's the way Les puts it. I think of it more as uncovering some of the deep mystery of male-female relationships---knowing this relationship is too complex and multifaceted to be codified. Of course, we'll get to our differing styles of word choice and metaphor (as well as yours) later on in this book. The point is that for more than a decade we have been on the lookout for this seemingly illusive secret---something we both longed for. We were determined not to get sidetracked by anything shallow or complicated. We were in pursuit of a deep and simple plan that would move our communication from good to great. If we discovered a new technique or a clever method along the way, we took note, but new techniques were not our primary goal. We wanted to get to the heart of the matter. We wouldn't settle for a mere handful of golden nuggets; we were in search of the mother lode. We wanted to find the means to becoming more understanding and better understood. We were in pursuit of the secret that would unlock a full supply of the very lifeblood of a meaningful relationship.
And we found it. The book you hold in your hands is the result of many years of research, and it will show you exactly what we discovered: a deep and simple plan for everything a loving conversation has to offer. We call it Love Talk.
What's the Goal?
Allow us to come alongside you for a moment and imagine where you are. You may be at the beginning stages of a dating relationship or on the edge of commitment, about to be engaged. You may be in the first few years of your marriage, or you may have decades under your belt. You may be in a second marriage, struggling to blend a family. Perhaps you're in a small group with other couples or a class that's dedicated to improving your love life. Wherever you find yourself at the moment, we want you to know that we have written and rewritten these words with you in mind. We have reviewed each chapter, each paragraph, while putting ourselves, as best we can, in your place. We want this book to be an effective tool for any and every couple who wants to find a better way of speaking each other's language.
We want you to thoroughly understand one another and your specific communication styles. We don't want to simply hand off a few new techniques you can try on for a while to see if they work; we want to give you an experience that will take you to a new level of communication, deeper for you than it has ever been before. After reading this book, we want you to enjoy the incomparable comfort of saying what's on your mind and revealing what's in your heart. We are going to give you a means for communicating like you never have before.
So with this goal in mind, we want to give you our first challenge. After working with many couples, we have come to believe with great conviction that you are far more likely to improve your situation and meet your personal goals for communication if you clearly articulate them. That's why we want to encourage you---right now---to take just a few minutes to write down a sentence or two describing your personal goal in reading this book. How would you like your communication to be different as a result of the time you will spend with us in these pages? Make it specific and concrete. For example, if you are dating, you may want to have a conversation that allows you to talk freely about a difficult topic that has been on your heart. Or if you are married, you may want to be able to talk to each other about disciplining your children without having a heated debate. Or maybe you simply want to enjoy a leisurely conversation over dinner together three days a week. You get the point. The first Love Talk Workbook exercise will give you a helpful structure for noting your goals and show you more specifically how you can chart your progress.
All the exercises we will be pointing you to in this book are found in the accompanying Love Talk workbooks---one workbook for men and another for women, so you can complete the exercises independently and then discuss them. These workbooks are available at your local bookstore or at www.RealRelationships.com.
Exercise 1: Getting Where You Want to Go
Before moving further into this chapter, we urge you to take inventory of where you are and where you want to be. This initial workbook exercise will set the stage for the work you do in chapters to come.
We have deliberately whittled this book down to a manageable size. We aren't interested in overloading you with information and don't want you to get bogged down or weary along the way. So we're shooting straight: once you and your partner discover the secret of Love Talk, we believe your conversations will never be the same.
Read More Show Less

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 6, 2011

    improve communication

    helps start conversations about effective ways to communicate; simple examples; especially important to hear struggles the authors have had with their own communication styles

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