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L.O.V.E. Workbook for Women: Putting Your Love Styles to Work for You
     

L.O.V.E. Workbook for Women: Putting Your Love Styles to Work for You

by Les and Leslie Parrott
 
Are you ready to put your personal L.O.V.E. style to work? The L.O.V.E. Workbook for Women, by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, is an effective tool for doing just that. Ideal for individual or group study, this workbook takes the content in L.O.V.E. to a more personal level, where the payoffs are abundant.
The insights you gained from reading L.O.V.E. (and taking the

Overview

Are you ready to put your personal L.O.V.E. style to work? The L.O.V.E. Workbook for Women, by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, is an effective tool for doing just that. Ideal for individual or group study, this workbook takes the content in L.O.V.E. to a more personal level, where the payoffs are abundant.
The insights you gained from reading L.O.V.E. (and taking the online assessment) remain as flat as the printed page if you don’t apply them to your relationship. That’s why this workbook is chock-full of quick and easy ways to personalize this experience.
The L.O.V.E. Workbook for Women contains:
• Discussion starters that are sure to help you understand and be understood
• Fun exercises—geared specifically to your personalities—that reveal new insights about your marriage
• Built-in guide for use with the optional four-session DVD (ideal for small groups)
• Exercise kit for your online assessment
Use the practical tools found in this workbook as you read L.O.V.E., and you’ll learn how to express love to your husband—and feel truly loved by him in return.

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780310327066
Publisher:
Zondervan
Publication date:
01/01/2010
Edition description:
Workbook
Pages:
160
Sales rank:
1,028,384
Product dimensions:
6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.44(d)
Age Range:
18 Years

Read an Excerpt

L.O.V.E. Workbook for Women

Putting Your Love Styles to Work for You
By Les Parrott Leslie Parrott

ZONDERVAN

Copyright © 2010 The Foundation for Healthy Relationships
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-0-310-32706-6


Chapter One

PART ONE

EXPLORING LOVE STYLES

WHATEVER YOUR PERSONAL style is, you'll want to begin with this section of the workbook. It will help you internalize the "big picture" as it relates to how and why the melding of your two personalities together is so valuable to understand. In other words, this introductory section will make the content of the book far more personal.

EXPLORING YOUR PERSONALITY MASKS

THE FIRST CHAPTER of the book points out that your marriage is one of a kind. Your relationship is unique. There's never been a couple just like you. So to get your wheels turning right from the outset, consider what makes your marriage distinctive.

Below is a diagram representing you and your husband. On the lines provided below, write three special qualities that are particularly noticeable in each of your personalities. Do this without consulting with your husband quite yet. Just note three positive qualities you possess and three that he possesses.

Now, as you consider the six qualities you've noted above, think about how they combine to create something special that you don't see in other couples. Again, do this on your own, without consulting your husband. And take sometime to think this through. What combination of personality traits combine to make your marriage unique? Jot your thoughts about this in the rectangle above.

Time to Talk #1

Once you have completed this section, ask your husband to offer you feedback on his perception of these special qualities. You can do the same for him once he has completed this section in his workbook.

The goal is simply to have a meaningful discussion about your uniqueness as a couple. Do your best to be open and receptive to his feedback-and be gracious and sensitive in your feedback to your husband.

You may want to jot a note or two on your discussion here:

The chapter also talks about how we all start out wearing "masks" in our relationship to create a positive impression of who we are for our eventual spouse. Our self-conscious efforts to win our partner's heart are natural. What masks did you wear in the early days of your dating relationship?

Just for fun, identify any and all masks you wore. Remember, these are not qualities you naturally have. These are qualities you tried to convey you had when you didn't really (because you thought they would be desirable to your date). In other words, these are masks you wore-that were not you-to give your eventual husband a more positive impression of you. Place a check mark next to each mask that applied to you in the early stages of your relationship.

The mask of being ...

Goal-Oriented Focused Self-Confident Visionary Hardworking Sensitive Easygoing Cool-Tempered Agreeable Fun-Loving Positive Persuasive Sociable Encouraging Authentic Thick-Skinned Task-Oriented On-Time Loyal Agreeable Thoughtful Tolerant Nurturing Extroverted Decisive Adaptable Enthusiastic Orderly Conscientious Scheduled Purposeful Factual Relaxed Pleased Non-moody Trusting

We have a confession to make. Each one of these columns represents a cluster of traits from one of the four Love Styles that you'll read about in the next chapter (Leader, Optimist, Validator, and Evaluator). So which column has the most check marks for you? If one column seems to have more check marks than the others, that means you are likely to see that particular "style" as more desirable (or, at least, you used to).

Time to Talk #2

Once you have completed this section, ask your husband to offer you feedback on his perception of the masks you wore early on in your relationship. You can do the same for him once he has completed this section in his workbook.

The goal is to enjoy a meaningful conversation about how your real personalities, in their entirety, took a little while to truly reveal themselves. Enjoy some reminiscing and see what you can learn about yourself and why you wore the masks you did. Here are some questions to guide your conversation:

1. When and how did you first realize that I was wearing one of these masks?

2. What feelings did you have as you realized I was wearing a particular mask?

3. Do you think I'm still wearing masks in our marriage? If so, when and why?

You may want to jot a note or two on your discussion here:

You and the Five Domains of real-Life Marriage

As you move into the next section of the book, you'll begin to see how your personal Love Style approaches the most common domains of your marriage. So, before you even learn about your own Love Style, it will be helpful for you to consider these domains and rate your current level of satisfaction with each.

On the following scales, note your general level of contentment with yourself-not with your husband-in each area.

1. Your Approach to Communication

Not Content Very Content

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0

2. Your Approach to Conflict

Not Content Very Content

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0

3. Your Approach to Sex and Intimacy

Not Content Very Content

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0

4. Your Approach to Finances

Not Content Very Content

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0

5. Your Approach to Free Time

Not Content Very Content

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0

Once you have completed your rankings for yourself, go back to each of the five domains and indicate on the scales where you believe your husband would rank you. Be honest. And don't rank where you think your husband is, but how you believe he would rank you.

Time to Talk #3

Once you have completed this section, invite your husband into a discussion about it. You can do the same for him once he has completed this section in his workbook.

Talk about your self-perceptions in these domains and your perception of how he sees you in each one of them. Here are two sentence stems to jump-start your conversation with him:

1. The reason I marked this scale this way is because ...

2. The reason I thought you'd see me this way in this domain is because ...

Follow up by asking him what he thinks about your perceptions.

You may want to jot a note or two on your discussion here:

PINPOINTING YOUR LOVE STYLE

THIS CHAPTER INTRODUCES the concept of four fundamental personality groups by presenting you with two vitally important questions. When you accurately answer each of them, you'll have a pretty good idea of your fundamental L.O.V.E. Style:

L-Leader: The Take-Charge Spouse

O-Optimist: The Encouraging Spouse

V-Validator: The Devoted Spouse

E-Evaluator: The Careful Spouse

Let's take a more personal look at the two big questions that land you in one of the four categories.

Question #1: Are You Project-Oriented or People-Oriented?

As you read about this question in the book, how did you rank yourself on the following scale?

Project-Oriented People-Oriented

5 4 3 2 1 0 1 2 3 4 5

As you know, there is no right or wrong answer here. Fifty percent of the population falls into each side of this continuum-some people more extreme than others. Take a moment to list two or three immediate and concrete reasons why you placed yourself where you did on this measure:

Time to Talk #1

Once you have completed this brief section, ask your husband for feedback on it. You can do the same for him once he has completed this section in his workbook.

Ask him what he thinks of where you rated yourself. Does he agree with your rating? Why or why not? And does his opinion cause you to reconsider your ranking in either direction?

You may want to jot a note or two on your discussion here:

Question #2: Are You Fast-Paced or Slow-Paced?

Let's do the same for this second question. How did you rank yourself on the following scale?

Project-Oriented People-Oriented

5 4 3 2 1 0 1 2 3 4 5

Again, there are no right or wrong answers here. Once more, list two or three immediate and concrete reasons why you placed yourself where you did on this measure:

Time to Talk #2

Again, once you have completed this brief section, ask your husband for feedback on it. You can do the same for him once he has completed this section in his workbook.

Ask him what he thinks of where you rated yourself. Does he agree with your rating? Why or why not? And does his opinion cause you to reconsider your ranking in either direction?

You may want to jot a note or two on your discussion here:

With your self-ranking on these two scales, pinpoint where you land on the following graph. Place a mark on the spot that aligns with your rankings on each of the above continuums.

Once you have found your preliminary location on the graph (the online assessment will have you do this with more reliability, sophistication, and detail, if you choose to complete it), take a close look at the following table:

LOVE

Time Leader: Optimist: Validator: Evaluator:

The Take-Charge The Encouraging The Devoted The Careful Spouse Spouse Spouse Spouse

Descriptor Doer Talker Watcher Thinker

Motivator Power Popularity Peace Perfection

Need Control Pleasure Harmony Excellence

Fear Failure Rejection Conflict Mediocrity

Satisfaction Save Time Win Achieve Approval Gain Loyalty Quality

How well do these one-word descriptions capture where you have placed yourself? Do the words under your column match you well? Why or why not? If you want to take this to a more elaborate level, you can use the more detailed table in Appendix A of this workbook.

The optional online Love Style Assessment will show you that you are likely a combination of one dominant category (L, O, V, or E) and a secondary category. At this point, do you identify with another column of words in this table? If so, which one and why?

Now, if you were to assign a percentage of your personality to each of the four categories in the chart where you have already pinpointed yourself, what would they be? Write the percentages here:

____% L-Leader: The Take-Charge Spouse

____% O-Optimist: The Encouraging Spouse

____% V-Validator: The Devoted Spouse

____% E-Evaluator: The Careful Spouse

(Continues...)



Excerpted from L.O.V.E. Workbook for Women by Les Parrott Leslie Parrott Copyright © 2010 by The Foundation for Healthy Relationships. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Meet the Author

A psychologist and a marriage and family therapist, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott are founders of the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University. Their bestselling books include Love Talk, Crazy Good Sex The Complete Guide to Marriage Mentoring, and the award-winning Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts. Their work has been featured in The New York Times and USA Today, and they have appeared on CNN, O’Reilly Factor, Good Morning America, Today Show, The View, and Oprah. They live with their two sons in Seattle. Visit LesandLeslie.com.

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