Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship

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Overview

People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be intensely caring, warm, smart, and funny-but their behavior often drives away those closest to them. If you're struggling in a tumultuous relationship with someone with BPD, this is the book for you. Dr. Shari Manning helps you understand why your spouse, family member, or friend has such out-of-control emotions-and how to change the way you respond. Learn to use simple yet powerful strategies that can defuse crises, establish better boundaries, and ...

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Overview

People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be intensely caring, warm, smart, and funny-but their behavior often drives away those closest to them. If you're struggling in a tumultuous relationship with someone with BPD, this is the book for you. Dr. Shari Manning helps you understand why your spouse, family member, or friend has such out-of-control emotions-and how to change the way you respond. Learn to use simple yet powerful strategies that can defuse crises, establish better boundaries, and radically transform your relationship. Empathic, hopeful, and science based, this is the first book for family and friends grounded in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), the most effective treatment for BPD.

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Editorial Reviews

Library Journal
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a lesser-known psychiatric diagnosis associated with serious forms of self-harm. BPD is also especially stigmatized, perhaps even among therapists. Manning, a clinician and apostle of leading BPD expert and dialectical behavior therapy originator Marsha Linehan, here addresses the concerns of friends and relatives of persons with BPD. First, Manning presents a biosocial theory of the disorder and suggests helpful responses to borderline behavior. She then explores the behavioral dynamics characteristic of BPD, including self-invalidation, lack of problem-solving skills, apparent competence, emotional dysregulation, and inhibited grieving. Specific scripts for encounters and detailed case examples are presented. The final section instructs readers on handling their own emotions and assessing the danger of self-harm and suicide and the need for hospitalization. The book ends with a brief overview of professional treatments for BPD. VERDICT This hopeful yet realistic book is an indispensable tool for managing relationships with persons who have borderline personality disorder. Research based, clearly written, and practical, this guide to a complex disorder is highly recommended.—Antoinette Brinkman, M.L.S., Evansville, IN
From the Publisher

"More than many other disorders, BPD affects relationships. This book offers families and friends invaluable skills for helping both their loved one and themselves. Dr. Manning has done a beautiful job. A 'must read.'"--Perry D. Hoffman, PhD, President, National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder

"Try out the recommendations this book gives you. You will be surprised by how much better your relationships become."--from the Foreword by Marsha M. Linehan, PhD, Director, Behavioral Research and Training Clinics, University of Washington

"The title says it all! Dr. Manning explains what she has learned about the true nature of BPD from the experts themselves--those who have the disorder. She shows family and friends how our instinctive responses to the crises associated with BPD are frequently ineffective or even harmful, and illuminates what we can do differently, providing practical, incisive, step-by-step guidance. We highly recommend this book."--Jim and Diane Hall, parents of an adult child with BPD and Family Educators for the National Alliance on Mental Illness and the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder

Human Givens

"An extremely useful and highly readable guide....Manning paints vivid portraits of how an encounter with someone with this affliction might go....It has offered me, as a therapist, plenty of ideas....[An] aid to understanding and humanizing a complex condition."--Human Givens
Metapsychology Online Reviews

“Manning's own background equips her well to provide this self-help resource. Manning trained in DBT under Marsha Linehan and has accumulated a wealth of experience working clinically with people with BPD. She makes frequent reference to DBT throughout the book, but her major achievement is to translate DBT principles and methods into practical steps and advice that are accessible to a lay person….The techniques of mindfulness, awareness of emotional triggers, validation and others can be usefully integrated into many areas of clinical practice, especially for clinicians advising supporters of people with BPD….A clearly written and accessible guide that deserves to be widely read, and which should be available to lay members of the public and to health professionals.”--Metapsychology Online Reviews
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781593856076
  • Publisher: Guilford Publications, Inc.
  • Publication date: 8/15/2011
  • Pages: 253
  • Sales rank: 75,812
  • Product dimensions: 6.00 (w) x 8.90 (h) x 0.80 (d)

Meet the Author

Shari Y. Manning, PhD, is a clinician in private practice and the former President/CEO of Behavioral Tech and Behavioral Tech Research, the organizations founded by Marsha M. Linehan to provide training in DBT. Dr. Manning has focused on the treatment of people with BPD since 1993. She lives in Columbia, South Carolina.

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Table of Contents

Foreword, Marsha M. Linehan

Introduction

I. Understanding Your Loved One and Your Relationship

1. “Why Do I Feel So Lost in This Relationship?”

2. What Makes Someone So Emotional?

3. The Hidden Power of Validation

4. Five Steps to Balanced Responses and Better Outcomes

II. The Many Faces of Borderline Personality Disorder

5. "I Can't Stand Feeling Like This!"

6. "It Was All My Fault"

7. "You Have to Fix This for Me!"

8. "Things Are Awful . . . but Don't Worry; I'm Handling It"

9. "Why Do Terrible Things Keep Happening to Me?"

10. "Nothing's Wrong—I'm Fine"

III. Dealing with Crisis and Getting Help

11. Handling Your Own Difficult Emotions

12. Understanding Self-Harm/Suicide and Making Decisions about Hospitalization

13. Getting Treatment and Support

Resources

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 5
( 6 )
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Sort by: Showing all of 6 Customer Reviews
  • Posted March 27, 2012

    more from this reviewer

    This book was awesome! I actually used this in the reverse to s

    This book was awesome! I actually used this in the reverse to self-diagnose, which I then had verified with a clinical psychologist via testing. It answered a lot of questions for me, and helped me to explain to my loved ones about past incidents and behaviors. I also learned how to communicate with others better and when to recognize symptoms of situations that would become toxic for me.

    6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted July 21, 2011

    Over 20 years of research and work packed into an easy-to-understand book

    With praise from Marsha Linehan, Ph.D. (who the author worked side by side with for many years), NAMI, and the NEA the standard was set high for this book. Dr. Manning more than lives up to the recommendations. She offers understanding and compassion as well as concrete suggestions. It's like having a year of therapy with one of the leading experts in the field.

    4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 5, 2013

    Great resource

    Explains what boderlines experience and how to be supportive. Useful, practical information. I'm really glad i bought this book.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 11, 2013

    Excellent

    Very clear. Extremely helpful

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 25, 2012

    B .

    H

    0 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 19, 2012

    No text was provided for this review.

Sort by: Showing all of 6 Customer Reviews

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