Lucas

Lucas

4.6 120
by Kevin Brooks
     
 

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Caitlin lives on an island, and it is across the windswept causeway that Lucas enters her life one unforgettable summer day. He's the perfect embodiment of freedom, honesty, and directness -- and Caitlin feels deeply drawn to him. But what does he see in her? Caught between girlhood innocence and adult independence, Caitlin doesn't understand the petty vices and… See more details below

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Overview

Caitlin lives on an island, and it is across the windswept causeway that Lucas enters her life one unforgettable summer day. He's the perfect embodiment of freedom, honesty, and directness -- and Caitlin feels deeply drawn to him. But what does he see in her? Caught between girlhood innocence and adult independence, Caitlin doesn't understand the petty vices and darker forces that seem to assault her family and the world in which she lives. Then there's the awful day that Lucas is accused of and hunted down for a crime he didn't commit. That's when Caitlin knows she has to make a choice. That's when she realizes she has to break old allegiances in order to do what she knows is right in her heart.

Writing about moral choice with masterful grace, Kevin Brooks brings this story to a shattering conclusion -- as he underlines the power that storytelling has to heal and transform.

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
A 15-year-old girl befriends a rootless teen who mysteriously arrives on her island off the English coast and who the islanders suspect may be behind a sexual assault. "Brooks's second novel is an ambitious and intricately crafted tale of love and resurrection," wrote PW in a starred review. Ages 12-up. (Mar.) Copyright 2004 Reed Business Information.
Children's Literature
Fifteen-year-old Caitlin McCann realizes that her small world is changing as she struggles from adolescence to adulthood during one long summer in the community of Hale, an isolated English island. She faces the ugly side of humanity when her brother begins acting uncharacteristically and hanging out with the community degenerates. Even worse, her best friend follows his lead. Caitlin's mother died in a car accident when she was young, and although her father is amazingly supportive, she feels completely isolated. In this confusing whirlwind, Caitlin feels drawn to Lucas, a mysterious boy who suddenly appears on the island but whom the community, fueled by ignorance, views with skepticism and hatred. Before long, a member of the community accuses Lucas of a horrific assault that he did not commit. On one fateful rainy day that summer, an angry mob hunts Lucas down, and Caitlin must decide between comfort and safety or doing what she knows in her heart is right. This book will enthrall young adults who enjoy adventure and romance, but it also presents much deeper and intriguing issues—an aspect of fiction on which most young adults thrive. Caitlin McCann is a friendly and delightful character that readers will find enjoyable and fascinating. This riveting and exciting novel will most definitely captivate many young readers. The book was first published in 2003 in the United Kingdom, and this is Brooks' first publication in the United States. 2003, Scholastic Inc, Ages 12 up.
—Rebecca White
VOYA
Lucas is described by the subtitle as a story of love and hate. I feel, however, that Brooks has put too much attention into the small details (Caitlin's exact position when she first saw Lucas), thus avoiding overall themes. Brooks also tends to repeat ideas and words. Nevertheless, this novel attempts to probe issues considered classic for coming-of-age novels. For this reason, readers should not completely overlook the book. VOYA Codes: 4Q 4P J S (Better than most, marred only by occasional lapses; Broad general YA appeal; Junior High, defined as grades 7 to 9; Senior High, defined as grades 10 to 12). 2003 (orig. 2002), Chicken House/Scholastic, 432p,
— Theodora Ranelli, Teen Reviewer
KLIATT
Fifteen-year-old Cait lives on a small island off the coast of England with her father, a writer of YA novels. Her older brother, home from university, is hanging out with a bad crowd of hard partying teenagers, but Cait wants no part of this group. She is especially fearful of rich boy Jamie Tait, whom her father refers to as "the biggest little shit on the island," and with reason: Jamie, though he has a jealous girlfriend, makes threatening sexual advances toward Cait. When a mysterious, "fine-looking" boy named Lucas appears on the island, Cait is immediately attracted to him and befriends him, and Lucas helps save her from Jamie. Lucas is living rough, in the woods (there is even a reference to Jean Craighead George's My Side of the Mountain), and the islanders consider him an undesirable "gypsy." When he saves a little girl from drowning�inadvertently showing up Jamie and his friends, who did nothing to help�they plant the false rumor that he was molesting the girl. And when a girl who had been seen with Jamie is found badly slashed, Lucas is accused of the crime and the hunt is on, with tragic consequences. This suspenseful and moving tale is reminiscent of What Happened to Lani Garver?, by Carol Plum-Ucci (reviewed in KLIATT, September 2002), in which another teenage girl tells about a "different" boy (this one is very effeminate) who comes to her island home and awakens hatred and brutality among the narrow-minded residents, to her shock and horror. Brooks, the acclaimed author of Martyn Pig (reviewed in paperback in this issue), offers a similarly compelling, dramatic, violent tale of prejudice against outsiders and a young girl's coming-of-age. KLIATT Codes: JS�Recommended forjunior and senior high school students. 2002, Scholastic, The Chicken House, 432p.,
— Paula Rohrlick
School Library Journal
Gr 9 Up-This beautifully written allegorical tale by the author of Martyn Pig (Scholastic, 2002) stays with readers long after it ends. Set on an isolated island off Great Britain, the novel has it all-love, hate, sin, forgiveness and redemption, and a memorable title character. As Caitlin, 15, relates the events of the previous summer, she recalls with crystal clarity the moment when the mysterious boy appeared out of nowhere. His arrival precipitates a series of incidents that exposes the ugly underbelly of the seemingly idyllic setting. Lucas, 16, is enigmatic and direct, and has the uncanny ability to read people and predict their actions. He lives off the land, and doesn't seem to want or need anyone. The locals don't understand him, and they see him as a threat. Lucas rescues Caitlin from being raped by Jamie, a seemingly upstanding college guy who, with his gang of rowdy, beer-drinking buddies, spreads rumors and innuendoes about the stranger. The situation rapidly escalates into an accusation of attempted murder after one of the island girls is brutally attacked. A group of residents abandons rational thought and becomes a senseless mob, seeking vigilante justice. The writing is extraordinarily lyrical. The often-dreamlike quality of island life is juxtaposed with the ever-present threat of violence like the calm before a storm. All of the characters are sharply defined. Lucas, with his mixture of real and unearthly qualities, is unique and unforgettable. This is a powerful book to be savored by all who appreciate fine writing and a gripping read.-Sharon Rawlins, Piscataway Public Library, NJ Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.
Kirkus Reviews
In this bleak, ambitious story, tragedy ensues following the arrival on an English island of a wandering stranger named Lucas. Narrator Caitlin, 15, is attracted to Lucas, who camps out nearby, and she senses a mystical quality in him that is not explained, but must simply be accepted by the reader. As summer progresses, episodes pile up slowly and the air is charged with tension. Jamie, a rich teenager, nearly rapes Caitlin, then threatens Lucas and joins those falsely accusing him of a crime. While motivations aren�t always clear, the ugly mood on the island is unmistakable and promises to end in violence, with a few surprising plot twists along the way. One can read this in allegorical terms, with the worst of modern life represented by Jamie and his mindless attacks on Lucas, who is aligned with nature. Readers who appreciate interesting symbolism and fine descriptive writing, and who like to sink into a long mood piece, will find this hard to put down. Admirers of Martyn Pig, however, will not find the same clever plot and dark humor. (Fiction. YA)
From the Publisher

n this British InIPOrt, fifteen-year-old Cait finds her peaceful life with her father disrupted when her restless older brother, Dr,,inic, conies back from university for the summer. Donlillic is drawn to the troublemaking element in their small island community, rich Jamic Tair and his hangers-on. not knowing that jarnic has made it clear he has designs on Cait despite her obvious Tjection of him. Into this tense situation comes Lucas, a boy unlike anyone Cait's ever known; Eying rough on the coast, he's despised as a gypsy by the bigoted locals, but Cait is drawn to his unusual serenity and his perceptiveness. His strangeness makes him an easy target, however, for jamic Tait's cunning hate campaign that threatens Lucas'free- dom and, when mob frenzy has been incited, his life. There are some appealing elements here-the magnetic, possibly supernatural outsider, the changes in Cair's relationship with her nerve older brother, the shady power structures of the insidar comniunity-and Brooks is particularly good at using the physical reality of the semi-isolated island and its natural features to enhance the mood of his story. Unfortunately, this lacks the tautness that marked his previous book, Ma" pig (BCCB 9102), with Cait's lengthy self-examinations and explanations diffusing the tension rather than enhancing it. The heavy hand of contrivance is too evident in the events and in the characters, both the good guys (Lucas seems horn for martyrdom) and the antagonists (their villainy is too pat to he interesting). The mixture of mob sway and supernatural elements is employed more effectively in Westall's Ymxlty@ Cat (BCCB 3192), but this will definitely have allure for readers partial to tales of romantic and misunderstood strangers. DS

School Library Journal
(May 1, 2003; 0-439-45698-3)

Gr 9 Up-This beautifully written allegorical tale by the author of Martyn Pig (Scholastic, 2002) stays with readers long after it ends. Set on an isolated island off Great Britain, the novel has it all-love, hate, sin, forgiveness and redemption, and a memorable title character. As Caitlin, 15, relates the events of the previous summer, she recalls with crystal clarity the moment when the mysterious boy appeared out of nowhere. His arrival precipitates a series of incidents that exposes the ugly underbelly of the seemingly idyllic setting. Lucas, 16, is enigmatic and direct, and has the uncanny ability to read people and predict their actions. He lives off the land, and doesn't seem to want or need anyone. The locals don't understand him, and they see him as a threat. Lucas rescues Caitlin from being raped by Jamie, a seemingly upstanding college guy who, with his gang of rowdy, beer-drinking buddies, spreads rumors and innuendoes about the stranger. The situation rapidly escalates into an accusation of attempted murder after one of the island girls is brutally attacked. A group of residents abandons rational thought and becomes a senseless mob, seeking vigilante justice. The writing is extraordinarily lyrical. The often-dreamlike quality of island life is juxtaposed with the ever-present threat of violence like the calm before a storm. All of the characters are sharply defined. Lucas, with his mixture of real and unearthly qualities, is unique and unforgettable. This is a powerful book to be savored by all who appreciate fine writing and a gripping read.-Sharon Rawlins, Piscataway Public Library, NJ Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.

Brooks, author of Martyn Pig (2002), offers an-edge-of-the-seat story that has overtones of classics such as The Ox Bow Incident and To Kill a Mockingbird. Fifteen-year-old Cait lives on a small British Island and knows from the moment she sees Lucas walking on the causeway that connects her home to the mainland that he will play a significant part in her life. A handsome, prescient young drifter, Lucas is tagged as a gypsy, a thief, by t

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Product Details

ISBN-13:
9781905294176
Publisher:
Gardners Books
Publication date:
01/03/2006

Meet the Author


Kevin Brooks is the groundbreaking author of the internationally acclaimed novels DAWN; BLACK RABBIT SUMMER; BEING; THE ROAD OF THE DEAD, a Mystery Writers of America "Edgar" nominee; CANDY; KISSING THE RAIN; LUCAS; and MARTYN PIG, which received England's Branford Boase Award for Best First Novel. Brooks lives in Yorkshire, England.

Brief Biography

Date of Birth:
March 30, 1959
Place of Birth:
Exeter, Devon, England
Education:
B.A. in Cultural Studies, Aston University, 1983

Read an Excerpt

It was my dad's idea to write about Lucas and Angel and everything else that happened last summer. "It won't make you feel any better," he told me, "it might even make things worse for a while. But you mustn't let the sadness die inside you. You have to give it some life. You have to . . . "

"Let it all out?"

He smiled. "Something like that."

"I don't know, Dad," I sighed. "I'm not sure I can write a story."

"Ah, now, that's nonsense. Anyone can write a story. It's the easiest thing in the world. How else do you think I make a living out of it? All you have to do is tell the truth, tell it like it was."

"But I don't know how it was, I don't know all the details, the facts--"

"Stories aren't facts, Cait, they're not details. Stories are feelings. You've got your feelings, haven't you?"

"Too many," I said.

"Well, that's all you need." He put his hand on mine. "Cry yourself a story, love. It works. Believe me."

So that's what I did, I cried myself a story.

And this is it.

--Caitlin McCann

I first saw Lucas on a fine afternoon at the end of July last summer. Of course, I didn't know who he was then . . . in fact, come to think of it, I didn't even know what he was. All I could see from the backseat of the car was a green-clad creature padding along the Stand in a shimmering haze of heat; a slight and ragged figure with a mop of straw-blond hair and a way of walking -- I smile when I think of it -- a way of walking that whispered secrets to the air.

We were on our way back from the mainland.

My brother, Dominic, had been staying with friends in Norfolk since finishing his first year at university the month before, and he'd called that morning to let us know he was on his way home. His train was due in at five and he'd asked for a ride back from the station. Now, Dad normally hates being disturbed when he's writing (which is just about all the time), and he also hates having to go anywhere, but despite the usual sighs and moans -- why can't the boy get a taxi? . . . what's wrong with the damn bus? -- I could tell by the sparkle in his eyes that he was really looking forward to seeing Dominic again.

It wasn't that Dad was unhappy spending all of his time with me, but with Dom away at university I think he felt there was something missing from his life. I'm sixteen (I was fifteen then), and Dad's forty-something. They're difficult ages -- for both of us. Growing up, having to be grown up, girl things, man things, having to deal with emotions that neither of us understand . . . it's not easy. We can't always give each other what we need, no matter how hard we try, and sometimes it helps to have someone in the middle, someone to turn to when things get too much. If nothing else, Dominic had always been good at being someone in the middle.

Of course, that wasn't the only reason why Dad was looking forward to seeing him again -- he was his son, after all. His boy. He was proud of him. He was worried about him. He loved him.

And so did I.

But for some reason I wasn't quite so excited about seeing him as Dad was. I don't know why. It wasn't that I didn't want to see him, because I did. It was just . . . I don't know.

Something didn't feel right.

"Are you ready, Cait?" Dad had asked when it was time to go.

"Why don't you go on your own?" I'd suggested. "You can have a 'father and son' chat on the way back."

"Ah, go on, he'll want to see his little sister."

"Just a minute, then. I'll get Deefer."

Dad's been terrified of driving on his own ever since Mum was killed in a car crash ten years ago. I try to encourage him, but I haven't the heart to push it too hard.

So, anyway, we'd driven to the mainland and picked up Dominic from the station, and there we all were -- the entire McCann family stuffed inside our decrepit old Fiesta, heading back to the island. Dad and Dominic in the front; me and Deefer in the back. (Deefer, by the way, is our dog. A big, black, foul-smelling thing, with a white streak over one eye and a head the size of an anvil. According to Dad, he's a cross between a skunk and a donkey.)

Dominic had been talking nonstop from the moment he'd slung his backpack in the trunk and got in the car.

University this, university that, writers, books, magazines, parties, people, money, clubs, gigs . . . the only time he paused was to light a cigarette, which he did about every ten minutes. And when I say talking, I don't mean talking as in having a conversation, I mean talking as in jabbering like a mad thing. ". . . I tell you, Dad, you wouldn't bloody believe it . . . they've actually got us studying EastEnders, for Christ's sake . . . something to do with popular culture, whatever the hell that's supposed to be . . . and another thing, the very first lecture, right? I'm just sitting there listening to this decrepit old lecturer rambling on about bloody Marxism or something, minding my own business, when suddenly he stops and looks at me and says 'why aren't you taking any notes?' I couldn't believe it. Why aren't you taking notes? Shit! I thought university was supposed to be about choice, you know? The discipline of self-education, freedom to learn at your own pace . . ."

And on and on and on . . .

I didn't like it.

The way he spoke, his constant swearing, the way he smoked his cigarette and waved his hands around like a phony intellectual . . . it was embarrassing. It made me feel uncomfortable -- that wincing kind of discomfort you feel when someone you like, someone close to you, suddenly starts acting like a complete idiot. And I didn't like the way he was ignoring me, either. For all the attention I was getting I might as well not have been there. I felt like a stranger in my own car. It wasn't until we'd almost reached the island that Dominic paused for breath, turned around, ruffled Deefer's head ("Hey, Deef") and finally spoke to me.

"All right, kid? How's it going?"

"Hello, Dominic."

"What's the matter? You look different. Christ, what've you done with your hair?"

"I was going to ask you the same."

He grinned and ran his fingers through his dyed-blond crop. "Like it?"

"Very nice. Very beach bum. Is that how they all look in Liverpool?"

"Well, they don't look like that," he said, flicking at my hair. "Nice style. What's it called -- the Hedgehog?"

"Hedgehogs have spikes," I told him, readjusting a ribbon. "These are plumes."

"Plumes? Yeah, right." He puffed on his cigarette. "What do you think, Dad?"

"I think it's very becoming," Dad said. "And, anyhow, I'd rather have a hedgehog in the family than a neo-Nazi surf boy."

Dominic smiled, still looking at my hair. "Und was denkt deiner Liebling davon?"

"What?"

"Simon," he said. "What does Simon think of it?"

"I've no idea."

"You two haven't split up, have you?"

"Oh, don't be so childish, Dominic. Simon's just a friend --"

"That's what he wants you to think."

I sighed. "I thought you were supposed to grow up when you went to university?"

"Not me," he said, pulling a face. "I'm regressing."

All the bad old memories of Dominic were beginning to creep back. The needling, the snide comments, the way he treated me like a stupid little girl . . . I suppose that was one of the reasons I'd been a bit wary of his coming back -- I didn't want to be treated like a stupid little girl anymore, especially by someone who couldn't act his own age. And the fact that I'd had a year without being treated like a moron only made it worse. I wasn't used to it anymore. And when you're not used to something, it's harder to put up with it. Which is why I was getting annoyed.

But then, just as the irritation was beginning to set in, Dominic reached across and gently touched my cheek.

"It's good to see you, Cait," he said softly.

For a brief moment he was the Dominic I used to know before he grew up, the real Dominic, the one who looked after me when I needed looking after -- my big brother. But almost immediately he turned away with a shrug of his shoulders, as if he'd embarrassed himself, and good old big-voiced Dom was back.

"Hey, Dad," he boomed. "When the hell are you going to get a new car?"

"And why should I be wanting a new car?"

"Because this one's a shit heap."

Charming.

The island sky has its own unmistakable light, an iridescent sheen that moves with the moods of the sea. It's never the same, but it's always the same, and whenever I see it I know I'm nearly home.

Home is a small island called Hale. It's about two and a half miles long and one mile wide at its broadest point, and it's joined to the mainland by a short causeway known as the Stand, a narrow road that bridges the estuary. Most of the time you wouldn't know it's a causeway, and you wouldn't know it's an island, either, because most of the time the estuary is just a vast stretch of reeds and brown ooze. But when there's a high tide and the estuary rises three feet or so above the road and nothing can pass until the tide goes out again, then you know it's an island.

On that Friday afternoon, though, as we approached the island, the tide was low and the Stand stretched out before us, clear and dry, hazing in the heat -- a raised strip of pale gray concrete bounded by white railings and a low footpath on either side, with rough cobbled banks leading down to the waterside. Beyond the railings, the estuary was glinting with that wonderful silver light that comes on in the late afternoon and lazes through to the early evening.

We were about halfway across when I saw Lucas.

I remember the moment quite clearly: Dominic was laughing uproariously about something he'd just said while patting his pockets in search of another cigarette; Dad was doing his best to look amused, tugging somewhat wearily at his beard; Deefer, as usual, was sitting bolt upright in his very-serious dog-in-a-car pose, blinking only occasionally; and I was leaning to one side to get a better view of the sky. No . . . I can do better than that. I remember my exact position. I was sitting just to the right of the middle of the seat, cross-legged, leaning slightly to the left, looking out through the front windshield over Dominic's shoulder. My left arm was stretched out around Deefer's back and my hand was resting in the dust and dog hairs of the blanket on the backseat. I was anchoring myself in this position by gripping onto the rim of the open window with my right hand . . . I remember it precisely. The feel of the hot metal in my hand, the rubber trim, the cooling wind on my fingers . . .

That was the moment I first saw him -- a lone figure at the far end of the Stand, on the left-hand side, with his back to us, walking toward the island.

Apart from wishing that Dominic would shut up braying, my first thought was how odd it was to see someone walking on the Stand. You don't often see people walking around here. The closest town is Moulton (where we'd just come from), about nine miles away on the mainland, and between Hale and Moulton there's nothing but small cottages, farms, heathland, the ranges, and the odd pub or two. So islanders don't walk, because there's nowhere nearby to walk to. And if they're going to Moulton they either drive or take the bus. So the only pedestrians you're likely to see around here are hikers, bird-watchers, poachers, or, very occasionally, people (like me) who just like to walk. But even from a distance I could tell that the figure up ahead didn't fit into any of these categories. I wasn't sure how I knew, I just did. Deefer knew, too. His ears had pricked up and he was squinting curiously through the windshield.

As we drew closer, the figure became clearer. It was a young man, or a boy, dressed loosely in a drab green T-shirt and baggy green trousers. He had a green army jacket tied around his waist and a green canvas bag slung over his shoulder. The only nongreen thing about him was the pair of scruffy black walking boots on his feet. Although he was on the small side, he wasn't as slight as I'd first thought. He wasn't exactly muscular, but he wasn't weedy-looking, either. It's hard to explain. There was an air of hidden strength about him, a graceful strength that showed in his balance, the way he held himself, the way he walked. . . .

As I've already said, the memory of Lucas's walk brings a smile to my face. It's an incredibly vivid memory, and if I close my eyes I can see it now. An easygoing lope. Nice and steady. Not too fast and not too slow. Fast enough to get somewhere, but not too fast to miss anything. Bouncy, alert, resolute, without concern and without vanity. A walk that both belonged to and was remote from everything around it.

You can tell a lot about people from the way they walk.

As the car got closer I realized that Dad and Dominic had stopped talking, and I was suddenly aware of a strange, almost ghostly, silence to the air -- not just in the car, but outside as well. Birds had stopped calling, the wind had dropped, and in the distance the sky had brightened to the most intense blue I'd ever seen. It was like something out of a film, one of those slow-motion episodes played out in absolute silence when your skin starts tingling and you just know that something stunning is about to happen.

Dad was driving quite steadily, as he always does, but it seemed as if we were barely moving. I could hear the tires humming on the dry road and the air rushing past the window, and I could see the railings at the side of the road flickering past in a blur of white, so I knew we were moving, but the distance between us and the boy didn't appear to be changing.

It was weird. Almost like a dream.

Then, all at once, time and distance seemed to lurch forward and we drew level with the boy. As we did so, he turned his head and looked at us. No, that's wrong -- he turned his head and looked at me. Directly at me. (When I talked to Dad about this a little while ago, he told me he'd had the very same feeling -- that Lucas was looking directly at him, as if he were the only person in the whole world.)

It was a face I'll never forget. Not simply because of its beauty -- although Lucas was undeniably beautiful -- but more for its wondrous sense of being beyond things. Beyond the pale blue eyes and the tousled hair and the sad smile . . . beyond all this there was something else.

Something . . .

I still don't know what it was.

Dominic broke the spell by peering through the window and grunting, "What the hell is that?"

And then the boy was gone, whizzing past into the background as we left the Stand and veered off toward the east of the island.

I wanted to look back. I was desperate to look back. But I couldn't. I was afraid he might not be there.

The rest of the journey was something of a blur. I remember Dad making a curious sniffing sound, glancing at me in the mirror, then clearing his throat and asking me if I was all right.

And me saying, "Uh huh."

And then Dominic saying, "Do you know him, Cait?"

"Who?"

"The droolee, the urchin . . . that thing you were gawping at."

"Shut up, Dominic."

He laughed, mocking me -- "Shut up, Dominic . . ." -- and then started on about something else.

I remember Dad changing gear and gunning the car up Black Hill with a rare burst of confidence, and I vaguely remember passing the sign that says Beware Tractors, only the T and the R are hidden behind a hedge, so it says Beware actors, and whenever we pass it one of us always makes a point of saying, Look out, there's John Wayne, or Hugh Grant, or Brad Pitt . . . but I don't remember who it was that afternoon.

I was somewhere else for a while.

I don't know where.

All I can remember is a strange, buzzy feeling in my head, an intensity of excitement and sadness that I'd never felt before and probably won't ever feel again.

It was as if I knew, even then, what was going to happen.

Over the last year I've often wondered what would have happened if I hadn't seen Lucas that day. If we'd crossed the Stand ten minutes earlier, or ten minutes later. If Dominic's train had been delayed. If the tide had been high. If Dad had stopped for petrol on the way back. If Lucas had left wherever he'd come from a day earlier, or a day later . . .

What would have happened? Would everything be different? Would I be a different person right now? Would I be happier? Sadder? Would I dream different dreams? And what about Lucas? What would have happened to Lucas if I hadn't seen him that day? Would he still . . .

And it's then I realize how utterly pointless such thinking is. What if, what might have been . . .

It doesn't matter.

I did see him, and nothing can ever change that.

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