- Shopping Bag ( 0 items )
An uproariously funny daily inspirational guide for manly men. Ralph and Reggie?two regular, blue-collar buds from Boston?offer one-a-day mcnuggets of affirmation, inspiration, manly wisdom and earth-shaking epiphanies from the end of the bar on the inner issues that truly matter?everything from sex to sports to sex to imported vs. domestic to sex to the meaning of life.
An uproariously funny daily inspirational guide for manly men. Ralph and Reggie—two regular, blue-collar buds from Boston—offer one-a-day mcnuggets of affirmation, inspiration, manly wisdom and earth-shaking epiphanies from the end of the bar on the inner issues that truly matter—everything from sex to sports to sex to imported vs. domestic to sex to the meaning of life.
Here s how this happened.
Reg woke up one morning feeling like his life had become a giant cesspool. What he needed at this moment, he realized, was a message of hope, so he reached across to his wife's bed table for her book of daily inspirational meditations. On the first page he read:
It takes strength to step enthusiastically into each new day of our lives.
"Tell me about it," Reg said to himself, and he read on.
One often learns more from ten days of agony than from ten years of contentment. —MERLE SHAIN
This message did not speak to Reg's cesspool angst, so he decided to take a chance and turn to the inspirational message for the next day. This one said:
Happiness is a by-product of an effort to make someone else happy.
GRETTA BROOKER PALMER
The commentary began: ''self-involvement squanders your natural psychic energies."
This message spoke even less to Reg's condition, so he tossed the book back to Lillian's side of the room and got out of bed feeling deeply unfulfilled. That night at McSorley's, Reg told his old pal Ralphy about the crap that was passing for inspiration these days.
"How about a message of hope for the poor slob who busts his hump all day and then gets fired for calling the dispatcher 'girl'? Huh? How about some wise guidance for him?
"Yeh," Ralph concurred. "Or how about the guy who hoists a couple of brewskies every day after work, but he's got this tight-assed supervisor who keeps stuffing twelve-step pamphlets into his back pocket? Where does this poor guy go when he wants to find a little spiritual uplift?"
"I know whereof you speak," Regsaid, holding up two fingers to the bartender. "And tell me, how about the bozo who just wants to kick back and watch the Celtics take on the Hornets, but his Old Lady grabs the remote and switches to 'Oprah' because she's deeply concerned about the extraterrestrial transvestite problem? Where does this guy go for moral sustenance, huh?"
Ralph and Reggie pondered these questions long into the night, and finally Ralph said, "Hell, we ought to write our own book of meditations, Reg. "
Here it is.
Until Eve arrived, this was a man's world. —RICHARD ARMOUR
Yeh, those were the good old days, walking around in the Garden with a full set of ribs. Having dominion over the birds of the air and the beasts of the field. Eating from the Tree of Life.
For those of you who weren't there, it was sort of like a Vision Quest weekend.
I will not meet you at the pier, as it will probably be chilly. —ANTON CHEKHOV (1860-1904) to Olga Knipper
Now here's the sort of love letter that Reggie can relate to. Not too sentimental, if you know what I mean. It's important in relationships to keep at least one foot in the real world. Is it chilly? Do I want to be out on a pier, for God's sake?
Today's Exercise: During commercials in The Game of the Week, draw a circle on a map indicating how far you'd be willing to go to meet your Significant Other. Draw another circle showing how far you 'd be willing to go if it were chilly. How about if it were raining? How about if you had to go out to get some brews anyway?
Remember: Life's decisions are never simple.
Either that wallpaper goes, or I do. —OSCAR WILDE (1854-1900), dying words
Today's Personal Insight Quiz: What would the inside of your house look like if you were in charge of decorating it instead of the Old Lady? Would lavender paisley have been your own personal preference for the shower curtain? Would you have thought of putting an oval doily under the TV set? How about that framed needlepoint thing that your sister-in-law made? Do you think that over the mantel is exactly the right spot for it?
Copyright ) 1997 by Daniel M. Klein and Thomas W. Carthcart