Man Talk: The Gay Couple's Communication Guide

Man Talk: The Gay Couple's Communication Guide

by Neil Kaminsky

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Learn to recognize and resolve communication problems common to gay male relationships

Man Talk presents effective techniques to help gay couples communicate better on the way to enjoying a fulfilling relationship. This practical guide from the author of Affirmative Gay Relationships examines common problems that create communication difficulties and


Learn to recognize and resolve communication problems common to gay male relationships

Man Talk presents effective techniques to help gay couples communicate better on the way to enjoying a fulfilling relationship. This practical guide from the author of Affirmative Gay Relationships examines common problems that create communication difficulties and offers straightforward, easy-to-use strategies for understanding feelings, resolving arguments, expressing anger, understanding nonverbal communication, improving listening skills, expressing love and appreciation, and dealing with issues specific to interracial and intercultural relationships.

Man Talk explores areas very well known to gay men, such as competition, the need to “win” arguments, and uncertainty about how to handle anger. Written by a licensed clinical social worker, this unique book avoids clinical jargon in presenting the thoughts of gay men in multiple, detailed vignettes that illustrate effective—and ineffective—communication. This practical guide provides proven methods of avoiding communication “destroyers,” hidden agendas, the need to be “right,” and disagreements that become “courtroom” battles, and offers effective ways of saying what you really mean, listening to your partner, dealing with uncomfortable subjects (like sex and money), and recognizing that there are many levels of communication (body movement, silence, voice inflection, etc.) that will significantly impact the quality of interaction between two men.

Topics examined in Man Talk include:

  • understanding what effective communication is—and why it’s so important
  • how major misunderstandings can develop—and how to avoid them
  • how communication can be destroyed—and how to prevent it from happening
  • understanding the nature of anger and learning how to manage it
  • understanding male socialization that teaches men to be “in control”
  • learning how to relinquish the need to be in control all of the time
  • how men can “let go” and become aware of, accept, and communicate their feelings
  • learning how to listen—and not preach
  • how to identify and deal with a relationship that’s in trouble
  • how to communicate appreciation, care and love
  • and much more!
Man Talk is a must-read for all gay men interested in relationships—past, present, and future. It’s also an essential professional guide for therapists who work with gay men and for concerned friends of gay men who want to help.

Editorial Reviews

Library Journal
Licensed clinical social worker Kaminsky (Affirmative Gay Relationships) has put together a perceptive guide to assisting gay partners in saying what they mean without hidden agendas, listening in a way that encourages understanding, and expressing anger so that it improves rather than destroys relationships. The author bases his information on interviews with gay couples, case studies and counsel from clinical therapists, and insights from his own practice. Two topics not found in other books are roadblocks to communication bred by male socialization and the cultural influences on communication in biracial male relationships. An excellent book for gay male patrons; recommended for most libraries.

—Deborah Bigelow

Product Details

Taylor & Francis
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Barnes & Noble
File size:
2 MB

What People are saying about this

Andrew R. Gottlieb
NEIL KAMINSKY HAS DONE IT AGAIN! Combining vast clinical experience, good common sense, and unexpected wry humor, he shows us in this, the third in his trilogy of books on gay male relationships, how to negotiate the ambivalence, the confusion, and the contradictions inherent in human connection. Simply written, free of technical jargon, Kaminsky goes directly to the heart of those central dilemmas that confront couples in their quest to remain together or, in some cases, who choose to separate and move on. PARTICULARLY INSIGHTFUL are the sections on better managing anger and developing greater cultural sensitivity, both of which can either make or break a budding relationship or a long-term one. Suggested exercises, for either one partner or both, only serve to enhance the usefulness of this text, one that I would highly recommend to those gay men—in therapy or not—as well as to those of us therapists who struggle hard to help. (Andrew R. Gottlieb, PhD, author of Out of the Twilight: Fathers of Gay Men Speak and editor of Interventions with Families of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender People: From the Inside Out)
Thomas J. Caldarola
Neil Kaminsky has humbly, wisely, and experientially tackled an important, often unexplored, area of gay men's relationships and intimacy. His writing is ACCESSIBLE, STIMULATING, AND PRACTICAL. When he explores complex issues like male communication, couple dynamics, passive aggressive behavior, interracial issues, he approaches the explanation of theory in a commonsense, CLEAR, COMPREHENSIVE, AND WITTY manner. As a therapist in private practice, I would refer to Kaminsky's guide myself for ideas, especially the great chapters on sex, anger, and The Seven Taboo Topics. I would be excited to refer my individual gay male clients and gay couples to this book for challenge, inspiration, and a clearer understanding of their situation and choices. (Thomas J. Caldarola, MA, MDiv, MFT, Psychotherapist in private practice)
Robert H. Hopcke
Kaminsky's common sense, comprehensive and good-humored advice for gay couples is invaluable. I'M GOING TO MAKE IT REQUIRED READING FOR EVERYONE I WORK WITH IN COUNSELING. (Robert H. Hopcke, MFT; Author of Jung, Jungians and Homosexuality)
Adelardo M. Ferrer
UTILIZES STRAIGHTFORWARD LANGUAGE AND CONCRETE EXAMPLES to make complex psychological issues more understandable to the general reader. . . . Uses a non-judgmental approach to common emotional issues while providing tools to understand ourselves better and try to improve our capacity to relate to others, whether in a gay, intimate relationship or even in platonic friendships. Mr. Kaminsky addresses difficult issues such as sexuality and cultural norms in a very open fashion that allows the reader to feel comfortable with societal taboos. He's also careful to define the limits of the book and refers the reader to more specialized treatment when needed. . . . EASY TO READ AND VERY INFORMATIVE. . . . A GOOD RESOURCE FOR ANY THERAPIST working with relationship issues in the Lesbian, Bisexual, Gay and Transsexual community. (Adelardo M. Ferrer, MD, General and child psychiatrist in private practice; child psychiatrist, ACCESS Team, San Mateo County Mental Health Services, San Mateo, CA)

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