The Complete Guide to Marriage Mentoring: Connecting Couples to Build Better Marriages [NOOK Book]


A comprehensive resource to help churches build a thriving marriage mentoring program. Les and Leslie Parrott are passionate about how marriage mentoring can transform couples, families, and entire congregations. The Complete Guide to Marriage Mentoring includes life-changing insights and essential skills for:
• Preparing engaged and newlywed couples
• Maximizing marriages from good to great
• Repairing ...

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The Complete Guide to Marriage Mentoring: Connecting Couples to Build Better Marriages

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A comprehensive resource to help churches build a thriving marriage mentoring program. Les and Leslie Parrott are passionate about how marriage mentoring can transform couples, families, and entire congregations. The Complete Guide to Marriage Mentoring includes life-changing insights and essential skills for:
• Preparing engaged and newlywed couples
• Maximizing marriages from good to great
• Repairing marriages in distress Practical guidelines help mentors and couples work together as a team, agree on outcomes, and develop skills for the marriage mentoring process. Appendixes offer a wealth of additional resources and tools. An exhaustive resource for marriage mentorship in any church setting, this guide also includes insights from interviews with church leaders and marriage mentors from around the country. 'The time is ripe for marriage mentoring, and this book is exactly what we need.' — Gary Smalley, author of The DNA of Relationships

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780310319306
  • Publisher: Zondervan
  • Publication date: 5/18/2009
  • Sold by: Zondervan Publishing
  • Format: eBook
  • Pages: 240
  • Sales rank: 1,260,079
  • File size: 2 MB

Meet the Author

Les y Leslie forman un equipo como marido y mujer, y son expertos avanzados en los asuntos concernientes a las relaciones personales. Muestran sus experiencias como padres con el objetivo de ayudarte a cumplir la vocacion mas grande de u vida.

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Table of Contents

Foreword by Gary Smalley...11
A Personal Word to Marriage Mentors...15
A Personal Word to Pastors...17
Introduction: The Sleeping Giant in the Church...19
1. What Marriage Mentoring Is and Isn't...27
2. Can Anyone Be a Marriage Mentor?...35
3. Common Pitfalls of Beginning Marriage Mentors...43
4. The Boomerang Effect of Marriage Mentoring...51
5. Preparing: Mentoring Engaged and Newlywed Couples...57
6. Maximizing: Mentoring Couples from Good to Great...73
7. Repairing: Mentoring Couples in Distress...87
8. Building Rapport...99
9. Walking in Another Couple's Shoes...105
10. Working as a Team...113
11. Agreeing on Outcomes...119
12. Asking Meaningful Questions...129
13. Listening Aggressively...137
14. Fielding Any Question They Throw at You...145
15. Telling Your Stories...151
16. Praying Together...159
17. Staying Sharp and Refreshed...165
18. Being Yourself and Going with the Flow...175
A Final Thought...183
1. Common Subjects to Explore with Your Marriage Mentorees...187
2. What You Will Find for Marriage Mentors at www.Real
3. Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts:A Tool for Mentoring Engaged and Newlywed Couples...190
4. Love Talk: A Tool for Mentoring Couples from Good to Great...192
5. Your Time-Starved Marriage:A Tool for Mentoring Couples from Good to Great...194
6. I Love You More: A Tool for Mentoring Couples in Distress...196
7. How Does Evangelism Factor into Marriage Mentoring?...197
8. Spotting Red Flags: When to Refer the Mentoree Couple...199
9. What Every Pastor Needs to Know about Starting a Marriage Mentoring Ministry...207
10. Volunteers and the Local Church...213
11. How to Use the Marriage Mentoring DVD Kit to Train Mentors...218
12. Structure for a Marriage Mentor Ministry...219
13. Marriage Mentor Application Form...221
14. Marriage Mentoree Application Form...222
15. Marriage Mentor Meeting Report Form for the Mentoree Couple...223
16. Marriage Mentor Meeting Report Form for the Mentor Couple...224
17. Two Samples of Marriage Preparation Policies...225

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First Chapter

Wisdom, like an inheritance, is a good thing.
Can you imagine giving an inheritance to another couple — a couple not related to you? It's an unusual gift, indeed, but that's exactly what you'll be doing as a marriage mentor. As you pour your wisdom into another couple who has not yet traveled the distance you have in your own marriage, you'll impart an invaluable gift that this couple would never receive on their own. That's why we're thrilled at the thought of your interest in marriage mentoring. We also believe you'll find it to be one of the most rewarding activities your marriage will ever enjoy.
Before we reveal the fringe benefits to your own relationship however (see chapter 4), we want to be sure you begin this journey with the big picture in view. So, we'll explain exactly what we mean by marriage mentoring, show you what the role entails, and clue you in to how you can avoid the common mistakes some beginning marriage mentors make.
Mentoring is a brain to pick, a shoulder to cry on, and a kick in the pants.
Even though Rodger and Lynne Schmidt had their sights set on going to Africa as missionaries, they still struggled. 'Is this really something we should be doing?' they were asking themselves.
Erik Johnson tells their story in an article he wrote for Leadership Jour nal.1 'At the same time in the same city, another couple was also wrestling with their call, though from the other end of a missionary career. Now retired, this couple was asking, 'After forty-one years as missionaries in Africa, who are we? Our home and life work are on another continent. What is our life all about?''
A mentoring program at Denver Seminary brought these two couples together. And it was a great match. Through this mentoring relationship, the Schmidts' call was confirmed, and the retired couple discovered a pro found sense of significance in their new role as mentors. 'We felt encour aged, they felt validated,' notes Rodger Schmidt.
And so go the benefits of mentoring.
In this chapter we begin by touching on the immense need for mentors in today's culture. From there we ask what is a mentor in general and then we get specific by exploring exactly what marriage mentoring is and isn't. Finally, we attempt to define the mentoring relationship itself.
Why do the trades have apprenticeships and professions require intern ships? Because personal attention from experienced practitioners helps learners master essential skills, techniques, attitudes, and knowledge.
In every culture throughout human history, mentoring has been the primary means of passing on knowledge and skills. In the past, mentoring took place in the university where a student learned directly from the scholar. It took place in the studio where the artist poured himself into the formation of his proteges.
The Bible is certainly filled with examples of mentoring: Eli and Samuel, Elijah and Eli sha, Moses and Joshua, Naomi and Ruth, Eliz abeth and Mary, Barnabas and Paul, Paul and Timothy. And, of course, Jesus and the disci ples is a supreme example of mentoring.
Down through the centuries, young people have learned most through careful observation of those more experienced. Up until recently, mentor ing was a way of life between the generations. But today, mentoring, for the most part, is in short supply. Mentoring was once assumed, expected, and therefore, almost unnoticed because of its commonness. But in the modern age, the learning process has shifted. It now relies primarily on computers, classrooms, books, and media. In most cases today, the rela tional connection between the knowledge-and-experience giver and the receiver has weakened or is nonexistent.
The time has come to bring back the fine art of mentoring.
Does mentoring's near disappearance mean it is no longer helpful? Abso lutely not. Ask any successful leader and he or she will tell you: a young person starting out in a career, for example, will benefit greatly from a mentor — an older, experienced person who knows the ropes and will teach a protege how things are done.
Here's a pop quiz question:
A mentor is . . .
a) A model b) An encourager c) An imparter of knowledge d) All of the above
The answer is 'd.' A mentor may wear many different hats but the one thing that all mentors share is the ability to listen and encourage. A men tor is 'a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the right direction,' according to the Uncommon Individual Foundation, an organization devoted to mentoring research and training. It reports that mentoring is one of the most powerful tools we have for influencing human behavior.
The term mentor arises from an unlikely source. It first appeared in Homer's classic, The Odyssey, where Odysseus asked a wise man named Mentor to care for his son, Telemachus, while Odysseus was off fighting in the Trojan War. Mentor taught the boy 'not only in book learning but also in the wiles of the world.' The fabled Mentor must have done his job well, because Telemachus grew up to be an enterprising lad who gallantly helped his father recover his kingdom.
But mentoring is more than the stuff of legends. A real-life mentor, one who serves as a model and provides individualized help and encourage ment, can be invaluable to a receptive mentoree. Among the most impor tant roles mentors play include:
* giving timely information to mentorees
* modeling aspects of what they wish to impart
* challenging and motivating mentorees to move to higher levels
* directing mentorees to helpful resources when needed (sometimes painfully so)
* encouraging goodness and inspiring greatness
* lessening mentorees' anxiety by normalizing experiences
* helping mentorees set goals
* keeping mentorees accountable to their goals
* providing a periodic review and evaluation of mentorees' performance
A word of caution is in order: Mentors can do all of the aforementioned things and still be ineffective. Two dynamics are vital to the success of any mentoring relationship. Without them, all the modeling, challenging, encouraging, goal-setting, and accountability will fall flat. The two critical dynamics are (1) attraction, and (2) responsiveness.
Attraction is the starting point in every effective mentoring relation ship. The mentor and the mentoree must be drawn to each other to some degree. If either side is not genuinely interested in the other, true mentor ing will never take place. Along with this attractiveness, the mentoree must be willing and ready to learn from the mentor. Without a responsive attitude and a receptive spirit on the part of the mentoree, little genuine mentoring can occur.

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