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The Unofficial Scoop on Military Life
Whether you're dating, engaged, or married to an active military servicemember or reservist — or you've just signed up yourself — you may feel as if you've somehow married the United States military! While there are plenty of orientation books for him, there are almost no handy, user-friendly resources for you. Meredith Leyva, a military wife and founder of CinCHouse.com, the Internet's largest community for military wives, girlfriends, and women in uniform, details everything you need to know to manage day-to-day issues and get on with the adventure of military life. From relocation to deployment, protocol to finances, and career to kids, Leyva offers time-tested advice about:
Keeping your love life together during deployments
Relocating yourself and your family around the world
Maintaining your own career when you're expected to move every three years
Understanding what pay and benefits you're entitled to — and how to maximize them
Translating those odd acronyms and jargon
Written by a seasoned military wife, this smart and savvy guide will help you take control at every point of your servicemember's career — from filing marriage papers as newlyweds to choosing prenatal and child care when you start a family to figuring out his pension when he's ready to retire.
1
Welcome to the Adventure of Military Life!
Welcome to the sisterhood of military women! We are military wives, girlfriends, moms, and women in uniform. Just like you, we had to familiarize ourselves with military life and get to know the community pretty darn quick, sometimes while getting engaged and planning a wedding and other times while reeling from the shock of our Reservist husband suddenly being sent off to war. With all the crazy acronyms, rules, and bureaucracy on top of finding bridesmaids' dresses, it's easy to get overwhelmed — but don't! You can master this, and we are here to help you.
In effect, this book is an orientation manual on military life based on the collective knowledge of military wives and women at CinCHouse.com. CinCHouse.com is a nonprofit organization and community of military women all over the world. In fact, the name "CinCHouse" is military jargon for "Commander in Chief of the House." That's what you are! And don't you forget it.
You are the CinC of your house because, while your husband is out playing G.I. Joe, you are primarily responsible for raising the kids, managing the household finances, and establishing yourself and your family in the community. This is no job for the faint of heart. Don't be deceived by the feminine looks of many military wives standing next to their macho men; underneath lies the heart of Scarlett O'Hara. Besides, although the military may joke that "if we wanted a servicemember to have a wife, we would have issued one," your needs and personal and professional goals are just as important as your man's.
Just remember this cardinal rule: Success in military life is all about knowledge and perspective. The purpose of this book is to give you information and a well-rounded perspective on military life so that you can make the right choices for yourself and your family, especially if you are starting a new life as a military wife. This book will:
Introduce you to daily life in the military and what you can expect in terms of services and the community — and what is expected of you. Help you understand the benefits and how to get the most out of military life (the business of your marriage). Help you understand and take control of the two primary threats to your sanity: relocation and deployment. Strengthen your marriage by helping you develop a strategy with your servicemember on how to live together.
DEALING WITH JARGON, POLITICAL CORRECTNESS, AND OTHER NONSENSE
Unfortunately, military jargon has become a language all its own. You can refuse to learn it and find yourself corrected or stuck not knowing what was said, or you can become familiar with the basics. We prefer the latter approach, although we limit our use of jargon as much as possible. After all, our hubbies signed up for the job, not us.
To help you through, every time a new acronym is introduced, we write it out fully and explain what it means. We explain military jargon in the same manner. Chapter 14 is a glossary entitled "Really Stupid Acronyms and Jargon," for your reference. The glossary is also good for translating lingo when on base, especially with the die-hard Marines.
Also, let's skip the political correctness and just acknowledge that this book is written primarily for women, namely military wives and women in uniform. The Department of Defense (DoD) is required to use the term "spouse," but we use the more accurate term "wife." While the number of military husbands has increased slightly, they still represent only 6 percent of all military spouses, and the vast majority previously served in the military and are already very familiar with it. That is very different from a 20-something civilian woman who is just entering or marrying into the military for the first time. We are women, and we want to act and be treated as such.
Additionally, this book takes a fresh approach by recognizing that women in uniform and military wives have common concerns. While military wives are primarily addressed because there are so many of us, many female servicemembers will find it useful because they share the same responsibilities for raising kids and managing households, finances, and relocation. There are plenty of orientation books on military jobs and protocol, but there are almost no good books about handling the family and personal aspects of military life. Thus, the term "military wife" also refers to those female servicemembers who feel married to the military and want solutions to these issues.
Finally, before I get hate mail from nitpickers, let me say that this book covers the general concepts behind key aspects of military life. Different military services, bases, and offices, however, will do things slightly differently. Form 840 on Base A may be referred to as Form 850 on Base B, even though they say the same thing. The two forms are just printed on different-colored paper. What is important is that the concepts are the same, and the book will give you the tools to get through them.
Your husband, boyfriend, or fiancé may freak out when he sees you reading this book. Why on earth, he'll say, do you need to understand this stuff? He'll take care of everything! And he can explain what you do need to know when you need to know it. Right?
Wrong, bucko! You need to know about military life so you can control your family's destiny, and he may not always be around to explain how things work or to handle the situation. Your gut instinct tells you that. What you can tell your man is that, by reading this book, you will feel better about entering the adventures of military life, and you will be better able to support him in his mission and have a stronger relationship.
The Least You Need to Know You are neither the first nor the last woman to face the complicated world of military life. This book is designed to help you succeed in taking control of your destiny and strengthening your relationship with your servicemember. The key to controlling your destiny is to learn about military life, including all its acronyms and jargon.
Resources http://www.cinchouse.com — A nonprofit organization and the Internet's largest community of military wives and women in uniform.Copyright © 2009 by Meredith Leyva
1 Welcome to the Adventure of Military Life! 1
Dealing with Jargon, Political Correctness, and Other Nonsense 2
2 Your First Day as CinCHouse 6
Getting Documented 6
Getting to Know Your Base 11
3 Controlling Your Family's Destiny 15
Getting Started in the Military 16
Understanding Career Tracks 20
The Daily Grind 21
The Reality of Relocation 23
Reservists' Duties 26
Differences Between Military and Civilian Jobs 27
4 Community and Family Resources 30
Government and Nonprofit Organizations 30
Civil Servants vs. Bureaucrats: How to Get Business Done on Base 34
Spouse Clubs and Command Family Support Groups 36
What Are Other Military Wives and Female Service Members Like, Anyway? 38
The Case for Getting Involved 40
5 Protocol, or How to Get Along in a Hierarchy 44
Ranks and Privileges 44
What the Uniform Means 46
Enlisted Rank Insignia 50
And Your Name Is...? 54
What to Wear? The Appropriate Dress for Every Military Occasion 56
6 Your Portable Career 62
Education 68
7 Personal Finances-Military Style 70
How Military Pay Works 70
Reserve Pay 74
How to Read a Leave and Earnings Statement (Pay Stub) 76
Taxable vs. Nontaxable Income 85
Problems with Military Pay 85
Direct Deposit 86
Tax and Regulatory Benefits 87
Lower Your Interest Rates by Going to War 88
Retirement Benefits 89
How Politics Affects Your Retirement 91
Survivor's Benefits and Life Insurance 91
Educational Benefits 93
8 Health Care Benefits 97
Myths About Military vs. Civilian Care 97
Tricare: The HMO for the Military 100
How Tricare's Coverage Rates 102
Tricks for Getting the Best Health Care 103
When a Family Member Has Special Needs106
Tricare Regions and Contact Information 109
Dental Care 112
9 Relocation and Housing 113
Moving Your Household Goods 115
Reimbursement for Your Travel 119
House-Hunting Leave 124
The Logistical Process of Moving with the Military 126
Storage 127
Shipping Your Cars 127
Shipping a Mobile Home 128
Shipping Firearms 129
Relocating Pets 129
Traveling Overseas 130
Moving Out 131
The Big Trip 136
Moving In 136
Housing 139
Easing the Transition to a New Community 144
Pearls of Wisdom for a Great Move 145
Master Relocation Checklist 146
10 Marriage Hoo-ah! 151
Creating a Family Strategy and Lifetime Dreams 151
A Big "If" 158
Calling All Military Men: Better Ways to Communicate with Your Wife 159
Handling Deployment Separation Together 161
Extra Parenting Skills for Military Couples 165
11 The Adventures of Military Life 169
Furnishing a Military Household 169
How to Vacation at Almost No Cost 172
Children's Activities (for Kids from Two to 92) 173
12 What Happens When the Worst Happens-and What to Do 177
When You Must Live Near an Ailing Family Member 177
If you Must Separate from an Abusive Spouse 178
When Your Service Member's Pay Gets Screwed Up and Your Have No Money for Groceries or Bills 178
When You Have Emergency Expenses 178
When You Desperately Need to Track Down a Deployed Service Member 179
When Both Parents or a Single Parent Is in the Military and Forced to Deploy 179
When a Service Member Dies 180
When Your Man Comes Home "Changed" 180
13 Preventing Trouble in Paradise 187
14 Really Stupid Acronyms and Jargon 190
Acknowledgments 199
Index 201
Anonymous
Posted December 21, 2006
I had to smile a bit at the reviews that insisted this was a Navy/Marine Corps book, or that bemoaned the lack of in-depth detail. I felt it was clear from the introduction that this book was largely for new military wives (and as a Navy wife, I thought at first that the author was an Army wife--I did not sense a Navy/MC-centric tone to the book at all). This book does a good job of introducing new military wives to a lot of the idiosyncrasies of military life--and it also contains some info that could be good for the long-term military wife. It is especially strong on the bureaucracy that can drive a military wife crazy--and I say that as a 10-year Navy wife who was also a Naval officer for 7 years. The book deals mostly with generalities, which is appropriate for a book intended for wives in all services, but contrary to a statement in an earlier review, it also includes details such as the rank insignia of all members of the military, officer, warrant, and enlisted. My only problem with this book is that occasionally it takes a very pugilistic tone. Ms. Leyva appears to have had some negative interactions with her husband's commands, and that comes through with a touch of an attitude that the service (and specifically the service member's command) is 'the enemy' to any wife. There will always be bad commands, but in general the commands will not be as negative towards families as Ms. Leyva implies. The best recommendation that I can give is that I will be purchasing multiple copies of this book. My husband is currently a ship's Executive Officer, and will take command in his next tour, and as the XO/CO's wife, I will be handing out copies of this book to the newly married wives in his command.
3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted August 17, 2006
As many have pointed out, this is a guide (in the most liberal sense of the word) for Navy or Marine Wives. I'm not surprised to see that many of the reviewers giving high ratings for this book are newbies. Some of the information would seem to be useful and maybe even ingenious, but with a little time and experience, I'd imagine it would be a hard lesson for a newbie to find out that much of the information is incorrect and/or relates only to the Navy or USMC. Most wives with any significant experience with the military will be able to tell you that not only is the information in this book easy to gain by a simple Google search, but it is sorely outdated. Tips on how to advance your husband's career (but not your own!) and use fabric and starch for wallpaper may be a godsend to some, but I feel confident in saying that most of us who read this book were probably looking for information that was actually relevant to the military and dealing with day-to-day issues like healthcare and dealing with the military bureauocracy. The book also seems to be little more than a shameless recruitment tool for the companion website. After reading this book, I had to see what that was about, and again I was disappointed. The members seem to be young, uneducated, and confused about their roles in relation the military. The site is also part of a non-profit organization that is supposed to help military families in need. However, after learning of many complaints and investigations of fraud at certain chapters of this organization, I decided that I'd be better off seeking support online at other (reputable) organizations and on base and my Family Support Center. I only mention this in the book's review because profits from the book help fund the website and organizations associated with it. I would suggest that any military wife, young or old, experienced or new, steer clear of this book, the site, and the 'non-profit' organization involved. If you still want to check it out, take advantage of your local library service instead of contributing your hard-earned money to this book and its associated organizations.
2 out of 5 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted May 7, 2006
My husband is a Colonel in the Marine Corps. Needless to say, I am a 'true' seasoned military wife with vast experience in all aspects of military life. I often find myself in the honored position of mentoring and socializing 'newbies' into military life which is why I was compelled to read this 'informational book' in the first place. I would NOT recommend this book to a spouse who is new to the military. It is clear and evident that Leyva herself does not have the experience and personal knowledge of lending advice to those who marry into this complicated way of life. Her book seems to be more self-promoting than informational. Leyva provides information that is both unrealistic, inaccurate and outdated. Rather, I would strongly advise 'newbies' to use more accurate and updated resources by visiting thier family service centers on base and attending command seminars. Get involved in a spouse club and find out who are the REAL seasoned spouses are and feel free to ask as many questions as you need. Seasoned wives are a wealth of information! Do not take advice from this book!
2 out of 4 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.CLDoyle
Posted July 24, 2009
My husband is in the Air Force and I read this book prior to his joining and it gave me great insight into military life. It gave information about what to expect when you are new to a military lifestyle. The author is a Navy wife so some of the information is on the Navy lifestyle but it provides information for every branch of the military including how to set up your insurance and housing and what to expect from others on base. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is a new military spouse or fiance!
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted October 30, 2008
I am the spouse of a man in the AF, and this book helped me SO much when he was in basic. It really gave me some basics as to what to expect. This may be an older book (back in 2003), but face it, this military never changes! I still find myself pulling this book out to help me read my husband's pay stubs, refresh my memory on rankings, and abbr. help! I loved it!
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted February 6, 2006
I am a soon-to-be Officers Wife. And I found the book 'somewhat' informative.. BUT comming from an Air Force Brat.. Not something that should have been targeted towards all brances of the service. This book should have been Called 'Married to the Department of the Navy: A reference point for young Wives & Girlfriends of Officers in the Marine Corps and Navy.' So, if you are in the Market for a book to assist Officers spouses in the NAVY or Marine Corps.. Buy it. If your are looking for something for ARMY, Air Force or Coast Guard. Dont waste your money, Try Chicken Soup for the Military Wives Soul.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted March 26, 2012
When I married my husband, I thought this would be a great title to read because I knew absolutely nothing about military life. I couldn't get through the first few chapters. I felt that the way it is written is extremely distasteful. It speaks to the reader as if her husband/boyfriend is a completely incompetent buffoon who is barely able to take care of himself, much less her and addresses her as if she is the only one capable of figuring out this "complex" world her significant other is a part of. If you have any respect for your spouse at all...or really even yourself...avoid this book at all costs!
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.My boyfriend, who is in the Army, bought this book for me before he left for Basic Training. I learned so much about how the military works from a spouse's point of view. Now, my boyfriend has become my husband and I'm turning to this book again to learn about new situations that I will have to handle as an Army wife. I also gave a copy of this book to a friend of mine who started dating a sailor. It was a great help to her in understanding some of the tasks her boyfriend did daily. This book is so informative and written from the perspective of an experienced woman speaking to a world of friends. I'm so glad to have this book in my personal library!!!
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted September 6, 2009
I've been a military wife for a little over a year now and I wish I would have know about this book when I first moved on base. It gets a little confusing since every branch of the military opperates differently but is great for general information!
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Posted June 22, 2009
I Also Recommend:
This book really helped me understand marriage in the military. It was a great book overall and has helped me learn how to deal with the life my husband and I have choose to live.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted April 17, 2009
I met my husband just after he got back from his first deployment. He's a reservist, so I've only had to deal with weekend drills, AT, and the occasional multi-week school from the business end, and birthday balls and family days from the social end.
However, since he is getting ready to begin his second deployment, I was looking for some infomraiton on how to cope with deployment and how to transition from reserve to active duty. This book was just not helpful for that purpose. It mostly focuses on on-base issues, relocating, and the social infrastructure of the military.
I also bought "When Duty Calls" by Carol Vandesteeg and will be reading that next. Hopefully it is more helpful.
Anonymous
Posted July 1, 2008
I have been with my Soldier for 6 years. I thought after running a battalion FRG that I knew most everything there is to know about the Army. I read this book to see if it was all I had heard it was. Let me tell you it was!!! I have been recommending this book to everyone I know. I learned a few things from it and I refuse to get rid of it. I love to keep it around for reference. There is no bias in this book towards branch of service nor is there towards officer or enlisted. I think this is something that every new and seasoned spouse should have.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted January 4, 2008
I read this book to determine if it would be good to recommend to the wives in the family readiness group I lead. This book is filled with information that is largely common knowledge among military wives. The book is written in a manner that is demeaning to modern women, as it emphasizes the importance of furthering your husbands career. A better book might give more hints on how to further your own career and life while the military moves you around. The companion website is filled with condescending articles that have no real useful information.
0 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted March 15, 2007
I have dealt with the military since the day I was born. I went from being my fathers dependant to my husbands and let me tell you this book is not helpful at all unless you are a Navy/MC officers wife. Even then im not so sure its worth it. Most of the book is pointed towards those branches and it seems a bit outdated. It mainly centers on etiquette that seems very out of date to me. Most of what it states you should wear or act like is NOTHING like what I have seen and dealt with. The book seems to be leaning towards teaching you to be very formal in occasions where its not necasary. I good impression is VERY important true, but you dont have to be as formal as the author is trying to show you. There are many books out there that are far more helpful.
0 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted July 10, 2006
Just not what I thought it could be. I am married to an Army officer who was also enlisted at one time. This book did not address all ranks or branches of service. Better off going to ACS and taking an AFTB class for the info you need.
0 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
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Posted March 13, 2006
I am a new Air Force Wife and this book is great ! It is so informative and definitely is preparing me for what to expect when I move on base with my husband. All the jargon is a little confusing but the book breaks it down for you so it is easy to understand. Thank you so much for writing this book, I searched everywhere for a book that would help me out and this book, I HIGHLY recommend to ALL military wives.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted December 8, 2005
I am a Miltary wife..... This is book isn't even geared toward all ranks in the miltary especially if you are not NAVY,it's has more of a perspective for an officer's wife point of view.Not very useful.I think I got more info. from family service center on base than the accurate info in the book.Try writing a basic ALL ranks/Branches book for future wives and current spouses ..Like 'military 101'. I got nothing useful out of this book and it's a shame.It's wrong to use such a ploy to attract 'new' wives into the wrong Hype. If all else fails 'newbies'...Search the Internet. (It's free..no guilt)
0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted January 13, 2006
This book was very useful for all Navy/Marine Officer wives..i can see why the other women are upset that there is not more information for the other sects, but as a Marine Officer fiance...i found the information very good.
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Posted January 25, 2006
I don't believe that for a second. This book is written to get people to go to a webpage that is one of the worst run military family supports sites i have ever seen. Information given there is never accurate and most of the time if you don't agree with this writer and her friends you will be banned from ever going there again. She is not a seasoned spouse after only just a few years unlike others of us who have been in the trenches for over 10 years. Please we get better information from our spouses then we get from this book or her site
0 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
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Posted August 16, 2005
It's not worth the cost given the number of errors. More accurate and up to date information is available via the internet. Plus the book is a shameless plug for the author's poorly run webpage.
0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Overview
The Unofficial Scoop on Military Life
Whether you're dating, engaged, or married to an active military servicemember or reservist — or you've just signed up yourself — you may feel as if you've somehow married the United States military! While there are plenty of orientation books for him, there are almost no handy, user-friendly resources for you. Meredith Leyva, a military wife and founder of CinCHouse.com, the Internet's largest community for military wives, girlfriends, and ...