Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again after a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One

Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again after a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One

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by John Gray
     
 

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There is hope! You will find love again... John Gray has helped millions of men and women develop better relationships with his phenomenal New York Times bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.

Now he turns his attention to the millions of people who find themselves single again and compassionately presents a process for healing

Overview

There is hope! You will find love again... John Gray has helped millions of men and women develop better relationships with his phenomenal New York Times bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.

Now he turns his attention to the millions of people who find themselves single again and compassionately presents a process for healing a broken heart. Here are just some of the issues and challenges John Gray covers in this supportive and practical guide to becoming whole again.

Editorial Reviews

bn.com
Breakups punctuate our lives. Learning to get beyond the devastation of a broken heart is the subject of this lucid and realistic book. Gray's descriptions of how men and women respond differently to the loss of a love may not be true of everybody, but these gender generalities will help some readers recognize potential pitfalls. Memorable advice about getting to the next chapter of your life.

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780061098383
Publisher:
HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date:
08/01/1999
Pages:
432
Product dimensions:
4.18(w) x 6.75(h) x 1.08(d)

Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

When single again, men and women face different challenges. Just as we think,feel, and communicate differently, we also respond differently to the loss of love. During a crisis of the heart, a woman's instinctive and automaticreactions are not the same as a man's. Her issues are different as well as her mistakes. What is good for her is not necessarily good for him. Ina variety of ways, their needs are worlds apart. It is as if men were from Mars and women were from Venus.

Although we cope differently, both men and women can experience equallyagonizing feelings. Starting over after a divorce, a painful breakup, or the death of a loved one can be the most challenging experience of a lifetime.For most people devastated by the loss of love, it is beyond anything wecould have expected, predicted, or imagined.

Starting over after a divorce, a painful breakup, or the death of a loved one can be the most challenging experience of a lifetime.

Our hearts ache as they cry out in loneliness and confusion. We are stunned by our helplessness. We fight inside with our inability to change what has happened. We become distraught as we sink into the depths of despair and hopelessness. We feel lost and abandoned in a sea of emptiness and darkness.Time slows down and the passing of each moment seems like eternity.

After a loss, we fight inside ourselves with our inability to change whathas happened.

It is a struggle simply to fill each empty moment and get through the day.At times the bittersweet pain of loss is replaced by a dull numbness, but then something reminds us of our loss, and once again we long to feel and love again. Never before have weexperienced our need for love and connection so agonizingly. As we are forced to face and feel the raw pain in our hearts,we realize our lives will never again be the same.

Eventually, when the healing process is complete, we fully let go. In ourminds and hearts, we surrender and accept that we can't change what has happened. Being single again, we start to rebuild our lives. Once more,we begin to reach out to give and receive love. Although we could not have imagined it, our lives come back to a sense of normalcy. After the darkness of despair, the warm, comforting, and soothing sunshine of love reveals itself once again. Although this happy ending is possible, it is not guaranteed.

Understanding the Healing Process

To heal a broken heart, we must be able to complete the healing process.This requires new insight and understanding, but most people are not awareof what is necessary. We are not taught how to heal a broken heart in school,nor is it something with which we have a lot of practice. Being in the dark and vulnerable, we either blindly follow the advice of friends and family,or we simply follow our own instincts. We make decisions and choices that may sound reasonable but quite often are counterproductive. Though we findtemporary relief, in the long run we do not nurture or complete the healing process.

We are not taught how to heal a broken heart in school.

After the loss of love, some people do thrive again. Many are not so successful.After spiraling down to the depths of despair, they never make it out tothe other side. To various degrees and in different ways, they continueto suffer their loss. Aware of the pain of losing love, they hold back fromfully opening their hearts again.

Others, who appear to have let go, sometimes really haven't. They believe they have successfully moved on, but have done so at the cost of closingthe door to their hearts. To avoid feeling their pain, they have moved on too quickly. As a result they have numbed their ability to fully feel. Without realizing it or recognizing how they did it, they have closed up. They carry on in their lives unable to feel the love in their hearts. Their ability to grow in love and happiness is stunted.

Becoming single again is definitely a crisis. Like any crisis, it is a timeof danger and a time of opportunity. The opportunity is the possibility of healing and strengthening your heart and mind so that you will move onhealthy and whole. The danger is that you do not complete the healing process. Time alone does not heal all wounds. How we cope with the loss of love determines the rest of our lives.

How the Heart Heals

To ensure that we complete the healing process, it is important that we understand the basics of how the heart heals. This process is most easily understood and visualized by considering how a broken bone heals. An emotionalwound is abstract, but a broken bone is very tangible and concrete. Recognizing the various steps in healing a broken bone can assist us in acknowledgingand respecting the needs of our broken heart.

When a bone breaks, our body already contains the natural healing powerto correct the problem. It hurts, but eventually the pain goes away. As long as we don't interfere, the body heals itself automatically, in a predictable time period. When this automatic healing process is allowed and nurtured,the bone will actually grow back stronger than before. In a similar way,if you are able to nurture the healing of a broken heart, it also will grow back stronger. The pain and despair will pass, and you will find love andjoy again.

When a broken heart heals it actually grows back stronger.

When a bone is broken, it must be reset and then be protected in a castto allow the body's automatic and natural healing processes to occur. Ifthe bone is not reset straight, then it will grow back crooked. If it isnot given enough time to rest, protected in a cast, it will remain weak.Likewise, if the protective cast is never taken off, the bone will neverfully become strong again. Similar warnings apply to the process of healinga broken heart.

Mars and Venus Starting Over. Copyright © by John Gray. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.

Meet the Author

John Gray, Ph.D., is one of the world’s leading relationship experts, and an authority on improving communication styles for couples, companies, and communities. His many books have sold more than fifty million copies in fifty different languages worldwide. John lives with his wife and children in northern California.

Brief Biography

Hometown:
San Francisco, California
Date of Birth:
1951
Place of Birth:
Houston, Texas
Education:
B.A., M.A., Maharishi European Research University; Ph.D., Columbia Pacific University, 1982
Website:
http://www.marsvenus.com/

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Mars and Venus Starting Over 4.3 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 25 reviews.
Guest More than 1 year ago
It is a book that will encourage you utmost to overcome the trauma faced by a true lover over the loss of relationship with the beloved.This pain is something inexplicable as it is best felt none other than the victim.One should read it to feel that it is better to forget someone who is not the right person for my love ,otherwise he wont have left me.....and it is right to wait eagerly for someone who can honestly respect my feelingas, my emotions, my values and love me as I am.True love is something that grows day by day and the bold and honest person should wait and search for someome as he/she is. So be enthusiastic for the brighter days to come in your life.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I loved this book. It really helped me deal with not only the loss of my father but also the end of a 7 year romance. I think with anything it's all about our preception. How we read into it. I really liked reading that it was 'normal how I was feeling'. Normal was the last emotion I was feeling! I suggest this book to others struggling all the time. That and the Bible :)
Guest More than 1 year ago
I went through a very traumatic break up with a long time relationship and 'starting over' helped me tremedously.John Gray understands women and how an end to a relationship can affect our self esteem and self worth and leave us feeling used and hurt in a different way from men.I gave my whole heart and 'starting over' proved to me you can get your heart back and prepare to give it to the right man next time around. Gray understands how women give their whole heart and how in doing so you can receive such pain and anguish and never want to see another man again,but Gray got me through my lack of trust so I can find a man next time willing to respect me and love me.
Hdeuce5 More than 1 year ago
This was an AMAZING book that helped me start over. I could not put this down, and I took quite a few notes on Love Letters and understanding more about me and I am not the only one that feels the way I do and did! Also, understanding how a man works and how communication is SO important. Couples this is a must read as well as single men and women.
SidraMahmood More than 1 year ago
The book is WONDERFUL!!! It was recommended to me after a terrible breakup by a friend who happens to be a therapist and I must say it helped me immensely. Which is why I bought it from Barnes and Noble for a friend who is going through a breakup because I wanted to share the healing power of the book with him too. However, I was TERRIBLY disappointed by Barnes and Noble's service. I had ordered a gift wrap with the book along with a personal note for him. His book arrived WITHOUT a gift wrap and the note INCLUDING the receipt. I was so disappointed primarily because I had canceled my Amazon order for the same book because it seemed that Barnes and Noble had better gift wraps. Well...never go for all that glitters since it's certainly not gold. 
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Guest More than 1 year ago
I believe that even a few words or paragrghs of this book has made more sense to me than what some people have told me since my breakup...read it for nothing else but inspiration and to prove to yourself that what you are feeling is natutal and
Guest More than 1 year ago
I like the book I would recomend it to any one who has been in this stuation or is stillgoing thru it.
Guest More than 1 year ago
After getting dumped by boyfriend, I'd been thru' trauma of losing an 8-year-long relationship. Finding this book by chance 3 months later, I was given by John every strength and wisdom to heal my broken heart. Hearing his recommendation, I've been under counselling therapy. I really thank John for his great work! Even though you've never been in such a pain, do read this book as 'we are not taught to heal a broken heart in school.' It's good enough for you to get prepared for it, or even better, to give productive advice to your friends when they face this challenge and need you.