Mars and Venus Together Forever: Relationship Skills for Lasting Love

Overview

Is it really possible to be in love forever?

New York Times bestselling author John Gray will show you how in Mars and Venus Together Forever.

This resource guide contains relationship skills that will help you and your mate sustain a lasting relationship that only grows richer with time. Mars and Venus ...

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Overview

Is it really possible to be in love forever?

New York Times bestselling author John Gray will show you how in Mars and Venus Together Forever.

This resource guide contains relationship skills that will help you and your mate sustain a lasting relationship that only grows richer with time. Mars and Venus Together Forever educates the different sexes on:

  • What your mother couldn't tell you and your father didn't know
  • What women need most and men really want
  • How men and women think and feel differently
  • The language barrier — men speak "male" and women speak "female"
  • The seven secrets of lasting passion
  • And much more

Filled with lively anecdotes, revealing exercises, and profound common sense, Mars and Venus Together Forever will help men and women explore new frontiers in their relationships, communicate effectively with each other, and discover the secret of "happily ever after."

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780060926618
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Publication date: 1/28/1996
  • Edition description: Revised Edition
  • Pages: 288
  • Sales rank: 266,032
  • Product dimensions: 5.29 (w) x 8.01 (h) x 0.68 (d)

Meet the Author

John  Gray, Ph.D.

John Gray, Ph.D., is one of the world’s leading relationship experts, and an authority on improving communication styles for couples, companies, and communities. His many books have sold more than fifty million copies in fifty different languages worldwide. John lives with his wife and children in northern California.

Biography

To those well versed in therapy-speak and the self-help world, the name John Gray can provoke some eye-rolling and sarcasm: Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We genders need to "learn" to "communicate."

What's remarkable is Gray's role in making this concept so well known. In 1992, when Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus was published, the idea was anything but pedestrian. Indeed, Gray sparked both revolution and debate in the world of gender politics.

His case is simple: "Men mistakenly expect women to think, communicate, and react the way men do; women mistakenly expect men to feel, communicate, and respond the way women do. We have forgotten that men and women are supposed to be different. As a result our relationships are filled with unnecessary friction and conflict," he wrote in the first chapter of Men Are from Mars. Though the idea is not radical, the implication met with criticism from feminists who said that it tried to reinforce stereotypes; and with accolades from stricken couples who found that Gray did, in fact, help them communicate and understand each other better.

Though naysayers have called into question both Gray's message and his credentials, his appeal is undeniable. Word-of-mouth has proved strong enough to drive sales of Gray's book and its companions -- targeted at everyone from dating singles to coworkers -- into bestsellerdom, with the first title alone selling more than 15 million copies. He has also become a cottage industry of gender relations, with seminars, media appearances, and audio titles bolstering his books.

Gray's style tends to be simple and direct, with analogies along the lines of the title: "Men Are like Blowtorches, Women Are like Ovens" and "Men Pursue and Women Flirt" are typical chapter headers. For those mired in the tricky morass of dealing with the opposite sex, the author's no-nonsense approach is appealing.

In 1999, Gray departed from his relationships milieu to the broader palette of life fulfillment with the parenting guide Children Are from Heaven and How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have, a guide to achieving success while bolstering one's spiritual life via meditation and awareness of worldly challenges. It's a strong statement coming from someone who lived for several years as a monk, but Gray's strong suit with readers remains his relationship tomes. Since the original Mars/Venus title, he has created a franchise that now straddles the realms of love and personal success. His advice obviously rings true with millions of readers.

Good To Know

Gray lives with his wife and three children. He was formerly married to self-help author Barbara De Angelis; the two divorced in 1984.

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus was made into a musical stage comedy that opened in Las Vegas. It has also been translated into more than 40 languages.

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    1. Hometown:
      San Francisco, California
    1. Date of Birth:
      1951
    2. Place of Birth:
      Houston, Texas
    1. Education:
      B.A., M.A., Maharishi European Research University; Ph.D., Columbia Pacific University, 1982
    2. Website:

Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You
and Your Father Didn't Know

Once upon a time, untold ages ago, men and women were peaceful partners in a hostile and dangerous world. A woman felt loved and respected because each day her mate went out and risked his life to provide for her. She didn't expect him to be sensitive or nurturing. Good communication skills were not a part of his job description. As long as he was a good hunter and could find his way home, relationship skills were not required for a mate to be desirable. As providers, men felt loved and appreciated by women. While surviving was difficult, relationships were comparatively easy.

Men and women existed in different spheres. They depended on each other in order to survive. Food, sex, children, shelter, and security motivated them to work together because the fulfillment of these basic needs required specific roles and skills. Men assumed the role of provider and protector while women specialized in nurturing and homemaking.

It was a natural separation. Biology had determined that a woman gives birth and hence feels a great responsibility for raising children and creating a home. The man honored and respected her role by agreeing to take such dangerous assignments as venturing into the wild to hunt, or standing guard to protect her and their young. Although men would often be out for days in the freezing cold or blazing sun before making a kill, they were proud of these sacrifices because they honored the female, the life giver. Since the partnership between a man and a woman provided the basics of survival and security, their interdependence generated mutualrespect and appreciation.

Now, though, life has changed dramatically. Since we are no longer utterly dependent on each other for security and survival, the rules and strategies of our ancestors have become outdated. For the first time in recorded history, we look to each other primarily for love and romance. Happiness, intimacy, and lasting passion are now requirements for fulfilling relationships.

What your mother couldn't tell you and your father didn't know is how to satisfy your partner's emotional needs without sacrificing your own personal fulfillment. This new agenda can be accomplished only through the practice of new relationship skills.

Times Have Changed

The social and economic changes of the last forty years have enormously affected traditional male and female roles. Women's leaving the home and entering the workforce has diminished men's traditional value to women. Increasingly independent and self-sufficient, contemporary women no longer feel the same need for men to provide for or protect them.

A modern woman charts her own destiny and pays her own bills. When in danger, she can pull out her Mace or call the police. Most important, she now has much more control over when to have children and how many she wants. Until the discovery of the birth control pill, and the widespread availability of contraceptives, women were biologically determined to have children and to be dependent on men. No more.

We are just beginning to comprehend the changes in relationships that have resulted from the widespread use of birth control and the following sexual revolution. We are living in a time of dramatic transition and sexual tension.

In a sense, men no longer have the job they held for centuries. They are no longer valued and appreciated as providers and protectors. Although they continue to do what they have always done, it suddenly isn't enough to make their partners happy. Women require something else, something more than their mothers did.

At the same time, women are overworked. Not only are they mothers, nurturers, and homemakers, but now they are also providers and protectors. They are no longer protected from the harsh and cold realities of the work world outside the home. How can a wife be expected to be relaxed, sensitive, and pleasing to her husband when an hour before she's had to fight a man for a cab? While women today no longer want to wait on a man at the end of a day, men still want what their fathers wanted--to be waited on.

Times have changed, and we have no choice but to change with them. A new job description is required in relationships. New skills must be learned if a man is to feel needed and appreciated by his mate. A new awareness is required of women if they are to continue working side by side with men, then come home to a loving and nurturing relationship. New skills are required to remain feminine and also be strong.

What We Didn't Learn

Our mothers could not teach their daughters how to share their feelings in a way that didn't make men defensive, or how to ask for support so that a man would respond favorably. They did not understand how to nurture a man without mothering him or giving too much. They did not know how to accommodate his wishes without sacrificing their own. They were experts at pleasing their men at their own expense.

In essence, our mothers could not teach their daughters how to be feminine and also powerful. They couldn't teach them how to support their partners and also get the emotional support that they deserved.

Our fathers could not teach their sons how to communicate with a woman without passively giving in or aggressively arguing. Men today have no role models for leading and directing the family in a way that respects and includes their partners' points of view. They do not know how to remain strong while providing emotional support.

We must not blame our parents for
failing to teach us things about
relationships that they
could not know.

Our fathers did not understand how to give the empathy and sympathy that women require today. They did not know the little things a woman requires to be fulfilled. They did not know the importance of monogamy and making a woman feel special. Our fathers simply did not understand women. Without that understanding, the contemporary male cannot develop the skills necessary to get the kind of support he now requires in his relationships... Mars and Venus Together Forever. Copyright © by John Gray. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.

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Sort by: Showing all of 4 Customer Reviews
  • Posted June 29, 2010

    This is a must read book

    I do not agree with this book being awful. It may seem useless to older more experienced parties that are already aware of the advice but for young or inexperienced people like myself I found it very helpful. I like the fact that even though it is written by a man wit a Ph.D it isnt filled with psycho-babble that isnt understandable to its targeted audience. It was very easy to understand and I connected instantly with being able to relate my own relationship issues in detail with what i read. Being a young female going through relationship troubles and being pregnant I was able to understand my own feelings and emotions being a woman not only of this moment in my life but also in the past. As Dr. Gray said these were things my mother never went through in her relationship being solely a homemaker therefore she couldnt teach me how to deal with a relationship when i have a fulltime job and take care of all the household demands. KEEP IN MIND I AM GIVING A WOMANS OPINION! I do have a few complaints like how in depth foregiveness and reasoning for a man to cheat is in the book and yet how little it focused on the importance of a womans need for monogamy then i had to remind myself that afterall the book was written by a man. I think this book will help my mate just as much as it has me...he is reading now so we'll see...

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted May 2, 2009

    waste of money

    Its like going back in time to the fifties. Just a rehash of the same old advice. Just too prehistoric.... spend your money on positive affirmation books! rather than this joke.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 16, 2001

    over 250 pages of pointless rambling

    The book was disappointing. The first 100 pages were solely about how women need to communicate their feelings and men would rather sit on a rock and think. This supposed 'self-help' book, which I read for a self-help unit for college, limited my report. It was not self-help at all, unless one counts the various comments of how women coming into the workforce ruined potential relationships (by complaining about too much work). For a man who has a Ph. D., I expected more from him, at least something intelligent. I could have written it myself. I do give John Gray some credit, however. He did give a few tidbits of information that helped me out, but certainly not enough to write a report on how his book gave 'relationship skills.'

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 17, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

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