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Chapter One
"All a woman ever needs know about men is that they are creatures of their codpieces. Appeal to their chausses and you will have complete control of them, for when their male piece is in control, their brain is not."
Emily sat on her bed beside her sister Joanne, trying not to offend Alys by cracking a smile at her proclamation. She pressed her fist to her lips to hold back her mirth.
Then Emily made the unfortunate mistake of looking at Joanne, and the two of them burst out laughing.
Who wouldn't laugh? Especially given the image in her mind of the overexaggerated codpiece Joanne's betrothed wore.
Why, Niles paraded around like the god Priapus at a virgin festival.
Her maid, Alys, however, didn't look so pleased by their merriment. Clearing her throat, Emily pressed her lips together and did her best to sober.
Alys set her hands on her hips and grimaced at them. At barely five feet in height, the maid was hardly one to intimidate. Still, they had been the ones to ask after the matter. The least they could do was listen without laughing.
"I thought my ladies were serious about this?" Alys asked.
"Forgive us," Emily said, clearing her throat and folding her hands primly in her lap. "We shall behave."
Indeed, they had no choice for they were conspiring to gain Emily a husband, and since neither sister had any idea how to seduce a man to marriage, Alys had been the only woman at the castle they dare ask. Any other would have made straight for their father with the news.
But luckily, the earthy and often corruptible Alys could be counted on to remain loyal to the ladies she served
Alysflipped her black braid over her shoulder and shrugged. "Well, as Lady Joanne can attest, the seduction part be easy enough. Ms the keeping part that is difficult."
Joanne's face flushed deep red, highlighting her blue eyes. "I did naught but enter the room. Niles was the one who seduced me."
Alys raised her hand, palm upward, in triumph. "As I said, the seduction —"
"But what if he doesn't want to be seduced?" Emily asked, interrupting her.
Alys returned her hand to her hip. Though Alys was in fact two years younger than Emily, she had been around all sorts of men and was considered by all the young women in the shire an expert.
"Milady," Alys said, her face one of studied patience. "I had my flower plucked when I was scarce more than a girl, and I can assure you there's not a man born who isn't randy. The only reason you've never had to fight them off is because of His Lordship's sharp sword."
Emily couldn't argue that. Her father kept watch over his daughters as if they were his most prized falcons, and he dared any man to look.
And if one dared to touch ...
Well ...
She was quite surprised Niles had anything left beneath his codpiece.
Another thought struck her. "But what if I want him and he wants another?" Emily asked.
Alys sighed. "Lady Emily, you are always so full of what ifs, and ands, and buts. Let us say for argument that he might have interest elsewhere. AH you must do is keep yourself in his presence. Flash him a little smile, a little ankle, a —"
"An ankle!" Emily gasped. "I should be mortified."
"Better mortified than an old maid."
Perhaps there was some truth to that, and at this point in her life she was becoming quite desperate. Her father wouldn't listen to reason, and if she had any hope of finding herself a husband, then she'd best be on with it.
"A little ankle," Emily repeated, her face growing hot at the mere thought. "Anything else?"
"Always make him wait," Alys said. "Anticipation makes a man appreciate you all the more."
Emily nodded.
Joanne folded her arms over her chest. "Now, the next question is where do we find this man?"
Emily frowned in frustration. "Aye, that would seem to be the crux of the whole seduction thing, wouldn't it? How can I make a man marry me when there's no desirable man to be found?"
"Well," Alys said. "My mother always says you'll find your rose where and when you least expect it."
Later that day, Emily left the kitchens and headed back to the donjon. She'd no more than taken two steps when she found her way blocked by Theodore, the cousin of her sister's betrothed, and the man they had disaffectionately dubbed the "demon from the devil's most odoriferous pit."
They must have inadvertently summoned him with their words that morning, for Alys had no sooner finished her lecture than Niles and Theodore had shown up on their doorstep.
A great big bear of a man, Niles had rudely taken Joanne off on a picnic and left his cousin behind. From the moment her sister and Niles had vanished, Theodore had done nothing save make a nuisance of himself as he hung about her skirts while hying his best to get beneath them.
Emily's patience had long worn thin, and all she wanted was peace from her pestilence.
If Theodore be the rose Alys had referred to earlier, then Emily decided spinsterhood had great possibilties.
He rushed to her side and immediately readied for her hand, sending a wave of revulsion up her spine.
Why could he not leave her in peace?
The man might be considered passably handsome, if a woman were desperate enough. And Emily prayed she never became that desperate.
But he lacked basic hygiene. If it was true cleanliness was next to godliness, then this man had to be a heathen through and through, for his balding blond hair looked as if it seldom saw a comb and had never known soap.
