Table of Contents
Acknowledgments xiii
Introduction xv
Why We Wrote This Book xvi
Who Needs This Book xvii
How to Read This Book xviii
Chapter 1 The Different Faces of Mean 1
What Is a Mean Girl? 1
Our "Don't Go There" Process 5
Here Is the "Don't Go There" Process 6
Coffee Break: Silent Weapons Women Use 7
Chapter 2 Meanest of the Mean 11
She's an Ice Princess 13
She Sees All Women as Adversaries 15
She Puts You Down Publicly 17
Coffee Break: How to Take a Mean Girl's Behavior Less Personally 19
She Gives Harsh and Demeaning Feedback 20
She's Extremely Argumentative 22
She Solicits Personal Information and Uses It Against You 23
Coffee Break: You Don't Have to Suffer Alone-When to Reach Out for Professional Help 26
She's Cold and Rejecting 27
In Her Own Words: She Sabotages You 28
She Wants to Get Rid of You Because You're Different 31
She Hacks into Your Private Communications (Twitter, Facebook, and E-mail), Then Uses Them Against You 33
Coffee Break: Developing Your Mean Girl Detector (Mean-o-Reader) 35
Just Between Us Girls 36
Chapter 3 Very Mean 39
Personal Strategies for Coping with Mean Girls 40
In Her Own Words: She's a Vicious Gossip 42
She Belittles Your Accomplishments 44
She Tells Lies About You to Others 46
Coffee Break: Why Some Women Cannot Admit to Their Bad Behavior 48
She Speaks as if You Aren't in the Room 49
She Publicly Makes Fun of Something You Confided to Her 51
She Has a Negative Reaction when You Receive Praise 52
She Talks Down to You 54
Coffee Break: Don't Forget to Breathe 56
She Praises You Publicly but Puts You Down Privately 57
She's Extremely Friendly, Then Extremely Cold 58
She Constantly Disagrees with You in Public 61
She Can't Forgive a Mistake You Made 62
Coffee Break: Could You Drop a Pound of Resentment? 64
She Agrees to Back You, but Doesn't 65
Just Between Us Girls 67
Chapter 4 Passively Mean 69
You Overhear Her Gossiping About You 70
Coffee Break: How Gossip Hurts 72
She Excludes You from a Meeting 73
In Her Own Words: She Excludes You from an Important E-mail 74
She Cuts You Out of a Project 76
She Fails to Give You Important Information 78
Coffee Break: Resisting the Temptation to Counterattack 79
She Goes Behind Your Back and Says She Can Do a Better Job 80
She Gives You and Another Woman the Same Assignment 82
She Says Yes when She Really Means No 84
Coffee Break: Strike when You've Cooled Off-Not in the Heat of the Moment 86
She Says Things That Sound Good but Feel Bad 87
Just Between Us Girls 88
Chapter 5 Doesn't Mean to Be Mean 91
She Spreads Rumors 93
Coffee Break: The No Gossip Diet 95
She Just Doesn't Do Her Job, Making You Look Bad 96
She's Chronically Late 98
She Continually Dumps Her Work on You 99
She Is Less Organized than You Are 101
Coffee Break: Reduce Her Abuse by Setting Limits 102
She's Always Depressed 104
She Uses Health Problems to Get Attention 106
She's Very Moody 108
You've Helped Her, but She Won't Help You 109
Coffee Break: It's Not Fair 111
She Excludes You from an Important Professional Decision 112
She's Overly Controlling 114
She Flaunts Her Social Status 116
Coffee Break: The Comparing Game 117
In Her Own Words: She's Jealous of Your Looks 119
She's Jealous when You Get Engaged or Married 120
She's Jealous of Your Youth 122
Just Between Us Girls 124
Chapter 6 Doesn't Know She's Mean 127
She Bosses You Around 129
She Constantly Offers Unsolicited Advice 131
Coffee Break: Before You Offer Advice 132
She Critiques Your Appearance 133
In Her Own Words: Her Jokes Are Hurtful 135
Coffee Break: Appreciating the Power of Words 136
She Infringes on Your Territory, Does Your Job, and Makes You Look Bad 137
She Takes Credit for Your Ideas 139
Coffee Break: When to Take a Conversation Offline 141
She Competes with You for the Boss's Attention 142
She Always Has to Be Right 144
She's More Experienced than You Are and Challenges Your Authority 146
Just Between Us Girls 148
Chapter 7 She Brings Out Your Mean 149
She Thinks She's Better and Smarter than She Really Is 151
She's a Nonstop Talker 153
She Asks Too Many Questions 154
Coffee Break: Accepting What We Don't Like 156
She Talks to Her Friends and Family All Day Instead of Doing Her Job 157
She's Rude to You 159
She's a Drama Queen 161
She Always Favors the Newest Hire 163
In Her Own Words: She Gets Promoted Because She Sleeps with the Boss 165
She Wants to Gossip with You About Others 166
Coffee Break: Why Gossip Is So Delicious 168
Just Between Us Girls 169
Chapter 8 Group Mean 171
A Workplace Clique Excludes You 173
A Workplace Clique Gossips About Someone and Wants You to Join In 175
Two or More Women Whisper when You Walk By 177
In Her Own Words: A Workplace Clique Harasses You 178
The Pack Attack-You're Attacked by a Group of Coworkers 181
Just Between Us Girls 183
Conclusion: Mean Girl Cheat Sheet and Parting Words 185
Resources 187
