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Middle School, the Worst Years of My Life [NOOK Book]

Overview

Rafe Khatchadorian has enough problems at home without throwing his first year of middle school into the mix. Luckily, he's got an ace plan for the best year ever, if only he can pull it off: With his best friend Leonardo the Silent awarding him points, Rafe tries to break every rule in his school's oppressive Code of Conduct. Chewing gum in class-5,000 points! Running in the hallway-10,000 points! Pulling the fire alarm-50,000 points! But when Rafe's game starts to catch up with him, he'll have to decide if ...
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Middle School, the Worst Years of My Life

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Overview

Rafe Khatchadorian has enough problems at home without throwing his first year of middle school into the mix. Luckily, he's got an ace plan for the best year ever, if only he can pull it off: With his best friend Leonardo the Silent awarding him points, Rafe tries to break every rule in his school's oppressive Code of Conduct. Chewing gum in class-5,000 points! Running in the hallway-10,000 points! Pulling the fire alarm-50,000 points! But when Rafe's game starts to catch up with him, he'll have to decide if winning is all that matters, or if he's finally ready to face the rules, bullies, and truths he's been avoiding.

Blockbuster author James Patterson delivers a genuinely hilarious-and surprisingly poignant-story of a wildly imaginative, one-of-kind kid that you won't soon forget.
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  • Middle School, the Worst Years of My Life
    Middle School, the Worst Years of My Life  

Editorial Reviews

From Barnes & Noble

For Rafe Khatchadorian, middle school is a boring, annoying distraction. To transcend the doldrums, he's devised a plan to outflank the oppressive administration: He has vowed to break every rule in the school's straightjacket Student Code of Conduct. At first, it's fun; then things gets much too serious, much too soon. A James Patterson-concocted comic journal story with Diary of a Wimpy Kid-like echoes. Now in trade paperback.

School Library Journal
Gr 5–8—The first 20 pages of this novel seem to be a blueprint for classic middle-school rebellion. As the story continues, Patterson's ability to hog-tie his target audience into a sympathetic relationship with Rafe, the sixth-grade protagonist, becomes clear. Along with his friend Leo the Silent, Rafe concocts a plan to break every rule in the Hills Village Middle School Code of Conduct by the end of the year, creating palpable tension between him and every adult character in the book. As Patterson artfully weaves a deeper and more thought-provoking tale of childhood coping mechanisms and everyday school and family realities, readers are drawn into a deeper understanding of and compassion for the main characters. Taking the best of the "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" (Abrams) formula, he successfully melds it with an emotional and, at times, unexpected journey. Hand this book to misbehaving, socially awkward, or disengaged boys and girls who are willing to take it. It might help them believe that there is a place for them in the world, no matter how dire times may seem in the present.—Colleen S. Banick, Tomlinson Middle School, Fairfield, CT
A. J. Jacobs
…a chatty, funny, engaging book, one that often addresses the reader directly. It's filled with energetic cartoons…that will appeal to your little rebel, depicting teachers as dungeon-keepers, matadors and flying dragons. Patterson, as might be expected, knows how to structure a plot and builds in some surprising—even touching—twists…
—The New York Times
From the Publisher
A #1 New York Times Bestseller
A #1 Indiebound Bestseller
A 2010 Oregon Children's Choice Award Winner
A 2012 Top Ten Quick Picks for Reluctant Young Readers

A 2013 Hawaii's Children's Choice Award Winner
A 2013 ALSC Summer Reading List Book
A 2014 Oregon Reader's Choice Award Nominee
A 2014 ALSC Summer Reading List Book

* "Patterson artfully weaves a deeper and... thought-provoking tale of childhood coping mechanisms and everyday school and family realities.... Hand this book to misbehaving, socially awkward, or disengaged boys and girls.... It might help them believe that there is a place for them in the world, no matter how dire times may seem in the present."—School Library Journal, starred review

"A keen appreciation of kids' insecurities and an even more astute understanding of what might propel boy readers through a book.... a perfectly pitched novel."—Los Angeles Times

"The book's... dynamic artwork, and message that 'normal is boring' should go a long way toward assuring kids who don't fit the mold that there's a place for them, too."—Publishers Weekly

"Incredibly detailed and imaginative illustrations... add depth and humor.... an enjoyable story that even the most reluctant readers should enjoy."—Library Media Connection

Los Angeles Times
"A keen appreciation of kids' insecurities and an even more astute understanding of what might propel boy readers through a book.... a perfectly pitched novel."
The Associated Press
"Cleverly delves into the events that make middle school so awkward: cranky bus drivers, tardy slips, bathroom passes and lots of rules.... Hopefully, this isn't the last we hear from Rafe Khatchadorian."
The New York Times

"It's a chatty, funny, engaging book, one that often addresses the reader directly. It's filled with energetic cartoons... that will appeal to your little rebel, depicting teachers as dungeon-keepers, matadors and flying dragons. Patterson... knows how to structure a plot and builds in some surprising--even touching--twists.... Rafe is the bad boy with a heart of gold."
Library Media Connection
"Incredibly detailed and imaginative illustrations... add depth and humor.... an enjoyable story that even the most reluctant readers should enjoy."
Bulletin of the Center for Children's Books
"There is substance as well as appeal here.... Patterson deftly manages the pace of revelations that take readers deeper into Rafe's fragile trust.... Readers ready for something else in the same vein but more substantive than Kinney's Diary of a Wimpy Kid or Peirce's Big Nate should be introduced to Rafe."
Children's Literature - Susan Phelan
Rafe starts middle school with no desire to be there, except maybe to impress Jeanie Gillespie, a perfect student running for student body president. His quiet friend, Leo, encourages him to do something no one has ever done before—break every single rule in the school rulebook. Rafe plays it like a video game, earning points for breaking rules, such as setting off the school fire alarm, and losing lives for chickening out on a fight. Rafe comes up with one important rule: no one but himself is allowed to get hurt. Things begin to fall apart when his mom finds out about some of his exploits and he sees the pain on her face, and when the school bully finds his game notebook, filled with the rules of the game and his drawings of Jeanie Gillespie. Now he has to buy the notebook back, page by page. The story unfolds slowly, with the reader learning after several chapters that Leo is only an imaginary friend. Patterson continues to up the stakes and Rafe continues his downhill spiral until Rafe is in so deep, it looks like school expulsion, if not juvenile detention, is where he is headed. Though he hates school and is full of mischief, Rafe has a good heart and a load of artistic talent, which has the reader rooting for him to work his way out of the messes he makes. Middle school readers who enjoy humor will find the audiobook a fun listen. The narrator's interpretation adds to the fun of listening. Reviewer: Susan Phelan
VOYA - KaaVonia Hinton
Like other "novels in cartoons" (e.g., Jeff Kinney's Diary of a Wimpy Kid and Janet Tashjian's My Life in a Book), James Patterson and Chris Tebbetts offer a likeable, middle-grade underachiever, Rafe Khatchadorian. Rafe gets into so much trouble during sixth grade, a punishment of near solitary confinement leads him to recount the highlights in prose and cartoons. It all begins on the first day of school, when Rafe, along with a special accomplice, Leo, decides to enact Operation R.A.F.E., an elaborate scheme of offenses (e.g., skipping class) and points (20,000). Even when Rafe tries to walk the straight and narrow, Leo or some situation perceived as beyond his control, lures him back to his operation. Patterson and Tebbetts have thrown in all of the usual ingredients of a book of this type: self-deprecating voice, situational humor, a crush, a bully, and a challenging, if not dysfunctional, home life. Just like others in the genre, this book is engaging, funny, and quirky. What the book does that is unique is provide a glimpse at what it might be like to try to exist in a system that does not make room for variation. Rafe is much more than a preadolescent gone wild; he is an artist and a writer looking for a place to flourish. Though the book will probably appeal most to sixth graders, readers who just want a good chuckle will enjoy it too. Reviewer: KaaVonia Hinton
VOYA - Tony Johnson
Middle School, the Worst Years of My Life is a pretty good book and an easy read. It really seems like Rafe wrote the book himself because it is written as if he was telling us what happened from a kid's perspective. The whole idea of Operation R.A.F.E. seems unbelievable because Rafe went looking for trouble. He does not break all the rules, but he does end up finding his true talent in art and becomes dedicated to accomplishing something meaningful, getting into art school. This book was entertaining with its humorous writing and excellent illustrations. Reviewer: Tony Johnson, Teen Reviewer
Kirkus Reviews
2014-06-18
In order to cope with the terrors of middle school, Rafe Khatchadorian teams up with his imaginary friend, Leo, to become a troublemaking legend.There’s a fine line between a class clown and a smart aleck. Class clowns make big dopey gestures to make up for superficial insecurities, leading to inevitably poor life decisions. As Conan O’Brien once said: “The class clown is killed in a motel shoot-out.” Smart alecks are different. There’s a lot of potential in every one of them. And there’s a lot of potential in Rafe. As his efforts to break every rule in his new school’s handbook progress, Patterson and Tebbetts illuminate the psyche of a scared, angry kid who is smart, creative, bored and ever so over the “teach ’em what’s on the test” mentality the U.S. education system has so ruthlessly perfected. Rafe lashes out against an establishment that is designed against him and a shattered family unit, and it’s hard to push past his defense systems. But once through, readers will discover the best kind of child: one that is intelligent, artistic and brave. The authors weave these ideas through a world perfectly described through a 12-year-old’s point of view, complete with humor and jokes to be expected from that bracket. Witty illustrations and wacky scenarios will rope young readers in, but the emotional undercurrents will keep them hooked.A satisfying and progressive tale with real sweetness at its center. (Fiction. 8-12)
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780316134705
  • Publisher: Little, Brown Books for Young Readers
  • Publication date: 6/27/2011
  • Series: Middle School Series , #1
  • Sold by: Hachette Digital, Inc.
  • Format: eBook
  • Pages: 288
  • Sales rank: 16,297
  • Age range: 10 - 13 Years
  • File size: 19 MB
  • Note: This product may take a few minutes to download.

Meet the Author

James Patterson was selected by readers across America as the Children's Choice Book Awards Author of the Year in 2010. He is the internationally bestselling author of the highly praised Middle School books, Confessions of a Murder Suspect and the Maximum Ride, Witch & Wizard, Daniel X, and Alex Cross series. His books have sold over 230 million copies worldwide, making him one of the bestselling authors of all time. He lives in Florida.

Chris Tebbetts is the author of The Viking, a fantasy adventure series for young readers, and co-author of the young adult novel, M or F?, with Lisa Papademetriou. He lives in Vermont.

Laura Park is a cartoonist and illustrator. She is the author of the minicomics series Do Not Disturb My Waking Dream, and her work has appeared in the Best American Comics. She lives in Chicago.

Biography

James Patterson had been working as a very successful advertising copywriter when he decided to put his Masters degree in English to a somewhat different use. Inspired by bestselling hair-raising thrillers like The Day of the Jackal and The Exorcist, Patterson went to work on his first novel. Published in 1976, The Thomas Berryman Number established him as a writer of tightly constructed mysteries that move forward with the velocity of a bullet. For his startling debut, Patterson was awarded the prestigious Edgar Award for Best First Mystery Novel—an auspicious beginning to one of the most successful careers in publishing.

A string of gripping standalone mysteries followed, but it was the 1992 release of Along Came a Spider that elevated Patterson to superstar status. Introducing Alex Cross, a brilliant black police detective/forensic psychologist, the novel was the first installment in a series of bestselling thrillers that has proved to be a cash cow for the author and his publisher.

Examining Patterson's track record, it's obvious that he believes one good series deserves another…maybe even a third! In 2001, he debuted the Women's Murder Club with 1st to Die, a fast-paced thriller featuring four female crime fighters living in San Francisco—a homicide detective, a medical examiner, an assistant D.A., and a cub reporter. The successful series has continued with other numerically titled installments. Then, spinning off a set of characters from a previous novel (1998's When the Wind Blows), in 2005 he published Maximum Ride: The Angel Experiment. Featuring a "flock" of genetically engineered flying children, the novel was a huge hit, especially with teen readers, and spawned a series of vastly popular fantasy adventures.

In addition to continuing his bestselling literary franchises, Patterson has also found time to co-author thrillers with other writers—including Peter de Jonge, Andrew Gross, Maxine Paetro, and Howard Roughan—and has even ventured into romance (Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas, Sam's Letters to Jennifer) and children's literature (santaKid). Writing at an astonishing pace, this prolific author has turned himself into a one-man publishing juggernaut, fulfilling his clearly stated ambition to become "the king of the page-turners."

Good To Know

Patterson's Suzanne's Diary For Nicholas was inspired by a diary his wife kept that tracked the development of their toddler son.

Two of Patterson's Alex Cross mysteries (Along Came a Spider and Kiss the Girls) have been turned into films starring Morgan Freeman; in 2007, a weekly television series premiered, based on the bestselling Women's Murder Club novels.

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    1. Hometown:
      Palm Beach, Florida
    1. Date of Birth:
      March 22, 1947
    2. Place of Birth:
      Newburgh, New York
    1. Education:
      B.A., Manhattan College, 1969; M.A., Vanderbilt University, 1971
    2. Website:

Read an Excerpt

Middle School, The Worst Years of My Life


By Patterson, James

Little, Brown and Company

Copyright © 2011 Patterson, James
All right reserved.

ISBN: 9780316101875

CHAPTER 1

I’M RAFe KHATCHADORiAN, TRAGiC HeRO

It feels as honest as the day is crummy that I begin this tale of total desperation and woe with me, my pukey sister, Georgia, and Leonardo the Silent sitting like rotting sardines in the back of a Hills Village Police Department cruiser.

Now, there’s a pathetic family portrait you don’t want to be a part of, believe me. More on the unfortunate Village Police incident later. I need to work myself up to tell you that disaster story.

So anyway, ta-da, here it is, book fans, and all of you in need of AR points at school, the true autobio of my life so far. The dreaded middle school years. If you’ve ever been a middle schooler, you understand already. If you’re not in middle school yet, you’ll understand soon enough.

But let’s face it: Understanding me—I mean, really understanding me and my nutty life—isn’t so easy. That’s why it’s so hard for me to find people I can trust. The truth is, I don’t know who I can trust. So mostly I don’t trust anybody. Except my mom, Jules. (Most of the time, anyway.)

So… let’s see if I can trust you. First, some background.

That’s me, by the way, arriving at “prison”—also known as Hills Village Middle School—in Jules’s SUV. The picture credit goes to Leonardo the Silent.

Getting back to the story, though, I do trust one other person. That would actually be Leonardo. Leo is capital C Crazy, and capital O Off-the-Wall, but he keeps things real.

Here are some other people I don’t trust as far as I can throw a truckload of pianos.

There’s Ms. Ruthless Donatello, but you can just call her the Dragon Lady. She teaches English and also handles my favorite subject in sixth grade—after-school detention.

Also, Mrs. Ida Stricker, the vice principal. Ida’s pretty much in charge of every breath anybody takes at HVMS.

That’s Georgia, my super-nosy, super-obnoxious, super-brat sister, whose only good quality is that she looks like Jules might have looked when she was in fourth grade.

There are more on my list, and we’ll get to them eventually. Or maybe not. I’m not exactly sure how this is going to work out. As you can probably tell, this is my first full-length book.

But let’s stay on the subject of us for a little bit.

I kind of want to, but how do I know I can trust you with all my embarrassing personal stuff—like the police car disaster story? What are you like? Inside, what are you like?

Are you basically a pretty good, pretty decent person? Says who? Says you? Says your ’rents? Says your sibs?

Okay, in the spirit of a possible friendship between us—and this is a huge big deal for me—here’s another true confession.

This is what I actually looked like when I got to school that first morning of sixth grade.

We still friends, or are you out of here?

Hey—don’t go—all right?

I kind of like you. Seriously. You know how to listen, at least. And believe me, I’ve got quite the story to tell you.

CHAPTeR 2

THE MIDDLE SCHOOL/MAX SECURITY PRISON

Okay, so imagine the day your great-great-grandmother was born. Got it? Now go back another hundred years or so. And then another hundred. That’s about when they built Hills Village Middle School. Of course, I think it was a prison for Pilgrims back then, but not too much has changed. Now it’s a prison for sixth, seventh, and eighth graders.

I’ve seen enough movies that I know when you first get to prison, you basically have two choices: (1) pound the living daylights out of someone so that everyone else will think you’re insane and stay out of your way, or (2) keep your head down, try to blend in, and don’t get on anyone’s bad side.

You’ve already seen what I look like, so you can probably guess which one I chose. As soon as I got to homeroom, I went straight for the back row and sat as far from the teacher’s desk as possible.

There was just one problem with that plan, and his name was Miller. Miller the Killer, to be exact. It’s impossible to stay off this kid’s bad side, because it’s the only one he’s got.

But I didn’t know any of that yet.

“Sitting in the back, huh?” he said.

“Yeah,” I told him.

“Are you one of those troublemakers or something?” he said.

I just shrugged. “I don’t know. Not really.”

“’Cause this is where all the juvies sit,” he said, and took a step closer. “In fact, you’re in my seat.”

“I don’t see your name on it,” I told him, and I was just starting to think maybe that was the wrong thing to say when Miller put one of his XXXL paws around my neck and started lifting me like a hundred-pound dumbbell. I usually like to keep my head attached to my body, so I went ahead and stood up like he wanted me to.

“Let’s try that again,” he said. “This is my seat. Understand?”

I understood, all right. I’d been in sixth grade for about four and a half minutes, and I already had a fluorescent orange target on my back. So much for blending in.

And don’t get me wrong. I’m not a total wimp. Give me a few more chapters, and I’ll show you what I’m capable of. In the meantime, though, I decided to move to some other part of the room. Like maybe somewhere a little less hazardous to my health.

But then, when I went to sit down again, Miller called over. “Uh-uh,” he said. “That one’s mine too.”

Can you see where this is going?

By the time our homeroom teacher, Mr. Rourke, rolled in, I was just standing there wondering what it might be like to spend the next nine months without sitting down.

Rourke looked over the top of his glasses at me. “Excuse me, Mr.Khatch… Khatch-a… Khatch-a-dor—”

“Khatchadorian,” I told him.

“Gesundheit!” someone shouted, and the entire class started laughing.

“Quiet!” Mr. Rourke snapped as he checked his attendance book for my name. “And how are you today, Rafe?” he said, smiling like there were cookies on the way.

“Fine, thanks,” I answered.

“Do you find our seating uncomfortable?” he asked me.

“Not exactly,” I said, because I couldn’t really go into details.

“Then SIT. DOWN. NOW!”

Unlike Miller the Killer, Mr. Rourke definitely has two sides, and I’d already met both of them.

Since nobody else was stupid enough to sit right in front of Miller, that was the only seat left in the room.

And because I’m the world’s biggest idiot sometimes, I didn’t look back when I went to sit in my chair. Which is why I hit the dirt as I went down—all the way down—to the floor.

The good news? Given the way things had started off, I figured middle school could only get better from here.

The bad news? I was wrong about the good news.

CHAPTeR 3

AT LEAST I’VE GOT LEO

Do you remember that nursery rhyme about Jack Sprat and his wife? How neither of them ate the same thing, but between the two of them they got the job done? Same deal with me and Leo, except the fat and the lean are words and pictures. Make sense? I do the talking, and Leo takes care of the drawing.

Leo speaks to me sometimes, but that’s about it. Conversation just isn’t his thing. If Leo wanted to tell you your house was on fire, he’d probably draw you a picture to let you know. The guy is about as talkative as a giraffe. (Oh, I’ve got a thousand of them, ladies and gentlemen.)

Say hi, Leo.

See what I mean?

Besides, if it’s true that a picture’s worth a thousand words, then my buddy Leo has more to say than anyone I’ve ever met. You just have to know how to listen.

Bottom line, Leonardo the Silent is my best friend, at Hills Village or anywhere else. And before his head gets too big to fit through the door, I should say there’s not a whole lot of competition for that title. I’m not exactly what you might see in the dictionary when you look up popular.

Which brings me to the next thing that happened that day.

CHAPTER 4

RAH, RAH, RAH, YADA, YADA, YADA…

After homeroom they’d usually ship us off to first period, but today was “special.” There was going to be a Big! School! Assembly! to kick off the year, and everyone was all excited about it.

Of course, by everyone, I mean everyone but me.

They herded us all into the gym and sat us down on the bleachers. There was a podium on the floor with a microphone, and a big sign on the wall: WELCOME TO HVMS!!!

The principal, Mr. Dwight, got up and spoke first. After a speech that went something like… he brought out the cheerleaders, who brought out the football, soccer, and cross-country teams, who brought everyone to their feet, yelling and screaming. (Of course, by everyone, I mean everyone but me.) The only things missing were the circus tent and a couple of dancing elephants.

After that part, Mrs. Stricker announced that anyone who wanted to run for student council representative should come down to the microphone and address the assembly.

Five or six kids from every grade stood up, like they’d been expecting this. I guess Mr. Rourke might have said something about it in homeroom, but I’d been too busy waiting for Miller to drive a pencil through the back of my neck. I hadn’t paid attention to too much else.

They started with the sixth graders first. We heard from two bozos who I didn’t know, then a guy named Matt Kruschik who ate his own boogers until fourth grade, and then—

“Hi, everyone. I’m Jeanne Galletta.”

About half of the sixth grade and even some of the seventh and eighth graders started clapping right away. She must have gone to Millbrook Elementary, because I’d never seen her before. I went to Seagrave Elementary, where we chased rats in gym class, and most of the kids got free lunch, including me.

“I think I’d be a good class representative because I know how to listen,” Jeanne said. “And there’s nothing more important than that.”

I was listening, I was listening.

She was pretty, for sure. She had the kind of face that you just want to stare at for as long as possible. But she also seemed kind of cool, like she didn’t think she was better than anyone else. Even if she was.

“I have a lot of good ideas for how to make the school a better place,” she goes on. “But first, I want to do one thing.”

She leaves the mike and comes over, right in front of where I’m sitting. Then she looks straight at me and says, “Are you Rafe?”

Suddenly, I’m feeling about as talkative as Leo, but I manage to spit out an answer. “That’s me,” I say.

“Do you want to maybe split a large fries in the cafeteria later?” she asks.

“Sure. I’m buying,” I say, because there’s a twenty-dollar bill in my pocket that I just found that morning.

“No,” she says. “The fries are on me.”

Meanwhile, everyone’s watching. The band starts playing, the cheerleaders start cheering, and Miller the Killer chokes to death on a peanut M&M. Then I win the lottery, world peace breaks out everywhere, and Mrs. Stricker tells me that based on my all-around awesomeness, I can just skip sixth grade and come back next year.

“… so I hope you’ll vote for me,” Jeanne was saying, and everyone started clapping like crazy.

I never even heard most of her speech. But she definitely had my vote.

CHAPTeR 5

THOSE OH-SO-CRUEL RULES

The next girl to speak at assembly was Lexi Winchester. I knew Lexi from my old school, and she was a real nice kid. Still, Jeanne Galletta had my vote. Sorry, Lex.

Once the speeches were over, I thought the assembly was done too.

No such luck.

Mrs. Stricker came back to the microphone and held up a little green book so everyone could see it.

“Can anyone tell me what this is?” Stricker said.

“Yeah,” Miller the Killer mumbled somewhere behind me. “A complete waste of time.”

“This,” Mrs. Stricker said, “is the Hills Village Middle School Code of Conduct. Everything you need to know about how to behave at school—and how not to behave—is right here in this book.”

A bunch of teachers came around and started handing out a copy to each student in the gym.

“When you receive yours, open up to page one and follow along with me,” Stricker said. Then she started reading… really… slowly.

“ ‘Section One: Hills Village Middle School Dress Code…’ ”

When I got my copy, I flipped all the way to the back of the book. There were sixteen sections and twenty-six pages total. In other words, we were going to be lucky to get out of this assembly by Christmas.

“ ‘… All students are expected to dress appropriately for an academic environment. No student shall wear clothing of a size more than two beyond his or her normal size….’ ”

HELP! That’s what I was thinking about then. Middle school had just started, and they were already trying to bore us to death. Please, somebody stop Mrs. Stricker before she kills again!

Leo took out a pen and started drawing something on the inside of the back cover. Stricker turned to the next page and kept reading.

“ ‘Section Two: Prohibited Items. No student shall bring to school any electronic equipment not intended for class purposes. This includes cell phones, iPods, cameras, laptop computers….’ ”

The whole thing went on and on.

And on.

And on.

By the time we got to Section 6 (“Grounds for Expulsion”), my brain was turning into guacamole, and I’m pretty sure my ears were bleeding too.

People always talk about how great it is to get older. All I saw were more rules and more adults telling me what I could and couldn’t do, in the name of what’s “good for me.” Yeah, well, asparagus is good for me, but it still makes me want to throw up.

As far as I could tell, this little green book in my hands was just one long list of all the ways I could—and probably would—get into trouble between now and the end of the school year.

Meanwhile, Leo was drawing away like the maniac he is. Every time Stricker mentioned another rule, he scribbled something else on the page in front of him. Finally, he turned it around and showed me what he was working on.

All I could think when I saw that picture was—I want to be that kid. He looked like he was having a WAY better day than I was.

And that’s when I got my idea.

My really stupendous, really, really Big Idea. It came on like a flash flood.

This was the best idea anyone had ever had in the whole history of middle school. In the whole history of ideas! Not only was it going to help me get through the year, I thought, it might also just save my life here at Hills Village.

That was, if I had the nerve to actually try it.

CHAPTeR 6

EUREKA!

Did you ever hear the expression “breaking every rule in the book”?

That was it. That was my Big Idea. Break every rule in the book. Literally.

The way I saw it, the HVMS Code of Conduct could be my worst enemy here at school, or if I played it right, I could turn it into my best friend.

Sorry, Leo. I mean my second-best friend.

All it would take was a little bit of work… and a ton of guts. Maybe two tons.

Leo knew exactly what I was thinking. The idea had come from his picture, after all.

“Go for it,” he whispered. “Just pick something out of the book and get started.”

“Right now?” I whispered back.

“Why not? What are you waiting for?” he said, and I guess the answer was—two tons of guts.

I just kind of sat there, frozen, so Leo flipped open the book for me and pointed to something on the page without even looking down. When I saw where his finger landed, I almost started having a heart attack.

“I can’t do that!” I told him. “What if someone gets hurt?”

“How does this hurt anyone?” Leo said. “Except maybe you.”

Somehow that didn’t make me feel any better.

“Listen,” Leo told me, “you’re never going to be one of those people”—he pointed at all the student council candidates and jocks and cheerleaders sitting on chairs that had been set up on the gym floor. “But this,” he said, thumping the rule book with his pen, “this is something you can do.”

“I don’t know,” I tried lamely.

Or,” Leo said, “you can keep going the way you’re going, and every day can be just like this one.” He shrugged. “It might not be so bad. There are only a hundred and eighty school days in a year.”

That did it. “Okay, okay,” I said, and even though my heart was pounding out “The Star-Spangled Banner,” I got up and walked over to where one of the prison guards (I mean, teachers) was standing by the gym door.

“I need a bathroom pass,” I told her.

“You can wait,” she said.

“ ‘Section Eight’!” Stricker boomed over the microphone. “We’re halfway there!”

“Please?” I said, trying to look as much like a pants-wetter as possible.

The teacher gave a big sigh, like she wished she’d been a lawyer instead. “Okay, five minutes,” she said.

Five minutes was more than enough. I went out to the hall and into the boys’ bathroom while she was still watching me. Then I counted to ten and stuck my head out again.

Nobody was around. As far as I knew, the whole school was inside that gym. It was now or never.

I sprinted up the hall, around the long way behind the office, and then cut down another hallway, through the cafeteria, and into an empty stairwell in the back. By the time I found what I was looking for, I’d been gone only a minute or two.

I stood there, staring at the little red box on the wall.

I could just hear Leo now, like he was right there. Don’t think about it. Just DO it!

I flipped the latch, opened the wire cage around the alarm box, and put my finger on the little white handle inside. This was what you call the point of no return. My mission, should I choose to accept it… and all that.

Still—was I crazy? Was I completely nuts for thinking I could pull this off?

Yes, I told myself. You are.

Okay, I thought. Just checking.

And I pulled the alarm.

CHAPTeR 7

CHAOS

I’m not sure what the fire alarm sounded like in the gym, but it was about ten thousand decibels in that stairwell: wah-AH! wah-AH! wah-AH! I covered my ears as I sprinted back to the bathroom.

The idea was to make it there before the teachers could get everyone lined up and marching outside. Then I could stroll out like I’d just finished my business and blend into the crowd.

Turns out, I didn’t need a plan. By the time I got anywhere near the gym, everyone was already running, walking, and for all I know skipping in every possible direction. I guess Mrs. Stricker hadn’t gotten to the part about what to do if a fire alarm sounds (Section 11). In fact, I could still hear her over the mike in the gym.

“Everyone remain calm! Line up with your teachers and proceed in an orderly fashion to the nearest exits.”

I’m not sure who she was talking to. It looked like the whole school was already out here in the hall. And in the parking lot. And on the soccer field. And on the basketball courts.

I couldn’t believe this was all because of me! I kind of felt guilty about it, but it was kind of… amazing. To be honest, only half of that sentence is true. It was more like I knew I should feel bad, but I didn’t.

Meanwhile, the fire alarm was still blaring—

But it just sounded to me like—

When I found Leo outside, he gave me a big, double high five. “That’s one for execution and one for the idea,” he said.

“I can’t take all the credit,” I told him. “The idea was half yours.”

“That’s true,” he said, and high-fived himself. Then he showed me his drawing again. “Check it out. I made some improvements.”

I opened up my copy of the Code of Conduct and turned to Section 11, Rule 3: “Students shall not tamper with smoke or fire alarms under any circumstances.”

Then I took Leo’s pen and drew a line right through it. That felt pretty good too. One rule down and… well, all the rest to go.

CHAPTeR 8

MY HOME PAGE

On the bus ride home that afternoon, everyone was talking about my little fire drill. It was a rush, sitting there and knowing they were all talking about me.

Of course, everything good has to come to an end. Before long, I was getting off the bus and walking through the front door of my house.

Meet my future stepfather, also known as the low point of my day. His name is Carl, but we call him Bear. Two years ago, he was just this customer at the diner where my mom works. Now, somehow, Mom has a ring on her finger, and Bear lives here with us.

That’s Ditka, Bear’s lame excuse for a guard dog. Ditka knows all about “attack” but not so much about “down” or “stop.” He usually tries to eat my face for an after-school snack.

“Ditka, down! Down!” Bear said, coming out of hibernation as I walked in the door.

Bear pulled Ditka off of me and then flopped back into his Bear-shaped place on the couch. “Hey, Squirt. How was the first day?” (He calls me Squirt. Do I even have to point that out?)

“School was unbelievable,” I said. “I kind of, well, sort of, met this amazing girl, and then I set off the fire alarm during an assembly—”

Okay, that’s not what I really said, but it wouldn’t have mattered if I did. Bear’s not exactly a good listener.

“Uh-huh,” he said. He reached up and stretched—his workout for the day. “Did you sign up for football yet?”

“Nah,” I said. I took a couple of pudding cups out of the fridge and kept moving toward my room.

“Why the heck not?” he yelled after me. “Football’s the one thing you’re actually good at!”

“Don’t worry, I didn’t forget I’m a loser, Loser,” I said as I zoomed down the hall.

“DID YOU JUST CALL ME A LOSER?” Bear roared back.

“No, I called myself a loser,” I said, and slammed my door. “Loser.”

Like I said—low point of my day.

Bear and Mom had just gotten engaged that summer, over Fourth of July. That’s when Bear moved in. Mom asked Georgia and me what we thought about it before she said yes, but what were we going to tell her? “You’re about to get engaged to the world’s biggest slug”? I don’t think she would have listened, anyway.

Now Mom was working double shifts at the diner all the time just to make enough money, and Bear was spending 99 percent of his time on our couch, except maybe to go to the bathroom or to collect his stupid unemployment check.

Bottom line? My mom was way too good for this guy, but unfortunately neither of them seemed to know it.



Continues...

Excerpted from Middle School, The Worst Years of My Life by Patterson, James Copyright © 2011 by Patterson, James. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 1312 Customer Reviews
  • Posted July 8, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    Easy read but a very creative piece of writing

    I bought this book at an airport but i read it on a 2hr flight to florida and it was amazing how the author wrote this though the charicters prespective. It also has an emotiona side that yoing readers will appel to. The ending is a surprise that is unpredoctable witch is why i love this book. In addition its very visual with the drawings between chapters. Its worth the proce on the nook the actual book is 15$

    182 out of 223 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted August 18, 2011

    I Also Recommend:

    loved it

    That was great. I enjoyed every minute reading this.

    145 out of 204 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 21, 2011

    Greatest Book Ever!

    This book is great if you like diary of a wimpy kid,big nate,etc.

    115 out of 161 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted October 16, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    Son loved it

    My son read this book in two days on the nook. He's 11 & in the 6th grade & really liked this book. :) It kept his interested & he's not a huge reader.

    64 out of 79 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted November 15, 2011

    I Also Recommend:

    Kids Review - Good Quick Read! I Loved It

    This is a fun book and we have all kids my age have had to have that first day in Middle School. There is a " Miller The Killer" in all schools and this book made me laugh having been in some the same situations. The book is funny and any middle school student will get a real kick out of this book. The drawing will remind you of Diary Of A Wimpy Kid and The Defense Of Thaddeus Ledbetter. They are cool. Read it! You will like it!

    57 out of 68 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 22, 2011

    Best Book Yet!

    Very well written kids (9-14) book if you are looking for a delightful funny entertaining book chose this one!! :D

    40 out of 49 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 31, 2011

    Grave

    Im 10 and about to go to middlw school next year so yhis book is a big help to prep me for my 3 years in middle school

    35 out of 57 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 2, 2012

    Amazing

    I am 11 years old in 6th grade and the title got me thinking that school really is the worst. Especially when your dealing with the dress codes, tardy slips, and extra homework. I personaly think that this book is better than anything i yave ever read. Even better than the entire series of diary of a wimpy kid and i wish there is going to be another one.

    28 out of 38 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 6, 2011

    Hi

    My teacher in 5th grade is reading it to the class in homeroom it rocks!

    28 out of 51 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 14, 2012

    Its awsome

    Its so awsome i could read it like a 1000 times

    27 out of 38 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 7, 2012

    Amzing

    This book is a great book for a rising middle schooler like me

    18 out of 23 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 2, 2012

    Middle school, the worst years of my life

    That was an awesome book!!!

    18 out of 24 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted July 7, 2011

    wild

    The book was great. It was a page turning easy read.

    17 out of 22 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 22, 2012

    Girls

    Would girls like it.

    16 out of 64 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted October 2, 2011

    Awsome

    Best book ever !!!!!!!!!!!

    13 out of 23 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted July 7, 2011

    Fun and Exiting

    This book is a fun, kid friendly book that shows middle school can be fun and exiting and not as boring as everyone says.

    12 out of 20 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 14, 2011

    Don't buy this!

    There is a free book whichis the same book.

    11 out of 40 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 12, 2012

    Read

    Stop making all those negative posts on this book and many others!!!!!!!!!!!:):)

    10 out of 19 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 20, 2012

    Awesome book

    Hey I luv it and I'm a girl I totally recommend it for kids 8-13

    10 out of 14 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 18, 2012

    Luv this book

    Omg luv this book soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good im confused tgough is lea imagianary?
    Thats what the author majes it look like

    9 out of 13 people found this review helpful.

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