The Midwife's Confessionby Diane Chamberlain
What I have to tell you is difficult to write, but I know it will be far more difficult for you to hear, and I'm so sorry
The unfinished letter is the only clue Tara and Emerson have to the reason behind their close friend Noelle's suicide. Everything they knew about Noelleher calling as a midwife, her passion for/em>
What I have to tell you is difficult to write, but I know it will be far more difficult for you to hear, and I'm so sorry
The unfinished letter is the only clue Tara and Emerson have to the reason behind their close friend Noelle's suicide. Everything they knew about Noelleher calling as a midwife, her passion for causes, her love for her friends and familydescribed a woman who embraced life.
Yet there was so much they didn't know.
With the discovery of the letter and its heartbreaking secret, Noelle's friends begin to uncover the truth about this complex woman who touched each of their livesand the life of a desperate strangerwith love and betrayal, compassion and deceit.
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Wilmington, North Carolina September 20I0
She sat on the top step of the front porch of her Sunset Park bungalow, leaning against the post, her eyes on the full moon. She would miss all this. The night sky. Spanish moss hanging from the live oaks. September air that felt like satin against her skin. She resisted the pull of her bedroom. The pills. Not yet. She had time. She could sit here all night if she wanted.
Lifting her arm, she outlined the circle of the moon with her fingertip. Felt her eyes burn. "I love you, world," she whispered.
The weight of the secret pressed down on her suddenly, and she dropped her hand to her lap, heavy as a stone. When she'd awakened this morning, she'd had no idea that this would be the day she could no longer carry that weight. As recently as this evening, she'd hummed as she chopped celery and cucumbers and tomatoes for her salad, thinking of the fair-haired preemie born the day beforea fragile little life who needed her help. But when she sat down with her salad in front of the computer, it was as though two beefy, muscular arms reached out from her monitor and pressed their hands down hard on her head, her shoulders, compressing her lungs so that she couldn't pull in a full breath.
The very shape of the letters on her screen clawed at her brain and she knew it was time. She felt no fearcertainly no panicas she turned off the computer. She left the salad, barely touched, on her desk. No need for it now. No desire for it. She got everything ready; it wasn't difficult. She'd been preparing for this night for a long time. Once all was in order, she came out to the porch to watch the moon and feel the satin air and fill her eyes and lungs and ears with the world one last time. She had no expectation of a change of heart. The relief in her decision was too great, so great that by the time she finally got to her feet, just as the moon slipped behind the trees across the street, she was very nearly smiling.
Tara Going upstairs to call Grace for dinner was becoming a habit. I knew I'd find her sitting at her computer, earbuds in her ears so she couldn't hear me when I tried to call her from the kitchen. Did she do that on purpose? I knocked on her door, then pushed it open a few inches when she didn't answer. She was typing, her attention glued to her monitor. "Dinner's almost ready, Grace," I said. "Please come set the table."
Twitter, our goldendoodle, had been stretched out beneath Grace's bare feet, but at the mention of "dinner" he was instantly at my side. Not so my daughter.
"In a minute," she said. "I have to finish this."
I couldn't see the screen from where I stood, but I was quite sure she was typing an email rather than doing her homework. I knew she was still behind. That was what happened when you taught at your child's high school; you always knew what was going on academically. Grace had been an excellent student and one of the best writers at Hunter High, but that all changed when Sam died in March. Everyone cut her slack during the spring and I was hoping she'd pull it together this fall, but then Cleve broke up with her before he left for college, sending her into a tailspin. At least, I assumed it was the breakup that had pulled her deeper into her shell. How could I really know what was going on with her? She wouldn't talk to me. My daughter had become a mystery. A closed book. I was starting to think of her as the stranger who lived upstairs.
I leaned against the doorjamb and studied my daughter. We had the same light brown hair dusted with the same salon-manufactured blond highlights, but her long, thick mane had the smooth shiny glow that came with being sixteen years old. Somewhere along the way, my chin-length hair had lost its luster.
"I'm making pasta with pesto," I said. "It'll be done in two minutes."
"Is Ian still here?" She kept typing but glanced quickly out the window, where I supposed she could see Ian's Lexus parked on the street.
"He's staying for dinner," I said.
"He might as well move in," she said. "He's here all the time, anyway."
I was shocked. She'd never said a word about Ian's visits before, and he only came over once or twice a week now that Sam's estate was settled. "No, he's not," I said. "And he's been a huge help with all the paperwork, honey. Plus, he has to take over all Daddy's cases and some of his records are here in his home office, so"
"Whatever." Grace hunched her shoulders up to her ears as she typed as if she could block out my voice that way. She stopped typing for a second, wrinkling her nose at her screen. Then she glanced up at me. "Can you tell Noelle to leave me alone?" she asked.
"Noelle? What do you mean?"
"She's always emailing me. She wants me and Jenny to"
"Jenny and me."
She rolled her eyes and I cringed. Stupid, stupid. I wanted her to talk to me and then I critiqued what she said. "Never mind," I said. "What does she want you and Jenny to do?"
"Make things for her babies-in-need program." She waved her hand toward her monitor. "Now she's on this 'community work will look great on your college applications' kick."
"Well, it will."
"She's such a total whack job." She started typing again, fingers flying. "If you could compare her brain with a normal brain on an MRI, I'm sure they'd look completely different."
I had to smile. Grace might be right. "Well, she brought you into the world and I'll always be grateful for that," I said.
"She never lets me forget it, either."
I heard the timer ringing downstairs. "Dinner's ready," I said. "Come on."
"Two seconds." She got to her feet, bending over the desk, still typing furiously. Suddenly she let out a yelp, hands to her face. She took a step back from the keyboard. "Oh, no," she said. "Oh, no!"
"What's the matter?"
"Oh, no," she said again, whispering the words this time as she dropped back into her chair, eyes closed.
"What is it, sweetie?" I started toward her as if I might somehow be able to fix whatever was wrong, but she waved me away.
"It's nothing." She stared at her monitor. "And I'm not hungry."
"You have to eat," I said. "You hardly ever eat dinner with me anymore."
"I'll get some cereal later," she said. "Just right now, I have to fix something. Okay?" She gave me a look that said our conversation was over, and I backed away, nodding.
"Okay," I said, then added helplessly, "Let me know if there's anything I can do."
"She's having a meltdown," I said to Ian as I walked into the kitchen. "And she's not hungry."
Ian was chopping tomatoes for the salad but he turned to look at me. "Maybe I should go," he said.
"No way." I spooned the pesto-coated rigatoni into my big white pasta bowls. "Someone needs to help me eat all this food. Anyway, it's not you that's keeping her away. It's me. She avoids me all she can." I didn't want Ian to leave. There was comfort in his company. He'd been Sam's law partner and close friend for more than fifteen years and I wanted to be with someone who'd known my husband well and had loved him. Ian had been my rock since Sam's death, handling everything from the cremation to the living trust to managing our investments. How did people survive a devastating loss without an Ian in their lives?
Ian set the bowls of pasta on the kitchen table, then poured himself a glass of wine. "I think she worries I'm trying to take Sam's place," he said. He ran a hand over his thinning blond hair. He was one of those men who would look good bald, but I knew he wasn't happy about that prospect.
"Oh, I don't think so," I said, but I remembered Grace mentioning that he might as well move in. Should I have asked her why she said that? Not that she would have answered me.
I sat down across the table from Ian and slipped the tines of my fork into a tube of rigatoni I didn't really feel like eating. I'd lost twenty pounds since Sam died. "I miss my little Gracie." I bit my lip, looking into Ian's dark eyes behind his glasses. "When she was younger, she'd follow me everywhere around the house. She'd crawl into my lap to cuddle and I'd sing to her and read to her and " I shrugged. I'd known how to be a good mother to that little girl, but she was long gone.
"I imagine everyone feels that way when their kids become teenagers," Ian said. He had no kids of his own. Forty-five and he'd never even been married, which would be suspect in another man but we'd all just accepted it in Ian. He'd come close long agowith Noelleand I didn't think he'd ever quite recovered from the sudden ending of that relationship.
"Sam would have known what to say to her." I heard the frustration in my voice. "I love her so much, but she was Sam's daughter. He was our our translator. Our intermediary." It was true. Sam and Grace had been two quiet souls with no need to speak to each other to communicate. "You could feel the connection between them when you'd walk into a room where they were sitting, even if one of them was on the computer and the other reading. You could feel it."
"You're such a perfectionist, Tara," Ian said. "You have this expectation of yourself that you can be a perfect parent, but there's no such thing."
"You know what they loved to do?" I smiled to myself, stuck in my memory, which was where I was spending a lot of my time lately. "Sometimes I'd have a late meeting and I'd come home and find them sitting in the family room, watching a movie together, drinking some coffee concoction they'd invented."
"Sam and his coffee." Ian laughed. "All day long. He had a cast-iron gut."
"He turned Grace into a caffeine addict by the time she was fourteen." I nibbled a piece of pasta. "She misses him like crazy."
"Me, too," Ian said. He poked at his rigatoni.
"And then to have Cleve break up with her so soon after." I shook my head. My baby girl was hurting. "I wish she were a little more like me," I said, and then realized that was unfair. "Or that I was a little more like her. I just wish we had something more in common. Some activity we could share, but we're so different. Everyone at school talks about it. The other teachers, I mean. I think they expected her to be into theater, like me."
"I think there's a law there can only be one drama queen in a family," Ian said, and I kicked him beneath the table.
"I'm not a drama queen," I said. "But I've always thought the theater could be so good for her, don't you think? It would get her out of her shell."
"She's just quiet. It's not a crime to be an introvert."
Not a crime, no, but as someone whose need to be with other people bordered on the pathological, I had trouble understanding my daughter's shyness. Grace loathed any social event that involved more than one or two people, while, as my father used to say, "Tara can talk the ears off a stalk of corn."
"Has she mentioned getting her driver's license yet?"
I shook my head. Grace was afraid of driving since Sam died. Even when I drove her someplace, I could feel her tension in the car. "I suggested it a couple of times, but she doesn't want to talk about it," I said. "She would have talked to Sam, though." I slipped my fork into another piece of pasta. Sitting there with Ian, I was suddenly slammed by the reality that could catch me unawares at any momentin the middle of my classroom, while casting the junior play, while doing the laundry: Sam was never coming back. He and I would never make love again. I'd never again be able to talk to him in bed at night. I'd never again feel his arms around me when I woke up in the morning. He'd not only been my husband but my dearest and oldest friend, and how many women could say that about the man they married?
We were loading the dishwasher when my phone rang, the electronic tones of "All That Jazz" filling the kitchen. I dried my hands and glanced at the caller ID. "It's Emerson," I said to Ian. "Do you mind if I take it?"
"Of course not." Ian was even more addicted to his BlackBerry than I was. He had no room to complain.
"Hey, Em," I said into the phone. "What's up?"
"Have you spoken to Noelle?" Emerson asked. It sounded like she was in her car.
"Are you driving? Do you have your headset on?" I pictured her holding her cell phone to her ear, her long curly brown hair spilling over her hand. "Otherwise, I'm not talking to"
"Yes, I have it on. Don't worry."
"Good." I'd become uberconscientious about using a cell phone in the car since Sam's accident.
"So have you spoken to her in the past couple of days?" Emerson asked.
"Um " I thought back. "Three days ago, maybe? Why?"
"I'm on my way over there. I haven't been able to reach her. Do you remember her talking about going away or anything?"
I tried to remember my last conversation with Noelle. We'd talked about the big birthday bash she, Emerson and I were planning for Suzanne Johnson, one of the volunteers for Noelle's babies program and Cleve's mother. The party had been Noelle's idea, but I was overjoyed to have something to keep me busy. "I don't remember her saying anything about a trip," I said.
Ian glanced at me. I was sure he knew who we were talking about.
"Not in a long time," Emerson said.
"You sound worried."
Ian touched my arm, mouthed, "Noelle?" and I nodded.
"I thought she was coming over last night," Emerson said, "but she didn't show. I must haveHey!" She interrupted herself. "Son of a bitch! Sorry. The car in front of me just stopped for no reason whatsoever."
"Please be careful," I said. "Let's get off."
"No, no. It's fine." I heard her let out her breath. "Anyway, we must have gotten our wires crossed, but now I can't reach her so I thought I'd stop in on my way home from Hot!" Hot! was the new cafe Emerson had recently opened down by the waterfront.
"She's probably out collecting baby donations."
Meet the Author
Diane Chamberlain is the bestselling author of twenty novels, including The Midwife's Confession and The Secret Life of CeeCee Wilkes. Diane lives in North Carolina and is currently at work on her next novel. Visit her Web site at www.dianechamberlain.com and her blog at www.dianechamberlain.com/blog and her Facebook page at www.facebook.com/Diane.Chamberlain.Readers.Page.
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When I read the synopsis of this book I was torn. The premise was interesting enough but I was afraid I might find myself caught up in a story that was overly contrived or at best, a good premise for a so/so Lifetime movie. What I discovered was a book with a lot of emotional depth. The story is told from multiple viewpoints and the characters all seem very real. I was shocked at Noelle's secret. So shocked, that I actually felt a little sick. This one mistake was something that affected so many people. People that knew and trusted her. The twists were mostly unexpected, though a few were obvious. Even though I had figured them out before they took place, it didn't lessen the emotional impact. The book did seem to drag in spots with what I felt was a little too much exposition, and I did find myself skimming over passages at times. All in all this was worth the read, and I did enjoy it, but it's probably not something I would read again.
In the blink of an eye a friend they thought they knew takes her own life and so Tara and Emerson embark on a journey to find out why. What they don't realize is that in their mission for information about Noelle and her suicide only leads them to more questions. They find that happiness was just a mask she wore to hide a darkest of secrets that will change every life it's touched when they learn "The Midwife's Confession". Diane Chamberlain has given us a storyline that could be taken from the front pages of any news paper or from the headlines from any CNN or CNBC report, with one exception, she gives it that human touch and in doing so will take her readers on an excruciating trip down endless dark hallways of a troubled woman's mind. She tells it in the first person from the voices of several of her main protagonists and she does this with dialogue that's easy to read and will take her audience into the hearts and minds of her characters, characters who will become friends as you entwine yourselves into their lives. Her readers will be in awe of the intimacy she gives us into her characters especially Tara and Emerson along with their daughters Jenny and Grace and as we her readers get closer to solving the puzzle of this mystery she throws us a curve ball with Anna and Haley. Her co-stars of this drama are equally important to the telling of the story and couldn't be done without them. At the heart of this tale we find a love story, the love between friends, the love of children and the love of a spouse, but she fills the pages with twists and turns to get us there and at the end we will let go a breath we didn't know we'd been holding. If you love a great mystery, a story of family drama, a drama in general and just really the telling of an incredible story by an amazing artist, mixed with angst filled scenes and nail biting edge of your seat drama, let this be your choice. You won't be sorry you did. Put this on the top of your next "Must Read" list.
A shocking suicide, an unfinished note and an unimaginable secret - these events form the basis of Diane Chamberlain's latest work, "The Midwife's Confession." A haunting, layered story told through flashbacks, as well as the current voices of several main characters, it grapples with the question of how well we really know those we love. "The Midwife's Confession" is Diane Chamberlain at her best. You simultaneously want to finish it, and never want it to end. I was sucked into this book from the first 2 pages. I couldn't put it down, until one of the twists was so emotionally wrenching I had to put it down and wipe away my tears. The tangled tale of Noelle, Tara and Emerson will speak to you, whether you are a mother, a friend, or a confidante. I have ready many of Ms. Chamberlain's titles, and easily put this book into the class of "The Secret Life of CeeCee Wilkes" (one of my all-time favorite books). I find myself replaying passages, looking for what I missed, or for why I was so sure the story was headed in another direction. A stunning, heart-rending tale, I am already looking forward to re-reading it!
The Midwife's Confession by Diane Chamberlain is a great read. There are twists and turns in this mystery about best friends. Just how well do you think you know your BFF? The characters are engaging and you find yourself pulling for them. The chain of events are written from the characters perspective. Well written and completely engrossing. A must read! Great topics to discuss for a book club selection. I cannot wait to read additional books by this author.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this novel. It was heartwrenching and you can feel the love between friends....how strong bonds can truly be. Although I feel like the ending was a little lackluster, I wish it would have gone into the future and told us how the family dynamics changed and how they all came to cope. I would recommend it!
Loved it, couldnt put it down!
Keeps you guessing right up to the end! Great read!
Every time I pick up a book from this author, I'm "wowed". Each story, I swear, is better than the previous one. This story is no exception, it was fantastic!
If you love books about relationships between women, with surprises and twists, this book is for you!
The first book I ever read by Diane Chamberlain was Necessary Lies and I loved it! To this day, I remain impacted by its story and the historical issues I learned about. So needless to say, I jumped at the chance to read another one of Ms. Chamberlain's women's fiction novels! I know it's unfair to compare an author's books, but as a reader with a fair amount of natural expectation, I can't help it. My reading experience with The Midwife's Confession was good... but I was hoping for awesome. I'm not sure if there were too many past and present characters/storylines or if I just wasn't connecting with the characters the way I have with other books (maybe a combination of the two), but my lack of investment definitely affected my overall enjoyment. However, let me add that I was genuinely intrigued by the mystery element in this novel and my heart was hurting when I heard what the midwife's confession actually was. At around the thirty to forty percent mark I thought I had it all figured out and was a bit insulted Ms. Chamberlain would write a story that was so predictable, but oh was I wrong. There were definitely some revelations I didn't see coming and that's always fun. Despite any negativity written in this review, I would recommend The Midwife's Confession to others who enjoy women's fiction with some family drama and mystery elements. Even though I didn't love it, I did like it and there's nothing wrong with that :) My favorite quote: "There's no big mystery to it Noelle. Doctors today would like you to think that there is. They make you think you need drugs and C-sections, that's surgery that cuts the baby out of you, and all sorts of sophisticated interventions to have a baby. And sometimes you do. A good midwife needs to know when it's safe for a woman to have a baby at home and when it's not. But it's not rocket science."
Very interesting with a twist I never would have seen coming
Excellent story of three friends as they become to know one another even further after a tragic event. Noelle's choice haunts her for the rest of her life. As you begin to question her character, you are also filled with compassion towards her. Great book club read!
I couldn't put it down! Luckily I was on vacation and read it cover to cover in 48 hours!
This book reminded of Jody Picoult's style of writing - psychologically deep, thoughtful story where you never knew what would happen next. Highly recommended!
The characters are really well developed. I had a feeling about the ending and was correct. But seriously a fab read.
Edge of your seat story about real love and friendship....