Miss America by Day: Lessons Learned from Ultimate Betrayals and Unconditional Love

by Marilyn Van Derbur

Overview

Won the prestigious Writer's Digest award. 1,900 books entered the national competition, Miss America by Day won first place in the "Most Inspirational Book" category.

In this award winning book, former Miss America, Marilyn Van Derbur, describes, in detail, her healing process after 13 years of incest. "I wrote the book, not because I want someone to learn more about me but so readers can learn more about themselves. And so that loved ones can better understand the brutal recovery process and never again say, "just get over it."

The pain ends, I promise . . . IF you do the 'work' of healing. A loving, long-term relationship and grounded well, adjusted children await you.

A judge for the Writers Digest book competition wrote:

"Seldom as a judge have I wanted to read the entire book but I devoured every word of this riveting story... Told with stark honesty and vivid details that were so important in ridding herself of the pain, torment and shame..."

Anyone who knew Marilyn Van Derbur as a child and young adult believed she had it all -- a loving family, a beautiful home, an active social life. But beneath the surface, Van Derbur was a troubled young woman who lived through horrific panic attacks and excruciating physical pain every day of her adult life. Starting when she was just a child of five, she was sexually abused by her father until she turned 18. Van Derbur uses the term "incested," eschewing the more vanilla terms of "molestation" or "abuse."

As a student and young adult, Van Derbur was an overachiever with an unconscious need to stay very busy. She realizes now this was a coping mechanism to keep her two worlds separated-the "night child" who suffered at the hands of her father and the "day child" who was happy and outgoing.

After being named valedictorian of her high school class, she went on to college. Persuaded to enter a local beauty pageant, she ultimately was crowned Miss America. Ignoring the sheer terror she felt at the prospect of speaking in front of others, Van Derbur went on to become a highly successful motivational speaker. She writes of her endless need to be respected by others, all the while believing that if others really knew who she was, they would hate her and look at her with disdain and disgust. The perfectly poised mask she showed the outside world was a far cry from the tortured, panic-stricken, anxious woman within. The shame she felt within was a constant in her life, reminding her that she was "unworthy."

When a newspaper reporter learned of her story, Van Derbur's private shame became front-page news. Then she landed on the cover of People magazine. Soon incest survivors from around the country were reaching out to her, desperate to tell someone what had happened to them. It became instantly clear that her new role in life was to help others who had suffered incest and to help teach everyone how to make sure their children are safe from predators.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781935689515
Publisher:	Oak Hill Ridge Press
Publication date:	01/30/2012
Edition description:	New Edition
Pages:	546
Product dimensions:	5.90(w) x 8.90(h) x 1.30(d)

Table of Contents

Chapter 1: Blessed by being born into a perfect family
Chapter 2: The night child
Chapter 3: College life and Miss America
Chapter 4: Running from Love
Chapter 5: A new family of choice and love
Chapter 6: Business as usual
Chapter 7: A daughter to love
Chapter 8: A woman in a man's world
Chapter 9: The power of the mind
Chapter 10: Putting feelings with memories
Chapter 11: A new mother daughter bond
Chapter 12: What I needed to heal
Chapter 13: Not all mothers protect their young
Chapter 14: Mike was a gift
Chapter 15: Still searching for answers
Chapter 16: Messages from a Higher Power
Chapter 17: The second day of the rest of my life
Chapter 18: It's never too late
Chapter 19: Pass it on
Chapter 20: Conversations with children
Chapter 21: Three simple gifts every child should be given
Chapter 22: 11 simple ways to keep your child safe
Chapter 23: Do babies and toddlers remember?
Chapter 24: How common is "forgetting?"
Chapter 25: Why don't children tell?
Chapter 26: Is it safe to tell?
Chapter 27: 7 things you should never say
Chapter 28: Beware of "friendly places"
Chapter 29: You have the power
Chapter 30: Do children lie?
Chapter 31: Do they ever stop?
Chapter 32: The good news is: Trauma doesn't have to last a lifetime
Chapter 33: A new beginning

What People are Saying About This

Eve Ensler

This is the finest book ever written on this subject.
—author of The Vagina Monologues

Eleanor Hamilton

Marilyn's book has been an enormous help to me as a psychologist who has worked with trauma survivors for over 20 years. It provides insights into the experience of adults sexually abused as children in a complete and compelling way. It will be a reference for me as long I work in the field of sexual trauma recovery.
—PhD

Susan Heiter

As a psychologist, I purchased 60 copies to give to my clients. I now assign it to couples as homework reading to help liberate victims from their blight of shame and pain, and to enlighten their spouses so they can be more compassionate.
—PhD, author of From Conflict To Resolution