Miss America by Day: Lessons Learned from Ultimate Betrayals and Unconditional Love by Marilyn Van Derbur, Paperback | Barnes & Noble
Miss America by Day: Lessons Learned from Ultimate Betrayals and Unconditional Love

Miss America by Day: Lessons Learned from Ultimate Betrayals and Unconditional Love

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by Marilyn Van Derbur
     
 

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Won the prestigious Writer's Digest award. 1,900 books entered the national competition, Miss America by Day won first place in the "Most Inspirational Book" category.

In this award winning book, former Miss America, Marilyn Van Derbur, describes, in detail, her healing process after 13 years of incest. "I wrote the book, not because I want someone to learn more

Overview

Won the prestigious Writer's Digest award. 1,900 books entered the national competition, Miss America by Day won first place in the "Most Inspirational Book" category.

In this award winning book, former Miss America, Marilyn Van Derbur, describes, in detail, her healing process after 13 years of incest. "I wrote the book, not because I want someone to learn more about me but so readers can learn more about themselves. And so that loved ones can better understand the brutal recovery process and never again say, "just get over it."

The pain ends, I promise . . . IF you do the 'work' of healing. A loving, long-term relationship and grounded well, adjusted children await you.

A judge for the Writers Digest book competition wrote:

"Seldom as a judge have I wanted to read the entire book but I devoured every word of this riveting story... Told with stark honesty and vivid details that were so important in ridding herself of the pain, torment and shame..."

Anyone who knew Marilyn Van Derbur as a child and young adult believed she had it all -- a loving family, a beautiful home, an active social life. But beneath the surface, Van Derbur was a troubled young woman who lived through horrific panic attacks and excruciating physical pain every day of her adult life. Starting when she was just a child of five, she was sexually abused by her father until she turned 18. Van Derbur uses the term "incested," eschewing the more vanilla terms of "molestation" or "abuse."

As a student and young adult, Van Derbur was an overachiever with an unconscious need to stay very busy. She realizes now this was a coping mechanism to keep her two worlds separated-the "night child" who suffered at the hands of her father and the "day child" who was happy and outgoing.

After being named valedictorian of her high school class, she went on to college. Persuaded to enter a local beauty pageant, she ultimately was crowned Miss America. Ignoring the sheer terror she felt at the prospect of speaking in front of others, Van Derbur went on to become a highly successful motivational speaker. She writes of her endless need to be respected by others, all the while believing that if others really knew who she was, they would hate her and look at her with disdain and disgust. The perfectly poised mask she showed the outside world was a far cry from the tortured, panic-stricken, anxious woman within. The shame she felt within was a constant in her life, reminding her that she was "unworthy."

When a newspaper reporter learned of her story, Van Derbur's private shame became front-page news. Then she landed on the cover of People magazine. Soon incest survivors from around the country were reaching out to her, desperate to tell someone what had happened to them. It became instantly clear that her new role in life was to help others who had suffered incest and to help teach everyone how to make sure their children are safe from predators.

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9781935689515
Publisher:
Oak Hill Ridge Press
Publication date:
01/01/2003
Pages:
546
Sales rank:
237,456
Product dimensions:
5.90(w) x 8.90(h) x 1.30(d)

What People are saying about this

Eve Ensler
This is the finest book ever written on this subject.
author of The Vagina Monologues
Eleanor Hamilton
Marilyn's book has been an enormous help to me as a psychologist who has worked with trauma survivors for over 20 years. It provides insights into the experience of adults sexually abused as children in a complete and compelling way. It will be a reference for me as long I work in the field of sexual trauma recovery.
PhD
Susan Heiter
As a psychologist, I purchased 60 copies to give to my clients. I now assign it to couples as homework reading to help liberate victims from their blight of shame and pain, and to enlighten their spouses so they can be more compassionate.
PhD, author of From Conflict To Resolution

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4.5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 4 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Guest More than 1 year ago
In this amazingly honest book, Van Derbur tells the story of how she grew up in a family that seemed perfect on the outside but which was harboring an ugly secret: Starting when she was just a child of five, she was sexually abused by her father until she turned 18. The devastation and shame of incest, which Van Derbur repressed for many years, stayed with her through adulthood. This remarkable book tells of the night child who suffered at the hands of her father¿and the day child who was happy and outgoing. She also covers all-important tips on how people can protect their own children from sexual predators. This book should be required reading for every parent, teacher, judge, clergyman, and incest survivor.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Review of Miss America By Day: Lessons Learned from Ultimate Betrayals and Unconditional Love by Marilyn Van Derbur, Oak Hill Ridge Press, Denver, CO: 2003. ISBN: 0- 9728-298-4-9, Autobiography/Abuse I chose this book because April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month as well as National Sexual Assault Prevention and Awareness Month, and those topics are my work. The topics are thoroughly covered in Van Derbur¿s voluminous non-fiction story. Marilyn Van Derbur, a native of Colorado, is one of four daughters of a prominent Denver businessman (he is deceased). Her father was on numerous boards and committees, was honored with buildings named for him, and was president of ¿all the college fraternities in America.¿ Both parents were active volunteers, donating time and money to culture and civic organizations. Marilyn¿s mother would often state that she had the ¿perfect marriage¿ and Marilyn was told that she was ¿blessed by being born into a perfect family.¿ Marilyn¿s life appeared to be perfect, as depicted by the smiles in the pictures she shares throughout the book. Marilyn was crowned Miss America while she was attending the University of Colorado in 1958. When she graduated (with honors) Marilyn was a guest host on Candid Camera and a panelist on To Tell the Truth, as well as in commercials. She also waved to the public while in the Cotton Bowl and Thanksgiving Parades. She chose motivational speaking as her career, and was named the ¿Outstanding Woman Speaker in America¿ and was inducted to the ¿Colorado Woman¿s Hall of Fame.¿ Indeed, anyone reading her story might experience a twinge of envy for all the fame and fortune that seemed to come to her so easily and effortlessly. Except¿Marilyn suffered from physical symptoms including insomnia, tics, ulcers, and panic attacks. When her body and mind rebelled against the constant travel, she experienced full body paralysis, yet doctors found no organic cause. What else might Marilyn be rebelling against? She had to search her mind and spirit to find the answers. One of Marilyn¿s earliest memories is of her mother reading the Bible before bed. Another of Marilyn¿s earliest memories is of her father entering his daughter¿s bed after dark. What came next was repressed for decades until Marilyn realized that her father had committed incest from the time she was five until eighteen, an estimated six hundred times. All the while, her mother knew. Marilyn shares her split between the ¿night child¿ victim in contrast to the ¿day child¿ over-achiever. The physical symptoms she had endured were a manifestation of the connection between child sexual abuse and adult ailments. Marilyn writes, ¿I had never prayed. I didn¿t want a more powerful father and I knew, deep inside, that the Father my mother was praying to when I was a child wasn¿t protecting me.¿ However, when her story went public via the Denver media and People magazine, she asked of a Higher Power: ¿I want to help¿If you show me the way ¿I will do whatever you ask me to do.¿ Thus began the next chapter of Marilyn¿s life. She writes that it is ¿my mission to educate judges, doctors, nurses, lawyers, teachers, therapists, and especially parents¿ about child sexual abuse. Not only does she educate with this book and her speeches, she also helps victims become survivors by sharing her healing journey. Throughout the book, Marilyn also shares with the reader her relationships with her husband and daughter, and the reader relishes in the emotional relief their unconditional love offers Marilyn. Ultimately, Marilyn manages to find peace. I would recommend this book as an astonishing story and educational tool regarding child abuse and sexual assault. Review written by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor¿s Story.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Review of Miss America By Day: Lessons Learned from Ultimate Betrayals and Unconditional Love by Marilyn Van Derbur, Oak Hill Ridge Press, Denver, CO: 2003. ISBN: 0- 9728-298-4-9, Autobiography/Abuse I chose this book because April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month as well as National Sexual Assault Prevention and Awareness Month, and those topics are my work. The topics are thoroughly covered in Van Derbur¿s voluminous non-fiction story. Marilyn Van Derbur, a native of Colorado, is one of four daughters of a prominent Denver businessman (he is deceased). Her father was on numerous boards and committees, was honored with buildings named for him, and was president of ¿all the college fraternities in America.¿ Both parents were active volunteers, donating time and money to culture and civic organizations. Marilyn¿s mother would often state that she had the ¿perfect marriage¿ and Marilyn was told that she was ¿blessed by being born into a perfect family.¿ Marilyn¿s life appeared to be perfect, as depicted by the smiles in the pictures she shares throughout the book. Marilyn was crowned Miss America while she was attending the University of Colorado in 1958. When she graduated (with honors) Marilyn was a guest host on Candid Camera and a panelist on To Tell the Truth, as well as in commercials. She also waved to the public while in the Cotton Bowl and Thanksgiving Parades. She chose motivational speaking as her career, and was named the ¿Outstanding Woman Speaker in America¿ and was inducted to the ¿Colorado Woman¿s Hall of Fame.¿ Indeed, anyone reading her story might experience a twinge of envy for all the fame and fortune that seemed to come to her so easily and effortlessly. Except¿Marilyn suffered from physical symptoms including insomnia, tics, ulcers, and panic attacks. When her body and mind rebelled against the constant travel, she experienced full body paralysis, yet doctors found no organic cause. What else might Marilyn be rebelling against? She had to search her mind and spirit to find the answers. One of Marilyn¿s earliest memories is of her mother reading the Bible before bed. Another of Marilyn¿s earliest memories is of her father entering his daughter¿s bed after dark. What came next was repressed for decades until Marilyn realized that her father had committed incest from the time she was five until eighteen, an estimated six hundred times. All the while, her mother knew. Marilyn shares her split between the ¿night child¿ victim in contrast to the ¿day child¿ over-achiever. The physical symptoms she had endured were a manifestation of the connection between child sexual abuse and adult ailments. Marilyn writes, ¿I had never prayed. I didn¿t want a more powerful father and I knew, deep inside, that the Father my mother was praying to when I was a child wasn¿t protecting me.¿ However, when her story went public via the Denver media and People magazine, she asked of a Higher Power: ¿I want to help¿If you show me the way ¿I will do whatever you ask me to do.¿ Thus began the next chapter of Marilyn¿s life. She writes that it is ¿my mission to educate judges, doctors, nurses, lawyers, teachers, therapists, and especially parents¿ about child sexual abuse. Not only does she educate with this book and her speeches, she also helps victims become survivors by sharing her healing journey. Throughout the book, Marilyn also shares with the reader her relationships with her husband and daughter, and the reader relishes in the emotional relief their unconditional love offers Marilyn. Ultimately, Marilyn manages to find peace. I would recommend this book as an astonishing story and educational tool regarding child abuse and sexual assault. Review written by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor¿s Story.