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Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People
     

Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People

by P. J. O'Rourke
 

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In Modern Manners cultural guru P. J. O'Rourke provides the essential accessory for the truly contemporary man or woman-a rulebook for living in a world without rules.

Traditionally, good manners were a means of becoming as bland and invisible as everyone else, and thus of avoiding calling attention to one's own awkwardness and stupidity. Today, with everyone

Overview


In Modern Manners cultural guru P. J. O'Rourke provides the essential accessory for the truly contemporary man or woman-a rulebook for living in a world without rules.

Traditionally, good manners were a means of becoming as bland and invisible as everyone else, and thus of avoiding calling attention to one's own awkwardness and stupidity. Today, with everyone wanting to appear special, stupidity is at a premium and manners-as outrageous and bizarre as possible-are a wonderful way to distinguish ourselves, or have a fine time trying.

Modern Manners is an irreverent and hilarious guide to anti-etiquette that offers pointed advice on a range of topics from sex and entertaining to reading habits and death. With the most up-to-date forms of vulgarity, churlishness, and presumption, the latest fashions in discourtesy and barbarous display, P. J. O'Rourke makes it easier for all of us to survive with style in a rude world.

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780871133755
Publisher:
Grove/Atlantic, Inc.
Publication date:
01/28/1994
Series:
O'Rourke, P. J.
Edition description:
Reprint
Pages:
280
Sales rank:
389,566
Product dimensions:
5.56(w) x 10.80(h) x 0.80(d)

Read an Excerpt

Modern Manners

An Etiquette Book for Rude People
By P. J. O'Rourke

Grove Atlantic, Inc.

Copyright © 1989 P. J. O'Rourke
All right reserved.

ISBN: 0-87113-375-X


Chapter One

Manners and Wedding Gifts

If you go to a wedding you are obligated to bring a gift, usually a Cuisinart food processor. A more personal gift would be to absent yourself from the ceremony if your relationship with the bride has been tangled and ugly in a sexual way. This can be a surprising present if you happen to be the groom, but it's apt to be appreciated in the long run.

Manners for New Year's Eve

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to. The hangover begins the next day and lasts through Super Bowl Sunday, when you lose whatever money you had left from Christmas by betting on the Toronto Blue Jays, who are not even a football team.

Manners at the Movies

The movies are so dull these days that the only polite thing to do is provide the entertainment yourself. After the movie starts, change seats frequently and fondle the people you sit down next to.

Manners and Clothes

Never wear jeans and T-shirts. The rich associate jeans and T-shirts with unskilled manual labor. The phenomenon of designer jeans and expensive T-shirts onlyserves to remind the rich of how deplorably high the minimum wage has become.

Manners and Sports

The most important part of sports is winning. Therefore it's imperative for a courteous sportsman to be a good winner. A good winner always praises the efforts of his opponent. He says something like "I'm sure you would have beaten me, Frank, if you weren't so fat." And a good winner is an honest winner. He says, "You notice that I still beat you, Frank, even though you lied about the ball being out of bounds."

(Continues...)



Excerpted from Modern Manners by P. J. O'Rourke Copyright © 1989 by P. J. O'Rourke. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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