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More Badder Grammar!
150 All-New Bloopers, Blunders, and Reasons its Hilarious When People Dont Check there Spelling and Grammer
By Sharon Eliza Nichols
St. Martin's PressCopyright © 2011 Sharon Eliza Nichols
All rights reserved.
BUSINESS AS USUAL
It's understandable to get "form" and "from" mixed up, but substituting "for" is borderline ridiculous.
"Tetanus" must have that "a" in the middle. Otherwise — combined with the electronic lights — this sign is reminiscent of Tetris, the admittedly awesome video game.
Whoever made this sign should cut it out, e.g., cut out two words and switch them.
Congratulations on [not] understanding the possessive form.
Please don't. You clearly have other things to worry about.
The creator of this sign needs a remedial sixth-grade English course.
We're not aware of "his'n" ever being acceptable, even in the coarsest slang.
Gangsters should know how to spell. Otherwise they are much less intimidating.
If you bought either of these shirts, do the world a favor and don't get any more tattoos. And please don't have any more children.
This poor animal is wearing a picnic tablecloth in a horribly written ad. It's probably better that its eyes are covered.
The world would be a better place if TVs had spell check.
Doesn't experimenting on animals usually take place in labs, not pet stores?
Something that appears twice in this banner needs to be cut.
At least this person was consistently wrong.
The service at this establishment is clearly superior. You don't even have to wash your own hands.
Isn't there spell check on the software used to make banners? Or common sense in the people who make them?
You'd think if a person can spell "affordability" correctly they'd know the difference between "its" and "it's."
"Wardreobe." That's a fun new word.
Please refrain from using unnecessary apostrophes. Thanks.CHAPTER 2
There should be a state law forbidding misspelled words on government property.
Maybe they should rethink canceling school that day.
This doesn't bode well for the future of Texas education.
One of those textbooks probably shows the difference between the words "sell" and "sale." Maybe instead of selling them, you should reread them.
Dear Lord, please don't let this man get elected.
This must be an incredibly small school.
Do we really need to prove it?
Poor public-speaking class. It must have cankles.
Instead of a student union for hanging out, this school should have more classrooms. You know, for learning.
This might be excusable — if an elementary school student put it up. Somehow we doubt that was what happened.CHAPTER 3
Are the contents of this box something else pretending to be a shelf?
The bald eagle soaring over the snow-capped mountains says "thank you" to the nurses and staff of St. Charles Hospital. Why? Only he knows.
What did you do to alarm the door? And why would you want to upset it?
This pamphlet is practically on its knees begging you to answer its question. It is apparently speaking.
There are several possibilities here:
The sign is using quotation marks ironically, so it's actually not sorry that no pets are allowed. It hates animals, anyway.
The sign itself is embarrassed that somebody forced it to display the rule against pets, so it's apologizing to potentially upset petlovers. If the sign had its way, pets would be welcome.
The sign creator doesn't know what quotation marks mean.
Ironic quotation marks or fake computers?CHAPTER 4
Something in this picture needs to be overwrited.
This is almost another new word: converstaion.
These are the reviews from a grammar iPhone application (which we won't name).
Commas and apostrophes are not interchangeable, and even if they were this would still be incorrect.
The lack of intelligible copy on this ad is almost as impressive as the "automen" in the posting's title. Quick! Free-associate: Automen. Ottoman. Automatic ottoman?
We have a sneaking suspicion that whoever created this ad was fired. They spelled the name of the company wrong.CHAPTER 5
This penny-smashing machine has something in common with many, many Americans right now.
From what we can tell, the bottom line was supposed to say "we sale Sunday bear." Oh, okay.
This company might brew excellence only during the last weekend of July or only during the last week at the end of July. Although either interpretation doesn't make much sense.
It's a good guess to say that this was intentional. The more important question: Why?
Clearly unintentional, and oddly sweet.
The two possible interpretations of this are pretty obvious. Either way, we will not be visiting this establishment.
Ah, witty replies to bathroom graffiti always make us smile.
The intended verb in the second line of the description gives us pause.
The unintentionally ironic quotation marks strike again.
Claiming you're perfect is a dangerous game.
We'd like to meet this guy named Wing.
My, my, technology certainly has become advanced.
Honk if you're judging this guy!
We're pretty sure badass ladies also know how to spell "bad."
Do the bras own the ladies?
What's the landlord wanted for? And should he be dead or alive?
The door is also a lock? Are doors and locks the same thing now?CHAPTER 6
TRANSPORTATION, TRAVEL, & LEISURE
Two different uses of "pet," yet consistent apostrophe use. One of these is wrong.
We'd argue that the person who created this sign deserves jail time.
How many violators?
Apparently many people don't know how to make a word possessive.
Imagining how one would pronounce "93st" is highly amusing.
The possessive strikes again. We wonder if this is the most confusing part of the English language for native speakers.
When the purpose of your business is to publish written works, you should probably have the "to"/"too"/"two" distinction down pat.
This person tried it two different ways in this ad and neither succeeded. Maybe the third time's the charm.
This person misspelled "vacuum." But far more troubling is the fact that there's a vacuum by this free-standing jail cell. We won't even ask why.
This could be your tax dollars at work, folks.
This would be funnier if it were "parks and recreatoin."
Who cares about incorrect possessives? Just DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, light a fire in your fireplace.
This sign was created in response to the great paring epidemic of 2010.
This guy gets extra points for the "Khan" pun, which are immediately cancelled out by the missing apostrophe in "cant."
A rolling stone gathers no moss.
That's an inventive use of the number 1. May we buy a real vowel, please?
Sports team allegiances are hardcore. Apparently hatred of one's rival can cause brain cramps, shortness of breath, and blindness.
It is "your" responsibility. And we applaud "your" failed effort of creating a noun by adding "ity" to "responsible."
After reading this we can't help imagining 100 human "feets" lined up as a measuring tool.
Let's blame this one on the alcohol.
Take a hike. No, seriously.CHAPTER 7
Redundancy anyone, anyone?
But wait ... isn't smoking bad for you?
Unnecessary punctuation probably hurts your eyes as much as it does ours.
They were on the right track here ...
This sign illustrates another problem America is facing: the disappearance of the adverb. Please, do your part to save the adverbs.
We think the dog ran away on its own.
This flyer looks like the result of putting text into a cheap online translator then mixing it with a four-year-old's spelling.
It appears Flava-Flav has gone green. He's sponsoring his own vegetables now.
Aside from the unnecessary apostrophe, this sign at a chiropractor's office is probably not politically correct.
Okay, maybe they ran out of room on the first line. But wow, that's an expensive chicken tender meal. And they also ran out of "o"s?
What is a "beverage tapper container"?
Perhaps this is forgivable because it was made by a young Girl Scout troop. But where were their parents?
This banner illustrates why you should always carry a Sharpie. It's deserving of some guerilla justice, grammar Nazi-style.
Where have all the adverbs gone?
There seems to be a theme here.
At least this sign is very polite, if very ungrammatical.
A Google search of the word "aprons" reveals that this misspelling is apparently a common mistake. How disheartening.
Oh! That's what a sneez gard is.
The early bird should use her extra time to study grammar.
I wish that you could spell.
For the children's edification, please use proper punctuation.
You are nearest available facilities. Oh, thanks.
This had to be on purpose, right? Or maybe the stencilbearer is Russian.CHAPTER 8
IN OTHER NEWS ...
He's seen the future and it holds many wars.
You're making our eyes hurt.
Bad grammar at its most widely visible.
"Legisil" is a new cream for something contagious. This square is sponsored by its creators.
If they don't even know the "there"/"they're"/"their" distinction, they probably are going to lose in court.
Yes. Every viewer who saw this.
The president had already been elected when this aired, so spelling his name wrong is pretty inexcusable. Ditto mistaking "formally" for "formerly."CHAPTER 9
WORD OF MOUTH
Would anyone like some tarter sauce with your jalapeño coins?
Let's hope the spinach comes in by Monday, otherwise innocent customers will be subjected to this sign far longer.
"Coffee home fries" sounds like a kooky gourmet dish made by a bored chef. And brown eggs are less expensive than white ones.
This appears to be at least an attempt at using an adverb, though it landed way off the mark.
The King of the Jungle on sale here 24 hours a day. Also, make sure you get your daily serving of vegetabels.
You'll probably never again see a sandwich so epically butchered.
The lemon shake-ups only have $1.50. Could you spare some change?
The Yankees would save a ton of money if they knew about these $6 pitchers. More important, though, is "champaign" a cross between a drink and a political candidate's efforts to get elected?
Billard: A duck that likes to play pool? A biller who's also a bastard? Sure.
Whoever wrote the contents of this fortune cookie did not foresee their mistake being captured on film and widely distributed.
There are no words. No really, one of these is not a real word.
If you never had any doubts about Taco Bell before, this should do it.
If you're charging $159 for lemonade, you could at least afford to buy a vowel.
This could be correct. If all words were spelled phonetically.
Oh good, the breakfast burritos got their coffee.
Although the food is Mexican, we're pretty sure the master-minds behind Chipotle speak English as a first language.
A less charitable reader would think this label refers to something scandalous.
Once again, attack of the phonetic spellers!
Does this mean crumbled AND creamed? Interesting.
Since everybody knows what a "combo" is, perhaps the sign writer should have relied on that handy abbreviation. It's easier to get right.
Oh, snap! Your licorice just got molassed.
Unnecessary apostrophes strike again! It seems they're multiplying.
Somebody was drinking and making signs.
Chockolate milk: chock full o' chocolate.
This dip owns cheese, guacamole, spinach, and a single bean. How lovely.
I'm afraid it's only infatuation. But how flattering.
Rise and shine! Use proper spelling!
Purshasing too many drinks may lead to slurred spelling.
The correct possessive apostrophe is exciting but immediately canceled out by the misspelled "restaurant."CHAPTER 10
Anything menacing about this warning is entirely diminished by the second-grade spelling and punctuation. When we get ice, we use the scoope. Duh.
The arbitrary capitalization and punctuation in this sign make it come off like a demand. Get a passport ... or else.
It's too bad that not knowing how to spell "disturb" undermines any authority communicated by the skull and crossbones. It's kind of like seeing a police officer driving a Segway.
Your British neighbors are trying to be civilised this time. Don't make them get the hose.
Could they have meant "quite pleasing"?
Maybe "unattendent" means "with a terrible attendant." — like an infant or a drunken teenager or a DMV worker.
Maybe the author of this sign forgot a word at the end. "Stinger" would work.
When readers inevitably get angry at the lack of punctuation in this sign, its creator is responsible for subsequent damage.
"Pictures has to been taken and space marked by towed company." Got that? Good.
Quite please? Oh, quite thank you.
No, you are on camera.
Excerpted from More Badder Grammar! by Sharon Eliza Nichols. Copyright © 2011 Sharon Eliza Nichols. Excerpted by permission of St. Martin's Press.
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