Mortuary Confidential: Undertakers Spill the Dirt

by Todd Harra, Ken McKenzie

Overview

Mortuary Confidential does for the undertaker profession what Stiff did for cadavers—it manages to be as informative and heartwarming as it is irreverent and hilarious. This collection of real stories from morticians and funeral directors across America feeds mainstream readers' dark curiosity and sense of humor about "our world of death" with a behind-the-scenes glimpse into every conceivable facet from the people who touch it every day.

From shoot-outs at funerals to dead men screaming and runaway corpses, undertakers have plenty of unusual stories to tell—and a special way of telling them.

In this macabre and moving compilation, funeral directors across the country share their most embarrassing, jaw-dropping, irreverent, and deeply poignant stories about life at death's door. Discover what scares them and what moves them to tears. Learn about rookie mistakes and why death sometimes calls for duct tape.

Enjoy tales of the dearly departed spending eternity naked from the waist down and getting bottled and corked—in a wine bottle. And then meet their families—the weepers, the punchers, the stolidly dignified, and the ones who deliver their dead mother in a pickup truck.

If there's one thing undertakers know, it's that death drives people crazy. These are the best "bodies of work" from America's darkest profession.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780806541396
Publisher:	Kensington
Publication date:	12/28/2021
Pages:	256
Sales rank:	398,596
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 8.23(h) x 0.68(d)

About the Author

Todd Harra is the author of several books about the funeral profession. He is a fourth-generation funeral director and works for the family business in Wilmington, Delaware. In addition to being a funeral director and embalmer, Harra is a certified postmortem reconstructionist and cremationist. For more information, visit toddharra.com or connect on Facebook @toddharraauthor.

Kenneth McKenzie first became interested in the death care industry at the age of twelve, following his father’s suicide. He has been a funeral director for 22 years and a funeral home owner for 14. In 2007 Ken created and published the well received Men of Mortuaries calendar, also the inspiration for this book, to benefit Breast Cancer Awareness and received California’s Outstanding Funeral Director of the Year award. He resides in Long Beach. Please visit www.menofmortuaries.com.

Table of Contents

Introduction Todd Harra xi

Part I First Calls and Removals 1

1 The Scream 3

2 Lost in Translation 8

3 Patch Out 12

4 The Fly Swatter Saga 15

5 Business Hours 20

6 Grandma Talk-Talk 25

7 A Case of Mistaken Identity 29

8 Ousting the Coroner 35

9 Spare Donuts 41

10 Severe Clear 47

11 Roadblock 51

12 Human Wedge 59

Part II Where Art Meets Science 63

13 The Man Who Cheated Death 65

14 The Unwitting Smuggler 70

15 Men and Makeup 73

16 A Solution for Sagging 78

17 The Glass Eye and Other Expectations 82

18 Tattoo You? 86

19 Ever Seen a Dead Man Move? 89

Part III Family Matters 93

20 Lesson: Never Go to Bed Angry 95

21 Buried in the Nude 100

22 Walk the Walk 104

23 Death Knell of Jefferson and Adams 108

24 The Killer Customer 112

25 The Comedian 116

26 Hearse of a Different Make 120

27 Shot-Putted Urn 123

28 Last Wishes 126

Part IV Wakes, Funerals, and Burials 129

29 My Bar Story 131

30 The Dove 135

31 A Hug, a Hope 138

32 Wake Combat 141

33 Lucky 146

34 Believe in the Butterfly 150

35 Continuum 154

36 The Prodigal Son 156

37 Duel at High Noon 160

38 Wives and Girlfriends 163

39 The World Record Holder 166

40 Third from Right 172

Part V In Our Private Lives 177

41 Feathers and Fridges 179

42 Till Death 184

43 Date Destination: "The Morgue" 189

44 Gobble Gobble 195

45 The Tapestry of Life 199

46 The Gay Man in the Wine Bottle 207

47 The First Date 213

48 Ironic Injustice 216

49 Windsor or Prince Albert? 221

50 Thaleia 224

Acknowledgments 231