Motherhood and Hollywood: How to Get a Job Like Mine [NOOK Book]

Overview

“The really important things in life are your family and friends. And what will people say about you at your funeral—that you won an Emmy once, or that you were a good person, kind and generous? Well, as for me, I hope it's the latter. And the fact that I recently commissioned an Emmy-shaped coffin just eliminates the need for anyone to bring it up.”

Everybody knows that Patricia Heaton plays the hilarious, wise, and tempestuous married-with-kids everywoman on Everybody Loves Raymond. What they might not know is...
See more details below
Motherhood and Hollywood: How to Get a Job Like Mine

Available on NOOK devices and apps  
  • NOOK Devices
  • NOOK HD/HD+ Tablet
  • NOOK
  • NOOK Color
  • NOOK Tablet
  • Tablet/Phone
  • NOOK for Windows 8 Tablet
  • NOOK for iOS
  • NOOK for Android
  • NOOK Kids for iPad
  • PC/Mac
  • NOOK for Windows 8
  • NOOK for PC
  • NOOK for Mac
  • NOOK Study
  • NOOK for Web

Want a NOOK? Explore Now

NOOK Book (eBook)
$11.99
BN.com price

Overview

“The really important things in life are your family and friends. And what will people say about you at your funeral—that you won an Emmy once, or that you were a good person, kind and generous? Well, as for me, I hope it's the latter. And the fact that I recently commissioned an Emmy-shaped coffin just eliminates the need for anyone to bring it up.”

Everybody knows that Patricia Heaton plays the hilarious, wise, and tempestuous married-with-kids everywoman on Everybody Loves Raymond. What they might not know is that in real life she is married, has four boys under eight years old, and is just as funny offscreen as on.

Motherhood and Hollywood is Patricia Heaton’s humorous and poignant collection of essays on life, love, marriage, child-rearing, show business, having parents, being a parent, spousal rage, surviving fame, success, and the shame of underarm flab. She is warm, witty, and refreshingly irreverent.

Heaton grew up in suburban Cleveland, one of five children of devout Roman Catholic parents. Her father was a noted sportswriter for The Plain Dealer; her mother died suddenly and unexpectedly when Heaton was twelve. Love, fast food, and an unflagging sense of humor held the clan together and propelled Patricia on a showbiz career that began with hilariously nightmarish struggles in New York, eventually leading to a triumphant move to Los Angeles.

In Motherhood and Hollywood, Patricia Heaton pours out her heart and minces no words. She’s taking all prisoners for cookies and a glass of Jack Daniel’s and diet ginger ale. Laughter ensues.

From the Hardcover edition.

Read More Show Less

Editorial Reviews

From Barnes & Noble
Everybody loves Everybody Loves Raymond, and everybody who loves Everybody Loves Raymond loves Patricia Heaton, the Emmy-winning actress who plays Ray Romano's wife. Offscreen, Heaton leads a life that her character, Debra Barone, could understand. She lives in Los Angeles with four sons under eight years old and her husband. At times, the experience can be de-glamorizing: "All that you've starved for and worked for, for years, comes true," she noted on Emmy day, "and then someone's Batman backpack can undermine everything." Although this memoir has sad moments (Her mother died when Heaton was just 12), Mother and Hollywood is suffused with warmth and good humor.
Anneli Rufus
Now a two-time Emmy Award winner, Heaton, co-star of the sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond, is enjoying the perks that accompany life in what she wryly calls "Fairyland." Her new memoir recounts a pleasant but unremarkable childhood followed by years spent working a series of "survival jobs" and commingling with other wanna-be actors. The self-described "cynical broad" portrays herself as a Hollywood outsider, a churchgoing mother of four whose job just happens to be in prime-time TV. The funniest sections of the book concern Heaton's eleven-year marriage. "You need to have a bit of contempt for the person you are about to marry," she argues, " 'cause it's gonna show up sooner or later." Heaton's sincerity and the strength of her convictions lend this memoir a surprising resonance.
Publishers Weekly
This comfortable recounting by the Emmy-winning Everybody Loves Raymond co-star sustains a nice mix of wisecracks and sincerity that's sure to appeal to viewers of the television show and underappreciated moms. In tidily constructed chapters, divided into sections representing the three cities she's lived in, Heaton recounts her happy childhood in Cleveland, her adventures in New York and her attempts to sustain an average life with four children and a husband in Los Angeles. Particularly authentic are her takes on motherhood: "[A]s much as we'd like to believe otherwise, we're all going to be forgotten somewhere down the line. We'll certainly be forgotten by the world, and eventually by our own families. I mean, who can name their great-great-great grandmother?" The occasional lists, such as her "I Confess Top 20" ("#12: I add MSG to everything"; "#16: I throw away my kids' art projects almost immediately"), are amusing. Heaton's discussion of more weighty subjects, such as religion she tells of her move from Roman Catholicism to tacitly more socially acceptable Presbyterianism is predictable. Heaton has penned a worthy book, and her playful and positive attitude shine through. Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information.
Kirkus Reviews
The Emmy-winning star of Everybody Loves Raymond pens an engaging, effervescent story of her life. Heaton's humor occasionally lapses into strained wisecracking, and she repeats some details, but these are minor flaws in that rare thing-an upbeat memoir that doesn't obsess about the rough times but instead is beguilingly sensible and wise about what's important: the author's family, faith, and craft. "I suffer from an early childhood malady that's more common than you've been led to believe," she begins. "I call it Way Too Normal and Happy Upbringing Syndrome." Born and raised in a suburban Cleveland house filled with laughter, she belonged, like many of her neighbors, to a large, Catholic family. The local children played together, building snow forts in winter and picking berries along the rail track in summer, knowing that they could stay outside unsupervised until the streetlights came on. Her father was a sportswriter for The Cleveland Plain-Dealer; her mother, a homemaker who read widely, especially theology, died from an aneurysm when Heaton was 12. But the family held together, and Heaton now realizes that "bad breaks are not the worst things that can happen to you." As she details her bumpy road to stardom-in New York she waited tables, proofread on the graveyard shift at Morgan Stanley, and washed her hair with shampoo samples handed out on the street-the actress also describes her religious journey from staunch Catholicism to staunch Presbyterianism. After moving to Los Angeles, she married, had four sons, and began to get the parts that matter-and pay. Though she loves acting, Heaton also loves her kids and admits it's tough to raise them in present-day La-La Land: "Life wassimpler in Cleveland. Parents were only expected to feed, clothe, house and educate their kids. Today you're supposed to raise their self-esteem, give them piano and tae kwon do lessons, and teach them to download research for their kindergarten report." An invigorating breath of fresh air.
From the Publisher
“Has that glorious combination of down-to-earth frankness and sly sense of humor that makes it a gas to read. Grade: A.” —Entertainment Weekly

“Funny and clever, bawdy and verbally fearless.” —The Washington Post

“Engaging, effervescent . . . An upbeat memoir that doesn’t obsess about the rough times but instead is beguilingly sensible and wise about what’s important: the author’s family, faith, and craft . . . An invigorating breath of fresh air.” —Kirkus Reviews

Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781588362711
  • Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
  • Publication date: 9/17/2002
  • Sold by: Random House
  • Format: eBook
  • Sales rank: 607,995
  • File size: 206 KB

Meet the Author

Patricia Heaton graduated from Ohio State University and made her Broadway debut in the gospel musical Don’t Get God Started. She has appeared in numerous television films and series, and in feature films including Memoirs of an Invisible Man, Beethoven, The New Age, and Space Jam. For her role in Everybody Loves Raymond, she won the Emmy for Leading Actress in a Comedy Series in 2000 and again in 2001. She lives with her husband and four sons in Los Angeles.

From the Hardcover edition.

Read More Show Less

Read an Excerpt

Cleveland
My Childhood: Where Did it All Go Right?

I suffer from an early childhood malady that is more common than you've been led to believe. I call it Way Too Normal and Happy Upbringing Syndrome. Or, as you probably know it, WTNHUS. It's easier to say if you hold your nose closed really tight with your thumb and forefinger. Go ahead, I'll wait.

See, the problem is that I grew up in an average west- side Cleveland suburb, in an average, fairly functional, devout Catholic family, two parents, different sexes, five kids, no divorce, suicide, sexual abuse, drug addiction, or jail time. We didn't have a lot of money but we weren't poor. We got to do cool stuff because our dad was a sportswriter, but we weren't rich either.

We lived in a tree-laden five-miles-long-by-two-miles-wide village on Lake Erie that was like Andy Griffith's fictional Mayberry. Minus the Barneys, Gomers, and Floyds. We did have a few Aunt Bees. It was the mid-sixties, and we were close enough to Cleveland to have cool music, professional sports, and tons of movie theaters. The Beatles, the Stones, Jimi Hendrix, and Barbra Streisand all made stops there. And we were far enough away from downtown to be able to read about local poverty and race riots like they were happening somewhere else.

Bay Village was such a soft, gentle community that the kids from the suburbs closer to Cleveland called it Gay Village. We could walk to the beach, ride bikes to our friends' houses, buy penny candy and lucky rabbits' feet from the five-and-dime. Every Fourth of July there were fireworks, a carnival, and a parade where we displayed the bikes we had decorated with red, white, and blue crepe paper in the spokes and pinwheels on the handlebars. My best friend across the street, Sally Greene, discovered that if you soaked the crepe paper in water it would color it, and suggested that we could make a killing if we put the colored water in jars and sold it-you know, colored-crepe-paper water. Oddly enough, no takers.

We picked elderberries by the railroad tracks, which permanently stained our moms' Formica countertops when we made them into pies. Four cups of sugar on those berries. (Count 'em, four.) We played Tag, Capture the Flag, Hide and Seek, Four Square, Red Light/Green Light, Hopscotch, Statues, Running Bases, and the ever-popular Whack the Lightning Bug (or fireflies, or whatever you call them where you live) with the Whiffle-Ball Bat. They were the only animals harmed in the writing of this book, by the way. Except when my cousin Art accidentally whacked me on the back in pursuit of a lightning-bug whacking record.

There were seven families on the end of the street (Midland Road, how average is that?), with a median of four kids per family. We ran in packs. Boys playing sports, girls singing the entire score from the movie Mary Poppins on the swing sets at Normandy School. (Well, me. I sang.)

We played for hours. Rules were in place. We had to be home when the streetlights came on. Or when Mom gave the whistle using her pinkie and forefinger that I have never been able to replicate.

Everyone had their share of accidents. When my brother and his cronies locked us girls out of our secret club in the garage and began to read our supersecret diaries, I put my fist through the garage door trying to get in. My dad went ballistic. I got a Band-Aid and was grounded, which at that time meant I couldn't go farther than our front steps. The girls brought me graham crackers.

Dicky Greene "accidentally" dropped a hammer from the top of a twenty-foot tree onto Johnny Madden's head. They were building a tree fort. (See, this was back when kids built their own tree houses; their parents didn't hire I. M. Pei to do it for them.)

Suzie Albertz with the long hair did a triple flip over the front of her handlebars as we careened down Huntington Hill. And lived! Cool!

Thor Johnson stuck his head through the glass window of our front storm door while chasing my brother, who was attempting to liberate the ants in his ant farm. This was way before PETA.

And throughout the years in a show of unity we all took turns getting stung by bees, stepping on broken glass, and stubbing our toes on uneven suburban sidewalks when we weren't skinning our knees while roller-skating (no helmets, no wrist guards-all you needed was a skate key and guts, baby).

For years we would Stay in Bay All Day. We went sledding in the winter and swimming all summer. We went to church on Sundays and had Dairy Queen every chance we got. It was all pretty midwestern-romantic. Ohio has all four seasons in a very big way. There were entire weeks we missed school because of snow. Not that we missed it exactly. And spring can't help but be luminous after those kinds of long winters. Summer was one long sun-scorched, barefoot blast, and there's nothing quite so spectacular as an Ohio autumn when the leaves are turning. No hallucinogens necessary.

There was a lot of laughter in our house. I remember nights when the five of us were all at the dining room table not doing our homework. Just laughing and laughing. Well, not always laughing. My sister Alice and I fought constantly, and one night she lured me into the basement and, on a dare, threw an entire chocolate-frosted pound cake at me that was intended for the school bake sale. Some pound cake-that mother knocked me right up against the cement-block wall. I had frosting in my ears for a week.

There was and probably still is just something damn lovable about unpretentious, wise-guy, hangdog Cleveland. If there was ever a place that is proud if its own, that cheers on its children, that takes great parochial offense at even the hint of a slight, Cleveland is that place. The town has some faults: it's got an enormous inferiority complex (the river caught on fire), and geographic racial segregation second only to South Africa.

But that place is always in my heart. If you're from Cleveland and you do something good, those people will love you forever. In fact, they'll love you even if you're just passing through. Tom Hanks spent one summer there in the seventies, watching the Indians while he was working at the Great Lakes Shakespeare Festival, and he's considered a hometown boy.

Now, lest you think my life all too good to be true, my growing up was not without its very own "Movie of the Week" devastation. In 1971, when I was twelve, my mom had a brain aneurysm and died. Don't think that hasn't cost me a pretty penny in therapy over the years.

It's a bit rough getting a mortality wake-up call at that age. But it makes you realize that challenges, difficulties, and bad breaks are not the worst things that can happen to you. So later on, when you don't get that big part in the Porky's reunion movie, you still get that very real feeling of "Hell, at least I ain't dead!"

But what really irritates me are some people's two-bit analyses regarding showbiz folks and the drive for fame. I've been asked if my mother's death propelled me into the acting world, desperate for the love I lost.

I say Ha! When I was in the second grade at St. Raphael's, seven years before my mom died, I told Sister Delrina I could sing the entire Color Me Barbra album, and then proceeded to perform it, not only for my own class but for five others as well.

You want to blame someone for me being an attention-starved, "Look at me, look at me," messed-up, sociopathically needy showbiz person? The buck stops here, my friend. I'm healthy.

And I've got the childhood to prove it.

From the Hardcover edition.

Read More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 15 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(10)

4 Star

(0)

3 Star

(4)

2 Star

(1)

1 Star

(0)

Your Rating:

Your Name: Create a Pen Name or

Barnes & Noble.com Review Rules

Our reader reviews allow you to share your comments on titles you liked, or didn't, with others. By submitting an online review, you are representing to Barnes & Noble.com that all information contained in your review is original and accurate in all respects, and that the submission of such content by you and the posting of such content by Barnes & Noble.com does not and will not violate the rights of any third party. Please follow the rules below to help ensure that your review can be posted.

Reviews by Our Customers Under the Age of 13

We highly value and respect everyone's opinion concerning the titles we offer. However, we cannot allow persons under the age of 13 to have accounts at BN.com or to post customer reviews. Please see our Terms of Use for more details.

What to exclude from your review:

Please do not write about reviews, commentary, or information posted on the product page. If you see any errors in the information on the product page, please send us an email.

Reviews should not contain any of the following:

  • - HTML tags, profanity, obscenities, vulgarities, or comments that defame anyone
  • - Time-sensitive information such as tour dates, signings, lectures, etc.
  • - Single-word reviews. Other people will read your review to discover why you liked or didn't like the title. Be descriptive.
  • - Comments focusing on the author or that may ruin the ending for others
  • - Phone numbers, addresses, URLs
  • - Pricing and availability information or alternative ordering information
  • - Advertisements or commercial solicitation

Reminder:

  • - By submitting a review, you grant to Barnes & Noble.com and its sublicensees the royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable right and license to use the review in accordance with the Barnes & Noble.com Terms of Use.
  • - Barnes & Noble.com reserves the right not to post any review -- particularly those that do not follow the terms and conditions of these Rules. Barnes & Noble.com also reserves the right to remove any review at any time without notice.
  • - See Terms of Use for other conditions and disclaimers.
Search for Products You'd Like to Recommend

Recommend other products that relate to your review. Just search for them below and share!

Create a Pen Name

Your Pen Name is your unique identity on BN.com. It will appear on the reviews you write and other website activities. Your Pen Name cannot be edited, changed or deleted once submitted.

 
Your Pen Name can be any combination of alphanumeric characters (plus - and _), and must be at least two characters long.

Continue Anonymously
Sort by: Showing all of 15 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 20, 2003

    LOVED IT!

    I spent my entire vacation reading just this book! It was so hilarious and I loved it to death. I can't wait to see if she comes out with more books! GREAT JOB ON YOUR FIRST BOOK!!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 13, 2003

    What a wonderful woman!!!

    This ia an absolutely wonderful book! I loved everything about it. I'm not too fond of celebrities, but Patricia Heaton seems so down to earth! God Bless Her!!!!!! I hope she finds time to write another book. I really enjoyed this

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 31, 2002

    Most Enjoyable Autobiography of the Year!!

    I found myself laughing out loud frequently while reading this book. I enjoyed her frankness, sarcasm and honesty about life. Her onscreen character doesn't hold a candle to her sense of comedy about everyday things. I particularly enjoyed her comments about motherhood and men. Also I couldn't wait to see what other loving names she came up with for her British husband. A must read!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 29, 2002

    A Nice Lady

    Patricia seems like a nice lady -- a decent and caring person. But I found the book sort of lightweight. There wasn't much depth in it, especially when she writes about religion. There's something missing in her conversion story -- a missing link. Bottom line -- if you want a light book to read in one sitting, definitely get this book. If you want a more fulfilling read, go elsewhere. Patricia is a lovely woman, though, and she's awfully good on RAYMOND.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 16, 2002

    Absolutely entertaining book!

    This book is extremely entertaining. I applaud Patricia Heaton, for not only being a fabulous writer, but for her honesty, humor, and class. I recommend it highly. A real uplifting story with much honesty. One of the best books i've read !

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 14, 2002

    She's so dang real!

    She's real, refreshing, and solid-- whatever that means. ;0) An encouraging book for all struggling actors. Go New York, Go artists, Go humans with dreams. Go for it...

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 5, 2002

    The Best Book I Have Ever Read!!

    This book was amazing, I couldn't put it down. It was funny and gave me lots of hope for what lies ahead for me. Being a 17 year old who is moving to L.A. to get in the biz. Patricia's story was truely insperational. She's also amazing on her sitcom. I hope I make it big like her with a few less bumps!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 3, 2002

    BRILLIANTLY WRITTEN; A MUST READ!

    I love the book. A MUST READ! Patricia Heaton has an amazing storytelling ability, she made me laugh so hard my side hurt. I couldn't put the book down. Her view of life is a breath of fresh air! I applaud her honesty. I can't wait to read her second book!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 3, 2002

    A REAL GUTSY BOOK

    ENJOYED THE BOOK IMMENSELY AND HAVE COME AWAY WITH THE COURAGE THIS LADY HAS TO WRITE IT AS SHE WORKS IN LIBERAL AND GODLESS HOLLYWOOD

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 8, 2003

    she had a great life

    love this lady.and her story grat . what a lllllllllife..well it grat ..

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted September 14, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted February 27, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted October 27, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted December 21, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted March 8, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

Sort by: Showing all of 15 Customer Reviews

If you find inappropriate content, please report it to Barnes & Noble
Why is this product inappropriate?
Comments (optional)