Mr. Ed: Dead: And Other Obituaries of the Most Famous People Who Never Lived

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Overview

"We Regret To Announce The Following Passings:"

Flying Nun Violates DC Airspace, Shot Down

Betty Crocker Dead at 88; Rich But No Longer Moist

Little Engine Could; Brakes Could Not

Mr. Ripley, talented at social climbing; not so talented at mountain climbing

Twinkling Little Star Explodes in Supernova; Scientists No Longer Wonder What It Is

Inigo Montoya, 50, unprepared to die

...

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More About This Book

Overview

"We Regret To Announce The Following Passings:"

Flying Nun Violates DC Airspace, Shot Down

Betty Crocker Dead at 88; Rich But No Longer Moist

Little Engine Could; Brakes Could Not

Mr. Ripley, talented at social climbing; not so talented at mountain climbing

Twinkling Little Star Explodes in Supernova; Scientists No Longer Wonder What It Is

Inigo Montoya, 50, unprepared to die

Intestinal Blockage Claims Life of Dagwood Bumstead, 51

A Bottle of Red, A Bottle of White & A Sad Tragedy on Long Island

And Unfortunately, More Announcements To Be Found When You Kindly Turn To The Inside Pages.

Every day, the obituaries are the first section millions of newspaper readers turn to, especially eager for the tributes to the rich, famous, powerful—and dead. The problem is, you never hear what happened to some of our favorite (and not so favorite) fictional pop culture icons.

Mr. Ed: Dead gives everyone from Barney the Dinosaur to Betty Crocker, the AFLAC Duck, Wilbur the Pig, Little Orphan Annie, Cinderella, the Pillsbury Doughboy, and dozens of others the one thing they've never had; a proper send-off. Did Dick and Jane mature to productive adulthood, or succumb to the mire of adolescent angst? Does the ever lovable Barney escape the prospect of extinction? Where is Waldo? (Really. We should have heard from him by now).

Editorial Reviews

Beyond Madison Avenue
If you're looking for a witty and interesting read in an effort to escape today's way-too serious news, pick up a copy. Laughter is, after all, the best medicine.

— Jeff Louis

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781402237447
  • Publisher: Sourcebooks, Incorporated
  • Publication date: 5/1/2010
  • Pages: 192
  • Sales rank: 720,761
  • Product dimensions: 6.40 (w) x 8.02 (h) x 0.49 (d)

Meet the Author

Barry Nelson spent 18 years in commercial radio as a host and producer, and he has written for NPR's Cartalk. He lives in Foxborough, Massachusetts.

Tom Schecker performs standup comedy throughout the New York and Philadelphia areas. Schecker lives in New York, and has red hair.

Read an Excerpt

VARIETY AUGUST 8, 1973
MR. ED: DEAD
HOLLYWOOD, Calif. - Palomino gelding TV star and talking horse, Mr. Ed, has died. He was 34. Ed, born Bamboo Harvester in Greensboro, KY, was the longtime companion of architect Wilbur Post. Post designed and built special stable in his home, where Mr.Ed stayed for much of the 1960s.

Ed's television career ended in 1966. A modeling career followed, primarily as a unicorn in posters marketed to preteen girls. In 1967, he appeared in the classic spaghetti Western I Crudeli (The Hellbenders). Known for his wry sense of humor, Mr. Ed inked a deal to appear with Charles Bronson in Chino.

During a delay in shooting of the Western, the talking horse accepted an offer he couldn't refuse from Francis Ford Coppola to do a cameo role in The Godfather. Mr. Ed did not read the fine print in the contract, which specified that only his head would appear in the film, or else he likely would not have agreed to the scene that lead to his death. Sadly, a chemical error in the film-processing lab destroyed Mr. Ed's scenes. Coppola did reshot the scenes with 1950s movie idol Black Beauty.

TRAGIC MURDER-SUICIDE AT GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE
Dick, Jane & Spot Dead
SAN FRANCISCO
(San Francisco Chronicle) -
Dick said, "Jump, Jane, jump!"
Jane jumped.
Dick said, "Jump, Spot!"
Spot said, "Bark! Bark!"
Spot jumped.
Dick was sad.
"Oh, oh, oh. What have I done?"
Dick jumped, too.
The policeman said: "This is not fun. No, no, no. Mother, Father, Tim, and Puff will be sad."

JOE CAMEL, 92 TOBACCO FIRM MOURNS LOSS OF DROMEDARY-ABOUT-TOWN
RALEIGH, N.C. (AP) - Joe Camel died at Philip Morris Medical Center yesterday. "We're flummoxed-Joe was in terrific shape. I just saw him at the RJR Smoking Lounge yesterday," said a R. J. Reynolds spokesman.

Rumors that the icon had been suffering from emphysema, pulmonary edema, heart disease, and cancerous lesions on the hump for 10 years were, according to the spokesman, "A pack of lies-he was a robust 92 and probably had another 20 years in him."

Camel retired from his position representing the merits of youthful tobacco addiction in 1997 and went into hiding after consumer groups threatened his life. He surfaced in Asia, performing philanthropic pursuits consisting chiefly of handing out free bundles of cigarettes to children in Vietnam, Laos, and Thailand.

Camel will be cremated after being treated with a thousand toxic chemicals and rolled in thin, fast-combusting paper

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  • Posted July 2, 2010

    more from this reviewer

    Hysterical!

    Honesty in reviews is a must. Trying to be elegant with words is also right up there in the top two. With this book review, honesty will stay intact. However, "class" may go right out the window. Why? Because.every page of this book was so funny readers will, literally, wet their pants!

    These two writers have done an absolutely superb job of putting together a book that will make you laugh so hard that crying will be your next step. You will look at your moping child - upset because her cell phone has no money left on it; your loud dog, who is barking continuously at the neighbors who refuse to shut up and go to bed; and, everyone else in your life who's making you crazy, and tell them all to get away from you immediately because you HAVE to read every word of this book. I will not do damage to the authors and give away everything. But, oh, yeah, I have to tell you just an itty-bitty background on some of these fantastic obits.

    From Mr. Ed being offered a cameo in The Godfather, but not noticing that only his head is called for in the scene; to the Hamburger Helper Hand teaming up with the Alka Seltzer Boy to stifle the giggle of the Poppin' Fresh guy once and for all - every page explodes with creativity and imagination. Will Betty Crocker not be able to "rise?" Will the Bionic couple have to be sold for parts? Will Snap, Crackle & Pop be entombed in marshmallow? These are questions that are answered for you so you'll never have to worry about your much beloved characters again.

    Fat Albert has a whole obit for himself about all the things he accomplished while alive; one of the funniest facts was that he won the Biggest Loser Lifetime Achievement Award. The Grinch went out in a "rhyming" manner that you will read again and again; Lassie may finally give up on that moron-boy Timmie who keeps getting himself in trouble; and, a local man eating dots will be taken out by a colorful ghost, leaving Mrs. PacMan hopeless and alone.

    The Flying Nun will absolutely leave you in stitches, and knowing that Jack was not as nimble as everyone thought while he jumped over his candlesticks, will make readers laugh until they cry. Not to mention.what happened to ROY G. BIV is something every person who ever went to grade school should read; and, the letter from Helen of Troy should be copied, given out to all your friends, and framed. Yup.I could go on and on. But, I won't, because every person on planet Earth should be running out to get this one for their personal libraries.

    Commendations go out to these authors. In the Dedication, one of the writers - Barry - comments that his wife's name is Amy and shares the same sense of humor as he does. Again, not surprised.we Amy's KNOW funny!

    Quill Says: What Dean Koontz is to the world of paranormal horror and mayhem, these two authors - Nelson and Schecker - are to the world of humor. In fact, this reviewer wants to hire them to write her own obit. Let's see.how will I end...

    Was this review helpful? Yes  NoThank you for your feedback.   Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
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