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My name is A.J. and I hate school.
Man, I wish I was a grown-up. Grown-ups are so lucky. They don't have to go to school.
If I was a grown-up, you know which grown-up I would be? I would be the president of the United States. And you know what I would do if I was president of the United States? I would close all the schools. Then kids wouldn't have to go anymore. That's what I would do.
But until I become president, I guess I'll have to keep going to school. Bummer in the summer!
It was Crazy Pet Day at Ella Mentry School, so kids who had crazy pets brought them in to show the class. My friend Ryan brought in his hermit crab. This girl named Annette brought in her bird (which, if you ask me, isn't crazy at all). I don't have a crazy pet. I just have a dog, which isn't crazy at all. I wish I had a penguin. Penguins are cool. But my parents won't get me one because they live in Antarctica. Penguins, that is. Not my parents. My parents live at home with me.
"Eeeeeeek!" screamed this girl Emily, who cries over everything. "A rat!"
It wasn't a rat. It was a pet ferret that belonged to Neil Crouch (who we call Neil the nude kid even though he wears clothes). But it did look a little bit like a rat. A long rat.
"What's your ferret's name?" I asked Neil the nude kid as I looked in his cage. (The ferret's cage, that is. Not Neil's. He doesn't live in a cage. He lives in a house with his parents.)
"His name is Mr. Wiggles."
Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap clapped our teacher Miss Daisy. That's hersignal that we have to stop talking.
"We'll learn all about your crazy pets later," Miss Daisy told us. "But first, I have big news!"
"Miss Daisy said she has a big nose," I whispered to my friend Michael. He cracked up.
"Do you have something you'd like to share with the rest of us, A.J.?" asked Miss Daisy.
"The big news is that Presidents' Day is coming up next week," said Miss Daisy.
"What's Presidents' Day?" somebody asked.
"I have no idea," said Miss Daisy, who doesn't know anything. "Maybe one of you kids can tell the class what makes Presidents' Day special?"
I raised my hand. So did Andrea Young, this really annoying girl with curly brown hair. She was waving her hand in the air, like always. Andrea thinks she knows everything. But Miss Daisy called on me instead. So nah-nah-nah boo-boo on Andrea.
"Presidents' Day is special because we get the day off from school," I said. "Any time we get a day off from school, it's special."
Everybody laughed, even though I didn't say anything funny.
"Gee, I'm not sure that's right, A.J.," said Miss Daisy. "Can anyone else tell us what makes Presidents' Day special?"
Andrea and Emily were waving their hands in the air and moaning, "Oooooh!" like they were dying. They are so annoying. But Miss Daisy called on Michael, who never ties his shoes.
"Presidents' Day is special because that's the day big-screen TVs go on sale," said Michael. "My dad is gonna buy one. A really big one."
"Big-screen TVs are cool," I told Michael. The only thing better than watching TV is watching a big-screen TV.
"Hey," Ryan whispered to Michael, "can me and A.J. come over to your house and watch your big-screen TV?"
"You should get a screen so big that it's bigger than your house," I suggested.
"That's impossible," said Michael. "It wouldn't fit in the house."
"Who needs a house?" I said. "You could just live inside the TV!"
I'm always coming up with genius ideas like that. That's why I'm in the gifted and talented program.
"Enough chitchat," said Miss Daisy. "I'm still waiting for somebody to tell me why Presidents' Day is special."
Nobody else raised their hand, so Miss Daisy called on Miss Smarty Pants I-Know-More-Than-You-Do. Why can't a bunch of presidents fall on her head?
"Presidents' Day is the day we honor—"
Andrea never got the chance to finish her sentence because at that very moment, the most amazing thing in the history of the world happened.
I'm not going to tell you what it was.
Okay, okay, I'll tell you. But you have to read the next chapter. So nah-nah-nah boo-boo on you!My Weird School #15: Mr. Macky Is Wacky!. Copyright © by Dan Gutman. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.