My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me: And Other Stories I Shouldn't Share with Acquaintances, Coworkers, Taxi drivers, Assistants, Job Interviewers, Bikini Waxers, and Ex/Current/Future Boyfriends but Have

My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me: And Other Stories I Shouldn't Share with Acquaintances, Coworkers, Taxi drivers, Assistants, Job Interviewers, Bikini Waxers, and Ex/Current/Future Boyfriends but Have

3.8 175
by Hilary Winston
     
 

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TV writer Hilary Winston offers up a witty collection of autobiographical tales about her misadventures in dating.
Just when Hilary feels like her life is finally in order, she gets a sucker-punch to the gut: Her ex has written a novel based on their relationship in which he refers to her throughout as the “fat-assed girlfriend.” Her response to…  See more details below

Overview

TV writer Hilary Winston offers up a witty collection of autobiographical tales about her misadventures in dating.
Just when Hilary feels like her life is finally in order, she gets a sucker-punch to the gut: Her ex has written a novel based on their relationship in which he refers to her throughout as the “fat-assed girlfriend.” Her response to this affront is just one of the many hilarious stories in My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me-a laugh-out-loud, tell-all in which Hilary sets the record straight for all her exes.

Editorial Reviews

Hilary Winston is one of those talented writers whose names we don't know, but who is responsible for sitcom shows that we just can't miss. Currently, she is a writer/producer of the NBC cult hit Community; her previous credits include work on the Emmy Award-winning show My Name is Earl. Winston's book debut, however, manifests not one ounce of vanity. As its subtitle suggests, My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me collects hilarious stories about her dating—and non-dating disasters. Five star fun.

From the Publisher
"Winston's memoir is funny, sensitive, and in the end accomplishes what her ex-boyfriend's novel never could--brazenly tell a story of their relationship destined for the nonfiction shelves." --Booklist
 
“The stories--snappy, sparse, and conversational--are no-holds barred.”--Women's Wear Daily
 
“A heartfelt and hilarious look at single life in L.A.”--Hollywood Reporter
 
“An unflinchingly honest tome that is so insightful and funny.”--New York Post
 
“Perhaps it's not a typical tale. But then again, nothing is usual in the life of Hilary Winston as she hilariously chronicles in her [book]. . . . Winston bares it all with comedic flair, from seeing just what her ex-boyfriend thought of their five years together (in a nationally distributed novel, no less) to all the not-so-glorious relationships that came before and after.”--Metro New York
 
“Winston's story is emotionally revealing, easy to relate to, and always hilarious.”--Back Stage
 
“With self-deprecating schadenfreude, Community writer Hilary Winston sets her relationship story straight.”--More magazine
 
“A laugh-out-loud, tell-all in which Hilary sets the record straight for all her exes.”--WPIX 11 Morning News
 
“Winston's guiding philosophy appears to be: If it's too embarrassing to talk about, publish it. Her brutal, naked honesty is what anchors the book and makes it both so moving and so entertaining.”--Slate.com

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Product Details

ISBN-13:
9781402779794
Publisher:
Sterling
Publication date:
05/03/2011
Pages:
240
Product dimensions:
5.80(w) x 8.40(h) x 1.00(d)

Read an Excerpt


A small group of my friends decided to have a birthday dinner at a trendy Hollywood Restaurant, Memphis, for my beautiful and much-skinnier-than-me friend, Kara. The restaurant looked like an old Southern mansion, complete with country fried chicken, okra, and a valet (a mixed message). It was mostly girls in attendance and one guy, who was just trying to bed the birthday girl. I was having fun. We were eating food that was bad for us and drinking more than the waitress and we knew we should. We snuck off to have slim men¬thol cigarettes on the porch. It was a perfect night. And there was a special attraction: a tarot card reader. What a perfect surprise.
We drew numbers to decide the order we'd go in to get our for¬tunes read. A new girl to the group went first. She had recently met her boyfriend and wanted to know all about him and their future together. She was gone for quite a while.
The new girl came back, thrilled. "The psychic says I'm going to marry my boyfriend!"
Everyone squealed. It seemed she and her new boyfriend were going to get married and have lots of babies. The next girl went and came back with a similar story. Exciting love connections were on the horizon, and even career opportunities. The birthday girl was told she was about to enter the best career year of her life. Everyone was praising our friend who hired the psychic. "Brilliant!" "The best idea ever!" "Can we get her for our Christmas party?!" I was next in line, which was good, because I could hardly wait. I went to a corner of the dark burgundy bar filled with aspiring producers having meet¬ings with aspiring actors and took a seat. She greeted me. She was younger and prettier than I thought she would be. Weren't they sup¬posed to have warts on their noses, or is that witches? Oh, and she was French.
The Psychic began. "What do you want to know?"
I didn't hesitate. "Will I ever get married?"
She spread the tarot cards neatly in front of her on the table that's wobbling had been adjusted with a stack of Splenda packets. She then turned over the kicker. The card had a picture of a guy in a black cloak holding a giant dagger. Now to the layman, this might look terrible, but I thought that bad images might actually be good in the tarot world. Things aren't exactly what they seem, right?
The Psychic made some barely audible noises, and then said, "Hmm. That's not good."
I don't know much about being a psychic but one does expect a certain bedside manner. It's like when you try on a dress in Europe and they say, "It is too . . . how do you say tight in the stomach." Yeah, that's how you say it . . .
The psychic swept up all the cards. She was going to do it again. This time she told me that I had to think about "not the recent fu¬ture" but more about the "future future." I should focus on love in the next year or so. I concentrated to the best of my ability; we were in a loud, popular bar. She flipped the cards over, and once again the final card showed a guy in a black cloak (popular dude in the Tarot world) in front of a church in a rainstorm being chased by dogs or something like that. (Don't hold me to what these cards exactly looked like. Whatever they were, they were bad.) The psychic's face squished up like I just shit on the table. She began to make noises like old men do where they are trying to cough something up. She then turned from her inner thoughts to me. She demanded to know if I was focusing on love in the coming year. I was a bit scared at this point. I felt like I was in third grade again and being yelled at by Miss Runte for not making plump loops on my "s." I promised her I would focus.
Trying desperately to focus, I said, "Yes, I promise. I swear on my mother's cancer. Did I mention my mother has cancer?"
No luck. She kept taking big deep sighs and rubbing her tem¬ples. I was giving her a headache. She picked all the cards up, shuffled them once again, and then gathered herself.
"Okay, I have a plan. Just focus on love in the whole span of your life. Not now or in the next year but just ever."
Now I was really nervous. Already, I'd sweated through my cute green dress. This had turned from a light fun party to a labor camp. I swear to God it looked like she crossed herself and then dealt the tarot cards again. As she turned over the last card we both held our breath. The card was . . . a guy stabbing himself in the eyes with sticks. Or at least that's what it looked like to me, but I'm not a professional. She slammed her hands down on the table.
The Psychic yelled loud enough for others in the bar to turn and look, "Hilary! Hilary! Hilary!"
She leaned on her forehead and then shook her head back and forth. "What happened to you?"
I had no idea what she was talking about. "When?"
I shrugged. She was furious. "You don't believe in love!"
I'm taken aback. "What?"
The Psychic continued. "You don't believe in love? How could you not believe in love?"
I tried to defuse her anger. "Is there anything about my career in there?"
But the Psychic had laser focus. "Why don't you believe in love?"
As I looked around for my friends, for help of some kind, I said something like, "I thought I did. How do you believe in it? It exists, I know. I've seen movies about it."
I didn't know what to say. Was I supposed to tell her that I had my heart broken, not even into pieces but mashed to a pulp? That my first love slept with my best friend in his backyard trailer? That on some level, I believe I am profoundly unlovable? I didn't know what to say. She wanted me out of her sight.
I crumpled, "I'm sorry."
She said no, she was sorry. She asked for a minute before I sent the next person. She told me I needed to believe in love before anyone could help me. She gave me an audiotape of our session and asked if she could add me to her mailing list. I wanted to cry, not be added to her mailing list.
Why couldn't she have just lied? "A guy stabbing himself in the eyes with sticks is a good thing. It means you are going to fuck a twen¬ty-three-year-old waiter and win the lottery." I was so depressed. I couldn't tell the room full of eager girls what just happened. I walked in and told them I was going to have a bunch of kids and then sadly ate a piece of cornbread or four. It was raining outside when we left and there was a cloaked man who took my valet ticket, like he knew.

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Meet the Author

Hilary Winston is currently working as a writer and producer of the critically acclaimed comedy Community and was one of the writers for the Emmy®-award-winning show My Name is Earl. She began her writing career by getting people coffee at various places like National Public Radio and Hollywood Squares. She can now proudly say someone else gets her coffee. Unfortunately, she doesn’t like coffee. Winston lives in Los Angeles.
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My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me 3.8 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 175 reviews.
BekahSC More than 1 year ago
The ultimate test of whether a book is truly funny is whether it will make me unexpectedly burst out laughing while riding public transportation. Any sudden outburst of uncontrollable laughter is automatically classified as "crazy," and other riders will start to give you as wide a berth as possible given the confines of a packed bus. But I couldn't help myself. When she wrote about the Texas Titty Twister, I laughed. When she wrote about staying in to apply Pro-Activ to her cat's chin acne, I laughed. And when she asked a guy if he liked her "boobies," I laughed so hard I snorted. Oh, and if anyone is curious about the book her boyfriend wrote about her, it's Chad Kultgen's Average American Male.
bookholiday More than 1 year ago
An exceptional book- hard to put down. Enjoyed it
Dr_Wilson_Trivino More than 1 year ago
Break ups are hard and can be painful. Not only by feeling rejected but by replaying all the scenarios as to what cause the break up, especially if you were dumped. What can be worse than a break up, but reading about it at your local Barnes and Nobles. That is exactly that happen to Hilary Winston. In her cute and funny book My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me: and Other Stories I Shouldn't Share with Acquaintances, Coworkers, Taxi Drivers, Assistants, Job Interviewers, Bikini Waxers, and Ex/Current/ Future Boyfriends But Have she chronicles her life post break up. Her love, Kyle was the perfect match, they enjoyed witty humor, the Olive Garden, and baths. In solidarity I read most of this book in a bath. So she picked up this novel by Kyle and began to read about their life together that was thinly veiled in fiction. Winston reaches back to her coming of age and learning about sex. Here few sexual escapes and how she finally settled into what she thought was her life love. Unfortunately he did not see it that way. All the while she tended to her cats, endless baths, and her enjoyment of naps. She is a writer in Los Angeles and hopefully her hilarious dialogue in the book makes it to the shows she is working on. In the end, you feel for Hilary and are appreciative of her for sharing an open vulnerable dialogue of the complexity of single life.
lisa barone More than 1 year ago
Loved this book. It is different and absolutley hysterical. Winston is witty, clever and cute. Hope she writes more!!! Thoroughly enjoyed and would recommend if you are looking for fun read.
Got2bTheRedhead More than 1 year ago
I haven't laughed so much in a long time. I LOVED this book. A little crass at times (just a forewarning) but I think most any girl, single or married can relate to some of Hilary's stories. We've all thought, 'This kind of thing only happens to me'. Well Hilary proves with her candid humor that it just isn't so. Despite the ex's betrayal in the form of so-called fiction, she tells all without coming across as bitter. I read this in one day because it kept me laughing! I've already bought another copy to share with my girlfriends.
Myaa More than 1 year ago
I am only half way through the book but so far it is hilarious. I like her honesty, intelligence and the fact that she is mildly inappropriate. I hope to never have that many gay ex-boyfriends. Great read.
AVIDREADER30 More than 1 year ago
This is such a funny book. The stories are real and raw and often hysterically mortifying. We've all been there. I started skimming it and then could not put it down. I can't remember the last time I laughed out loud so much while reading.
Debra Bernstein More than 1 year ago
This book was constantly entertaining. A must read for anyone, especially those fluent in sarcasm!
Evangeline_Han More than 1 year ago
This book should have a too much info warning in its beginning. Winston did not spare blushes in this candidly written book about her boyfriends. If I were any of her boyfriends, I would be squirming in my seat. Winston pokes fun at all the heartbreaking and hilarious relationships she has been in. She describes her ex-boyfriends in telling details. More often than not, they are placed in a negative light and it seemed as if she thought that there could be no perfection in her any of her exes. It was a relief to read her self-examination at the end of her book. She keeps herself grounded by admitting that she has character weaknesses too. The more pages I turned in the book, the more I wondered if Winston had used hyperbole. Characters in the book frequently had dramatic reactions to incidents. Either they were very colorful people or their reactions were exaggerated. This book is a collection of very personal of stories. Right from page 1, Winston practiced the no holds barred attitude. I was amazed at the way she doesn't shy from being brutally honest when narrating her stories. It takes plenty of guts to publish such an intimate, telling book. The ending of the book leaves something to be desired. Winston still hasn't fully gotten over her relationship with Kyle. Perhaps, there is a sequel in works? If there is a sequel, I will definitely want to read it. The thing I enjoyed most is Winston's writing style. She writes in a casual and humorous style. She is frank and expresses her emotions well in the book. My Boyfriend Wrote A Book About Me was a hilarious collection of stories about the ups and downs of Winston's relationship life. Its openness left me a little uncomfortable sometimes, but hey, this book is about real incidents in a real person's life. As for who "Kyle" is, read this book and then do a spot of Googling!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I received this book as part of a goody bag from an event I attended. I thought "a free book, whatever." I decided one night as it sat on my nightstand, to start looking at it. I went right to the middle (this is not a chapter book that you must read in order) and laughed out loud. I wanted to save this book for vacation but from that point on could not put it down. Hilary Winston is an every girl's girl. She gets us because she is us. Her heartbreak and the awkwardness of coming-of-age are simply hilarious. We are not alone! :)
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
A must read!!! It made me laugh and also realize that I don't NEED any man. I've been in a relationship for 5 years now (also with a kyle) and even though I love him, if that ever fades or we fall out of love I'll survive! The ending totally made me cry!! Its a great comedy book and she is easy to relate to!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I read the book her ex wrote... ouch. But hers was funny short clips of guys from her whole life & it was a funny & relateable quick read. Not my favorite ever, but gave you a few laughs and had me nodding my head along in sympathy. So check it out.
Rachel Webster More than 1 year ago
One of the funniest books ive ever read
pooky53 More than 1 year ago
I finished this book in a few hours. Easy, quick, light, funny book!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
The book starts with Hilary Winston standing in a Barnes & Noble in a panic, flipping through the book her ex-boyfriend has written about her. His book is a non-fiction book that he is trying to pass off as fiction, but it's all too real to Hilary. She wonders where she went wrong in her dating life to put her here and takes us on a trip down her memory lane. She recounts for us all her past relationships and what went wrong with them. Along the way we also learn about her disappointed family, her broken vagina, and her cats. The stories are all of the kind that you just can't make up, the kind your girlfriends make you tell over and over, but aren't 100% sure they believe. They are full of those little tiny details that are so funny that they make you laugh about an otherwise bad situation. Because these stories are true, she often leaves out names. I find myself wanting to know who is the movie star she saw naked, who she was working for when she was being sexually harrassed, and what is the name of the book written by her ex? In short, I want more.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Still one of my favorites
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BEST BOOK I EVER READ!!!!!!!!! Amazing but made me cry so many times !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"""!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#!!!##!!!!!!!!!!#$"" # FUNNY AND DEPRESSING AT THE SAME TIME ;) :)
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I expected this book to be funny .. to have a feel good ending at the very least and was extremely disappointing to find it was more depressing that it should've been.. instead of feeling good I feel terrible.
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