My Lie: A True Story of False Memory

Measured and Compelling

I can't remember the last time I stayed up far too late into the night for a book of non-fiction, but My Lie had me doing just that. From the title, I expected an intimate tell-all memoir, and I did get that. But I found it a surprisingly - and refreshingly - measured and balanced one. Part of what made this revelatory story so compelling was the mix of personal story with societal examination. Yes, there are children who were abused. But there are also families that were torn apart by 'memories" that never actually happened. Meredith Maran's intimate telling of her own personal story, mixed with considerable discussion of the science of the brain and press clips from sources including Time Magazine, The New York Times, and The Washington Post, puts the issue of "recovered memory" into a context that made me think, and want to know that which isn't, unfortunately, always knowable.

1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

Excellent book about a difficult subject

I tried to find this book in the library system in Massachusetts. It was not available. And so I bought it, received it promply and then read it in one sitting. Meredith Maran writes with honesty and compassion and a great deal of intelligence. Her research is extremely well done. She mentions The Courage to Heal by Bass and Davis and I suppose their advocates will not like that too much. She used their book to find memories of her childhood abuse by her father. She eventually decided that he did not abuse her and she was just another victim of the sexual abuse hysteria that is still going on. One of the most poignant legacies of her accusing her father of sexual abuse was her brother and his daughter. He was afraid to hug and get close to his daugher because of her accusation against their father. I think that problem is still with us. An accusation of sexual abuse is not a small thing. It looms large in the fabric of a family. And the hurt and horror go on and on. I pity a man who is falsely accused of sexually abusing his daughter. He is put into a hell not of his own making. And the way out depends on his daughter facing up to her mistake and trying to make it better. Meredith Maran has done this with her book. She is to be commended for facing her mistake honestly and rectifying it in the best way she can. And her father is pleased with her and that is a good outcome. He is a generous father. He knew we cannot undo our mistakes, but can only fix them the best we can. She did it with this book.

1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

Terrible book

I would not recommend this book. It appears she never had any specific memories like many abuse survivors. The book attacks the idea of recovered memory, yet there is a lot of research that backs up the idea and veracity of recovered memory. -- A brief on the Shanley case with information on memory can be found by searching for "BRIEF OF THE LEADERSHIP COUNCIL AS AMICUS CURIAE Shanleybrief" states "That the brain can avoid conscious recall of traumatic information has long been recognized by the American Psychiatric Association and the professional mental health community."

1 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

A Nuanced and Detailed Account

I enjoyed the narrative, confessional style of the writing. It was not written in a "sensational" way to leverage on "shock value," just with a flow of honesty and precision with analyzing the events of this "true story of false memory" (as the subtitle states).

I thoroughly enjoyed the journalistic touch to the book, such as the media clippings in between the main text, and the fierce investigation for the facts (justified according to the criteria of the time being perpetuated as the truth, such as having symbolic dreams) behind the author's beliefs for having repressed memories. This eventually culminates in an admission on the author's part that she had perpetrated a devastating injustice upon her own family, as a result of this modern-day episode of mass hysteria.

As I wrote in a comment on one of the reviews on Amazon, I do not think that Ms. Maran is speaking for people who have had genuine, recovered memories of abuse. This does not mean she does not care for these people, or discounts their memories entirely. The book is an account of [HER] LIE--a story of false memories, and believing that one was a victim of childhood sexual abuse, when in actual fact, one wasn't. She is sharing her experience, and people who went through this same "brainwashing"/"Planet Incest" experience, will be able to identify with her account. Nowhere in the book does she state that "and therefore, this means that those who did experience real sexual abuse, are all liars (because I realized I was falsely convincing myself into believing I'd had repressed memories of unspeakable childhood abuse)."

The two situations are completely different, and should be clearly distinguished in a person's mind, before they accuse the author of being hypocritical towards those who truly did have recovered memories. What about those who, like the author, were subject to this mass hysteria, and led themselves to believe that they had repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse? Those are the people who have been through trauma as well--based on public psyche and the whole "sex-abuse panic."

This book is one account of an individual who came to an eventual realization of the deception, and had the courage and clarity of conscience to take steps to rectify the damage she and her loved ones suffered, as a result of the deception (which was encouraged by psychologists/therapists of the time--such was the fashion, then). And it's a brave, intense, well-written account. It is evident that those who went through a similar experience appreciate this memoir.

"My Lie: A True Story of False Memory"--there couldn't be a more accurate title and subtitle. Best wishes to Ms. Maran.