Naked Pictures of Famous People

Naked Pictures of Famous People

4.0 19
by Jon Stewart
     
 

View All Available Formats & Editions

In these nineteen whip-smart essays, Jon Stewart takes on politics, religion, and celebrity with a seethingly irreverent wit, a brilliantsense of timming, and a palate for the obsurd -- and these one-of-a-kind forays into his hilarious world will expose you to all its wickedly naked truths.

He's the MTV generation's master of modern humor, a star of film, TV, and

Overview

In these nineteen whip-smart essays, Jon Stewart takes on politics, religion, and celebrity with a seethingly irreverent wit, a brilliantsense of timming, and a palate for the obsurd -- and these one-of-a-kind forays into his hilarious world will expose you to all its wickedly naked truths.

He's the MTV generation's master of modern humor, a star of film, TV, and the comedy stage. This sultan of savvy serves up a whip-smart, utterly original collection of comic essays in Naked Pictures of Famous People. And as of January 11, 1999, you can enjoy the intelligence and self-deprecating charm he brings to contemporary comedy on Comedy Central's "The Daily Show."

In his first book, he translates that unique talent to the page, with humorous forays into a vast array of subjects: fashion, urban life, fast cars, cocktail culture, modern Jewishness, politics, and dating.

A seethingly irreverent wit, Stewart has a genius for language and brilliant timing that makes his up-to-the-minute collection a must-have for humor lovers in search of a Woody Allen for the 90s.He's the MTV generation's master of modern humor, a star of film, TV, and the comedy stage. This sultan of savvy serves up a whip-smart, utterly original collection of comic essays in Naked Pictures of Famous People. And as of January 11, 1999, you can enjoy the intelligence and self-deprecating charm he brings to contemporary comedy on Comedy Central's "The Daily Show."

In his first book, he translates that unique talent to the page, with humorous forays into a vast array of subjects: fashion, urban life, fast cars, cocktail culture, modern Jewishness, politics, and dating.

A seethingly irreverent wit, Stewart has a genius for language and brilliant timing that makes his up-to-the-minute collection a must-have for humor lovers in search of a Woody Allen for the 90s.

Editorial Reviews

The Barnes & Noble Review
December 1998

Like the many creative geniuses who frequent the pages of his book — Vincent van Gogh, Lenny Bruce, Martha Stewart, Hanson — Jon Stewart teeters on the divide between the brilliant and the insane. Nowhere has that been clearer than in print. Naked Pictures of Famous People, Stewart's ode to all things random, is an inspired work of enlightened lunacy, and a hilarious one at that. Stewart's comic imagination rears its gnarled head in such pieces as "Adolf Hitler: The Larry King Interview" ("So I'm planning furiously and snapping at people — as my therapist says, 'playing the dictator.' "); "The Last Supper, or The Dead Waiter" ("Jesus spent most of the time asking people whether or not a beard would make him look smarter. There was a bit of a scuffle when Paul liked the idea but Judas thought it was trendy. I say cut the hair. Please. You're not a musician and it's very B.C."); and "Vincent and Theo on AOL" ("VincentVG: Once again, only the blackness that is me can halt the work I am called upon to do. Today was a good day. I am still not able to eat, but stood twice and hope soon to wave to the young nurse who comes frequently to give Messerlich his enemas./TheTodster: Is anyoune her e naughty?/Lever180: u look great ffrom here."). As Naked Pictures of Famous People further confirms, Jon Stewart might well be the defining humorist of his generation. God help the poor bastards.

Entertainment Weekly
"Brutally witty...On a par with Woody Allen's Without Feathers and Steve Martin's Cruel Shoes... Naked Pictures reveals a basic truth that's too often forgotten by the shock-for-shock's-sake satirists of the South Park era: You've got to be smart to be a smart ass."
Austin Chronicle
"Terrific night table reading for lovers of intelligent satire... smart... refreshingly offensive... unapologetically un-PC... a gift for just about anyone."
Elle
Laugh-out-loud hilarious.
Bruce Fretts
Naked Pictures reveals a basic truth that's too often forgotten by the shock-for-shock's-sake satirists of the South Park era: You've got to be smart to be a smartass. --Entertainment Weekly

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780688171629
Publisher:
HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date:
09/28/1999
Pages:
176
Sales rank:
618,270
Product dimensions:
5.50(w) x 8.25(h) x 0.44(d)

Read an Excerpt

A VERY HANSON CHRISTMAS,
1996-1999

December 15, 1996

HEY Y'ALL!

Greetings and happy tidings to all, in this the beautiful season to celebrate the Savior's birth. The tree is up and the Christmas Ham is awaiting my apricot glaze, so once again it's time to check in for our yearly Hanson Family update. A promise from the heart to keep this year's news-letter as brief as possible (I hear you sighing, Uncle Jack! Just kidding, I can't hear you!). It's hard to believe that a year has passed since my last correspondence. Time sure flies when Jesus is flying the plane! It's a crisp afternoon here in Sooner Country. Gary and the boys are off hunting snow rabbits so the girls and I broke out the old Smith-Corona to fill everyone in, Don't worry, Peg, there's a Pumpkin Pie waiting for my men when they return -- hopefully with a fresh kill.

We're awaiting a wonderful Christmas. As is our family tradition, no gifts are exchanged but all the chil-dren will prepare a drawing, poem or play. This year's theme is Genesis. The girls are painting a beautiful mural of God's creation of man, using only the juices of fruit they grew themselves. Isaac and Taylor are preparing a heartwarming skit on the Garden of Eden (Taylor makes a beautifully innocent Eve) and little Zach, well, let's just say shouting "Let there be light" and Clapping the Clapper on and off doesn't show great inspiration. It doesn't matter. We love all our children equally, and still believe greatly in last year's Christmas theme, "Abortion Is Murder."

Some Hanson Highlights: Gary's working on a book about our methods of teaching the children called All I Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, at Home with My Parents; Who Taught Me Better Than Any Government-Run Public School That Denies Prayer Could. The girls once again won the yearly Hanson Home School Science Fair. They de-vised a method for testing the bacterial content of foods using only Litmus Paper, Paper Clips and a homemade Centrifuge. These girls are going places! The boys did well too. They built a mobile depicting the fallacy of ev-olution. As for Zach, well, let's just say sneaking some-thing into our dinner and waiting to see if anyone would eat it and become ill didn't impress these judges. But we love all our children equally and hope one day Zach will tell us what it was, and why I can no longer hold down solid foods.

In Hanson Sports News, it was a very good year. The Hansons played a very strong schedule, going head to head with the only other Home School Team in the area, the Jurgensons. It was great fun.

Oh, before I forget, the boys continue with their little music project. They recently played the Devlin County Pan-Asian Wet and Wild Jamboree for Vietnamese Exiles. I don't want to go into too much detail, in this, the season of good tidings, but the crafty little Asian gentleman who organized the fair tried to cheat the boys out of their $50 performance fee. We nearly came to blows over the mat-ter, but eased off when both parties quoted the same piece of foreboding scripture at the same time. I can't say I con-done the boys' interest in this pursuit of popular music, but as I always say, "Encouragement is next to Charity, which is next to Faith, which is next to Cleanliness... and we all know what that's next to."

Jesus loves you,
Eileen and Gary Hanson and the Hanson Family

P.S. Any donations to the charity to help that poor boy in our neighborhood with the cleft lip would be greatly ap-preciated. We've raised some money, but he still looks odd when he eats in public, which is often. Remember, Charity begins at home, which, as you know, is where we have our school.

December 25,1997

Dear Hanson Super Fan Friends and Family,

Hey everybody! It's that time of year again! And what an amazing year it's been. I apologize for the Fan Club stationery, but it's all I could find. Normally I would just ask Carmen where she put the newsletter paper, but I gave her the day off. Most of her family is somewhere in South America, but bless her heart, she still seemed set on not working the holiday. Although I'm sure you could make a case that that's when I would need her most.

I feel bad about the stationery even though I'll bet none of you care. I'll bet you're just impressed that with all the amazing things happening to our family I still make a point of personally sending out the yearly holiday update. I agree! That is exactly what I told Gary, who was of the mind that if you all really need information, you can visit our official Web site like everybody else. But that's crazy. Being stars doesn't mean we can't take the time to stay in touch with our friends and family. By the way, the unofficial sites are not sanctioned and contain a great deal of fabricated information. I can't stress that enough. Our official site has received over two million hits to date!!

You're probably saying to yourself "Wow, that must be making them a fortune!" You would think!! Although perhaps you are not taking into consideration a poorly negotiated contract that paid a one-time up-front fee and neglected any back end or merchandising considerations.

But you know our Gary. I think when the Lord was passing out business acumen, Gary was downstairs getting good hair. Of course you can't tell that to Gary. I guess he figures his year and a half of technical school and previous work experience selling homemade knickknacks at mall art fairs qualifies him to manage a world-famous band.

A big "I'm sorry" on behalf of Gary, the boys and myself for not being at Ned and IreneÆs annual family reunion picnic. The girls told Carmen it was a hoot. Unfortunately that was the weekend before the Grammys and as you might imagine we were swamped. While the boys were sad to miss Irene's annual mock apple pie, their dinner with Fiona Apple softened the blow. I had heard through the grapevine that Irene was a little bent out of shape. I'm sure that's not true because Irene and Ned are God-fearing people and very aware that envy is a sin.

Ooops! Please excuse the sloppy penmanship. I'm jotting this update from the back of a Limousine the boys bought me for Christmas, and the slick leather interior doesn't offer great stability. Lincoln, my driver, and I have developed a very funny joke where he calls me Miss Daisy and I pretend that's my real name.

Well, enough chatter, I better have Lincoln take me home. The boys and Gary are in Dnsseldorf, but Zach still likes me to spend at least six hours a day in his room, cleaning the shag carpet, strand by strand, with my teeth. Anything for my little angel, because, as I always say, I love all my three boys equally.

It's been a wild year. The Lord sure works in mysterious ways, or as I like to say, "What a long strange trip it's been!"

Jesus loves us,
Eileen, Gary, Zach, Taylor and Isaac
(collectively known as Hanson)

P.S. You can stop sending money for the gimp boy with the Cleft Lip. It turns out we had enough money left over from just one mall show to ship him and his entire family off to Nebraska.

December 28, 1999

To Whom It May Concern,

HO, HO, HO! Zach has Herpes. There. Are you Happy now? You try controlling an eleven-year-old multi-millionaire with a hard-on for strippers. For those of you wondering about last year's newsletter, there wasn't one. If you must know, I was at a retreat in Hazelden, Minnesota, and they didn't allow pens, pencils or any other sharp implements for that matter. It's been quite a ride... quite a... I sit here, alone in my Hotel suite. Pen in one hand, bottle of Glenlivet in the other. A gun at my feet. Darkness all around me...

First of all, to all you Nosy Parkers in the crowd, I did not embezzle money from my family, I don't give a rat's ass what that judge says. I am their manager... co-manager... was their co-manager. I had every right to that money. I gave birth to those boys. What did Gary do? His three minutes of dirty business? Foreplay?! Please. Whispering "The Bible says be Fruitful and Multiply" before ejaculating and passing out isn't foreplay. Seven times I allowed that man to sully me... seven times.

I'm tired ... so very tired. Someone had to have some fiscal responsibility. Christ! Do you know what Taylor and Isaac did on their big "Africa Tour"? Sat in a hotel restaurant ordering Lasagna made from 1,000-dollar bills and White Tiger's Blood. Not all the time, of course. No, sometimes they would lock themselves in their hotel rooms doing what looked and tasted like high-grade Brazilian Heroin. Where was their father, you might ask? Oh I don't know, maybe shacked up in some Backwater Indonesian Fuckee Suckee bar. Maybe it's just me, but I still believe in a thing called Statutory Rape Laws.

You think I'm bitter? You think I'm beaten? You think I might take the pills I have in my hand, wash them down with Scotch and glide off into a world of euphoria where all my pain will cease? HA! No, this old girl has some fight in her yet. Believe it!! I know things. Things that would be worth a lot of money if they got out. And not the usual bullshit, the "Taylor is fucking Naomi Campbell" shit. I could put a lot of people in jail... Think I'm bluffing? Try me... I dare you... I... I miss my angels. I just want to talk to them. To tell them Mommy loves them... to ... tell them... I could fucking kill Gary with my bare hands and not blink. I could stare into his eyes as he begged for my mercy and forgiveness and I could snuff out his life and then go back to my lunch as though nothing happened. I miss them so much. Do they care? Of course not.

Hey, some crude garage mix of the little bastards rehearsing Christmas music just went to No. I on the Holiday Charts. Think Kenny G is choking on his own cock over that one? I believe these tiny ingrates, who I gave life to, could sing into a bag of their own shit and ten million girls whose life ambition is to someday get breast implants would spend their hard-earned abortion money just to cradle it in their arms.

But hey! It was a great run, huh? Better to burn out than fade away! What do I care? I still have more money than any of you will ever have in a lifetime of being paid by the government not to grow corn.

Merry Fucking Christmas,
God is dead,
Eileen Hanson

Meet the Author

Jon Stewart has hosted his own critically acclaimed late-night talk show, starred in his own HBO special, Unleavened, and played himself on the cult hit The Larry Sanders Show Stewart lives in New York City.

Customer Reviews

Average Review:

Write a Review

and post it to your social network

     

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

See all customer reviews >

Naked Pictures of Famous People 4.1 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 19 reviews.
Guest More than 1 year ago
If you are looking to laugh you must buy this book! I have to say it is the funniest out there. You'll drop reading the essays of imaginary happenings of famous people. And if you do enjoy this book you got to catch 'The Daily Show with Jon Stewart' on Comedy Central. Plus: see 'Big Daddy' and 'Playing By Heart'.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book is my most favorite book in the entire world! Buy it and I guarantee you'll like it! (Not a guarantee.)
Guest More than 1 year ago
I always knew jon stewart was funny, but i didn't know that he is such a great writer as well! This book is the funniest i've read in a very long time! My favorite chapter is the one about the Hansons. Get this book!
Guest More than 1 year ago
I thought his observations would be cute and cunning like on the daily show, but the stories were so whacked.....only 2 or 3 of the chapters made any kind of sense
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book is wonderful, it is funny, well-written and just perfect! Jon Stewart did really good writing this book, and I'm glad he is a comedian.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
songcatchers More than 1 year ago
I really enjoyed this collection of short essays by Jon Stewart. I'm not familiar with Jon Stewart's other endeavors so I can't compare the humor in this book to, say, his t.v. stuff. I can say this book was sarcastic, witty, and brought a smile to my face. A couple of my favorites out of this book are: The Last Supper, Or The Dead Waiter, about, well....the supposed Last Supper of Christ. I also really got a kick out of Adolf Hitler: The Larry King Interview. Funny stuff. Another good one is Breakfast At Kennedy's, written from the perspective of a boarding school chum of the teenage John F. Kennedy. The only thing I was left wondering at the end of the book was, where are those naked pictures of famous people?
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Guest More than 1 year ago
Some of the reviewers before me have stated that Jon Stewart should 'stick to the Daily Show stuff'. I do hope that they realize that this book was printed in 1998, a few months before Jon Stewart took over for Craig Kilborn on the date or January 11th, 1999. Anyways back to the book, this was a hilarious book. After watching Mr. Stewart of The Daily Show and reading his book America (which I also recommend by the way), I found that this was fairly enjoyable. It wasn't as screamingly political as America or some of his Daily Show antics, but it was well written and very funny.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I read this book immediately after I read 'America', and was sorely disappointed. Cruder, and a lot less intellegent than his sophomore effort.
Guest More than 1 year ago
What a funny and clever book. 19 chapters on the most random and humorous topics. The best are Martha Stewarts Vagina, The Lost Notebook, and Vincent and Theo on Aol. I recommend this to anyone who likes John Stewart. Most of the time I was wondering how someone could come up with this.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Jon can be funny on his show, but this book goes a little overboard...i wish he stuck more his to Daily Show routine
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book is smart and witty from start to finish. It makes fun of so much others have been afrid to touch. Jon Stewart is a brillient.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Each essay has a very creative wit that you cannot help but laugh at. I recommend that anyone who enjoys comedy to read this one. A few of the essays are kind of absurd, but the story of the last supper is the funniest thing I have ever read.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Aw, I was all set to add this to my favorites list, but I have to say I was a little disappointed. I still think TDS is one of the smartest (and, certainly, funniest) shows on television, but this book...I don't know. Maybe just a little too much abstraction/absurdity for my taste. But that's just me.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book is worth it for the essay on Hanson alone! Very funny. Makes me wish he would write another one.
Guest More than 1 year ago
it's funny. really really funny.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This is by far one of the funniest books ever written. With both slapstick and witty humor, this is a must-read for anyone looking to laugh.