McLaughlin and Kraus spent a combined eight years nannying for wealthy families in New York City. What they witnessed has driven them to write an amusingly cutthroat novel based on their experiences. The main character named Nan, of course is nanny to four-year-old Grayer. Mrs. X, Grayer's mother and Nan's boss, is a snob of the highest order, spending so much time shopping and gossiping that she doesn't have a spare second for her child. Nan, however, is called upon to become Grayer's stand-in mom on countless occasions. Some of these episodes are hilarious, as when Nan has to dress in a full-size Teletubby outfit that matches Grayer's. And some are horribly sad, as when Grayer is ill and his own mother couldn't care less, leaving Nan to stay up all night with the feverish child. Nan has to ferry Grayer to countless lessons, make him meals of steamed organic kale and tofu, and protect him from the wrath of his uncaring parents. Looking through Nan's eyes into the lives of Manhattan's rich is a lot of fun she's biting. Film rights have already been sold to Miramax. Look for this to be a popular title. [Previewed in Prepub Alert, LJ 11/15/01.] Beth Gibbs, Davidson, NC Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information.
Rich parents, neglected brats, an overworked caregiver. First-novelists and former nannies McLaughlin and Kraus get the details right: in acid asides, they limn the decor, trendy therapies, and the pretensions of social-climbing Manhattanites. It's the woebegone children who often suffer, according to the authors' young heroine (her name: Nanny), a child-development major at NYU. Mrs. X, a perfectly groomed Park Avenue princess, hires Nanny to care for four-year-old Grayer, and the girl does her best to comply with a long list of rules. The boy is rarely permitted to play inside the luxurious apartment, eat anything made with refined flour, and so forth. Mrs. X is too busy with committee work and salon treatments (and keeping an eye on her philandering husband) to do much mothering. Though Grayer is a holy terror, Nanny has a way with kids-and a family of her own to give advice when the tot falls ill. Racking cough? High fever? When Mrs. X is away at a spa and has left orders that she's not to be disturbed for any reason, Nanny's mother diagnoses croup. But "tragedy" strikes again: Nanny is hoping for a lavish Christmas present but all she gets is earmuffs. When she isn't microwaving tofu snacks or teaching Grayer the intricacies of the Hokey Pokey, Nanny indulges in daydreams about the Harvard hottie she's been flirting with in the elevator-and participates in obligatory gripe-and-gossip fests with her girlfriends. Should she tell Mrs. X about the black thong panties that Mr. X's bitchy mistress left behind? And how about going with them to Nantucket? There's nothing to buy there except candles and nautical trinkets, and her employers are sure to be at each other's throats. When Nanny quits, she tells off Grayer's indifferent parents at last, having discovered they they've been spying on her through a nannycam concealed in a stuffed bear. Sometimes farcical, largely sincere-and ultimately trivial.
From the Publisher
“Diabolically funny.” The New York Times
“A National Phenomenon.” Newsweek
“[Nanny is] Mary Poppins channeling Dorothy Parker.” Time
“Impossible to put down.” Vogue
“McLaughlin and Kraus... [have a] carefully calibrated sense of compassion and delicious sense of the absurd.” Entertainment Weekly
Read an Excerpt
Every season of my nanny career kicked off with a round of interviews so surreally similar that I'd often wonder if the mothers were slipped a secret manual at the Parents League to guide them through. This initial encounter became as repetitive as religious ritual, tempting me, in the moment before the front door swung open, either to kneel and genuflect or say, "Hit it!"
No other event epitomized the job as perfectly, and it always began and ended in an elevator nicer than most New Yorkers' apartments.
The walnut-paneled car slowly pulls me up, like a bucket in a well, toward potential solvency. As I near the appointed floor I take a deep breath; the door slides open onto a small vestibule which is the portal to, at most, two apartments. I press the doorbell.
Nanny Fact: she always waits for me to ring the doorbell, even though she was buzzed by maximum security downstairs to warn of my imminent arrival and is probably standing on the other side of the door. May, in fact, have been standing there since we spoke on the telephone three days ago.
The dark vestibule, wallpapered in some gloomy Colefax and Fowler floral, always contains a brass umbrella stand, a horse print, and a mirror, wherein I do one last swift check of my appearance. I seem to have grown stains on my skirt during the train ride from school, but otherwise I'm pulled together--twin set, floral skirt, and some Gucci-knockoff sandals I bought in the Village. She is always tiny. Her hair is always straight and thin; she always seems to be inhaling and never exhaling. She is always wearing expensive khaki pants, Chanelballet flats, a French striped Tshirt, and a white cardigan. Possibly some discreet pearls. In seven years and umpteen interviews the I'm-momcasual-in-my-khakis-but-intimidating-in-my-$400-shoes outfit never changes. And it is simply impossible to imagine her doing anything so undignified as what was required to get her pregnant in the first place.
Her eyes go directly to the splot on my skirt. I blush. I haven't even opened my mouth and already I'm behind.
She ushers me into the front hall, an open space with a gleaming marble floor and mushroom-gray walls. In the middle is a round table with a vase of flowers that look as if they might die, but never dare wilt.
This is my first impression of the Apartment and it strikes me like a hotel suite--immaculate, but impersonal. Even the lone finger painting I will later find taped to the fridge looks as if it were ordered from a catalog. (Sub-Zeros with a custom-colored panel aren't magnetized.)
She offers to take my cardigan, stares disdainfully at the hair my cat seems to have rubbed on it for good luck, and offers me a drink.
I'm supposed to say, "Water would be lovely," but am often tempted to ask for a Scotch, just to see what she'd do. I am then invited into the living room, which varies from baronial splendor to Ethan Allen interchangeable, depending on how "old" the money is. She gestures me to the couch, where I promptly sink three feet into the cushions, transformed into a five-year-old dwarfed by mountains of chintz. She looms above me, ramrod straight in a very uncomfortable-looking chair, legs crossed, tight smile.
Now we begin the actual Interview. I awkwardly place my sweating glass of water carefully on a coaster that looks as if it could use a coaster. She is clearly reeling with pleasure at my sheer Caucasianness.
"So," she begins brightly, "how did you come to the Parents League?"
This is the only part of the Interview that resembles a professional exchange. We will dance around certain words, such as "nanny" and "child care," because they would be distasteful and we will never, ever, actually acknowledge that we are talking about my working for her. This is the Holy Covenant of the Mother/Nanny relationship: this is a pleasure--not a job. We are merely "getting to know each other," much as how I imagine a John and a call girl must make the deal, while trying not to kill the mood.
The closest we get to the possibility that I might actually be doing this for money is the topic of my baby-sitting experience, which I describe as a passionate hobby, much like raising Seeing Eye dogs for the blind. As the conversation progresses I become a child-development expert--convincing both of us of my desire to fulfill my very soul by raising a child and taking part in all stages of his/her development; a simple trip to the park or museum becoming a precious journey of the heart. I cite amusing anecdotes from past gigs, referring to the children by name--"I still marvel at the cognitive growth of Constance with each hour we spent together in the sandbox." I feel my eyes twinkle and imagine twirling my umbrella a la Mary Poppins. We both sit in silence for a moment picturing my studio apartment crowded with framed finger paintings and my doctorates from Stanford.
She stares at me expectantly, ready for me to bring it on home. "I love children! I love little hands and little shoes and peanut butter sandwiches and peanut butter in my hair and Elmo--I love Elmo and sand in my purse and the "Hokey Pokey"--can't get enough of it!--and soy milk and blankies and the endless barrage of questions no one knows the answers to, I mean why is the sky blue? And Disney! Disney is my second language!"
We can both hear "A Whole New World" slowly swelling in the background as I earnestly convey that it would be more than a privilege to take care of her child--it would be an adventure.
She is flushed, but still playing it close to the chest. Now she wants to know why, if I'm so fabulous, I would want to take care of her child. I mean, she gave birth to it and she doesn't want to do it, so why would I? Am I trying to pay off an abortion? Fund a leftist group? How did she get this lucky? She wants to know what I study, what I plan to do in the future, what I think of private schools in Manhattan, what my parents do. I answer with as much filigree and insouciance as I can muster, trying to slightly cock my head like Snow White listening to the animals. She, in turn, is aiming for more of a Diane-Sawyer-pose, looking for answers which will confirm that I am not there to steal her husband, jewelry, friends, or child. In that order.
Nanny Fact: in every one of my interviews, references are never checked. I am white. I speak French. My parents are college educated. I have no visible piercings and have been to Lincoln Center in the last two months. I'm hired.
Copyright 2002 by Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus