Natural-Born Soulmates: Follow Your Inner Wisdom to Lasting Love

by Lauren Thibodeau

Overview

Soulmates.

The concept is an ancient one that still captures the imagination, tugging at the deepest core of who we are. Who doesn't want a soulmate—or two or three?

Soulmates nudge us away from the illusion that we're only human and remind us that we're spirits first! They help us become our best selves. They are catalysts, enhancers for our spiritual growth. And we all have more than one.

Soulmates may love us, but they also confuse us, confound us, irritate us, disappoint us—and often bring us indescribable joy and delight in living. Just by being in our lives, reminding us of the power of soul-to-soul connection, soulmates help us transform from humans with occasional spiritual connections to spiritual beings aware of the importance of human connections, human bodies, human lives.

In Natural-Born Soulmates, Dr. Lauren Thibodeau destroys what she calls "the soulmate myth," made famous by the line "you complete me" from the 1996 movie Jerry Maguire. Through a series of simple self assessments she developed, Dr. Lauren Thibodeau then teaches us to access our inner wisdom, to discern what "vibe" we're sending out, and to determine what level of connection we're experiencing in any given soulmate relationship.

There are soulmates out there to whom we can honestly say, "You enhance me," which is exactly what soul-to-soul connections do: make us better than we were before.

This groundbreaking book will help readers to:

• Recognize their soulmates—past, present, and future.
• Attract new soulmates—romantic ones included.
• Improve relationships with existing soulmates.
• Learn from their soulmate relationships so they don't need to repeat the experience.

For anyone ready to find their true soulmate, this powerful book is an important and necessary guide.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781564149282
Publisher:	Red Wheel/Weiser
Publication date:	07/11/2007
Pages:	221
Product dimensions:	8.78(w) x 5.88(h) x 0.48(d)

About the Author

Lauren Thibodeau, Ph.D., NCC, MBA, is a psychic medium and teacher based in New York City, where she consults and trains others to access their inner wisdom. A consciousness researcher and professor in a master's degree program in transpersonal studies, "Dr. Lauren" has been featured in several books and documentaries including Lily Dale, Psychic Investigators, and Village of Spirits. She has presented to groups including corporate executives, health professionals, and police detectives, and also with some of the best-known mediums of our time. Featured on hundreds of radio programs, Dr. Thibodeau also has been quoted as an expert in many leading publications including Shape and All You. She is also the author of Natural-Born Intuition.

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

The Soulmate Myth

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.

— Carl Jung

The word soulmate conjures up images of walking hand in hand along a secluded beach at sunset. Yes, I'm well aware that's the image shown on the cover of this book. It's there because that's exactly the type of image you first think of when you hear the word soulmate.

This romanticized notion of a soulmate as The One is continually reinforced in the media and in advertising for dating Websites. It's done more harm to modern relationships than just about any other concept I can think of. It sets people up with heightened expectations within their romantic relationships. No human being, not even The (mythical) One could maintain such impossibly high standards over the long term, through the ebbs and flows of years or decades.

This popular concept of soulmates often includes an added burden: the idea that we each have only one person (a single romantic soulmate) with whom we could be ecstatically happy, learning and growing together through life on physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual levels.

So let's get this straight right from the beginning: The popular concept that a soulmate is your one perfect romantic partner is a myth.

There, I've said it.

You can breathe a sigh of relief now because you already have soulmates — lots of them. The working definition of soulmate, based on my research into the origins and meanings of the term across cultures and throughout history, is a very simple one: A soulmate is someone with whom you have a connection, a shared interest, an affinity.

You Complete Me

The revered ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle left quite a legacy of wisdom. But when he said, "Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies," he missed one critical point of human life on earth: We are each here to develop our own individual souls. If you seek out complementary souls (your missing half, sometimes called a "twin soul"), you'll learn and grow together. You'll have connections, shared interests, and affinities. Through that journey you'll become soulmates, valued friends, maybe even lovers, along the road of life. But each of you is whole and complete, all by yourself. You are evolving and changing, of course. But you are still whole, right now, with or without a partner.

If you focus not on your own innate wholeness, but instead on whom you may think of as your missing half, you program your Personal Resonance with the belief that you are less than a whole being. Unless you really understand, deep in your soul, the principle that you are whole and complete right now, you will continue to attract others who feel they need a romantic relationship to be complete. A loving romantic soulmate relationship is a byproduct, a bonus of being self-aware and continually evolving. So, it all starts with you.

The Universe is far too efficient to allow you just one chance at anything, including finding soulmates who can evolve into romantic lovers. So don't panic if you think you've missed opportunities that may have been The One. You have many more chances than just The One. That certainly widens the world of potential romantic soulmates. There are many Ones, which I call Heartmates. That's good news. You have many more opportunities to find a Heartmate than you may have previously thought. Relax. Instead of panicking, put your energy into your Personal Resonance.

You may also find it helpful to redefine what a Heartmate means. Although some people do end up in one long-term relationship with a single romantic soulmate within their lifetimes, most people meet several in a lifetime. They learn and grow through their relationships. Each one builds on the ones before. So rather than seeking out The One for all time, take care to appreciate The One for now. That person is a mirror in which to better see yourself as you grow and change. They'll grow and change, too, and you may find yourselves looking at a long-term commitment. But if not, you can still find something for which to be grateful, something you learned from that romance. Even if it was only a great new recipe, be grateful. It's that attitude of gratitude for all of life's adventures and experiences that attracts more of them and keeps life interesting. It's a beautiful vibe to have broadcasting via your Personal Resonance.

Your Personal Resonance is the outward expression of your soul development and your intentions, even if those intentions aren't yet entirely consciously understood. Your Personal Resonance is the vibe or essence of who you are at a soul level that other people tune in to. Your Personal Resonance or PR is that soul-level light that you shine, the one made famous in that memorable song, "This Little Light of Mine, I'm Gonna Let It Shine." In a nutshell, that's Personal Resonance: your shining light.

Just as you might use a dimmer switch or a timer to add more or less light to a room at different times, depending on circumstances you can vary the amount of "shine" or Personal Resonance you send out. Essentially, you can program your PR, which includes all the soul development experiences and lessons you've learned so far in life (either this life, or all your lives if you subscribe to the reincarnation model).

If you've ever deliberately tried to hide energetically when around others, by lowering your shine when you don't want to be bothered, you already understand a bit of what I mean about programming your Personal Resonance. For example, I tend to "go invisible" on planes and trains quite often so as not to invite conversations when I'd prefer to read. It works so well that more than once someone's tried to sit on top of me.

By understanding what you're broadcasting (energetically speaking) through your PR, you can choose which elements of your personal programming to change to get what you want. Which means, in my traveling example, that if someone does take a seat next to me on the train, that person is likely to be on the same wavelength or Resonance as I am: someone who'd prefer to be left alone to focus on a book, or who'll exit at the next stop.

Remember: The level of shine you send out starts with you. You are in charge of your Personal Resonance, your energetic PR. So you are also in charge of the process of attracting soulmates because it's your PR doing the attracting. Think of your Personal Resonance as a giant magnet with the power to unerringly pull toward you exactly what your soul is asking for, even if you aren't sure, just yet, what your soul wants, or even what you (as a human being) want. Being in touch with what's good for your soul, by accessing your Inner Wisdom as a sort of life coach, is a smart move. It's also why this book is subtitled Follow Your Inner Wisdom to Lasting Love.

Outer Soulmates

Soulmate affinities and connections can be divided into three main categories. Let's call these types Outer Soulmates. Each of these types is a sort of lesson plan for you on a soul development level. Outer Soulmates can be found within your family, within your workplace, among your circle of friends and acquaintances, in your community, and certainly among your romantic partners. The three broad categories of Outer Soulmates are Karmic Connections, Balance Partners, and Heartmates, or romantic soulmates.

Karmic Connections are unfinished business, Balance Partners are your support team, and Heartmates are your romantic soulmates. A soulmate entering your life can start at any one of these levels. As they grow and change, so does their status with you. Once you clear up the unfinished business with a Karmic Connection, for example, you may become Balance Partners. From there, you might find that romance blossoms and you've evolved into Heartmates through time. You may also find that it's best to clear up the unfinished business and move on to other lessons-on-legs — other soulmate relationships. And someone who once was a Heartmate can end up a challenge, a Karmic Connection. If you've got a troublesome ex out there, you know what that's all about.

When you feel a particularly strong attraction to someone immediately upon meeting him or her, seeing a picture, or hearing his or her voice or name for the first time, you are most likely dealing with a Karmic Connection. This is also true when you have an immediate, intense dislike of someone you've just met. Your soul-level lesson plan attracts exactly those situations in which you can learn the most through clearing up unfinished business. That strong initial reaction is often a clue that you'd be wise to tread carefully: This is karmic.

Life is never static. That's both the greatest blessing and the greatest frustration for most people. But the entire point of life on earth is soul-level learning through the human experience. But you can make the learning process easier on yourself and reduce your frustration levels. An attitude that broadcasts "I'm willing to learn, but please make my lessons as comfortable as possible" is not only wise, it's practical. This approach clearly states that you understand the point of the adventure — learning — but also puts forth your desire for the most efficient, pain-free method. Pain is, of course, part of life, but why take on more physical, emotional, or spiritual pain than you need to as part of the learning process?

You may not have much sense of control over the lesson plan you and your Inner Wisdom created before you arrived here on earth — the what and the why — but you have immense control over the how and the with whom aspects. Any learning journey has its challenging moments, as well as its joyful ones. And most of those challenges, and those joys, involve our soulmates, people who have an energetic affinity with us.

You can choose easier lessons; gentler approaches or harsher ones. Many people appear to enjoy suffering as they learn, or perhaps they don't realize there's another option, such as asking how to get to the paved road from this overgrown dirt path. You can also request revisions to the lesson plan. New soulmates to learn with and from. Remember: The goal is soul-level learning. The ways in which the lessons come, and from whom they come, are pretty much your choice.

This is wonderful news because much of the time a Karmic Connection relationship is not a joyful journey. It's unfinished business, after all. Tying up these loose ends often feels as if you've been down this road before (and you probably have). It's thrashing your way through the forest to create a path instead of walking along a smoothly paved road, only to find you're right back where you started. You've just wandered in a big circle. It's frustrating, it's inefficient, and it uses up a lot of energy. And it can rob your life of a great deal of potential joy.

Human Desire Versus Soul-Level Need

Sometimes what we want on a human level and what we need on a soul level are quite different. I myself wish it weren't so sometimes, but that's just the way it is. Still, we each have a measure of influence. It's done through what I call declaration, the process of putting it out there. If you never declare your desire for an easier way to learn a particular lesson, how can the Universe ever conspire to bring it to you? We're taught that, if we ask, we shall receive. Yet, most people don't live as if they fully understand that principle. They don't ask for an easier road. They muddle through. They struggle. They suffer. And it's needless.

By consulting your Inner Wisdom and talking it over, you can make your life much more fulfilling on many levels, but particularly with soulmates. Through the process of declaration, you can learn to attract different (ideally, better) soulmates of all three types into your life. You can learn from them in more powerful and efficient ways, by deliberately requesting a less challenging soul-level lesson. Or by reprogramming your Personal Resonance. Why take on a challenging, negative Karmic Connection to learn an important soul-level lesson if that same lesson can be learned more gently through a Balance Partner soulmate, someone who supports and encourages you?

If you're willing to first transform yourself through listening to your Inner Wisdom, declaring your terms, and reprogramming your Personal Resonance, you'll soon find your life rich with people in sync with your vibe. People who get you. People who understand and appreciate your Personal Resonance and who help you learn in ways that are, for the most part, joyful.

Don't worry — releasing the soulmate myth and embracing a Universe in which spiritual efficiency supports your life choices is not as difficult as it sounds. But to make this process as efficient as possible, you'll first need to understand three important principles:

1. Working with your Inner Wisdom.

2. Using what I call Now Power.

3. Exercising your free will wisely.

Attracting new soulmates and improving relationships with the ones you now have in your life requires one important thing: a willing spirit. If you're ready and willing, let the adventure begin.

CHAPTER 2

Your Inner Soulmate

If I could see you, Spirit, all of the time I would ask myself then how would I act or think or be. Let me begin to believe that you are in the front of my eyes and in the back of my mind, witnessing every thought, every word, every endeavor — for you are.

— Diane Cirincione

Your Inner Soulmate is that aspect of your Inner Wisdom focused on your personal relationships with people you encounter throughout your life. Your Inner Soulmate is a sort of on-call personal or spiritual coach for relationships, romantic and other. This coach's job is to lead you toward the most rewarding soulmate-connecting opportunities, whether those are with friends, family members, workplace colleagues, or lovers. And she (or he) is accessible 24/7. Throughout Natural-Born Soulmates I use both terms, Inner Wisdom and Inner Soulmate, to represent your deepest Knowing, that part of you that's connected to the Source.

But just having a coach doesn't mean you'll immediately catch on to the process of intentionally changing your Personal Resonance. As the saying goes, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." In a similar way, your Inner Soulmate can bring you opportunities to experience soulmate relationships with others. It's up to you you decipher the signs, to recognize those opportunities, and to decide how best to complete the lesson to be accomplished between you and a soulmate.

Our lives are created through our decisions in reaction to the opportunities and challenges placed before us. Remember: It's the learning that your soul is calling you toward, not necessarily a specific or particular way in which the learning should happen. Are there some situations in which only one lesson plan, a relationship with one particular person, will be most effective? Certainly. But those are, thankfully, rare (and usually found within your immediate family, which provides many opportunities over a period of years to transform the situation). You've probably heard someone say, "You can pick your friends but you can't pick your relatives." Well, once you're here on earth, that's true. But your Inner Wisdom knows why you chose the particular life circumstances into which you were born, why you're in this particular learning lab: your family.

Accessing the Lesson Plan

Remember those three categories of Outer Soulmates? Karmic Connections, Balance Partners, and Heartmates, also known as romantic soulmates? Think of them as the Who element within your soulmate lesson: the type of soulmate are you learning this lesson from. Now, let's add to that the What of your soulmate connections: the overall theme of your interaction. Knowledge is power. The ability to identify the basic issues you are brought together to deal with what I call the Five Big Lessons, will help you to comfortably take on just about any challenge in the soulmate relationship department.

The Five Big Lessons are Passion, Purpose, Potential, Pacing, and Problem-Solving, which I'll discuss in more detail in future chapters. For now, keep in mind that every soulmate you encounter will have one (or more) of these Five Lessons woven into the tapestry of your relationship with him or her. By paying attention to the who and the what, you can give yourself a peek at the soul-level lesson plan. If you ask. And more importantly, if you listen for the answer.

Sometimes people feel that ignorance is bliss so they don't ask their Inner Wisdom, their personal angels, and other spiritual support team members, for help. Maybe they're too tired or too afraid to ask how they might change their life circumstances. Others simply never put the wise counsel of their Inner Soulmate into action. Instead they wait until someone else makes changes. That means they're left reacting to the choices of others. Their lives become designed by default, by the choices of others.

(Continues…)

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Excerpted from "Natural-Born Soulmates"
by .
Copyright © 2007 Lauren Thibodeau, Ph.D..
Excerpted by permission of Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Title Page,
Copyright Page,
Dedication,
Acknowledgements,
Preface,
Introduction,
Chapter 1: - The Soulmate Myth,
Chapter 2: - Your Inner Soulmate,
Chapter 3: - Now Power and Your Past,
Chapter 4: - Now Power and Your Future,
Chapter 5: - Free Will and Soulmates,
Chapter 6: - Surrender Your Agenda,
Chapter 7: - The Three Types of Soulmates,
Chapter 8: - Karmic Connections,
Chapter 9: - Balance Partner Soulmates,
Chapter 10: - Heartmates,
Chapter 11: - The Five Big Blocks,
Chapter 12: - I'd Rather Be Anything But Alone,
Chapter 13: - But I See Such Potential,
Chapter 14: - It's Just That I Love You So Much,
Chapter 15: - I Won't Be Hurt Like That Again,
Chapter 16: - All The Good Ones Are Gone,
Chapter 17: - The Five Big Lessons,
Chapter 18: - The Lesson of Passion,
Chapter 19 - The Lesson of Purpose,
Chapter 20: - The Lesson of Potential,
Chapter 21: - The Lesson of Pacing,
Chapter 22: - The Lesson of Problem-Solving,
Chapter 23: - Losing a Soulmate,
Chapter 24: - Resonating Your True Essense,
Resources,
About the Author,