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Never Lick A Moving Blender!

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Overview

Some humor simply makes you laugh, some makes you think, and some may even motivate you to live differently. Marvin Phillips uses his endearing wit and well-known wisdom to deliver a book that does all that and more. Phillips' humorous look at life will encourage you in your faith and lift you above your daily struggles. This fully illustrated book is fun reading with a healthy infusion of optimism and hope.

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Never Lick a Moving Blender

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Overview

Some humor simply makes you laugh, some makes you think, and some may even motivate you to live differently. Marvin Phillips uses his endearing wit and well-known wisdom to deliver a book that does all that and more. Phillips' humorous look at life will encourage you in your faith and lift you above your daily struggles. This fully illustrated book is fun reading with a healthy infusion of optimism and hope.

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781878990587
  • Publisher: Howard Books
  • Publication date: 9/1/1996
  • Edition description: Original
  • Pages: 214
  • Sales rank: 1,340,559
  • Product dimensions: 0.50 (w) x 6.00 (h) x 9.00 (d)

Meet the Author

Marvin Phillips is a member of the National Speakers Association and has appeared on the platform with Paul Harvey, Zig Ziglar, the late Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, and many others. He hosts the weekly TV program Peak of the Week from Tulsa, Oklahoma, which is seen in several Midwestern states and is the author of Never Lick a Frozen Flagpole!, and Never Lick a Moving Blender! Marvin and his wife, Dot, have three grown children — Alan, Mark, and Tammy — and eight fantastic grandchildren.

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Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

Never Lick a Moving Blender!

He had the most pitiful expression on his face you ever saw. I’m talking about Grimm—Mother Goose’s dog—from the comic strip by the same name. He’s a pitiful looking thing anyway. He’s always getting into trouble—drinking from the toilet, hunting lunch in a garbage can, and other deplorables.

This time he went too far, and the picture told the whole story. Most comic strips have three or four frames. Today there was only one. Grimm was at the far left. The blender was at the far right. Grimm’s tongue stretched the full distance between, caught in a tangled mess around the blades of that blender. The caption said it all. It preached the sermon and gave this advice: "Never lick a moving blender!"

How many times have you made Grimm’s mistake? You can follow his thought process as he spots that blender at work. Looks good. Smells right. Intent harmless. But the effort wasn’t worth the pain.

Lots of things in life are like that. Kids disobey their parents. They don’t really mean any harm; they’re just having a little fun. They don’t want to hurt anyone, but disobedience gets to be a habit. Before long it seeps into the classroom. It extends to the community. A little theft occurs here and there. Looks okay. Smells right. Just seems like a little fun that brings a few kicks. Nobody really gets hurt.

We all expect to be the exception to the rule, but what we expect and what we get are sometimes vastly different. Our tongues get caught in the blenders of life. There’s a bunch of pain we hadn’t counted on. We become one more statistic proving the old adage that "crime does not pay!"

Don’t Cut Off Your Nose to Spite Your Face

There are lots of sayings that call to us—clichés that click, pointers that really point somewhere. Here’s another one: "Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face." It means don’t retaliate when it will hurt you more than it will help the situation.

Remember the story? One guy holds his finger against a brick wall. He says to his friend, "Hit my finger." Of course he moves his finger at the last minute and the friend’s fist hits hard, rough bricks, skinning his knuckles. To get revenge, the friend says, "See if you can hit this." And he holds his forefinger against his own nose. Pow!

You wouldn’t be so dumb would you? But you might hold a grudge against someone. You might say, "I’ll get you back if it’s the last thing I ever do!"

Grudges always hurt the "grudger" more than the "grudgee." Our attempts at revenge hurt us more than they help. You stay away from the family reunion because someone will be there who has done you wrong. You quit church because someone hurt you or because you didn’t agree with some decision that was made.

Never give anyone the power to affect the peace and harmony of your life. Staying away from that reunion can affect scores of people. Damage may be done for years to come.

Quitting the church because of something someone else did is a lot like getting mad at the dog and kicking the cat. The church belongs to Jesus. He died for it. He bought it with his blood. Don’t let anyone affect your response to the amazing grace of the cross.

Don’t Drown Your Sorrows in Alcohol!

Your problems seem insurmountable. You don’t think you can go on. You want to throw up your hands and throw in the towel. You’ve had it. You’re at the end of your rope; so you head for the bottle.

Your intentions are good. You need the escape. Problems look different through the bottom of a whiskey bottle. If you drink enough, hey, problems will disappear. Everything will be different. But you can’t drown your sorrows. They float! And the result won’t be worth it.

When you wake up from that drunken stupor, your problems will still be there, only they will have multiplied. Where is my car? Does it have all the fenders? What am I doing in this room? This bed? Who is this woman? What am I going to do now?

The question is not, "Where can I run?" The questions ought to be, "How can I fix this? How can I get my job back? How can I hold my marriage together? Lord, what will you have me do?"

Everything is based on cause and effect. Each decision causes a specific result. We’ve got to face that. It’s like the light switch on the wall. You can’t switch it off and expect the light to come on. "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death" (Proverbs 14:12).

If You Want Strawberries, Don’t Plant Broccoli

We all want the same outcome—to be happy and to end up with a reasonable measure of health, wealth, and happiness. "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows" (Galatians 6:7). Broccoli seeds won’t produce strawberries.

Seeds are strange little things—they teach us a lot about life. They don’t grow unless they are planted. And good news: we can plant what we want. If we want watermelons, we plant watermelon seed. If we want strawberries, we’ve got to plant strawberries. The problem is that some people want to plant one thing and reap another. We want one result, but we do what brings the opposite result. We want to plant immorality and reap respectability. We want to plant dishonesty and reap a reputation of integrity. It simply doesn’t work that way.

And seeds are powerful. I have a 175-foot driveway. Every year I battle grass that grows right up through the asphalt. It’s great to know that if the right seeds are planted in the right place, you’ll get the desired result.

It’s also true with life. We can plant whatever we choose, from our attitudes, to our reactions, to our responses. Don’t plant bitterness and expect to reap tenderness. Don’t neglect your family today and expect them to lovingly gather around you in your later years. Don’t dissipate your body with alcohol and drugs and expect the joys of good health when you grow old. "You may be sure that your sin will find you out" (Numbers 32:23).

It doesn’t matter who the planter is. It’s a law of sowing and reaping. Once we learn this fantastic principle, we can decide what we want. Then we plant the words, decisions, and actions that are necessary. The end result should be what we wanted in the first place.

Don’t Try to Leap a Chasm in Two Jumps

It was obviously his first airplane ride. We were enroute from Los Angeles to Honolulu. In his nervousness he asked the flight attendant, "Miss, is this a nonstop flight?" With a knowing smile she replied, "I sure hope so."

Leaping a chasm in two jumps is impossible, and so is living without love. But some attempt the impossible anyway. They are afraid to love, afraid they’ll be hurt. They’ve been hurt before; so, now they’re "once burned, twice shy." They don’t want to repeat the experience; so they choose to keep their feelings to themselves. They choose not to express their love in words or actions because they think they are safer that way.

But the end result is toughness on the outside and rot on the inside. Sure love is vulnerable. Sure you can get hurt if you love. But the alternative is not worth it. Living without love is not living at all.

Some attempt another impossible task—they try to live without giving. Someone has said there are three philosophies about your possessions:

  • What’s mine is mine and you can’t have it!
  • What’s yours is mine if I can get it!
  • What’s mine is yours if you need it!

The first two don’t lead anywhere worthwhile.

The first Christians had the right philosophy. "They gave to anyone as he had need" (Acts 2:45). "No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had" (Acts 4:32).

Jesus taught, "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you" (Luke 6:38).

Preachers sometimes misunderstand this verse. They see the word give and immediately pass the collection plates. But the word money is not in that verse. In fact, it doesn’t appear anywhere in the chapter. It’s a principle. It applies to everything.

Do you want trouble? Give it and you’ll get plenty of it back. Do you want love and affection, good relationships, and a good marriage? Do you want health, wealth, and happiness? The verse says "give and it will be given you." And the return will be "a good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over."

This is especially true in marriage. Two simple things are of vital importance for a happy, successful marriage: study your mate, and give your mate everything he or she needs.

We are really simple creatures. Write down what it takes to please you. What do you need from your mate? You’ll write things like, "I need to be loved," "I need affection," "I need to feel needed," "I want to feel a part of his life." Before you have written five things, they will already be overlapping. And the Bible promises you’ll get much more than you give.

Poor old Grimm. His intentions were good. He didn’t want to hurt anybody. And for sure, he didn’t want to hurt himself. I think he learned a painful lesson. Hopefully you have too. At least the next time you’re around a moving blender, don’t lick it!

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Table of Contents

Contents

Foreword
Preface
Acknowledgments
1 Never Lick A Moving Blender
2 Chippie Doesn't Sing Much Anymore
3 The Fine Art of Frog Kissing
4 Turn It Loose!
5 Keep Your Cotton Pickin' Hands Off My Pickup Truck
6 How to Get a Turtle on a Fence Post
7 Never Wrestle with a Pig
8 Get Off Your Duff and Go
9 A Closed Mouth Gathers No Feet
10 Don't Follow Me, I'm Lost!
11 If You Want to Run with the Big Dogs, You've Got to Get Off the Porch
12 They've Just Slapped My Other Cheek
13 Keep Your Head in the Game!
14 Broccoli Can Kill
15 A Survival Plan for Planet Earth
16 Are You a Hot Dog or Just a Weenie?
17 Ten Things You Can Become That Don't Cost Money or Take Brains, but Other Folks Need and Will Pay You More Than They Cost
18 It Was Spring, but I Wanted Summer
19 The Fresh Breeze of Integrity
20 Alone but Not Lonely
21 Don't Let Me Die 'Til I'm Dead
22 You're Only as Rich as Your Relationships
23 America the Beautiful
24 The Operation Was a Success, but the Patient Died
25 The Party
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