The New Strong-Willed Child

A reviewer

I apologize for my ignorance, but don't understand that accusations that this is a child abuse book as I read other reviews. I have a different view as someone that grew up abused, not that it warrants me a more qualified opinion, but it opened me up to reading this book because I did not want to repeat what was done to me. I also wanted to learn how to handle my son, so I read this book often. So I hope what I say helps someone to understand this book better somehow. From what I've read, the book advocates spanking as a last resort and even should not be administered depending whether the child is acting in their nature/age or they do act in defiance. It even depends on their personality how you should discipline your child. I just re-read the part about a little girl that would take her sweet time getting ready for school because she had to make sure everything was in place. This girl wasn't being defiant, she's just organized . Her mother tried yelling and aggression, but Dobson recommended instead that the mother utilizes a calm attitude, stickers, and charts for her daughter to follow, the most severe punishment was losing a star on the chart and sleeping an hour earlier. Throughout the book, Dobson condemns the use of anger, yelling, and physical aggression on your child at all costs, which is I got used to growing up. Furthermore, there are all these conditions and circumstances he advises parents to examine to determine whether spanking is appropriate or if the parent should be more clear and realistic about what they demand of their child. This book is my constant reference, being my strong-willed son is constantly growing. Being abused myself, this book helped me draw a line within myself between being a bully to my child and being a loving parent disciplining my child. This book is a guideline for my husband and I as to how we treat our son. As a result, we hear from everyone we know our son is the most well behaved of all the toddler boys they know. Most of all, my husband and I learned how to keep our home an emotional and physical safe-haven because of what Dobson advocates, even if we both came from unsafe backgrounds. I honestly wish people could re-examine this book and it's entirety instead of having this microscope view on the spanking.

5 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

A Must Have For Disciplining With Love

A parent who loves their children disciplines them. Children need boundries set for them and consequences for breaking them. This book is excellent at showing parents 'like myself' who may not be the best at knowing exactly what boundries to set and what discipline to enforce with each broken rule. It explains that children are human and cannot be punished for everything. Yet when they are directly disobedient a spanking is a must. I have tried it and it works. It does take time, but when done in love, it works. I have learned consistency is key with discipline. Now, I rarely have to enforce a spanking anymore. They now know that there are rules at home to follow, just as in school, or anywhere else, and they now follow them. No more embarrassing trips to the grocery store or temper tantrums in the pediatrician's waiting room. This book shows never spank or discipline in anger. Wait, take a time out if necessary and then address the situation. It's a must have for parents who feel at the end of their rope. Hang in there, there's hope. I know.

2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

Tried and Not True

I turned to this book out of desperation. My child is defiant, delibertly disobeys me, has meltdowns for no apparent reason and is very difficult to console once an outburst begins. After trying Dr. Dobson's techniques, I found my toddler became more aggressive than before. He began to talk about hitting and spanking too. If he didn't like something his older brother did, he would say he was going to spank his brother. He talked a lot about being spanked himself and it was apparent the spanking was affecting him negatively. I felt horrible for spanking him and wish I would have never followed Dr. Dobon's advice. I feel like a complete idiot and admit this is one of the worst mistakes I have ever made in my life. I saw fear in my child's eyes when I spanked him and it broke my heart to think that he would ever be afraid of me. Parenting by fear is not a healthy way to raise a child.

2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

Confirmed what I knew already

I would recommend this book to anyone who would like to gain control back in their home and not feel guilty for being "too strict" of a parent. Dr. Dobson presents ways to raise a strong willing child through discipline delivered in a loving and Christian way. Some of his views on spanking I did not agree with but by using the other methods, I did not need to get to that point with my child. It also confirmed that many of my instincts were correct. Raising children is not easy, especially strong-willed ones. As long as you are consistent and loving, everyone will get through some of the rough patches of childhood.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

The Way to Break Through to Your Child!

If you're a frustrated parent of an endlessly bucking child whom you love dearly but can't seem to get through to, this is the book for you. Dr. Dobson is straightforward and honest about effective ways to reach your child in order to teach obedience and respect in a firm but loving way, which is extrememly refreshing in a society where "firm" has been a dirty word since the 60's. If you're willing to accept that it is YOUR responsibility to parent your child appropriately for his own good and you're looking for the Christian-centered methods that work, you're in the right place. Dr. Dobson is excellent--he will not pat you on the head and tell you it's alright. He simply tells you how to get over yourself and parent your child the way God intended you to. Read it and be refreshed! Your child will thank you!

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

great

Dr. Dobson knows children!

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

I have only read the first few lines of this book where he descr

I have only read the first few lines of this book where he describes how he beat his dog into submission and I am sickened. This is the lead in to how I am to manage my child? If anger and dominance were all it took, my kids would be completely cured by now. However, I've noticed that my anger only gets them more angry and defiant.

I highly recommend The Explosive Child as a book to help you in your relationship with your difficult child. Since I read it my life with my daughter has completely changed. She surprises me now with many insightful words about her own behavior and her meltdowns, while not completely gone, are greatly diminished.

PARENTING TIPS ARE ALWAYS NEEDED

As a mother of a very strong willed little girl I am finding this book helpful. Some of these reviews have me concerned though. Spanking is NOT child abuse, hot sauce is NOT child abuse, and if your 5 childred are perfect with never having to raise your voice or using any other methods than you cannot possibly begin to understand what us parents go through who actually have strong children with a brain of their own. I do not own 5 robots but I do have one of my children who keeps me on my toes. This book has some great tips on how to talk to her and deal with her behavior. I am a good Mom and am raising my kids in a loving home, not hectic and abusive like my upbringing but some kids just have a mind of their own.
So congratulations to all those reviews below where somehow they ended up with all these perfect kids they've never snapped at, spanked & the kids are perfect. My experience are those who have had a soft upbringing tend to be the rude adolescent children out in the malls, movie theateres, etc. because what are we gonna do to them. Give me a break and go do some parenting.

Do some of you even have children?

To those of you educated reviewers who consider this book abuse-'Do you even have children?' I, too, am a parent who has two opposites. One is extremely easy-going. The other is extremely strong willed. Unless you have experienced both kind of children, you have NO CLUE what you are talking about. Before I had the second 'strong willed child' I, too, thought I knew all about how to raise a child, and what was wrong with the way other people raised THEIR 'strong-willed' children. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT. You must experience it to know it. This book worked wonderfully for my child, who requires much structure. I do not condone abuse, and in no way, do I see Dr Dobson condoning it either. Perhaps if we would have used more of this kind of discipline, our prisons would not be so overcrowded today and families would stay together...

I love my kid!!!

I have read the previous edition and look forward to reading this one. I am a parent to a child with ADHD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and Defiance Disorder. Trust me, we have tried every loving form of discipline we and our therapist can think of. Time out didn't work, spanking didn't work, hot sauce and soap didn't work. Each family and child have to work together to find the discipline that works best for them. While we may not implement Dr. Dobson's every recommendation, he is a very helpful resource to many parents. I do not condone child abuse, or any form of destructive emotional ploys in order to get your child to behave in a manner that suits the parent. What I do condone is raising a child with their own unique and wonderful personality and spirit intact while being a productive and concerned member of society. Our own personal situation is one of great severity and it is nice to know that good christian men like Dr. Dobson are there to offer advice. It is up to us to choose if that advice fits our family. I would encourage you to look at this book in that manner. Read it. If you only agree or find one thing helpful or useful for you and your children, then it was worth the money you paid for it. After all, we all love our children and will do anything to be the parents they deserve.

How to make severe punishment lovingly

I never have read so many total nonsense as in reviews to this topic. To raise a healthy, responsible and loving child it is necesairy to set lines to your child in the same way society, justice and so on set boundaries to us adults. If not your child is bound to get in trouble from bad to worse. I see this happening in the free tolerant Netherlands where i was born and lives. Parents nowadays must be afraid to so much as touch your child (in a loving way) to be charged with child abuse, pedofilie, or even raping, resulting in child-care taking children away from their homes, breaking up families and so on. So i want to give out a very strong and clear warning to all against child-abuse. I am also against child abuse but certainly not as i imagine dr Dobson is, against a spanking as a means to give out a strong statement to a child or beast alike that they crossed a line that was clearly set to the child. Jail in the Netherlands was never so full as nowadays, no spanked persons there as was said in one of the reviews. But perpetraders of any kind get younger every day it seemes. Do you still wonder why? Children and adults alike think of themselves first, then of there nearest family-members and in tenth place or so of other people. Governments start zero-tolerance-policy on crime, but take away an important instrument of education from parents, teachers and educaters in general to maintain zero-tolerance in their home, school and/ or sportfacility. Everyday visable result, looting, agressive behaviour of youngsters, vandalism and this is only a tip of the iceberg. My simple advice to all is start educational places for parenting, educationing to children, where people can come freely for advice and walk freely out again with no fear of interference in family-live. This way parents, educationers, teachers and so on can learn to discipline (or spank) an unwilling headstrong child or infant without it becoming psychological (sending in corner or to room) or fysical ( beating a child in hospital-care) abuse.

A reviewer of the review, anticipating the read

I am in eager anticipation of reading this book, and while I've not done so yet, the reviews I have read seem torn down the middle. Half say 'bravo' while half say 'put it in the trash.' My only frame of reference is to say that I am the strong willed child referenced in this book. While not related to Dr. Dobson I am one who actually has benefited from parents who had the wisdom to discipline me correctly with help from this book. In patient endurance, with wisdom and clear explanation, and with a bending of my will but NOT my spirit, yes indeed my parents actually spanked me...and I've turned out the better for it, unabused, not emotionally disturbed or suffering any long term psychological disrepair for having been a 'victim' of Dobson's wisdom. I look forward greatly to reading and deciding for myself how the principals set forth in this book can be practically applied and implimented in my own home, with love, respect, and the best intentions for my children.

From Experience

Being at my wit's end 10 years ago, I purchased this book. Dr. Dobson's wisdom under fire gave me hope that I could handle my child with calm (which was missing) and dignity for us both. All children are different, but this book fit mine to the T. I am proud to say, I have raised a caring, empathetic and respectful son. He may speak his mind to me, but always knows I am his parent. Dr. Dobson stated years ago that I must have control over this child when he was small, because one day he would be bigger than me. That is now true, but because of the respect I have shown him and taught him, he will not cross that line. This isn't a book about beating children. This is a book about gaining control and setting limits.

This is child abuse

This is not child discipline - this is child abuse. Christians should know better that 'spare the rod, spoil the child' is not current any longer. With New Testament -New Law - comes Jesus, and Jesus does not hit children. The author has a psychology degree received in the 60¿s. His training was before all the research that has been done showing the many harms of corporal punishment of children. He is not a doctor, and he¿s not ordained in any religion. The American Psychological Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, and the American Medical Association all disagree with Dobson¿s views on discipline.

Train up a child

Proverbs 22:15-15 15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. Without training, children only know foolish thought processes and reactions to life. If they are not corrected and taught wisdom, they will pursue these errors to a life of hell. And the best and only way of such correction and training is by the use of the rod. A rod is a straight, slender wand of wood or other material that applied to the back can cause moderate pain without any bodily harm. It stings rather than thuds. It is called the rod of correction, for its purpose is to correct the foolishness raging in every child. Parents do not spank much anymore and of course, the amount of public crime and general rebellion, especially among youth, is much greater. But truth does not change. And truth is simple. The rod of correction will save children from hell in this life. We still kill capital offenders but many want to outlaw spanking, which would save such fools from killing others and thereby themselves.

New Strong-Willed Child: Birth Through Adolescence

'Spanking ¿ delivered with respect, in self-control and never with anger or hostility ¿ is an effective way to train up a defiant child. Discover the appropriate age for spanking, who should not use spanking, and what to do if you and your spouse disagree on discipline.' This is a driect quote from Dr. Dobson. Does this sound like a man who wants you to abuse your children? Read the book and see how it relates to your own family.

New Strong-Willed Child: Birth Through Adolescence

The previous reviews were obviously written by people without strong-willed children. As the mother of one simple, angelic child and one strong-willed, forceful, extremely intelligent child, the difference that can exist between siblings is obvious to me every day. From the first time I held my second child he was easy going and relaxed. My first child threw tantrums from day one. Anyone who has held two of their own children knows that babies are all different. This book recognizes that and offers parents options for dealing with difficult children. At no time does the author recommend, encourage or glorify beating or abusing children. There is a huge difference and psychology and the law recognize that. Whenever people wonder what is wrong with society and what is going wrong with our youth, this is the book that I quote. We are raising a society of selfish, whining, perpetual adolescents. We have 30 year olds who cannot settle on one life partner or a career because they still do not know what they want to be when they grow up. Even worse, who was there to discipline the demanding and whining and need for immediate gratificatin at all costs of our corporate raiders? Someone should have loved them enough to read this book. Dobson is clear that not all children are strong-willed and that many go through their early and teen years without any difficulty or stress for themselves or their parents. But if your child does fall into one of his clearly-defined and humorously -titled categories, there are ways to temper love with strict discipline to ensure a safe and prosperous future for your child.

An Abusive Approach to Childrearing

In The New Strong-Willed Child, James Dobson adds nothing new to the misguided perspective and harmful advice he has sold to all-too-many parents in his numerous earlier writings. Once again he projects onto infants and children a malicious power drive and advises parents to punish (spank) them into submission through inflicting pain. He describes infants and children in demeaning, contemptuous terms, such as spitfires, hot lava, Hurricane Hannah, little chameleon, goof-off, groaning lump, gangly legs. He puts the worst possible spin on children¿s behavior in anecdotes, purportedly authentic but possibly fictional, that are crafted to support Dobson¿s denigrating prejudices against children. James Dobson¿s views of children are false, as well as antithetical to what has been discovered through scientific observations in clinical, field, and experimental settings. The contributions to human understanding of attachment theory and research, developmental and clinical psychology, biochemistry, and neurobiology provide a very different picture of children¿s motivations and needs and of optimal patterns of parenting. Dobson focuses his hostile gaze on children as isolated objects to be conquered by parents in an egregiously unequal power struggle. He fails utterly to understand children¿s needs and behavioral reactions to familial, environmental, social, and cultural contexts. His childrearing approach is authoritarian and abusive. He writes as if an inadequate style of permissive parenting were the only alternative to his harsh, physically punitive manner. He ignores abundant evidence in support of a third way, involving empathic, nonviolent, authoritative (not authoritarian) parenting. Readers who wish to raise physically and emotionally healthy, ethically responsible, and caring children would be wise to shun the toxic writings of James Dobson. Much better books are available, written by authors who actually love children and who are well informed about the most scientifically reliable perspectives on human nature and childrearing. Mitch Hall Dean of the School of Humanities New College of California

Sound and Fury

This book reminds me of a line from Shakespeare: A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury signifying nothing. This is a sad book with ignorance on every page. Stay away.

evil parental behavior destroys the child's potential and humanity

Although we live in the 21-century, Dobson's book spreads the advice and beliefs of the darkest ages of childhood. Dobson ignores all modern research about the nature and consequences of child abuse. Instead, he proclaims his dangerous, destructive personal beliefs as general truths. I find that horrifying, arrogant, and outrageous. Spanking is inhuman abuse and torture. It destroys the child's dignity. It often leads to whippings and severe beatings, which endanger the child's survival and are brutal attacks on his physical, intellectual and emotional integrity. In Texas, in the year 2004 alone, 204 children lost their lives as a consequence of such murderous attacks. ( see: http://nospank.net/weaver5.htm) Adults would never want to be spanked. But a child has nowhere to go. It has to go along with his parents' beliefs and cruel treatment in order to survive. The language of cruelty and submission, which Dobson teaches, does not bring about humane societies and love. It teaches the child on a daily basis that love and understanding do not exist, and that you have to follow, obey, and submit to survive. This way of life creates the evil it proclaims to combat--the evil that is so evidently and frightfully visible in Dobson's beliefs. The cradle of violence can be found in the violent behavior of parents. Never may that be condoned. In dangerous book after dangerous book, Dobson does not question his views of children, which sound like nightmares from the Middle Ages. In a revealing derogative language, he calls positive discipline 'repackaged permissive claptrap,' 'ridiculous advice,' 'horse manure,' and 'wimp parenting.' He ignores unconscionably all the research that shows the tremendously harmful impact of corporal punishment on the well-being and the physical, emotional, and mental health of children. Children deserve love and compassion. What they receive through the parenting advice from Dobson is the opposite--disregard, disrespect, inhumanity and cruelty. They are not taught the language of love but the behavioral language of violence. Do not buy and do not follow this book's unethical beliefs. Do not trust a man who may harm, even destroy your child's love for you, and your relationship with him or her in the long run.